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Notes -
Scott's sort-of obituary for Scott Adams is one of the best things he's written in ages.
This was a wonderful read, thank you for linking. This part had me feeling REAL called out:
The bit just before that, man.
Literally my course from high school valedictorian, to 85th percentile college student, to barely-above-average law student.
Then I kind of came back around by embracing the 'suck' and interrogating myself honestly about my 'shortcomings' and inflated self-expectations and calibrating my goals to what would be truly achievable (funny enough Slate Star Codex was a major influence in that period!).
Also, this line is an insanely deft cut to the jugular, holy cow.
This sort of thing has always fascinated me as someone who always liked extremely nerdy things, but never really understood nerd culture.
There is some kind of subculture, especially in the United States, that is into a lot of the same things I'm into, but which seems to revolve around this massive wound (or dare I say trauma) that I just cannot relate to. There's some complex of experiences that includes being interested in dorky things, being smart, being academically successful, being bullied, simultaneously feeling contempt for and yet feeling intensely envious of jocks, etc., etc., that's wrapped up in being a 'nerd'. I have some of those things (I've played D&D, I built my own PC, I was academically successful, I'm smart, etc.) but not others (I was never bullied, I never felt particularly jealous of kids who were good at sports, etc.), and so my relation to American nerd culture is a combination of understanding what they're interested in, and also feeling like they're bizarre aliens.
I think this essay about Scott Adams is in the "bizarre aliens" category. It's close enough that I can tell that it's aiming sort of towards people like me, but then it flies straight past me, impales someone else, and I realise it was never aimed at me at all.
I grappled with my self-identification as a 'nerd' for a while before mostly just leaving it behind a while back.
I like nerdy things, and was unapologetic about this. But to identify as a 'nerd' meant making certain things a facet of my identity. Which made me uncomfortable because I was really just into these things because... I found them fun, challenging, and weird in a pleasant way. Tabletop gaming is an amazing social activity, and I don't find most sports to be compelling enough to follow, so not a surprise where I gravitated.
Like, okay, I'm into outer space, rockets and scifi, I am really into computers, I think the 'internet' as a technology is cool, and I like gadgets. I feel an affinity for hacker culture and I play video games as a hobby...
But I also don't feel a need to dump copious amounts of disposable income into proving my credentials and keeping up with 'fads'. Don't really treat it as a lifestyle that requires certain commitments to fit in and buying lots of CONSOOMER goods as a prerequisite.
Hmmm. Maybe that right there is the factor. I dislike the culture the instant it becomes a pure status competition, and the status climbing becomes the point more than the factors that made it an attractive, enjoyable collection of shared interests.
Something something Geeks MOPS Sociopaths.
Yes, the conclusion that I've come to is basically just to like what I like, and to not make what I like an identity. It's like the difference between playing video games (which I do) and being a gamer (which I do not consider myself). I play tabletop role-playing games, and I enjoy them, and that's enough. The closest I come to 'identifying' as a nerd now is that sometimes, in a social context, I'll say that I have some nerdy hobbies with a self-deprecating laugh.
But I'm not the things I enjoy. Nor should anyone be. And I find there's something very liberating in just deciding that you don't care what the things you like say about you, and just settling for liking the things that bring you joy.
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