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I realized a while back that a lot of women were raised in McMansions with parents who basically paid for everything, from cars to clothes to fancy knick knacks, and of course university education, from the time she could walk.
And inherently, they will expect the same from their spouse. But that's impossible for a normal guy in early-adult stages to procure.
By becoming as wealthy as we have, we've now made it so that the general norm of "you, a dirt poor peon, marry another dirt poor peon, and gradually build your life up to a higher standard" a thing of the past.
Women who came up in prosperity would inherently have to accept a (temporary!) standard of living hit to marry a guy in his early-mid twenties, unless his family is massively wealthy. Women are generally wired to never, EVER accept a loss in status and standing and so this thought is probably vomit-inducing.
And there's now ample evidence that women, when given economic/financial advantages, tend to opt against having families/kids.
Again the solution is to economically boost men, or at least, stop the policies that are economically de-boosting them.
If only such support ended at HS or college. One occasionally meets a girlboss in their 30s who spends every dime on travel and clothing and eating out because her parents are still providing the apartment, car, and maybe even spending money. And she expects the future husband to be able to provide that level of living. Made for some entertaining first dates.
"Oh, I love Paris. I try to visit twice a year. How often do you travel abroad?"
"I've never left the US. My idea of travel is hiking and camping for 10 days without a shower."
Some Noticing from Capital One supports the online wrongthinker hypothesis that young women are racking up debt and/or are getting subsidized by boyfriends/parents so they can have the rightful FUN they deserve.
Before taxes!
I can only imagine the spending to income ratio would be even higher for young attractive women, all else equal. Like Daniel Tosh remarked, being an ugly chick is like being a man: you’re going to have to work.
From what I’ve seen of a lot of young women, stuff like make-up, nails, new clothes are non-negotiable monthly expenses like food or rent, in addition to other FUN expenses like restaurants, festivals, and traveling.
Tiresome status: It’s all so.
Putting aside the female numbers (which confirm my biases and thus are obviously correct), how does that even work for the male numbers? 86% before taxes would still seem to be over 100% once taxes are included.
The average effective tax rate for Americans is in the neighborhood of 14-15%. Unmarried men tend to be younger; young people tend to earn less than older people and unmarried men tend to earn less than married men, which means a lower effective tax rate for unmarried men.
It's also possible Capital One is only referring to the income it "sees," which in such a case, I picture would be after withholding but before taxes like capital gains, interest/dividend income, remaining state taxes.
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On the one hand its a natural thing. If the parents are doing really well, making sure their kids are comfortable (and, more directly, making sure their beloved Katie never has to do porn or shack up with a drug dealer) is what they would do as an extension of their established role.
The second/third order effect of "Katie now expects to live in a 5000 square foot house and drive a late-model SUV and will reject anyone who can't offer that" is a little harder to see.
The very SECOND I hear that a woman has left the country on vacation more than once (with the exception of Mexico travel, I guess), I pretty much know my chances have dropped to negligible.
I guess maybe this is another thing where my background influences what I've seen, but as far as I can tell I've never been on a date with a woman who had this kind of lifestyle. Especially the "looking for a man to offer that almost seems like looking not only for a provider who can add meaningfully to the dual household income, but looking for a man who can bankroll an entire lifestyle, and I've genuinely never encountered that. Together we can afford these lifestyle choices is familiar to me; marriage after all has financial advantages. But this is the sort of thing that appears deep into a relationship, not up front.
Is this a lower-middle-class/upper-middle-class split thing? Regional? I've tended to date people who come from modest households.
It's a good guess. Trying to date in Northern Virginia, I exclusively encountered women like this. And this was back in the mid to late 00's, doesn't even touch the hellscape that is modern day swiping, instagram and yaslighting. Not one single woman I dated (until I met my future wife) seemed to have any concept of the value of the dollar. Even the morbidly obese ones had notions of how luxurious life would be when they "got their second income" which was a terrifying way of referring to a future husband they hadn't even met yet. One woman, on the first date, threw out as an ice breaker that she'd already picked out a $25,000 ring and any man who deserved her would afford it. I called it at one date with her. She called me utterly baffled and crying that I wasn't interested. I dated a woman for under a year that had racked up hundreds of thousands of debt, with the belief that is what you are supposed to do when you are young to have fun, and then you/your husband pays it off when you get old. I never dated anyone (until I met my future wife) that didn't have thousands in credit card debt in their early to mid 20's. It was buttfucking insane. To say nothing of how little any of them brought to the table.
Now, that's not to say I never met sane, well adjusted women. Just never dating. They were always in a long term relationship with a highschool or college sweetheart. Relationships which despite being rocky at times, everyone is kind of a selfish prick in their 20's, were genuine and sincere and sweet and loving. All their friends always tried to pry them apart with stories of how "toxic" so and so was, and how fun dating was. They often left the friend group and it's extreme neurotic dating habits and expectations to save their relationships. I hope it worked out for them.
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They're a small subset really, I ran into them occasionally because I work at a financial institution and you can tell they're feeling you out for if you have one of the seven figure roles. But they're greatly outnumbered by yuppies who have their own careers.
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There was a kerfuffle on twitter a while back about a Utah dating show and one of the female participants - people immeadiately lept on her appearance(she looked fine), her voice, the choice of men she had available to her(not realizing that the show itself was setup for a blind audition - neither side saw the other). But she had a list of requirements/preferences/specifications about what she was looking in regards to a parter, which includes such things as ski trips, foreign travel, scuba diving across the world, getting her home setup for themed group parties and the like -
And while you had a number of people gushing about how she had such a spate of cool hobbies and whatnot, not one person seemed to follow my train of thought and go 'Wait a minute, she looks to be in her mid-twenties and most of that are obscenely expensive hobbies with a horrendous amount of time investment! Where the holy hell is she getting both the money and the time to do all this at her age!?'
So... There's atleast one?
(Side note: Skiing doesn't count as expensive for Utah. They have alot of ski resorts.)
If I recall that clip which went viral, every male contestant was thinking that because nobody picked her. All her quirk chungus hobbies read as so obviously high maintenance that every single man on the show noped out. And you know you fucked up when men desperate enough to go on a dating show nope out.
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Well-traveled girlboss who has a family subsidizing her lifestyle: I went on first dates with two. I've worked with another two (I'm a government lawyer, so I'm hardly in a high-earning demographic).
I'd have to ask him for exact numbers, but my brother went on first dates with at least 6 women like this. More than one was very blunt up front that saving for a family was a man's job (and she had saved nothing to that point), and being in a relationship meant he would need to make sure she was kept in the lifestyle she wanted. These were not women from wealthy families, but much of their parents' money seemed to be spent subsidizing their (usually only) daughter.
Just like with trust funders, these "soft" trust funders are more numerous than you might expect.
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I think there's women like this out there.
I think they are extremely hard to locate if you don't already know them or their families.
The ones who expect foreign travel are hard to locate? Or the ones who don't?
Ones who expect foreign travel.
I mean, you see them on dating apps a lot, but I think they're just harder to pin down dint of being so traveled.
Not really a big point either way. Lots of women advertise their preference for traveling.
Its slightly rarer that one has been actually well traveled in their youth.
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