practical_romantic
Pretending to be a cs undergrad.
User ID: 975
Long and important post about my interaction with the head priest, likely the most important religious figure alive and some other important thoughts about life. Maybe one of the most important posts I have written. tl;dr I found god and finally am happy :).
I got to visit the Shankaracharya ji of Puri. Shankaracharya is the title given to the head priest. There are 4 Mathas(Monasteries of sorts) for Hindus, each assigned one of the 4 vedas, with Puri being assigned the Rig Veda.
He arrived on Monday and leaves today. I have been listening to their YouTube channel (Govardhan Math) where his public interactions are put up for the world to see and was hence excited to finally see him in flesh.
I arrived early at 11 and he was busy at the time so I could not meet him but I did get to interact with one of his young students. His student was tall, fairly lanky and good looking. His head was shaved with just a shikha (some hair at the middle of the head tied up). He was dressed in white robes instead of the usual saffron with white tikas on his body. He was also an engineer who was in a uni as good as mine for his undergrad (i am at a low tier 1 uni in India) who later went to the best Indian uni for his grad school (IIT Kanpur). His first question on knowing that I was an engineer in my final year was about my job situation lol.
I talked with him for a good bit and he was extremely nice to me. He saw the good in me, the kind I did not think I possessed and told me to focus on sorting my life instead of becoming a monk given I am not a brahmin and my role in this world is to hence lead the life of a family, in fact that most brahmins themselves should not become monks. My role is to become good at my craft and help others like him with the preservation of our customs. He was very youthful yet felt extremely grounded and wise beyond his years.
I got back home given that Shankaracharya ji would begin his public interaction at 5 pm, studied some nlp and later went back again to see him. I finally got there and was able to meet other great priests of high knowledge who were extraordinarily humble. One introduced me to Aditya Vahani, a group of sorts that organises these events nationiwde for the matha and do so despite not even having an office. The young people there were very competent and took me as thier own, we later went to the hall and the program began.
Shankracharya ji was greeted with the chanting of ancient mantras, likely the vedas of some sorts and sat on the stage with everyone else sitting below as a sign of respect.
People asked him questions about many different things, from personal issues to politics to theology and he was quick witted, erudite beyond belief and always courteous in his responses. I asked him about whether the Kali yuga is inevtiable and he replied back stating that a good monarch can stop it.
He answered questions for 2 hours after which the event ended and everyone went for dinner that was served as prasada (food that is considered holy, that is the rough translation).
I stayed back and chatted with his student who was recording everything he said on the tripod to edit it later and upload it. He remembered me from my interaction earlier and chatted for a bit. I helped them wind up and he handed over a case to me, instructung me to carry it on my head. When i arrived outside the empty hall, everyone started looking at me as it turns out the case contained Shree Narayana paduka. The sandals of Vishnu would be the english translation. most never get to see them despite years of deovtion I got to carry them so that was something. After that I talked to him for a bit and he told me to do well in life, act like a good devotee and meet him in prayagraj in January for my Janeu (sacred thread ceremony).
I felt amazing, it was the first time in over 18 months that I felt genuinely happy. The colleague of my father who arranged this meeting met me yesterday and told me that god has a plan for everyone, that I should just work and not give up on life given that something good will happen. This got me thinking about my first post I made in January of 2019 and how 4 months later I ended up being in the newspapers for my academic efforts, from a failure to a success of sorts.
The girl I had a oneitis for got a boyfriend and it hurt to hear that but in reality I am glad she is happy. Not getting with her forced me to discover the ways of PUA and that led to me finally not being bitter about women and life. I read this book called the Tyler Digest and two posts I recommend that everyone read from it are "Points of change" and "How you perceive the world".
Girls did not like me, this was not due to my looks (I look alright I think) or because of my status but because I was bitter and they could sense it. I have always had a superiority complex and in 2019 wanted a transfer outta the country because I thought that I was too cool for my uni, actively looked down on literally everyone i met and had a sense of entitlement to compensate for my own inferiority. It failed and now 3 years later, all the kids who I made fun of have job offers and here I am still a month or two away from hitting 200 questions on leetcode. I say this because I am glad that all these bad things happened to me. Bhagwan (hindi word for god) does everything for a purpose and I needed to taste the humble pie to see my shortcomings. I was kicked out of high school and went to do better than all my classmates, I lost the only girl I ever felt anything romantic for and now have the tools to never have issues with dating ever again, I may be down now but but I trust god that things will get better soon.
The two posts are about two important topics. The latter is what I will describe. My younger brother just began uni here and is extremely bitter about life so was mocking the priests but I could see that he did not hate them but rather like me, hated himself which made me re read these posts.How we see the world and other is a reflection of our own selves. This forum and everyone here has always, always said good things to me, at times when i was clearly wrong, genuinely depressed and likely saved my life. People saw the good in me that I was sure I did not have and that is because you people are good. The priests I met have all the reasons to act high and mighty yet they don't.
