It helps just a bit, but at the time I was in a completely different headspace. I've had social anxiety for as long as I can remember, so I've been treating it like it was a completely normal way of life for the longest time. After all, while I'm a social recluse in some ways - I still have some friends, had some relationships, and so on. That assured me that I'm just an extreme introvert that prefers being alone for most of the time (a lie I told myself). Propranolol was helpful to turn down some physical symptoms, but I found that I've already managed to lower my stress baseline in social situations to where propranolol brought me down to back then, so it's not that useful to me anymore. I haven't tested it in an extreme situation like a presentation because I haven't had the chance, but I still have some and will use it once an opportunity presents itself.
Unless you're approached by someone else, would you be the type to initiate an interaction?
Default me, before I started making a conscious observation about my social anxiety, absolutely not. Whenever I can't find something at the store, I would always walk through the whole place on my own instead of asking an employee. But now I'm always doing my best catching myself when my brain tries to 'protect' me from social interactions like this. This alone is big progress, in the past anything social would instantly get vetoed by my amygdala.
You also mentioned before having hobbies and interacting with people in those hobbies--has this not been an effective strategy?
Yes, but once again, those posts were made when I was still in my old ways before I got put in this mental hole and had to face my reality. I was on some sort of autopilot, feeling something is wrong but not fully understanding it.
If you're an introvert that's one thing, but if you're an extravert trapped in a situation where being extraverted is stressful, that's another.
I'd say I'm an extraverted introvert. I do value my alone time, but I'm completely fine in extraverted situations when surrounded by close friends and family. Biggest triggers are unfamiliar people, being put on the spot, etc. I remember having 120 bpm heartrate, muscle spasms and heat flashes 2 hours before doing a presentation in college.
ser
2d ago
I've actually read this book a long time ago when I was right out of highschool, and it was probably one of the reasons, aside from having social anxiety and avoiding any additional social pressure like potential job interviews and so on, why I continued pursuing doing my own thing. And I completely agree with what he says in this excerpt. I genuinely enjoyed what I was doing. It's probably why I've lasted so long head down, minimum social interactions, just focusing on increasing my bank account. Problem is it's not that exciting to me anymore. I've had an imaginary $ target in my head. As I keep getting closer to it, I'm realizing literally nothing will change in my life once I reach it. I can already afford 80% of things I'd possibly want at this exact moment. I'm realizing I want recognition, I want to be an expert at something. I think I can coast by for a few years by finding excitement in simple things like learning new skills (riding a motorcycle is already on the list) or doing stuff like skydiving, but I imagine it all gets old fast. I still have to fix my main issue before I worry about any of this though. Maybe while I'm in the process of doing so, I'll find excitement in something sustainable that can last many years and thoughts of having a career will dissipate, but I'm not there yet.
ser
2d ago
Do go into more detail, please. Did you stay at hostels? Any recs for which places to visit first?
Learning to be a good, confident conversationalist is like learning to become good and confident at a sport or an instrument
I know this. Matter of fact, I'm pretty confident and charismatic with people I'm familiar with. It's a different matter with unfamiliar people. Feels like I move 1 sd to the left for IQ, physical symptoms don't help either. But I've now realized that simply having the right mindset and fighting the initial resistance of my brain trying to protect myself from 'danger' helps things already, so I think more exposure will definitely help
ser
2d ago
I'm aware. I'm also not interested in buying a place now, nor am I interested in moving to deep suburbia, where improving my condition would be even harder purely due to population density.
ser
2d ago
Yeah, that's why I'm leaning towards solo travel. I've traveled before (non-solo) plenty of times and the mindset you mentioned is definitely real. I've just been very dismissive of my condition, never tried to treat it and considered being like that normal. Only recently did I come to realize how much it's affecting me, so hopefully socializing with intent to get better yields positive results.
ser
2d ago
I know it's a pretty good accomplishment, but it's sadly nothing crazy. All my money buys me a modest single family home where I live. I would also give away 90% of it if I could fully fix my head in an instant.
ser
2d ago
I definitely have to move out, but I’m leaning towards traveling first. I do have friends, but they are scattered around the world, I could start off with visiting some of them.
ser
2d ago
Retiring is the last thing I’d want to do. I’ve already missed out on a lot of experiences sitting at home
ser
2d ago
I know it’s young, but I’ve definitely missed some experiences. No way to go back in time to go to that college party or on a spontaneous trip with friends.
Just doing online hustles. Started off at 12 with selling minecraft items for real money on a big custom server, then to doing regional arbitrage for games on steam (buy cheap in one region, sell high to someone in a more expensive region), and so on. With all the money I’ve made off stuff like that, I eventually moved on to trading crypto and then to stocks with some moderate success. Living with family also helped a lot, around $40k/year in savings just off that.
ser
2d ago
- 28
- CS degree (not a good dev)
- never had a job
- low 7 figures saved up (grinded online from age 12 with minimal spending)
- have social anxiety (moderate, but can be severe in certain situations)
- still live with parents
- no nearby close friends, everyone scattered around the globe
- have never been in a serious relationship. Longest one was 3 months - 2 months long distance, 1 in person. Been completely bitchless for the past 3 years.
That’s me. I recently got injured and was forced to be sedentary and homebound for months. That put me in deep depression and some sort of quarter life crisis. I’ve realized I’ve been living a pretty shitty life ruled by social anxiety. Sitting home all the time, turning down experiences, friendships and relationships left and right, while lying to myself about doing it not because of my condition, but because ‘I’m grinding.’ Now I’m feeling I’ve missed out on so much of my youth. I fucking regret it, but it’s not helpful to lament about the past because I can’t change shit, and at least instead of being a useless slob I did something with my time. Now what the hell do I do now? I’m thinking of going all in on treating the root cause of the problem - my social anxiety. Therapy (CBT), although I’m not too hopeful on its helpfulness, some light meds/supplements (no SSRIs, Propranolol, Selank, vitamins), exercise. And of course exposure therapy. Not sure how to go about it - get some type of public facing job, volunteer or maybe solo travel and live in hostels? Once that’s unfucked, I will move onto other things like my (non-existent) career and relationships. Any advice, thoughts, input on my plan?
ser
5d ago
I would go on a fun trip, perhaps snowboarding in Hokkaido. Best way to get more comfortable with your money is spending it. Preferably on something enjoyable.
If it had to be an investment, I'd do GOOGL or ONDS. GOOGL - They're kicking ass in AI and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. ONDS - I think they'll get a lucrative government contract soon, currently undervalued imo.
Appreciate you taking the time to respond. I'm really 50/50 on hostels, a friend has told me it's the best way to meet new people when traveling, but just like you I'm not too keen on sleeping in a shared room. Sounds like an easy way to not get good sleep and potentially get your valuables yoinked if you're not attentive enough.
All great advice, I definitely gotta get into soccer, especially with world cup coming to US soon. That would be an easy way to bond with someone.
I've done cold showers in the past, but for no particular reason and without a particular goal. Now that I've identified what to work on, perhaps I'll find it more useful.
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