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This is a weird question, but my dears, if I can't find weirdoes here to help answer it, where will I find them?
So... what do you do if you're not lonely?
By which I mean, all the pop psychology and media opinion pieces and chatty helpful (annoying) little mental health wellness driblets tell you you should be lonely if (check off list of things).
Apparently there's a loneliness epidemic. Or maybe there isn't, opinions differ. But there is agreement: lack of connection is bad for you, including bad for your physical health. Some are optimistic that AI can be your friend instead.
Yeah, but... I'm alone, but I'm not lonely. I can check off that list:
Lack of human connection? Yes
Social isolation? Yes
No friends? Yes
No close family members? Yes
No romantic partners (this seems to be the big one, the cri de coeur of the incels and I do not mock them with this)? Yes
No kids/fulfilment? Yes
Not even furbabies? Oh hell yeah no pets
But you socialise? You travel? You do things? You have hobbies? No
I should be curled up in a ball crying and weeping and wringing my hands about wanting all that, and I'm not.
Now, am I depressed? I think I might be (can't get a diagnosis, the one and only time I mentioned suicidal ideation to my doctor I got asked was I self-harming or tried suicide? no? nothing to see there, then), but while the big light-bulb "aha!" moment there should be "and that's because you're so isolated", I don't think so. I've wanted to be dead (not the same as wanted to commit suicide, I've never tried that) since I was about eleven, but here it is decades and decades later and I'm still here.
The cynical view is "but you need friends because friendships are transactional and can be monetised; if you do things for them they have to do things for you". That's never worked for me, because the few times back when I was young and dumb enough to ask, in return for 'do this for me get that for me of course we'll do the same for you', "okay so now can you do this for me?" suddenly and miraculously it was always the wrong time, inconvenient, impossible for some reason.
So I never grew to regard friendship as transactional because I could never get those transactions going (sorry, Rorschach, I disagree with you there even though I would be sympathetic to a lot of your thinking and if that makes me an authoritarian, Alan Moore, then too bad).
But I'm not lonely. I'm on my own, and I'm happy that way (if you accept that this, for me, constitutes "happy"). Mostly I don't like people. I can fake it, I can get along for short bursts of interaction at work and elsewhere, remember things other person said and bring them up or talk about some topic in the news, but about five minutes is my maximum tolerance and ability to pretend normality. After that, I have to consciously remind myself "do not say out loud 'I wish this person would shut up and go away and stop bothering me', keep the expression of mild interest and pleasant smile on until they do feck off, don't look at something else like paperwork or computer screen or whatever".
So what do I do, when I'm supposed to be lonely and wanting all that human connection, but I don't. I really, honestly, don't.
What do you do when you're supposed to be lonely but you're not?
Work more? Assuming you are not set for retirement and maybe plan to have kids in the future a bit more money saved never hurts. If you're not lonely or depressed get out there and make some moolah! Unless you feel unmotivated to work for whatever reason - then maybe you are lonely and/or depressed.
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Nothing.
I mean, what do you expect us to say? Should we be arguing you into loneliness? Do you want us to be arguing you into loneliness? I'd be more concerned about that impulse, if present, than the claim you're not lonely when you "should" be.
Humans are not made alike. Normality is not a well-delineated construct, as shocking as that might sound coming from someone in psychiatry. The same stimuli or stressor that can make someone jump off a bridge might make someone else shrug and carry on carrying on.
The opposite of shocking would be me observing that you are an introvert. That is the kind of cutting, incisive socio-cultural commentary I'm paid for, which explains why I'm paid less than I'd like. You do not strike me as schizoid or schizotypal. You do not sound autistic. There is no obvious psychiatric diagnosis to pin on you, which I am usually loathe to do anyway for random people on the internet. You claim to not even be suffering, which is the main reason I ever break from psychiatric dogma and go "fuck it, I don't care what NICE says, the important thing is to help".
Being introverted, bookish and self-contained isn't a problem, particularly if you don't want to be otherwise. The world has room for all kinds. You don't have to feel lonely just because you're alone.
While I'm here: a GP responding to a disclosure of passive suicidal ideation with one checklist question and then dropping it is bad medicine. I am embarrassed. I can only hope that this happened well in the past, before standards were raised (in theory). If you do not quite feel like you're where you want to be mood-wise, there is little harm in seeing a new GP and getting assessed for dysthymia or low-grade depression. Some people can be surprisingly functional despite moderate to severe depression (wink wink). People with depression are, unfortunately, often lacking the energy or motivation to go get the help they desperately need, even if you don't sound as desperate as many. If you were, I'd be telling you to take this to your actual doctor immediately, instead of the Motte.
Isn't there some drug you can prescribe that would induce crippling feelings of loneliness in this defective person?!
Alcohol is a good solution, but sadly it's over the counter in Ireland and my prescription would be redundant. I don't think she's likely to be carded.
That's more of an indirect, slow burner though. A lot of collateral damage involved before the sought-after effect can really kick in.
Hmm. You might want to consider cocaine or meth. The comedown involve, among other things, a strong sense of regret and loneliness. Unfortunately, dentists seem to have a monopoly on the former, and I'd need to be an American shrink in order to prescribe the latter.
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You forgot to copy-and-paste a link here.
Astral Codex Ten suggests taking the PHQ-9 questionnaire for self-diagnosis of depression.
Based (1 2). This is the part where we suddenly fall in love.
Or not.
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