It is easy to judge others, call people losers and feel that I am higher value than them, my knee jerk reaction to sharing about anyone was trying to demean them so that they would seem less cool than me as my own sense of value is low.
A person who is high value does not act that way, there is some good in everyone we meet and no amount of tactics can make a girl like you as much as genuine happiness that leads to a fun and playful time with her.
The head priest, my father's colleague, my family, my psychiatrist, that girl I liked, all saw the good in me despite there being none and and today I am alive, getting to appreciate little moments of life.
Only Bhagwan can judge people, not me. There is good in everyone, bitterness is never good and there are ways to change this. I do not have any concrete progress this week but I am finally happy in life.
The hole in my heart has been filled, I accept my lowly place in society and am looking towards working my way up. I read Kierkegaard, Nietzsche etc was always sad, accepting that I will never be happy in my baseline but here I am actually happy just to be alive.
All those bad things I did were not so bad after all, I found god and I am glad he chose me. Puri has kept traditions that began thousands of years ago alive and these priests are the only Indians I know who are proud to be indian instead of copying euros. Indians copy them out of a complex that is why girls mock my religiosity. People speak English as a signaling mechanism of where they are socio economically and pick up whatever americans do to look cool, afterall, this is also why I refuse to watch sports or TV shows because it goes against my ideals. I was like this too but have changed quite a bit now given my recent insights. I am proud of my way of life, my forefathers, the culture they left and the ideals they want me to live by.
I have not cussed at, mocked or thought low of people since yesterday and life has been much better. I smile and feel happy just to be alive, just to be able to do all the things I can and to be where I am in life. Sure, I am still fucked in the short term but I finally feel at ease with life.
You are entitled to your labor, not the fruits it bears said Lord Krishna to Arjuna. Took me 2 decades to understand that.
So yeah, even though bad things happened, I got to see the head priest and my life changed completely. I still like that girl but that is more because of neediness, that is fine tho, I do have a feeling I will meet her someday, BF destroying is quite easy given I have done it before lol and I will be a tier 1 lothario after I manhandle the academic and discipline issues in my life starting now. Life has meaning. I look forward to studying and acting how Lord Krishna would want me to act. Instead of my oneitis, every song and thing reminds me of Lord Krishna. I am not lying when I say that. I feel happy.
I finally grew up.
May you find Bhagwan too, may all of us get the best that we deserve.
Narayana Narayana.
side note, I was in the dorms for the first time in my life past Friday for my department day, was out for cigarettes with my friend, we reminisced over our oneitits, hung out with others in the dorms and talked a lot. I do not smoke regularly but it was great. I had fun, slept in his room on the floor, it is the little things in life man, walking aimlessly at night and seeing others go about their life. I finally love uni.
Diwali this Monday, it is the most important Hindu festival and celebrates the homecoming of Lord Ram after a 14 year exodus which ended with his victory over Ravana. My city will have a bunch of pretty lights, people travel back home to be with their family. One of the main rituals is Lakshmi Puja where you offer prayers to Goddess Lakshmi, the wife of Lord Vishnu (Lord Ram is the human reincarnation of Lord Vishnu, he appears on earth whenever sin crosses a threshold).
Most pajeets would use this week long holiday to have a diwali party where they do not pray but just copy Anglos and get drunk and fool around. I have immense respect for anglos, I just find this to be super distasteful. The purpose of the festival is the worship of your deities and a celebration of the longest unbroken culture on the planet, unfortunately, Indians have a deep rooted inferiority complex which makes them look down on anything religious. People are lefty not just because of India never having had a single decent intellectual in the realm of political science but because of plain signaling. It does hurt to see, the only worth you have in society is based on your affluence or sex. Higher values have been forgotten which is also why everyone drinks. I am not a saint, I just cannot indulge in bad behaviors on such a holy day. There are higher and lower values, virtues, qualities etc that most would recognize. I enjoy would love to be more affluent, date more and better girls in a large town but my main identity will always be defined by Vaishnavism, my job, the virtues and qualities I want to develop are important to me because they are what makes a good life, the material and physical benefits are secondary rewards. I want to be better at academics or be a good physical culturalist or do the other things that would make up a good life because the process of doing these things is what I am supposed to do according to my scriptures. Praying is not fun yet I cannot name a single activity that calms me down and offers peace like offering prayers does. It does not make me better than others or anyone else, but it does make me feel a tad morose about the condition of society today and how far behind my civilization is, where everyone has to play these status games, intentionally or not.
