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PaperclipPerfector  5mo ago (text post)   35343 thread views

Culture War Roundup for the week of June 16, 2025

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Isn’t that asking someone out? Or at least heavily indicating a desire to do so?

My understanding is that both parties provide plausible deniability whilst looking for positive indications. So the reply might be a laugh and a change of subject for no and a smile + ‘you’ll never know unless you try’ for yes. Am I totally off here? Paging @TitaniumButterfly here also.

Nobody teaches you how to do this stuff, unless you’re lucky and have generous male friends who know better than you do.

My general impression is that women seek plausible deniability (sometimes to the point of sabotaging their communication to men), but they want men to be direct with them (insert Darth Plagueis meme here), at least within the bounds of decorum. i.e. women want you to ask them on a date directly, not to talk about how you want to have sex with them if it goes well.

That is unfortunately true. I wish that such blatant double standards didn't exist, but what can you do.

Forgive my directness, but as someone who desperately needs reliable advice, is this coming from an experienced participant or an onlooker like myself?

If a woman is interested in you she wants you to be direct.

When I decided my (now) wife was the one, I didn't pussyfoot around. It does take a lot of confidence to pull off though, which is why step one is "Become someone you can be confident about being."

A bit of both I guess? I'm married, but my wife and I met through OKCupid a decade ago. So there wasn't the need to navigate asking her out on a date, because we met in a way that made it clear what the expectations for the relationship were.

Literally every experienced participant will, if being honest, tell you the same thing.

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