This weekly roundup thread is intended for all culture war posts. 'Culture war' is vaguely defined, but it basically means controversial issues that fall along set tribal lines. Arguments over culture war issues generate a lot of heat and little light, and few deeply entrenched people ever change their minds. This thread is for voicing opinions and analyzing the state of the discussion while trying to optimize for light over heat.
Optimistically, we think that engaging with people you disagree with is worth your time, and so is being nice! Pessimistically, there are many dynamics that can lead discussions on Culture War topics to become unproductive. There's a human tendency to divide along tribal lines, praising your ingroup and vilifying your outgroup - and if you think you find it easy to criticize your ingroup, then it may be that your outgroup is not who you think it is. Extremists with opposing positions can feed off each other, highlighting each other's worst points to justify their own angry rhetoric, which becomes in turn a new example of bad behavior for the other side to highlight.
We would like to avoid these negative dynamics. Accordingly, we ask that you do not use this thread for waging the Culture War. Examples of waging the Culture War:
-
Shaming.
-
Attempting to 'build consensus' or enforce ideological conformity.
-
Making sweeping generalizations to vilify a group you dislike.
-
Recruiting for a cause.
-
Posting links that could be summarized as 'Boo outgroup!' Basically, if your content is 'Can you believe what Those People did this week?' then you should either refrain from posting, or do some very patient work to contextualize and/or steel-man the relevant viewpoint.
In general, you should argue to understand, not to win. This thread is not territory to be claimed by one group or another; indeed, the aim is to have many different viewpoints represented here. Thus, we also ask that you follow some guidelines:
-
Speak plainly. Avoid sarcasm and mockery. When disagreeing with someone, state your objections explicitly.
-
Be as precise and charitable as you can. Don't paraphrase unflatteringly.
-
Don't imply that someone said something they did not say, even if you think it follows from what they said.
-
Write like everyone is reading and you want them to be included in the discussion.
On an ad hoc basis, the mods will try to compile a list of the best posts/comments from the previous week, posted in Quality Contribution threads and archived at /r/TheThread. You may nominate a comment for this list by clicking on 'report' at the bottom of the post and typing 'Actually a quality contribution' as the report reason.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
That's part of the reason why the filter is for 'acute' mental illness, not just mental illness as a whole. If you can't deal with a partner who goes through mental health episodes every now and again then you probably shouldn't be getting married, that's true.
And its not just about the STIs, but more about the implications for a woman's decisionmaking if she ended up with an STI.
If you want to be frank, though, can you just say "Yes, I think men should be willing to settle for a woman who was diagnosed with 'serious' depression/anxiety/bipolar disorders, and/or who tests positive for Gonorrhoea."
And then we can see how the men looking for a committed partner react to that.
I'm also very willing to discuss men's sexual proclivities, since a huge factor causing many of the observed issues is some percentage of men (10% at a guess) who happily bed many, many women and toy with their emotions and make them 'less marriageable' with no intention of committing.
I suppose if you think decisions early in life, especially in a stage where circumstances are overly permissive, are implicative of some immutable qualities that will certainly have an impact later on... But by then you're not just picking "reasonable" marriageability qualities, you're optimizing.
More options
Context Copy link
I'll say straight up- I think you should be less picky. Having had gonorrhea is not a good thing, but compromising on it doesn't seem like the end of the world. I also think you should be willing to settle for a woman with depression or anxiety, because that's more likely to be a stress response to single women being forced by society to act outside of their gender roles and it'll go away once married. I'm also not sure why you consider a bisexual woman totally off limits- that shit is fake and women conform themselves to their partners.
We have seriously gone from "it's not a big deal if she's not a virgin, bro" to "it doesn't matter that she had gonorrhea, bro". The debasing of marriage (or hoeflation, as the kids are calling it these days) continues apace.
Fuck this gay earth.
If you want to marry a virgin I’m quite confident there are a number of fundamentalist sects within driving distance of you that accept converts. Most of them will have desperate women at them. If you don’t you don’t, curable VD’s don’t seem any worse than anything else that comes from fornicating- indeed, unlike the emotional baggage, they can be fixed.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link