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Notes -
What advise would you give your 16 year old self?
Raw hostility really is the best way to set boundaries with certain types of people.
Some problems can be brute forced with time even if you don't know what you're doing, more often than not you can figure things out as you go along.
Do you have a few examples?
The craziest examples aren't from my own life but I learned some lessons observing friends. As far as my experience goes in school I gave people way too much charity to people when they were disrespectful, this is good attitude with good people who don't actually mean any harm but bad for the type that is testing how much they can get away with to climb the social ladder. I've had times when other people stepped in and reminded a guy "do you know he [me] could just beat you up?" and I'd defuse it and ignore the insult. It didn't cause me great trouble but I was pretty surpised at how tit-for-tat escalation quickly sets clear lines with people who would otherwise be long term problems.
I hear the real crazy stuff from a friend who has the organizational talent for making music gigs happen and getting musicians to show up on time (though the bar isn't high in the first place as he complains). There's a lot of competition for not much money and the whole scene involves some very weird people, so there's a big incentive to make accusations that would make a pub owner think twice about letting this guy be involved with anything (and given the weird people on drugs their priors are that bad things happen).
The two I can remember offhand is him being accused of shouting "nigger" in a crowded bar by some other group trying to poach a black singer he was working with and a rumour that he was homophobic because he pushed a guy trying to kiss his neck to the ground. He still gets work from both of those places, the "nigger" was actually shouted by the people accusing him and the homophobia thing was settled with the argument "what if it was me going up to a girl and grabbing her like that?". It's a good thing that his personality is suited to confrontation because you let these rumours go unanswered and you're out of work.
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