People in my city pool together money to put up lights on their stores, overall it is a good time to be in my city. Always good to see the unroken chain of culture living among people. my grandfather visists the city palace as he is the titular feudal lord of his area under the Royal family. We all buy new clothes, sweets, put lights on our ancient house (haveli of sorts, built over a 100 years ago without any bricks lol). Ma fries up some season specific foods, people go out at night in the city to see the lights and burst crackers as that is a holy ritual (do not listen to pajeets who tell you it is not, head priests have clarified this thing). The festival is the peak of our happiness. I have fond memories of playing Batman Arkham games during this time of the year and lighitng hundreds of clay lamps the traditonal way with oil and putting them in various parts of the house.
Regardless, I will spend the week thanking the Gods for letting me live the life that I do, the life my family and clan enjoys. Most people do not get to have what I have, being thankful for it makes life much better.
I have also started adding 2 hours of mandatory hours of leisure in my day, I usually read theology or read blogs like the zvi(liked just two posts tho, slack and the one about doing hard stuff) and others (mostly Jim wendler, Steve Maxwell, Guzey etc). It is a good way of ensuring that I am efficient with my work.
I will also try to watch UFC 280, good card.
Happy Diwali to themotte, hopefully by next one, I will have the life I want, I most likely will but for now, just blessed to have what I do have. Life is short, smile while you can. Despite all my hatred for the Indian elites, seeing the priests and normal people doing their best this season is a massive whitepill. Me doing well in life would help others see my way of life as cool so all the more reasons to keep trying. Sure every government and political party is actively trying to stop us from celebrating but fuck them, most of us are shameless and would happily burst crackers.
See you all next week.
Jai Shree Ram
practical_romantic
10mo ago
I am in Chiang Mai, finally got concerta and it was life-changing. Went to a local digital nomad meetup, I cannot drink or smoke lol so just hung out and met a few people. It was ok, I met some fun people but others were sorta not as interested in talking to me as some others were. Very interesting people though, not super successful but interesting. One ran a video editing and animation agency out of his phone and was telling me about the various women he had dated from various nations he had lived in. I also met this really really pretty Spanish girl who looked very French, unfortunately, I could not do much with that but it was quite fun lol. I do wanna meet her again, my PUA skills need some work lol.
How was your week and any suggestions? I am no longer sad or depressed. I will write up more about the effects of concerta in the Wednesday thread.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
Not at all. Far right is the return of a rajput monarchy which is not happening. The government has schemes that pay you liquid cash for marrying a person of a higher caste or filing a complaint against hem (look up the sc st act).
Anyone who thinks that India is "far right" is clueless. The country is conservative because of poverty and even that is changing ultra fast.
practical_romantic
2yr ago
Marvel just got luckier more than anything else. Also animated stuff is much more niche, less money is required and earned via that stuff so its is much more appealing to the masses.
Also, DC owes a lot to BTAS (Batman the Animated Series) which along with Superman had animated movie spin offs. Since these were superior to the live action movies then, they set the tone and DC just made more animated stuff for nerds like us. I honestly like it a lot.
Why do you think they struggle? Replicating marvel is not smart as they are an anomaly, not the norm.
practical_romantic
9mo ago
The internet was a far better place 15 years ago. The accumulation of all traffic into the hands of 5 companies would lead to even more issues. I have yt premium since I am from India even though I am in chiang mai, you get it for 3 dollars a month for a family of 5 but they will surely jack up the prices here too.
I was pleasantly surprised recently. I was holding my phone in my hand, looking at something and my ma put her hand around my upper arm as I was walking her back to the car outside the gate, she was quite happy to notice some muscle mass on my frame, to the point where she could feel some bicep lol. She instantly said that she was happy as her perception of me was that of a thin guy who was somewhere between a man and a woman lol.
I have been going for nearly 4 months now, and have not seen noticeable changes at all but I will keep going forever and dial in things as I go instead of stopping and restarting. My vests (the stuff jockey makes) don't fit me since I likely gained some mass around my chest and back. The shirts still fit but a little tighter. Long way to go, dialing in my sleep, diet and meditation would help a lot but I will keep going even when they are less than ideal.
Have a fun week!
ps do lemme know if anyone here is good with focusing, the thing Eugene Gendlin worked on.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
I miss the past a lot at times. My time as a startup founder has been brutal, we are figuring out ways to make high revenue and I am still a hermit living with my parents because of how transitional things are right now so that we save money. However on days when I work really hard, I feel peace. It is just that I always feel that life was better back then, in some made-up revisionist timeline that does not exist. My family saw an exponential rise in their standard of living these past 20 years (I am 23) and I keep wishing to go back to being a kid or be a teenager even though I know that life was objectively way worse. I have agency to make an impact on the world, make money, make good friends, learn things I could not have conceived of, meet women and whatnot but I still feel uneasy for some reason. It has gotten to the point where I think about vacations when I work and think of work on my vacations and can never be in the present moment.
