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Another stream of consciousness essay from a town bike describing (probably without meaning to) how all men just blur together and cease being distinct human beings you could bond with anymore after being run through enough? You don't say?!
It's fascinating reading something like that, where the front half is just a pastiche of the ways men are objects to her, scarcely individualized. Then the back half comes up with about a dozen potential reasons she can't seem to bond with anyone... except the correct one. Alas.
Edit: You know what, let me elaborate. I knew a guy who knew a guy who used to be hooked on heroin. The guy I knew was too, but he was telling me about another junkie he met in NA. One addict to another he told him, being slightly older and along his path of recovery, that nothing he did in life ever felt as good as being on heroin. Not meeting the love of his life, not getting married, not even the birth of his first child. They all felt good, sure. But man... nothing topped heroin. Luckily for him, support groups like NA exist to keep him from succumbing to that eternal lure. I know their failure rates are high, but I like to think, like the guy I know and still see regularly, he's chugging along on the relatively straight and narrow.
Aella has spent the better part of her life smashing her moral compass with a blunt rock in a petty act of rebellion. The single piece of human machinery that gives us feedback when we are moving along a proper path of human fulfillment. And now she's complaining that nothing feels right when she attempts to return to the path, so she gives up. Maybe there is money to be made in a "Narcissistic Internet Whores Anonymous".
I can believe it, I've been on the good stuff painkillers after a short stint in the ER. Words fail to describe the profound sense of peace and joy washing over you. Not even sex is that good.
Individual experiences must vary a lot here, I took painkillers and found it wasn't much better than being drunk.
They do seem to vary. My friend was given painkillers in hospital and had exactly the same 'all the time, when nice things happen, I think to myself that heroin was nicer' reaction that was reported above; others have said otherwise. It would be pretty neat if we could find a genetic basis for this and know who it was safe to give painkillers to.
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Not just painkillers, I'm not exactly sure if it was morphine or heroin or what they use these days, but it was liquid/blood line administered and I haven't felt anything else like it. The normal painkillers you get otc in pill form don't compare either.
Probably Dilaudid, also known in the ER as "I'm allergic to everything except for that one that starts with D."
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