The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
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Bonfire of the Insecurities
Next week is the traditional moment for new starts, new resolutions, improving ourselves. Let’s take this moment going in to talk about all the weird little things we worry about in life. The nagging mosquitoes that prick at us when we aren’t aware. Admit, and exorcise.
— My wife is extremely successful, and I do all I can to support her, but I worry sometimes I’ll end up like a penny-ante version of one of those 19th century art adjacent women who get biographies in the NYT Book Review as the muse and aide to a famous artist but her own works are all lost. I love her for who she is and I’m proud of her and I want her to be great at what she does, but in some circles I’m already more Mrs. FiveHour’s husband, even if I’m equally professionally successful in my own circles. I worry how I will succeed as a husband without compromising my self-respect in the long term.
— I’m a jack of all trades and a master of none, and I worry that I’m wasting my potential at anything through a desire to be well rounded. In general my aspiration is to be Heinlein’s Competent Man, but what if I’m just making myself universally INcompetent? I can’t stand the idea of being bad at anything, and that might keep me from ever being great at anything.
— I want to spend more time with my parents, more time with close friends, more time by myself, more time with my wife, more time with my dog, more time traveling, more time at home. Somehow there’s never enough.
— What opportunities have I missed? What will I miss if I don’t wake up and smell the coffee?
These are all absurd and minor in the grand scheme of things, but it’s what I need to be honest and acknowledge before moving forward.
I feel this strongly, and wish we had more leisure in society. At the least U.S. Seems criminal to me that we've gained so much in material wealth, and yet our lives are more crammed than ever.
I'm also a bit insecure compared to my partner who is far more competent at a lot of things. I mostly just don't enjoy my work, and have dealt with chronic health problems, so I worry about losing the ability to make money and live the life I want to. Ultimately I'd love to quit my career and do something more creative, but I despair that I may never get there. Financial Independence is a ridiculously difficult hill to climb, at least for me.
Envy also eats at me. I have been meaning to get into Girard's theories on desire, but I've noticed as I've aged I become more and more covetous and envious of the people around me. Even though I have always disdained 'Keeping up with the Joneses,' or appearances or however you want to phrase it, status and the respect of my peers has become far more important over time.
Despite the fact that I'm closer to my thirties than twenties, I feel like I have a lot of maturing to do. Mostly in stress-regulating and keeping normal habits. I find it difficult to keep up with the amount of conscientiousness needed for someone in the upper-middle class in our society - clean house, social obligations, interesting/fulfilling career, etc.
Agree that they're all minor in the grand scheme, and I appreciate the sentiment. I wish you luck in the next year.
I think this is a major misconception about society. Social commentators think Americans are overworked due to forces outside of their control. I think instead Americans are choosing to work longer hours. For three reasons: 1. greater returns to capital in terms of investing (home ownership, stocks) and purchasing power. A century ago, a day's worth of work bought SPAM; now you can buy Netflix subscriptions, TVs, iPhone, etc. This material wealth is part of what creates an incentive to work. 2. Inflated wages creates an incentive work, especially for professionals. In the '70s there was no such thing as the $200k+/year white collar job like we see today. 3. Work is a form of escape and provides meaning to people's lives. This is why the PMC, who may have more than enough money to live comfortably off of, voluntarily continue to put in long hours. Americans could choose to work less and still maintain a good standard of living.
You seem to be taking a naive view that everyone can do every sort of job, and that switching costs don’t exist.
I’ve got serious health issues so physical labor is out of the question for me. Including things like serving and being a clerk etc. Almost 30% of adults in the U.S. have some sort of chronic health issue as well. It ain’t easy out in these streets brother.
What are some of these laid back jobs you are talking about?
My argument is that workers have more utility for the $ they earn: more purchasing power. This creates an incentive to work more than necessary.
The situation does seem pretty bad in this regard.
I mean I don’t understand your argument. Obviously more money = more purchasing power?
I guess what I’m saying is because most higher status higher paying jobs have agreed on a schelling point of at least 40 hours a week, it’s incredibly hard to find a “Good” job that also doesn’t overwork you. Add taking care of a household, handling a relationship, pets, kids, older relatives, etc into the mix and we have almost zero leisure time.
Used to be one adult’s salary could fund a whole household of kids and a spouse. The spouse handled all household stuff so there was more time for leisure. Now both adults have to work full time+ and clean and take care of kids so it becomes an impossible race.
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