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non_radical_centrist  26d ago (farhakhalidi.substack.com)   5620 thread views

confessions of a femcel: why i'm a 24 year old female virgin.

farhakhalidi.substack.com

It's an essay about the various flaws modern feminist sex positivity culture has for women, and that it's often a good idea to refrain from sex even if one isn't religious. The author is an Only Fans model for context. I thought it did a great job laying out the downsides of ubiquitous sex.(Reposted because I accidentally linked to reddit instead of the original essay earlier).

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no real experience beyond consuming KDramas.

Someones experienced the east asian dating sphere and knows the horror for himself. Virginal asian girls really live a cloistered life totally unknown to their foreign counterparts, even indian, and the girls who are put off by obnoxious yellow fevered men are unlikely to waste time dating asians either. For great fun see if these girls read webnovels, those things are hilariously smutty and gay.

I moved in with my partner and her younger sister (mid-late twenties East-Asian consultant) 6 months ago, and have had kinda first hand view of her sister's involvement in dating as a 100-hour week consultant who occasionally has an awkward first date... and yeah it's a whole subculture/form of existence I had no idea about until now.

You have no idea. Good east asian girls are a totally unknown quantity to westerners because these girls generally didn't date at all and find even nebbish whites too aggressively forward. These girls also have their preference profiles shaped by the most asinine Kdrama shit, and their expectations for male behavior are simultaneously low and ridiculously high. While more leeway is given to whites in terms of cultural compliance, less leeway is given for emotional unintelligence. This is a huge warning sign because these girls have no experience in managing their own emotional states under duress and present a totally unknown variable even to themselves.

I've got a baby and a longterm relationship with one and live with another. Both born in Asia and came across for University. I think you're tarring a bit too broadly, my partner's a lot more adventurous than her sister both romantically and career-wise, but having watched a few KDrama I do agree that it's a deranged way of forming romantic expectations. I do think this has been compounded by the online dating meta, since I've observed a ton of 'an interaction went slightly subpar, GOODBYE FOREVER' from talking to female friends.

Also having been 4-5 dates in with a few other East Asian girls where the pace of engagement was glacial during my time on the apps. Which made up the majority of my 'this 26 year old girl has essentially zero idea how to play the game' experiences.

I live in East Asia and I am strangely amenable to women despite glaring deficiencies likely common to many esteemed members of this board. These women regularly lament with me the trials of their female friends, and upon reviewing their behavior at inane group functions my partner and I both agree that this derangement is both unique to east asia and far more prevalent than westerners think. You see girls on bad dates, I see girls who have never dated ever. Dateless men bitch visibly, dateless (but not crazy) women disappear into some horrorsbow kdrama abyss

Can you elaborate on this behaviour?

Not much to elaborate. Clueless, nervous, uncommunicative. Unable to initiate conversation,monosyllabic in response, zero cross gender social skills. They never give any indication to any man that they are interested (if they are capable of having any form of interest generated in the first place), cannot parse flirtation or conversation, collapse into shrinking incoherence when the penny drops. These girls would in kinder days be matchmade by the church or their parents, and the normal pattern for them is to be pushed into dating whichever clueless male cell group member is in their church by their friends. Without a church, these women disappear into kdramas and trashy webnovels.

If someone finds them a match and pushes things forward, do you have any sense of whether they do alright at marriage?

As long as the man is bullyable, yea the women do ok. Good church boys normally don't cause problems, and for sinics if the families/church are broking the marriage there is normally sufficient social pressure to keep boundaries adhered to. Sufficient escape valves for acceptable degeneracy (kdramas and trashy webnovels for women, dota2 and porn and drinking for men) exist to prevent overloading of resentment. The western relationship model of emotional fulfilment combined with unlimited deep diving into unconstrained (meaning not bound by externally referrable social norms) soul searching means an eternal quest for 'IS THIS WHAT I REALLY WANT' pervades western thought, much to the detriment of all parties. I will also posit that the western focus on sex and sexual fulfilment as a specific objective of relationships has also done severe damage to womens psyche, and this is the main difference between western soap operas and kdramas: the focus on sex is aesthetic instead of functional for Asians media. Sex being an assessable criteria unto itself is probably one huge reason for female unfulfilment, with the presumption that 'enjoying sex via steamy orgasm with your partner' is of paramount importance: if you want an orgasm just get a dildo. Sex with assholes is just inefficient masturbation.

Regarding whether these 'arranged' marriages work out, the constraining variable is always whether the man is inclined to cheat or beat up the woman if she strays from his own expectations, however ill articulated he communicates expectations may be to the woman or even from the man to himself. If the man has surplus resources cheating becomes accounted as inventory shrink, only reaching intolerable levels when ones own progeny are negatively impacted. This is not to say that cheating is an inevitability, only that it is the most visible form of discord in these 'arranged' marriages. Most sinic cultures have legal recourse for wife beating, so only the Indians get away with it in these parts of Southeast Asia. Malayan women tend to hit back as hard as the men, and theu have even lower expectations for ANYTHING of their men: if he's not in jail its good enough.

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