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Look a single dude straight in the eye and say "Yeah she's banged 6-12 dudes prior to you, but I'm sure that she won't ever be thinking about any of them or comparing your performance and YOU'RE the one she's going to stick with" with a straight face.
And like with other issues, women now have more premarital sex partners than they've had in the past.
Yet another way in which the average woman is less desirable as a partner than they were before.
Which cannot be fixed by telling men to improve.
Man, we're getting to quite a number of asymmetries that favor women and are mostly controlled by women's behavior, aren't we? The obesity, the heightened expectations, the low childbearing rates while men keep doing the (literal and metaphorical) heavy lifting.
12 dudes isn’t that bad bro, you’re just being insecure. If they played a full court 5-on-5 basketball game, each team would only have one sub!
@erwgv3g34’s humorous exasperation from a few weeks ago comes to mind, where (to paraphrase) due to hoeflation we’ve gone from “she doesn’t have to be a virgin, bro” to “if she had an STD in the past that doesn’t make her any lesser as a potential wife.”
If some large subset of men doesn’t meet women’s preferences, it’s a male problem and those men need to improve themselves.
If some large subset of women doesn’t meet men’s preferences, it’s a male problem and men need to improve their preferences.
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Ok but this is entirely normal in Western culture and has been since like the 70s so about 50 years now. And it's not just her that's expected to have 6-12 previous partners it's you as well. If you don't well that's probably part of it but the vast majority of men in modern Western society would not be at all phased by a body count of 6 and thinking they would be shows you as an extreme outlier. I realize modern Western culture is also an extreme outlier but nevertheless that's the culture you live in.
Now it's actually not that hard to marry a virgin in the US you just need to sincerely convert to one of the dozens of conservative religious denominations that enforce this many of which have more women than men. The other way is to ingratiate yourself into a more conservative nonwestern culture and try for marriage there. But acting like a body count of 6 is some damning thing when that is what is culturally expected of modern secular women is not going to get you very far. Modern secular women and men are expected to have several previous relationships and flings from high school and college that's the cultural expected norm. It's totally fair to not like that but understand you are like a Saudi woman searching for a sensitive feminist hipster plenty of those exist but you are going to have to go out of your cultural comfort zone to find them.
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This is just your insecurity talking. You're afraid that you might be worse off in some way than a previous partner, and thinking of sex like it's a "performance" instead of viewing it as a mutual exploration of intimacy, pleasure, and most importantly, as a way to bond with your partner.
Also 6-12 partners, those are rookie numbers. Like I could understand being weirded out by your partner having over 50 hook-ups, but 6-12 is perfectly normal in this day and age.
Yeah sure. And if you have a job applicant whose resume shows 12 different jobs in the past 5 years, none of which lasted more than 3 months, they're 'insecure' if they pass you over for an applicant with a more stable history, right?
(hint: it shows trouble actually committing, i.e. a red flag).
Nobody is obligated to be 'secure' about promiscuity, that's laughable to even suggest. Its about the one thing we are genetically wired to BE insecure about.
Which is to say, your comment reads like satire.
And it was less normal in the past.
Granddad had a 64% chance of marrying a woman with only 1 or fewer sexual partners.
Guys now have a 27% chance, at best.
Strangely, more people got married back in granddad's day.
If you’re dating a 28 year old, that 6-12 is spread out over ~12 years, so a new sexual partner every 1-2 years. Switching companies every 2 years is perfectly normal in industries like software engineering (in fact it’s often easier to further your career that way than by getting promoted internally).
Also you’re assuming those 6-12 partners were 3 month long relationships. It could have been two high school boyfriends, 3 college flings over the span of 4 years, and a 5 year long relationship that just ended. Are you really going to call that behaviour promiscuous?
Body count has never been an issue in my relationships. I know people who’ve had over a hundred sexual partners, now that I understanding having some reservations with, but 6-12 is still in the perfectly normal range. We’re not talking about people who take part in rationalist polyamorous orgies here.
That spread can still be a red flag, depending on the distribution. If it's evenly spread out, it sounds like someone with issues forming long-term relationships, who'll sabotage the relationship after 1-2 years. If it's unevenly spread out, it could indicate a slutty period of their life depending on which side of that 6-12 range we're talking about.
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Well, we're getting to the root of your dating problems at least. "Ah, where have all the virgin 25 year old 130 lbs women who have more interesting hobbies than just Netflix gone..." You're doing the same thing as the women who say "yeah I have 20 options but I'm just not feeling any of them, you know?" It's the exact same thing.
It would be utterly bizarre if she didn't! How could you not compare! This is what humans do!
Basically we've discovered that you're not after "dating" (quite attainable), you're after "she has to be noticeably above average in most metrics, and I have to own her mind body and soul, there has to be no chance that she ever even thinks about a man other than me, lest I constantly be paranoid about cheating" (maybe not as attainable, unsurprising that you're having difficulties).
Sure. So why do you only think it's a problem when men do it?
Its the asymmetry that grates me.
Once again I assert that you are completely and utterly off base about my material conditions.
As stated, I've gone on dates with a number of women who, far from getting scooped up by better men, just end up alone and slowly have their lives spiral away.
If I were the problem, why aren't they going on to something better?
They have a uterus. You don't.
That is the asymmetry.
And a huge (and growing) portion of them aren't using it.
Whose fault is that.
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