The guy who is teaching me inner work and meditation recommended a combination of focusing (the book and practice by Eugene Gendlin) and meditation alongside abstinence from screens and more consistent work and sleep hours but I still feel like I am somehow stuck in mud mentally and never good enough or that if my startup fails, I am fucked for life and since I already am low, that possibility is an inevitability. It is a downward spiral I wish to avoid. I wish to live life going forwards, not backwards, perhaps I should learn to ignore my thoughts if after doing all that he recommends and making headway into my startup does not change my outlook. Would appreciate any tips on this.
Also, I have been regular to the gym for three straight months now, I am not doing the HIT/Isometric stuff but visit the gym 3x a week and do 3 sets for like 7 different lifts, I copped my program from this French guy named Natural Hypertrophy from youtube and have seen zerminimal changes even though I have added weight to all my lifts. Might be because I only get 6 hours of sleep each night and I am skinny fat (75kgs/165lbs at 6 foot/182cm, started eating like a pig and sleeping badly since last year) but regardless, I will stick to this for a year. I dunno if I can add MMA too because of time constraints. I just wish to not look terrible for once. I don't fit into my small-sized vests as well as I did and my arms have minimal definition but that is not encouraging at all. My calories are the same since I do not wish to go to 30 per cent bodyfat.
Have a great week folks!
practical_romantic
1yr ago
Dune Part 2 was the last movie I saw in theatres and cannot recommend it enough. It is similar to LOTR in the sense that it is able to showcase a lot of loyalty to one's aristocracy or ruling clans in a way that all people can relate to. The movie is majestic, grand, an epic in the real sense. I loved Javier Bardem the most and recommend everyone to go watch it.
I will be listening to a lot of house and trance music from the 2010s, not super mainstream stuff but rather somewhat mainstream so Anjunabeats and all. As a teenager, I did not like my classmates at all so I spent a lot of time listening to dance music and back then my attention was not as fucked. I remember listening to Aviciis BBC Radio 1 essential mix, seeing Swedish house mafia disband (in hindsight their music was not even good) and overall got to hear a ton of really good tracks. Listening to music in your room is a relaxing affair, I intend to do it this weekend.
I was also at a wedding a few weeks ago where me and a guy I met there downed more than a bottle of tequila in under 6 hours with zero side effects so it is a great liquor lol. I was at quite a few weddings every weekend with two being those of my cousins, danced a lot at the second one and honestly, I really like dancing now, I get why people visit nightclubs, besides the part about meeting other attractive people. not much besides, my startup journey is far more complex than I thought it would be, making my uni issues seem inconsequential but I am positive. I am still depressed like today I saw my former oneitis (now a functioning cokehead) in my dreams taunting me about the amount of drugs and dudes shes been with since I stopped talking to her but I will be fine, I'm reading Eguenge Gendlins focusing and hopefully, that should aid me.
Have a great weekend folks, I wish I could post more and I plan to soon. themotte honestly played a much larger part in shaping my worldview than my uni mates since I got here in 2019 as a high school drop out and I find it wild that it has been half a decade. I hope this place does not die off.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
Every movie has similar themes simply because that is how the world is now, you cannot have a movie that does not bow down to cultural forces of the day as movie production is such a complicated task. It took one man to write faust but something as good or as insightful can never be made again because of the process of creation being in the hands of so many with monetary and opportunity costs that no one will ever cover. Not watching movies, TV, music or even news, social media and videos made in the modern day as much as you can is the correct path forward, everything today feels the same, sterile and replaceable.
I saw LOTR extended edition, Cyberpunk Edgerunners and John Wick 4 whilst I was on my brief hiatus away from this place and shall write a short review of all three in hopes of encouraging all to watch them.
Lord of the rings (extended edition)
LOTR trilogy is fantastic. The very fact that a trilogy like this one was made with top tier actors, visuals, award wins and box office numbers is a big W for everyone. Harry Potter novels were something I liked quite a bit as an 8th grader as my ma brought a few of their books from her library before diwali break and I loved reading them. I never paid much attention to LOTR, Narnia or GOT because I never felt that I would like them. As I grew up, I could understand the not so subtle ways Rowling tries to show people who like traditional values as the villain and also how it was frankly a series for children. LOTR did the opposite, when I finished watching all 12 hours of it, I felt appreciative of atavistic values like honor, duty, loyalty to your flag. It makes you see why these things are beautiful, why many of our forefathers lived by certain codes, the reason for it being people valuing these things more than their own life at many points. I am not a Christian, far from it and Hindu theology is very different from the kind you find among Abrahamic religions yet I cant not appreciate the work of Tolkien. I had not read the books but I sure as hell wish to now. Tolkien through his fantasy land builds a narrative that shows us some high human values that may sound wishy washy or woo woo given how spiritual things may be looked down. The trilogy is just amazing.
