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PaperclipPerfector  1mo ago (text post)   1990 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for April 3, 2024

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

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I've never posted in the Wellness Wednesday thread before, but I've had a really interesting week that I'd like to talk about, and this seems like a good place for it. I'm curious if any of you have had a similar experience.

I've been struggling with anxiety-driven social isolation for about a decade now. Nothing bad enough to prevent me from going to work, hanging out with friends occasionally, and generally presenting myself as well-adjusted to the outside world, but I've had a hard time making/maintaining friendships, have hardly dated in years, and spend most of my time alone. I've been working on my mental health to limited success for a year or so, but it's been very slow.

Then, last week, I had one magical afternoon of lucidity where for some reason my anxieties and insecurities shut up for a few hours, and in that time I was able to finally force myself to start exercising, sign up for classes in hobbies I've long been interested in, and create an online dating profile for the first time. I had a brief moment when my executive function was running at 100% and in that time was able to make more progress in improving my life and mental health than in the prior 10 years combined.

Since then, I've managed to keep up the exercise regimen and I've been surprisingly successful with the dating so far. And things are starting to compound. The fact that I can get dates with desirable women is doing wonders for my confidence and self-esteem, which makes me more willing to put myself out there in other ways, which I expect will make me more attractive which will lead to more dating success, and so on. For the first time since school, I feel in control and that I'll actually be able to keep it up. It was like a mental dam burst and problems that seemed insurmountable two weeks ago now feel almost trivial.

I'm aware this feeling is unlikely to last, that a week and a half isn't a very long time, and I'm working to make as much of this habitual as I can while I still have the willpower. I've known enough alcoholics to understand that relapse is always just around the corner if you're not careful. This is going to be a constant journey that I'll probably never be able to stop struggling with at least a little, but it really does feel like I've turned a corner this time.

The weird thing is, I cant point to anything that may have caused this shift in perspective. I'm not on any medications (or off any old ones) or in therapy, I haven't experienced any unexpected good fortune, I didn't have any particularly meanigful conversations that day, I didn't have any sort of rock bottom "ok I need to turn my life around" epiphany. It's just that I suddenly found myself capable of taking decisive action that I hadnt previously felt capable of, for no discernable reason. The demons have largely returned since then, but they were on vacation just long enough for me to get the momentum needed to push through.

Has anyone here had a similar experience? Any idea what might have been going on? I'd like to figure out how to replicate it later on if I backslide (Note, I'm generally fairly even keeled, and have never been prone to mood swings. My mental health issues have never manifested as any sort of manic-depressive dynamic. I'm not accustomed to switches flipping suddenly like this).

I had severe depression for several years between 18 and 20. I didn’t go outside, had no friends, no social life, was in almost complete isolation except for rarely attending college classes.

It also suddenly cleared up one day, almost exactly the way you describe. I never figured out why.

Good to hear it's possible the change might be long term!

I had a relapse into severe depressive symptoms for 8 months 4 years after symptoms stopped. Again, it cleared itself up by itself, and hasn’t come back in the three months since.

Has anyone here had a similar experience?

I did after about 2-3 weeks on Atomoxetine.
In short, my way of thinking changed from:

No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, life will put more walls in my way.

to

There will be challenges in my future. I can overcome some of them myself and ask the people around me for help with others. And if there are any that are completely insurmountable, I can learn to live with them.

It's a very small difference in perspective but it had a very profound effect on my behaviour.

Glad to hear it! It's incredible how even small changes in perspective can impact your state of mind.

Yes, I have experienced some of the same, but in a slower way with some milestones/jumps, not all the huge changes all at once.

I have brought this about deliberately through diligent daily meditation. What you are describing might have been a sort of firmware update to your mind that the subconscious had prepared over a long time. Sometimes it saves up changes for one big breakthrough patch. It collects data when you ask it to. The common question might be something like, "can I function similarly or better with a lower amount of stress and suffering?". And the answer is usually yes. The average human mind is terribly unoptimized.

"Firmware update" is an interesting way of putting it. I've had some limited positive experiences with meditation, but nothing life-changing. Maybe I should give it another go.

What has helped me the most in changing past behaviors and to avoid slipping back into previous patterns is to view those old behaviors as something I did in the past but not something I do anymore. So acknowledging that at one time I would acted one way, but instead charting a different future and convincing myself all of the reasons I know for changing. Not fool proof, but this way of thinking has helped me the most.

Yeah I know that's helped me in the past with dieting. Reframing the thought from "I'm not allowing myself to order pizza" to "I'm not the sort of person who eats pizza by himself anymore" makes a bigger difference than I would have originally thought.

Any idea what might have been going on?

You reached the threshold to enter a positive feedback loop. You explained this yourself:

And things are starting to compound. The fact that I can get dates with desirable women is doing wonders for my confidence and self-esteem, which makes me more willing to put myself out there in other ways, which I expect will make me more attractive which will lead to more dating success, and so on.

The moment of lucidity comes down to pure luck, e.g. your gut microbiome temporarily aligning in just the right way. You were probably close to this threshold for a long time and never realized it, but that's super common. A lot of people in dire straits are a hair's breadth away from some positive feedback loop that would fix their lives, but they don't know how to pass the threshold. That's not to blame them; you need a period of initial success to enter the loop, which can be extremely hard to come across.

The idea that the little bugs living in my stomach may have literally just randomly taken the day off from bothering me, just like it felt is funny to me. And the idea that I'm probably never actually that far from a breakthrough even when it doesnt feel like it does give me a lot of optimism, thanks

You reached the threshold to enter a positive feedback loop.

I think the situation is the exact polar opposite actually. /u/Thoroughlygruntled briefly experienced an ideal that a lot of self-help books promise but that doesn't actually exist. The overwhelming majority of people alive are clearly not living this kind of life. And I know it's not for lack of trying because I've wasted more than a decade of my own life in the same kinds of attempts.
Unfortunately, human beings are not really built for long-term satisfaction or contentment or whatever you wanna call it. This is an issue based on genes and hormones and it probably has to be fixed physiologically as well. If it is even fixable.

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