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For what it's worth, speaking as a Brit, I have little sympathy for Meghan. When you marry into the Royal family (or any British aristocratic family), you're buying into a whole host of complex norms and customs, and it's on you to conform to them, at least if you want to enjoy the benefits that come with Royal status. The key specific norm here is noblesse oblige - as a member of the Royal family, you need to be more generous, more magnanimous, more gracious than would be expected of a member of the general public, and this should be reflected in your dealings with your personal staff. Deep down, most Brits regard the Royal family as servants of the people, whose persistent anomalous status and privileges are continually earned via service. This extends to treating those in your employment with special gentleness and care. Of course, not all British royals live up to this standard, but those who don't tend to be judged harshly for it by the public in much the same way as Meghan.
I think there's a broader cultural divide here too. I remember on one occasion when my mum visited me in the US, she was appalled at the way that she heard some people treat servers in restaurants and assistants in shops, essentially barking demands at them. From an American standpoint, that makes a fair amount of sense - he who pays the piper (or pays the tip) picks the tune. By contrast, in the UK, there is much less of an overt hierarchical relationship between customer and service provider - there are strong norms of politeness and deferentiality on both sides. You don't say, "Hey, excuse me, this steak isn't properly cooked," you say, "Sorry to bother you, but is it possible that this steak is a little undercooked? If so, would you mind giving it a few more minutes on the grill?" Of course, as is always the case in the UK, there are class differences in how this kind of interaction would play out, but across the board there would be a greater expectation of graciousness in client-provider interactions. I don't know how much this carries over to white-collar office work, but there are definitely strong elements of it in British academia. I suspect that large multinational companies have their own globalised standards, though.
I don't know whether Meghan is just a bit bitchy, or whether Harry failed to adequately prepare her for the expectations that would be placed on her shoulders. However, things like the Oprah interview played out terribly with most Britons; going on American TV and airing the dirty laundry of the Royal Family leaves a very bad taste in the mouth.
If I believe all this sort of gossip, how Meghan allegedly behaved is how Hollywood celebs allegedly behave to their staffers. It definitely is a culture clash, where for the royal household, they expect a different kind of treatment from their masters, whereas for Meghan she is The Talent and they are there to serve her interests 24/7.
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Even in America, I would say that is generally seen as rude, at least in every social circle I've ever been in. It of course happens with more or less frequency, as every server ever will tell you. But it's also one of the red-flags women talk about - see how your date treats the waitstaff, that's how he'll treat you when no one is around.
To your point about cultural differences, I would be genuinely confused by the second approach. Unless it was just obviously raw, my first thought would be "Are you asking me to taste your steak and decide if it matches my preferences? Why?"
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Even from an American perspective, what she's doing is not acceptable. You might be the boss, or the customer, or whatever. But that doesn't give you the right to say things like "If there was literally anyone else I could ask to do this, I would be asking them instead of you." If someone's work is actually that bad, then you fire them or take your business elsewhere. You don't take it upon yourself to verbally beat that person down. I realize that she probably doesn't have the power to fire these staffers. But that still doesn't give her the right to treat people like that.
I mean, maybe the reports about her are one-sided or exaggerated. But based on the accounts in @Tanista's post, this woman is a horrible boss. And worse still, she seems to trying to get sympathy for "I'm black so they mistreat me". She isn't even black, and even if she were, it doesn't make any issue she faces the result of racism. Just a thoroughly bad showing from her, it sounds like.
Everything I’ve heard from American ‘servants’- high end hotel employees, butlers, etc- is that blue tribe new money- basically celebrities, wealthy activists, and certain wealthy lawyers and doctors- are the absolute worst customers because they’re not big on boundaries, accepting corrections, etc and usually don’t know how to treat the staff(and think that any behavior is potentially acceptable so long as they’re willing to pay monetarily for it). So the idea that an American celebrity joining the British royals would treat the staff poorly doesn’t shock me.
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This seems a bit crazy to me. I work in television and those snippets happen weekly to the crew by the talent. That’s the world she came from. Not saying it’s okay but if those are that bad then we’ve got an entire industry that needs to be dismantled and reassembled.
Here’s the famous Christian Bale outburst: https://youtube.com/watch?v=0auwpvAU2YA
I hear talent or above the line folks dressing down people just like that all the time. The only difference is Bale’s outburst was leaked.
This happened to Hollywood itself (but on a different topic) five years ago. Harvey Weinstein's behavior was "just the world [they live in]" until all of a sudden it wasn't. Maybe someday that'll happen regarding this.
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Yes, of course it's not acceptable when that happens in Hollywood. I don't disagree that it's happening a lot. But when you say "then we have an entire industry that should be dismantled" (or presumably reformed), you seem to be saying it like that's not a reasonable thing to do. I think that's exactly what should happen if they're treating people like shit regularly.
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