Cyberpunk Edgerunners
If you have a gf, watch this with her as this show hits you in the feels, I have a no gf rule due to reasons people know of. I got into this anime because I saw the music video of the theme song "I really wanna stay at your house". It takes place nearly a year before the events of the cyberpunk 2077 game. The protagonist is one 18 year old david martinez and the show is a 10 episode journey of his rise from a poor studious prodigy to one of the top mercenaries of Night City. It is heartbreaking, bittersweet and overall a show you have to watch. Also that track alone is worth it.
John Wick 4
Watch this in theatres, best action choreography I have seen in a movie, it is better than all three before it and I am really glad I got to see it in theatres. Just sheer carnage, glorious violence, I wish to be as fluent with math and CS as Wick is with violence. Great great movie.
General updates
tldr for the entire post - started studying 6 hours daily, working out, coworking, had my grandads 90th birthday, stopped hating my parents, saw LOTR, Cyberpunk Edgerunners and John Wick 4. All three are amazing and finally picked up Ramayana and chess for my leisure.
So currently I do math (three different subjects), python (udemy course titled python data science machine learning bootcamp) which has some very rudimentary python in the beginning followed by more advanced stuff at the end. It is on ude,y, has about 25 hours worth of lectures. My aim is to do about 4.5 hours of math and finish this course before the months ends or the next month's first week. After that fast.ai and then my sabbatical would take over my life with me returning to formal logic, nannd 2 tetris and lots and lots of pure C programming.
The whole point is to take these next 6 months and hammer home the real basics so that I can learn to think instead of just matching patterns or lying about things. Anyone can cram questions for interviews but to actually learn under someone good one on one and do so to ensure I not only cover my own gaps but those modern education has is a worthwhile idea.
My Initiation
I also about a month and a half ago got my janeu, the sacred thread which is given to men of very very few clans when they come of age, I was the first to revive the tradition in my house (not just home, house as in the house in terms of clans under the ruling family, feudal lords) and was overwhelmed with the support I recieved from all my e friends. You recieve gifts on that day and I got close to 500 usd (500 is the exact conversion, to inr closer to like 5k in terms of purchaing power in India) in under 24 hours. I only asked for 11 rupees and got close to a hundred donations from friends (mostly) and family in less than 24 hours.
My grandad also turned 90 so we had a large party for him with close to 60 or so guests at our house. I have stopped hating my parents or even wanting to cut them off permanently, making money, having any kind of status. The people who showed up and the kinds of gifts he got did show me that my family indeed is doing well and my disdain for them is more out of my spite for them pointing out my shortcomings rather than anything rational.
I still have issues with my oneitis (I see her in my dreams sometimes. Will leave town when my sabbatical ends. I know what to do, just that time and situations right now are testing me. All this PUA knowldege, nowhere to implement it lol, still stuck on the same chick) and I still have depression and agitation according to my psychiatrists but co working with a bunch of friends my age and older has helped tremendously. I will also officially graduate uni in the next month so another thing I look forward to. My last update was very gloomy and one of my friends even called me upon reading it and spoke to me for hours trying to reassure me, he was right and it has been relatively alright since then. I appreciate all the good things I have, whether it is such gestures by friends or helpful comments on these forums.
Meeting e friends irl
I met one very close e friend recently and he bought me a pair of swords attached to a shield as a gift for my initiation on behalf of his own self and some other friends. We went out, smoked cigarettes, watched some movies and I had a great time with him overall.
Working out
I gained 5 lbs of weight and now weigh 150 lbs, it is not all fat because I can see my face better, same for my abdominal area. I started working out again at home using HIT style bodyweight workout as mentioned in project kratos (by Drew Baye, you can find it online, ideal workout routine tbh), going to total failure on 12 exercises in a circuit is plenty painful so I wish to keep this up for at least 2 if not 3 days a week and slowly gain more quality weight. 145 at 6'0 is very skinny given I have long limbs. I can see all my lifts go up each time I workout and it takes less than half an hour with little to no equipment.
All good for now. Just need to keep this up, build momentum and ensure I rest properly. Proper rest (meditation, actual real leisure, social interactions, sleep etc) are much much more important than people think them to be. I cut my working out to two days for this week due to bad sleep last week due to work and saw great improvements. I will switch to 3 a week now and study more but cutting back at times is important.
Pop Culture
I saw three things that are must watch according to me. Cinema will never be high art the way literature is but it is damn fun. Cyberpunk Edgerunners (Anime on Netflix), John Wick 4 (watch it in theatres) and LOTR extended edition, all were a treat to watch and left a tremendous impression on me.
