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Notes -
I saw Jurassic World Rebirth in theaters a few weeks back, but didn't get around to writing a review, and honestly, don't think it deserves an exhaustive analysis. But it was okay! There were dinosaurs, in a dinosaur movie, and that is intrinsically appealing. It also raises pointed questions about how Dominion was so bad that I left it in a DNF state.
In favor:
The movie is an intentional throwback to the first trilogy, in terms of setting, pacing and cinematography. It's more more restrained, the pacing more deliberate. There is a tangible sense of place, a welcome departure from the green-screen-heavy aesthetic of the World trilogy, which only reminds me (negatively) of Marvel slop.
The characters, sometimes, act self-aware.
There are dinosaurs. Most of them act like wild carnivores as opposed to horror movie villains.
Against:
The characters just as often turn off their brain when convenient for the plot.
The onus for being there, namely to create a super anti-clotting drug and the precise means of doing so, are not very plausible. They need three samples from 3 different types of large dinosaur to "cure heart disease", and there is literally a wild Apatosaur in the first scene of the movie, in New Fucking York, why didn't they just sample that??
Do not look too hard for plot holes, it doesn't stand up to scrutiny. To pick on them makes me feel bad, like challenging a child with Downs syndrome to a debate.
In continued Hollywood tradition, the trailer spoils about 90% of the tense scenes in the movie.
Children = invincible.
??
??? What. It would have been better to just reframe this as an alternate universe take or properly retcon things.
Overall, a 7/10. A good way to please the child in you that still fondly remembers making their plastic Rex fight and win against Army men. The British are an enlightened people, so I enjoyed it with multiple beers in the movie hall, and didn't miss anything of note during the necessary piss breaks.
As a franchise, it’s a single conceit. It’s like The Matrix.
There’s the original, and then the straight remake (Jurassic World), and then a collection of average (for popcorn movies) to bad to very bad spin-offs.
You could make so many fun films based around the idea, yet they make crap.
E.g. imagine velociraptors escaping confinement and breeding freely in the continental Americas and being as smart as parrots -smart enough to have theory of mind and to bury evidence, avoid people who may have guns and leaving tracks in the mud.
Government dismisses it (dinosaurs? On our federal land? You've gotta be joking!), nothing much happens except feral hog populations mysteriously start diminishing. Blurry photographs dismissed as photoshops and reptilian conspiracy theories. Missing people cases not much impacted yet.
What's going to happen?
My favorite dino franchise is the Primal animated series. It takes its core conceit, a caveman teaming up with a T-Rex on a rampage of revenge, and executed so well. Great animation too, same director as the Clone Wars.
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