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Culture War Roundup for the week of July 27, 2026

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Saving Private Lump, Or Why Military Doesn’t Work Anymore

On the wild fields of xitter, the newest masterpiece of the oldest genre in history "why the youff suck so much these days?" dropped.

This time not from usual moral/religious POV, but from tough military guy one.

Why Military School Doesn’t Work Anymore

What's wrunff with the yuff? Are they drunkards, druggies, young deliquents, incorrigible violent thugs?

Nope, it is worse. They are lumps.

"And that brings us to the final group composing the plurality of students at Marathon Academy: “lumps.”

Lump is not a diagnostic category, but rather my own term for something I often saw but that resisted definition, a sort of combination of democratic man, last man, and mass man, the larval stage of the bugman that never quite sprouts wings. A lump is neither especially good nor bad, but rather a defined mass of inert matter. It lacks energy, focus, and will. Lumps, like plants, passively sustain themselves from their environment, but while flowers grow towards the sun, lumps gravitate towards vapes, porn, and electronic stimulation.

...

In particular, my school, like most military schools, absorbed a large number of young men simply impervious to motivation and lacking all drive. This is an increasingly common problem across the world of education and for society as a whole, and dealing with it requires rethinking a number of assumptions about the ends of modern life.

And what is the solution of lump problem? Beating.

In another age, in the same place, the student in question would have been punished for his lackluster academics with a trip to what was then known as the “bull ring,” where he would have received motivation of a physical nature. Failing that, once he’d caused enough of a headache for the student leadership, he would be run around the campus and introduced to a holly hedge at full speed, a practice known as “bushing.” By my time, bushing had long since been proscribed by the ever-growing Blue Book of rules and regulations, along with glass bottles, PT in excess of ten push-ups, and harsh language.

Notice that author does not say that the student is violent, undisciplined or disobeying orders, the offence deserving punishment is "lackluster academics". Private Lump cannot memorize his multiplication tables. Solution is beat him until he manages. Or he is beaten to death.

See parts of the world that believe in beating, for example Eastern Europe. Under tsars, communists and democracy, brutality was and is the rule at home, in schools, army and prisons, and the result is hundreds of millions of well adjusted and highly accomplished people who make their countries the shining light of the world.

Still, according to author's long experience, the lump problem is new one, the lumps were unheard of just few decades ago.

So where they came from?

It is possible that neoliberalism did it.

The lump is the end-stage refined product of neoliberalism, the perfect managerial object. He is the sort of lifelong boy a committee of women might design for maximum lack of systemic threat.

It is also possible that lumps were always there, but not in military academies.

Lumps, as people with no "energy, focus, and will" went with their life as laborers working enought to provide basic food and shelter, or, if from rich and connected families, were given some no effort sinecure where they could doze in the office all day.

In old times, military profession was highly prestigious and military schools had choice of the best students. Now, aspiring elite human capital goes elsewhere, and military is increasingly seen as dumping ground for losers and rejects.

What is the solution? No more peacekeeping missions, anti terrorist actions and special military operations, but retvrn to great wars ending in glorious victories, accomplishments so shining that every young man with motivation and drive would want to wear uniform and be part of winning team.

And a history teacher stuck dragging lumps through the pages is not, in a sense, a lump himself?

It's hard for men of delusional ego to reach those who have been demoralized or are at the very least exposed to representations, real or fake, of what 'winning' at life is actually like. Which looks less like a middleaged, underpaid academy teacher who views the world through a lens of struggle, duty and sacrifice whilst growing ever fatter in his chair every day with a sexually disinterested ugly wife who believes she settled for him, and more like the frictionless luxury advertised on social media by hot people in Miami.

We're just watching the Gervais Principle on a societal scale where lumps are losers. Tied together through classroom/media established hierarchy rather than an office one.

No one has really managed to piece together the exact chain of causality that molds some of our young folk into lumps. But it's obviously there. Most likely not defined by a single link but a thousand. And if ones younger self spent enough time scrolling on the phone alongside a lump one would probably get there as well.

Tyler Ziegel is one such link. A young man permanently disfigured in a pointless war fighting for interests completely alien to him. That no one to this day can positively articulate. He then suffers through the indignity of begging the failing state he represented in uniform for his pay. Before succumbing to alcohol, drugs and complete despondence. You might only see Tyler once in your scrolling career, but he will stay in your brain forever. His weight impacting every decision you make regarding useless wars in the middle east and some peoples willingness to send you there.

No one except the sociopaths can look Tyler in the eye and tell him he made a good choice for himself, that it was worth it. But only because that's good for the sociopath. If anyone who actually cared for Tyler could send him a message before he deployed it would be to tell him not to. He would have been better off "goonsimping" on his phone.

The clueless might argue that sacrifices are necessary for society, which is undoubtedly true in some sense. But the clueless genuinely cannot fathom why a lump would refuse to sacrifice for a system that doesn't meet his requirements. Pontificating on why is futile. Such is simply the nature of the clueless. He can only balk in indignance at the very premise that the sacrifice has to be worth it for the individual lump. 'That's not how sacrifice works', the clueless says. 'You're not allowed to question the cause. That defeats the purpose of it!'

But modern America is not built on the premise of sacrifice, but luxurious individuality. That's the American dream. The sociopaths get this, the lumps get this, the clueless don't.

Tyler gambled and lost. Countless young men went to Iraq. Very few of them died or were disfigured. Of those who returned, many benefited from a luxury welfare state most Americans could only dream of - mortgages at rock bottom rates guaranteed by the federal government, free premium medical care for life in a place the middle class often have to spend thousands per year on premiums and deductibles, free college tuition, a lifetime of freebies and benefits afforded to veterans in modern America even though most of them spent a few years on comfortable Iraqi and Afghan bases with Taco Bells and movie theaters. Those who stayed in the military got to (or get to) retire after as little as 20 years of active duty, which means they could be out by what - 40? - on a full pension, when most Americans have 25-30 years of hard work ahead of them.

It would be inhuman not to feel immense sympathy for Tyler. But most who chose to enlist for the GWOT got a good deal. Or at least a decent one. And they did choose.

Tyler gambled and lost.

With that you essentially concede the argument. If he just gambled and lost, you can't blame kids these days for running the numbers and deciding the game isn't worth playing.

I think it's pretty explicit in the rest of his post that most people who make that gamble are big winners.

Kids aren't 'running the numbers', they're sitting on their phones waiting to be given stuff.

I think it's pretty explicit in the rest of his post that most people who make that gamble are big winners.

The starting point has to be considered, though. I lead a pretty comfortable life. Getting a billion dollar would still be life-changing - but I value my life enough that I wouldn't play Russian roulette for a 5/6 chance at a billion. If you're already doing fine, how big a win does it have to be to justify taking even a small chance of ending up like Tyler? I don't think free college tuition cuts it.