Highly recommend anyone who has a gf to watch Cyberpunk Edgerunners with her. Edgerunners is a great emotional rollerocaster of an anime whereas John Wick 4 is the second best action movie I have seen, maybe as good as Mad Max Fury Road. Everything about them is brilliant, just go ahead and watch both. Also LOTR extended editon, all three movies are fantastic and Tolkien was a genius. He was able to craft a tale that manages to tell a story that makes you appreciate the atavtistic values your own forefathers defended. The entire thing is beautiful, I had never read the novels and will never watch the garbage amazon is putting out but the original trilogy is a work of pure art. Will review all three things this friday on the fun thread. I cannot imagine comparing harry potter garbage to these things. I was blown away by harry potter as an 8th grader but this is aeons ahead. Truly fantastic.
Leisure
My leisure is Chess and Ramayana as I stated earlier. Ramayana is an amazing epic, Lord Ram, the protagonist whilst an incarnation of Lord Vishnu was never aware of his own divnity and hence his journey through the world is not that of an immortal being but rather that of a mortal man going against the worst evil of his time and winning against it. The tale of a man who did everything he could to live by Dharma and hence is remembered as Dharma Incarnate. He never lived a happy life, his wife chose exile after his victory and his homecoming which we celebrate as Diwali was the only time in his life where his entire family was happy as many suggest that Mata Sita was pregnant with their unborn twins then. I cannot put it down, I love reading it. Ram is everything you can hope a man to be and more in ways that you just cannot help but idolize him and for good reason. Read the epic, I am reading the goldman translation and recommend it highly.
Chess is a fun way to pass time too, I had many exciting games but Ramayana is still my go to.
Until next time!
practical_romantic
10mo ago
I finally arrived in Chiang Mai and it has been a rollercoaster. I am on methylphenidate and got Concerta for the first time in my life. I popped the 5mg of methylphenidate and will pop one more at lunch but I feel very sleepy on it, very slow too, I hope concerta is different. I was going to mix the two today but will avoid it as that might fuck me up. My mental health is very very fucked up. I feel highs and lows and hope that the ADHD meds, working really hard and being accountable now that I can work will help me feel normal again. I do not want to be known as the guy who just talks and never does anything.
I had to pay 5k baht for 30 tabs of 18mg concerta btw, a hefty hefty price. Besides that, I am learning more about PCB stuff and electronic design in general. My startup works on these things and I am super new to it so in case anyone here is familiar with electronics and electrical stuff then I would love to chat with you.
I do feel a lil different here. On one hand, I miss my family, my home and the place I spent 24 years of my life in but otoh as much as I may love my family, they are toxic but not something I blame them for. My co-founder is a great guy, he started building stuff on his own and was able to earn enough to pay for uni in the US based on that and wants me to be able to learn enough about the electronic design and supply process on my own so that I can help him in building this thing.
So his expectation of me is to be able to understand basic design and sourcing guidelines so that I can at least talk to users once this is done and be able to understand what they mean. I do not need to be able to do everything from scratch and don't need to be comprehensive but need to go beyond surface-level stuff and fast.
Thailand is quite a trip. You see quite a few Westerners here who want to have a good life but at a low price point and so work jobs that pay them enough to live here. for us, it is a temporary stop as I want to get funded and move to the US based on that.
Anyway, I hope everyone does well. Have a great week folks and wish me luck, I do not want to fuck this up unlike everything else before since all I ever do is fuck up in my life. I hope to make good use of my second chance and learn fast! Godspeed!
practical_romantic
1yr ago
I'm spending the weekend in shekhawati, it's a region in north rajasthan settled by my ancestors. My family is that of feudal lords though unfortunately our fort and other properties are under judicial watch due to fake court cases. Still, I'm finally visiting my motherland, a place literally named after my people who fought and won it from the evil tyrants before them. I'm staying at the hotel of fellow shekhwat feudal lords as they run a fund to help the underprivileged kids of our caste attain education. My family has been living in Jaipur for the past 4 generations.
I've never had a weekend getaway so it's quite fun, the heritage homes here are cool and most importantly, I have enjoyed it so far. Besides this I'll be watching the fights this weekend, I watch if or bellator whenever I can though it's a weak fight night card. I do wish to start training again but not sure.
The place I'm in also houses a temple remembering all the women who committed sati, I don't like the practise at all but can't speak ill of women who did it. I'm glad that the place we settled exists, not as glorious as it was before democracy, still, it's there.
Finally, I'm completely over that chick, it's been 4 years and I just don't care as much, life goes on and so should I. I won't get the 4 years back but I'll love my life like a normal person now. I'm really happy that the mods here didn't ban me for talking about her 😅.
I do look forward to hear, till then I'll be out exploring the semi arid wasteland that my forefathers built into something worthwhile. I'm really happy, life's good. I'm usually morose though I feel great. In the motherland with great weather (35 degrees is ideal imo). Ciao 🌞
practical_romantic
1yr ago
I smoked weed after so many months and threw up like crazy so that was not fun. Will watch the fights this weekend, I reckon Jiri Prochazka will lose. His style is built on him being a physical freak, lacking any sort of brains or finesse needed to win fights.
