In yesterday's small-scale questions thread, @cjet79 asks why the song "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers has had such staying power, famously staying in the UK singles charts decades after its initial release. Some explanations (including my own) point to its compositional elements; others focus on its lyrics and subject matter. @100ProofTollBooth argues that it's a very universal and relatable song, as "The experience of infidelity (to some degree) is common to many (most? idk) people."
I'm curious if this is really the case, so I decided to go Aella mode and created a simple survey to find out about people's experiences with infidelity. It consists of a few demographic questions (age, sex, sexual orientation, relationship style), then asks you if you've ever had an unfaithful partner, then asks you if you've ever been unfaithful to a partner.
Completely anonymous, and I've set it up so the form doesn't collect email addresses if you're logged in.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
I said this in the original Mr. Brightside thread, but I think the theme is universal, and the feeling of jealousy is universal, because infidelity as a feeling isn't limited to "legal" infidelity as outlined in the survey.
The song is not about a girlfriend cheating on you. It's about feeling ambivalent after leaving a girl behind and knowing she is probably moving on. You have feelings for her, and in another life maybe you would end up together, but for bigger reasons you are moving on and you know she is too, and while you know you have to move on you still don't like the thought of her hooking up with someone else. That's the joke in the name: he's "Mr. Brightside" because even though he's the one who chooses to change his life and become a rock star, he's still jealous of her, he can't help but look on the "bright side" of everything.
Lyrics for analysis
He's "coming out of his cage" because "he wants it all." He's moving on, moving up, changing his life. He has to because:
Losing the girl he loved is the cost of the changes in his life, which he has to make, "destiny" is calling him. He knows he wants to become a rock star, he has to become a rock star, the cost is worth it. But there is a cost, he can't have the girl and his destiny, and even if he still must pursue his dreams he still has feelings for the girl.
Everyone with romantic feelings feels jealousy, even if they've never formally been cheated on by someone who had formally promised not to do that, it's a natural human emotion. Girls who get married get jealous when guys they turned down marry someone hotter. Boys who break up with their girlfriend when they go off to college get jealous when she gets a new boyfriend. Guys who get married to women are still jealous of ex boyfriends she had twenty years ago, even if they never had sex, even if they only ever kissed. People are jealous when people they dumped move on. Men rage with jealousy when their ex finds someone better because they don't want her to have someone better; they rage with jealousy if she sleeps with every loser because it implies that he is also a loser.
Jealousy is pretty much irreducible as a feeling. Maybe when you achieve true monogamy, as opposed to serial monogamy, first kiss on the altar, it reduces somewhat. But I don't really see much active evidence of that in anecdata.
I gotta say, selfishly, I like this comment and the responses to it because it confirms my original hypothesis that "Mr. Brightside" is a choose-your-own-adventure about relationship ambiguities, general feels of "hurt" or "pain" etc. and that is why it's such a big song.
I don't think anyone in this thread is right because I also don't believe anyone in this thread is wrong. And that makes me happy. I guess I'm looking on the brightsid---GOD DAMN IT.
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"Choking on your alibis" at least gestures pretty hard in that direction.
Also, the guy who wrote it said it was about when "I went to the Crown and Anchor [a Las Vegas pub] and my girlfriend was there with another guy."
I'd agree that part of the song's magic is that it's not only about a girlfriend cheating on you, though. Most of it works very well with any kind of jealousy, and with envy. IMHO it even works well with unrequited love; other than the "alibis" bit the lyrics could be about someone realizing he probably missed his chance with a girl he never had the guts to make a move on. His attempts to reassure himself that "it was only a kiss" then sound like a man trying to be rational (she hasn't definitely fallen for his rival) rather than one trying to rationalize (she just did a little infidelity where I could see it!).
Yep.
When I was at the age I was most in touch with the song, the "And it's all in my head, and she's touching his chest now, he takes off her dress, now" line mainly resonated with me because there were women I was eyeing and either they were already in relationships or got into one shortly after my feelings arose, so the image of her being intimate with THAT dude, a guy who was now receiving something I dearly want, were constant and unavoidable. The jealousy was the primary feature.
I mostly interpret it in terms of semi-mutual 'rejection' where both the singer and the female subject are aware of the other, but after some casual interaction (it was only a kiss!) the sparks that might have burst into a flame of passion are dying as she goes into some other dude's arms and the singer resolves to move on even as he's wrestling with the surprising emotional weight of the events. I prefer this interpretation because if its just some random chick the guy knows and fancies but has never even talked to, the singer is kind of pathetic.
This is not a song where the guy is openly professing feelings, or making plans to win her over, or going over to her place with romantic intent...
He's mentally checking out of the situation but admits the extent of his emotional distress, although perhaps realizes it will fade out over time.
This fits with infidelity, but that explicit interpretation is easiest to detect if you're viewing it through that specific lens, maybe as you've experienced it yourself.
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Huh, interesting, guess I've been wrong all this time.
I always took that as a girl saying so and so was "just a friend." Which works regardless.
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