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Eh, I would agree with you if we had this conversation 8-10 years ago (height of body positivity era). With rise of looksmaxxing, glp-1s into mainstream even the slowest of the bunch are admitting the obvious.
fair enough. You made a decent list. I do think it's important to not tie self improvement to getting into a relationship. Going out to dance, while hating it as an activity on its own, is an easy way to start hating yourself and life if expectation of getting a girlfriend out of it is not met.
Also dancing/bar scene has bifurcated a lot more into 'people who love clubbing' than it would have been a couple decades ago when there were less entertainment options.
I have an objectively hot female friend who would be a total catch for any guy. Very confident, green flags around being able to fit in with guy-groups, heaps of hobbies, etc. She's single at 32 and doesn’t seem to have had meaningful relationships, and isn't hooking up or anything.
Got to talking about her dating life. I asked her why not go to a bar. She said "do I really want a guy who does bars and clubs at 32?"
I do think she's holding out for a top 5% earner who's tall and handsome.
She's done a recent round of dates off apps. Nobody got a second date. She's seriously disappointed with the type of guys she has available to her. And my thinking is that most great guys (ha) are probably locked down by a great girl (ha) at that age.
She did the career thing, and has somewhat waited out the pool of guys that she considers worthy of a relationship. She's probably going to settle for somebody at one point and be somewhat quietly disappointed.
What hobbies? Can't she meet any interesting people through said hobbies?
A huge variety. The usual chick stuff, she does pilates, has a side gig cake making business, works a second job at a hospital as a physio on sundays (I suspect her plan with this is to meet a doctor), studied data analytics in her spare time, mostly for fun and to help her with random tasks at work. She's done a lot of different dance styles, coaches high school gymnastics.
She also does charity work.
Whether you're interested in those things or not, she is definitely out there doing things. And compared to the average instagram scroller, she might be in the top 5% in terms of extra curricular activity. And she's a thin, blonde, athletic looking person. She's attractive.
I'm not single, and I'm more her big brother type of work friend. I would never date her because she's got way too much going on in a week to week kinda way. But there's a lot of guys who would be able and very willing to match her energy (I would have though??)
This is the point where I start laughing hysterically.
No. No, there is not. The reason I say this is because I do know of atleast one person who does match that energy - and the amount of hoops that he had to jump through to find someone who did match him was... well, it wasn't herculean, but it was definitely more than one and definitely more than you'd expect given the guy in question.
Ironically enough, to a medical doctor. Albiet, one who was still in school, but she later graduated and started practicing. So.
If anything, you detailing her list of hobbies explains pretty much everything about her and why she's having so much trouble.
If she does end up happily married, it'll likely be through a remarkable conflux of near impossible events. Or she unexpected matches with someone that's her total reverse, I dunno.
I don't understand this. You're saying nobody wants to match her energy (there are definitely guys who are super energetic and want other people like this, too) but you know a guy and his GF made him jump through hoops? I don't think hoop jumping is limited to high energy girls.
Again, I don't get this. Having a lot going on is a good thing for most people. She's certainly doing what she can to avoid being boring and not relying on her looks.
'Want' isn't the case here. You can't 'want' to match someone's energy. You either match it or you don't.
From my experience, guys who can match that level of energy are rare on the ground.
My exact words were 'and the amount of hoops that he had to jump through to find someone'
Seeing that from off to the sides was one of the things that severely curtailed my enthusiasm for dating. When you've got a guy who runs his own business, owns several vehicles, has a list of hobbies longer than my arm, and is fucking ripped, if you'll excuse the vulgarity, and still struggle to find someone to settle down with, well, it doesn't exactly inspire confidence in one's self.
There's a wide gulf between 'having hobbies that make you interesting' and effectively having three jobs that take up a fair bit of time in her life alongside all the other stuff you mentioned.
Are there guys who can match that? Yes. Are they very rare on the ground? Also yes.
I'm not arguing that she should change. Shine on, you crazy diamond. But I will point out that said hobbies and activities pretty much explain why she's single.
I disagree that the problem is she's too busy and energetic, and submit she's just picky and is waiting for prince charming.
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