My work now requires me to grow a tiktok account, I will be posting daily tiktoks about the origin of the English language. I read the Cambridge Encyclopedia for the English language a while back. That made me want to post this stuff since the stories behind our words are inherently fascinating.
I do miss my parents, startups are brutal, and a small part of me is always worried that I will have no future if this fails but I need firm belief in myself, my team and what we are building. NVIDIAs founder once said something along the lines of how he would not have started NVIDIA if he knew how difficult it would be. Paul Graham spoke about how his startup was about to go under right before they sold it and how getting his dental cavities fixed felt like being on a vacation, still, I know things will turn out well. Have a great week ahead folks!
practical_romantic
1yr ago
You are a great person for doing this. My grandad is 91 now and still works but has issues (hearing, digestion, bp, heart, gout,cannot walk properly, cant use any tech, can get annoyed at times, moody etc etc). It is super difficult to deal with ageing people. My grandad actually wanted to die far earlier but he felt that being productive in his later life would help my family out financially even though my dad and mom outearn him by a lot. He just continued to want to live because of us, his grandsons.
It gets worse, invariably you get to points where elders need surgeries or medical procedures that require people to assist them with daily tasks. Having good insurance might help (I am not in the US so cant comment.). If possible, help her find something to do, a hobby of sorts. My grandad and grandmom (maternal, she lives with my ma's brothers) are alive and somewhat happy because they have a bunch of things they do regularly and have a lot of family around always. If your husband has any siblings or nieces and nephews, having them over sometimes is a good idea but her getting a hobby would help her a lot.
My parents deal with trips by having my dad's sisters come stay in our house when we are away as you cannot leave an elderly person alone. My dad at times would even ask his friends to stay over sometimes, the ones he trusted since we do not go out a lot. My family has always had full-time house help who stay with us and it is a difficult task to deal with the elderly even with them around.
Again, I commend you for doing what you are doing. Please take care of yourself too.
practical_romantic
2yr ago
I don't think it's healthy to have the family structure found in the west, period.
Marriage is a sacred bond.
practical_romantic
2yr ago
The one about step parents being 40 times more likely to abuse kids than biological parents. The west gets family wrong, I will likely never divorce my wife since marriage in Hinduism is a bond for many lives, not just one and the main unit is the family. My mother stayed in a marriage I never would have despite it not even being my fathers fault. My family had some genuinely terrible circumstances and my mother could have left, had I been her, I would have but she stayed for us. I do not wish anything bad on kids who have step parents but anyone who stays together despite issues deserves respect.
I really liked the one about /u/tracingwoodgrains wedding. Other than that maybe the ones where standard_order told me to get addicted to natural dopamine or where everyone trashed me because my oneitis began dating some other dude. I did not get what the people meant back then but it makes more sense the more I read it. The standard_order post was in october 2020 and this one in march 2021. January 2021 stands out too but yeah.
One that will forever stand out would be the book review of from third world to first.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
Spot on. Plus they had a vibe that you do not see now. Games were not as formulaic as they are today. Wolfenstein, Doom, Deus ex, Gohtic 2, the GTA franchise, they all seem fresh. Even the assassins creed was great till ac brotherhood. I do not like new games at all. Too woke and predatory with zero creativity.
it is my paternal grandfather's 91st birthday today so we are throwing a small event where some of his close friends are invited for dinner and drinks. I lost my grandmother at the age of 4 so I am quite close to him. Like most families here, he lives with us so I look forward to hosting some of his friends.
My aunts and their husbands are here too, I remember us throwing a more large-scale get-together 10-15 years ago on the same date and I have fond memories of that time. I was in middle school, no worries, I saw the perks of being a wallflower and pulp fiction in the same day after having played holi with my cousins and we went out and stuff. The next day our house was lit up since some movie people wanted to shoot here. Really fond memories, I am glad I got to experience that stuff.
Apart from this, I will be rewatching Heat, I like Michael Mann, loved Miami Vice (the movie). I have not seen the TV show but I might. I will also start with three body problem, I saw videos of it on quinns ideas, a YouTube channel and have been fascinated by it since so hope that is good.
Wish you guys a very happy weekend. p.s. I was trending on indian reddit yesterday lol so that was fun. Best part was girls begrudgingly saying that they found me attractive despite me being shown ina bad light for calling someone a pajeet.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
Reminds me of a roald dahl short story collection about automated stories generation, kid me never thought it would come true and I would get to study that stuff.
No lol, I have slept with women and I can sleep with them. I just do not hit on ones who are like my mom, very traditional, I do not do it because I like being friend-zoned lol, on the contrary, I am somewhat decent at pickup, I just share a bond with this girl because she is religious and I do not want to be someone who sleeps with her.
