ser
6d ago
I was, and, although I've made some progress, still am, in a similar situation as you. While I'm not where I want to be yet, I think I can lend some advice. You need some wins under your belt. You need to get your ability to believe in yourself back. You have a general idea of what you need to do to improve your situation, but it's an uphill battle mentally to do any of these things because you perceive yourself as someone that will fail. Even if you try, and inevitably fail, your negative mentality would be reinforced. It's a negative spiral, you need to rebuild it into an engine for positive reinforcement.
There's no easy way to do this. You just need some wins. Then you use those wins for positive reinforcement. You already did X, and perhaps it took some time and a few tries but you eventually got there - that's evidence that you can do Y too. You've already had some wins - you got a job and even made some friends. Yes, it didn't work out that time, but the fact that you got there means you can do it again. I don't know how to make you think about those events in a positive light, but that's what you need to be doing. For me, on bad days where I get hit with a bout of depression and negative thoughts, simply telling myself that I know that things will get better and I'll have good days some time soon make it easier. Perhaps just start with simply implanting positive thoughts into your brain, even if you don't believe in them at first.
I think an 'easy' win you can start with is getting yourself in shape, especially since you're claiming that's what you really want. Start small, get rid of junk food in your vicinity, start going on daily 1 hr fast paced walks, start going to bed early. It's simple and you don't need much effort to keep it going. Then gradually add on other things. I suspect that in the past you would have a burst of motivation late at night, come up with a crazy training regiment for yourself, maybe stick to it for a day or two if that and then drop it completely. You pretty much have to do the opposite of that. Take it slow and stay consistent. The confidence boost you get from being in shape is unmatched, that's besides all the health benefits that will undoubtedly make your journey easier. You will prove to yourself, and others, that you can do hard things and stay consistent.
I can be your accountability partner, feel free to DM me. Best of luck, I know both of us will make it.
Look, I can relate to everything you've said. It sucks looking back at my past and realize that I could've lived a much more interesting and fulfilling 20s. But there's absolutely nothing I can do about it, and dwelling on it all the time would be a net negative on my present. Actively living in the past the way you do guarantees that you're going to fail your future. In your original post, you have a whole paragraph describing things you wish to accomplish. If that's what you really want, you need to move on from your past.
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