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Parents of young kids with a pet that is not long for this world: how did you navigate this? My eldest kinda knows about death but not the rest and Larry the basset hound has got maybe a year tops left. We got him before we were married so he's been a permanent fixture in the family. We've been through a lot with him and I may, in fact, cry about it this time.
I'm leaning towards getting another dog, probably a Golden, before he goes as a way to soften the blow. I'm aware this is a known strategy but is this considered bad form?
(Also accepting input from former little kids of dead pets.)
Hmm. Many folks suggesting a new dog. I own two. I think it's an optimal number for kids and pets.
But I also think if the older dog is on death's door it may be tough on them, and there's something to be said about experiencing the grief of losing a dog like this without distraction. $.02.
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I once helped a friend bury a family pet. He had told his young son what had happened: that she was sick and the vets couldn't figure out why, and that the kindest thing to do was to put her down so she wouldn't suffer any more. The vet had prepared a pawprint and a little jar of her fur as mementos. We each helped dig the hole in the back yard, each of us said a couple of words about how we liked her, and we put something heavy on top of the soil so the dog wouldn't dig her back up.
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I lost several dogs growing up, and while it was saddening, 99.99% of small children can handle the truth. I know I wouldn't lie to my own (hypothetical) kids about what death means, since my parents never did that to me. But you know your kids better than I do, and it's not the end of the world either way.
If you do want another dog, then it's probably not a bad idea to get one now. It will probably soften the blow, though make sure to give your elderly dog extra affection just so he doesn't feel sidelined. I'm sure you won't, but it's still worth mentioning just in case.
Losing my own German Shepherd, who I owned and adored from the moment he was born? That broke me for days man, especially since I wasn't in the country. I had this bad feeling I wouldn't see him again when I was leaving for Scotland, and the only way I can console myself is by acknowledging he had a good life and went painlessly. If you cry, cry. But while he's still alive, make sure you let him know how much you love him. The crying is for you, not for him.
Second that. When I lost my calico, Sweet Baby Esther Goldstein, I was devastated and depressed for weeks. Her passing was inexplicable. One day she just stopped eating. I noticed she was losing weight, but nothing was found to be wrong with her just before her passing. She was found in the bathroom where she had passed away. She was up there in age though and she was very well taken care of by me all the days we were together. Hope I get to see her in Heaven.
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If you need to put the animal down, please include the child to the extent that they are willing and able to be there. Be honest about what's happening, and let them have closure. Impress on them that it's not their fault.
My mother had a pet euthanized while I was at school and lied about it, claiming he had run away because I had left the door open. I found the receipt later, and to this day I still bear a grudge about it.
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We just told our sons the cat died, and there are ceremonial things in Japan if you want (there is a cremation service). We buried her ashes out in the flowers under the mailbox.
Just a word of caution, Golden retrievers are my favorite dog, but are, at least in recent decades, prone to cancer. I am not sure why.
I'm torn between German Shepherds, labs and goldens, but yes, goldens are adorable. Poor breeding has reduced their life expectancy by a year or two, but I suppose the cancer risk depends on where you're getting them. They're very good dogs, and I wouldn't let that stop me.
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The only dog I ever had died when I was about three and I remember when he died and it not really affecting me much. That being said, I'm sure there are books available to help young kids deal with this sort of thing. Maybe check some of them out?
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We don't sugarcoat death with our kids. I'm not 100% sure if they know animals don't go to Heaven, they're little, but when our last cat died, we just told them she died.
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Our family dog dying (of old age) when I was young was a formative event for me.
More impactful, though, was the death of my hamster because I was actually present and watching when he took his last tiny breaths. I actually wanted to take the poor thing to the vet to try to fix him, I hadn't understood just how little lifespan most rodents get.
Our cat got hit by a car and we only found out from a nice lady leaving us a voice message about finding the body after we put up Lost Cat signs. That did a number on all of us.
Also, I will always, every time, cry about the ending of Old Yeller.
Point being, its going to be a traumatic, stressful event no matter what. Only thing I can suggest is to help them redirect any blame/anger they feel away from any particular persons and also be ready to help field questions about their own mortality too.
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The second pet of the same type (cat/dog) is usually great because it usually breathes a bit of new life into the older animal. You're not just getting the kids a new puppy, you're getting the hound a new puppy.
The kid angle is too particular to the kid. We've had a few pet losses over the years. My son is sad for a day or two, but ultimately fine. My daughter still brings one up as a point of trauma 8 years later, to the point where my son has expressed horrified dismay at the thought of how she'll react when our oldest cat passes.
Just make sure they know it's something that you'll take care of, and give them space to be involved if they want (memorials, burial, etc).
Agreed. We've usually gotten a second dog/puppy while the first one is getting a bit grizzled, and the increased interaction and energy are good for them.
My lab was middle aged when my older Shepherd died, and that, plus me no longer being home? The best way to describe his behavior was depressed. The golden my family got to keep him company probably made him lose some hair from the stress, but they all shed like maniacs anyway. I find dog hair on my clothes months after every trip home. Now they get along great, and the older dog can often train the younger one with minimal human input required.
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Seriously my old dog (rest in peace) Benjamin Button'd for a full year after we got a puppy. Then gravity re-asserted itself and her mind continued to turn into soup, but for a year she had a whole new lease on life. She'd even play at the dog park, something she hadn't done for years.
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