I friend-zoned her and a few other traditional conservative girls the first time we interacted because I know how much sleeping with a guy impacts them, that is just how some feel in my religion. Sleeping with girls who are really chaste is something I see as a sin, maybe I am weird. I do not have issues with those who sleep around, I just only sleep with them and not ones who are chaste.
My oneitis is a different girl altogether and even she had not friend-zoned me but I did fuck up big time with her.
practical_romantic
2yr ago
Will read ramayana and likely watch the latest fast and furious movie titled fast x. It is low brow and I did not like the last two at all so hope this one is not another vin diesel fest.
Short rant - Vin Diesel looks old, the dude is not what you would want in an action hero, not because of the bad acting but he also does not look the part at all. The movies themselves have gone from being about stealing dvds and him being a normal man to some sort of brainless avengers ripoff where literally everything revolves around vin. Keanu is another old guy who is not a good actor but at least the John Wick movies are nice, they have good set pieces and are not dumbed down to appeal to 3rd graders.
I also tried out chilli oil ramen, it is an alright thing, just needs a decent packet of ramen without much sugar or coloring or you may risk burning it or making it taste rancid. My sabbatical begins next week so I will spend my last weekend free just reading the glorious ramayana and contemplating on life. Life is good, also cookies and cream is a great ice cream flavor I just found out about.
I finally graduated uni!
Farewell and passing out for the first time in my life
We had a farewell where all of us dressed up in formal clothes for a class photograph with some faculties which was then followed up with a short overnight trip to a resort which was a 2 hour drive from the city.
All of us began drinking and smoking in the bus itself, I was buzzed before we even arrived to the resort and all of us danced a bunch there. Later stripped down to my board shorts and spent close to 8 hours in or near the pool, ending the night with having vodka being poured in my mouth by my classmates followed by a heavy heavy dosage of herbs I cannot legally name. I passed out at 5 am on a bunch of chairs with my face down, waking up to find that my cheap smartphone would not start due to water damage, a serious injury to my left leg I sustained last night whilst running towards the pool, a missing water bottle and pair of glasses.
I fell because the pool was a 100 m walk from the dining hall with zero lights and a bunch of concrete slabs that you cannot see properly,fortunately I did not break anything, just a minor injury to my left toe. My face was barely recognizable, My eyes had more red than white, swelling had physically changed the shape of my face, I was hungover as fuck, unable to stay up, walk or do anything for two straight days. I still have some pain in my wrists because of alcohol lol even though this happened on Saturday.
I am happy uni ended, I hated my classmates, profs and everything about that place so am looking forward to continuing my sabbatical. So yeah, I quite literally finished an entire 4 year degree and documented mot of my life here like a public diary.
Super fun day, I will not drink again , alcohol is not good for someone like me who does not have the kinda skills and life I want to have but I get why people drink it.
The worst part of the night was no girls being there lol but I am used to that at this point staying in this town.Regardless, I will now rest for this entire week before I start my sabbatical again. Benders are fun, especially with friends around. You cannot do this stuff if you are old afterall.
Thesis
This was the sucky part pre farewell where we had to present a thesis of what we did as undrergrads for 4 years under our advisors, everyone just copied code and showed that they did something, it felt like the teachers and students both knew that this is a charade yet we keep up with these things. This was tense, I was worried that my uni would fail me but thankfully that does not seem like the case for now.
The Future
My sabbatical will continue and I think I will take 6 months, ending it with an indiehackers like startup. I was doing it before my thesis but had to take time off due to the thesis bullshit. Following a steady routine, co working and doing what my mentor tells me to do is sorta what I will be doing. Meditation is a very underrated, so is physical culture for that matter. I have had Erectile Dysfunction issues because I would think of my oneitis whilst being intimate with some girls, that coupled with my sky high neuroticism led me to picking it up. I do not have anything bad going on physically with me, I have gotten myself tested extensively, just that my head is in a terrible place which causes these issues but I am sure it will be fixed before the year ends, for good. I should have good updates in a few months, see ya around!!!!
it is not a rising power. It has 70 plus percent affirmative action and rising acts like the SC ST act. You have governments paying people if they marry someone of a more backward caste and the state policy has reduced land holdings to nothing.
Temples are taxed, barely ever under the control of the priest but rather run by the state. History is being mangled to suit the current leaderships far left idea of the world by eliminating any trace of the Aryan Invasion theory.
India is not improving, it has offloaded its best minds to the rest of the world already, the only two Indian fields medlaists are people not even born here and the only surviving Nobel prize winner in the sciences had to leave early in life because of such policies. Sure we are not haiti but we are closer to haiti than we are to Greece in most aspects.
It hurts to see the land my ancestors built turn into a playground for savagery where women are not safe. As for punjabis leaving, a good amount want a separate state called khaistan which is why nijjar was shot dead there. They were never able to establish a stable kingdom and never will do it which is why the cope is off the charts.
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