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Wellness Wednesday for October 5, 2022

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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i've seen this girl couple of times, texted couple of times, she's texted me once (initiate conversation). it's probable she likes me. in my head i've raised the stakes, i keep telling myself i have to wife her, otherwise i might not talk/take any action at all. the downside is i haven't been able to focus on anything since 4 days (or perhaps i just want to pin the blame on her?). anyhow, without going into too many details, how do i bring back focus again on my goals and also be able to talk to this person that i am not very casual about?

not sure how much we want wellness wednesday to be dating advice, but im sure many have been in my shoes at some point, and would have some helpful words. or perhaps just posting my problem here would help, because i've not told my friends any of it (they'd naturally assume im crazy, which they probably do already).

edit: one solution i've been pondering over is to go into caloric deficit for couple of weeks (i've found it helps with urges/impulses)

anyhow, without going into too many details, how do i bring back focus again on my goals and also be able to talk to this person that i am not very casual about?

Don't. Go get her. Tell her how you feel. Just do it Maybe don't vomit out the whole wifing her up thing, but she's into you, be into her, be present and make it happen. We're all out here looking for the love of our lives, you could be the best thing that will ever happen to her. Eleven years ago my wife was my best friend, the first time I realized my wife was into me was when she tricked me into kissing her, we made love all night, and the next day I told her I loved her, and she said she loved me, and now we own a house together in my home town up the street from my parents. If it's real, it'll be worth it. If it's not, who the fuck cares anyway, on to the next one.

Life is for the living. Don't turn love into the most boring kind of game where you min-max strategy; treat love with passion and abandon and joy. Strike while the iron is hot. Make hay while the sun shines. Pick ye rosebuds while ye may.

not sure how much we want wellness wednesday to be dating advice,

Hey, if that's the wellness we all need, it'll be more interesting than me asking for lifting advice or where to find good quality socks. Maybe some time I"ll throw my own questions out there for advice.

But in the meantime:

edit: one solution i've been pondering over is to go into caloric deficit for couple of weeks (i've found it helps with urges/impulses)

Jesus, Mary and Holy Saint Joseph don't do that. That's going to do the opposite of making you less nervous and desperate, actively starving yourself to change your behavior for her. Just be an honest real human being.

Eleven years ago my wife was my best friend, the first time I realized my wife was into me was when she tricked me into kissing her, we made love all night...

That is a hell of a story, lol. Congrats, it sounds like a pretty great adventure.

Still have to find out the ending.