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Culture War Roundup for the week of July 27, 2026

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Saving Private Lump, Or Why Military Doesn’t Work Anymore

On the wild fields of xitter, the newest masterpiece of the oldest genre in history "why the youff suck so much these days?" dropped.

This time not from usual moral/religious POV, but from tough military guy one.

Why Military School Doesn’t Work Anymore

What's wrunff with the yuff? Are they drunkards, druggies, young deliquents, incorrigible violent thugs?

Nope, it is worse. They are lumps.

"And that brings us to the final group composing the plurality of students at Marathon Academy: “lumps.”

Lump is not a diagnostic category, but rather my own term for something I often saw but that resisted definition, a sort of combination of democratic man, last man, and mass man, the larval stage of the bugman that never quite sprouts wings. A lump is neither especially good nor bad, but rather a defined mass of inert matter. It lacks energy, focus, and will. Lumps, like plants, passively sustain themselves from their environment, but while flowers grow towards the sun, lumps gravitate towards vapes, porn, and electronic stimulation.

...

In particular, my school, like most military schools, absorbed a large number of young men simply impervious to motivation and lacking all drive. This is an increasingly common problem across the world of education and for society as a whole, and dealing with it requires rethinking a number of assumptions about the ends of modern life.

And what is the solution of lump problem? Beating.

In another age, in the same place, the student in question would have been punished for his lackluster academics with a trip to what was then known as the “bull ring,” where he would have received motivation of a physical nature. Failing that, once he’d caused enough of a headache for the student leadership, he would be run around the campus and introduced to a holly hedge at full speed, a practice known as “bushing.” By my time, bushing had long since been proscribed by the ever-growing Blue Book of rules and regulations, along with glass bottles, PT in excess of ten push-ups, and harsh language.

Notice that author does not say that the student is violent, undisciplined or disobeying orders, the offence deserving punishment is "lackluster academics". Private Lump cannot memorize his multiplication tables. Solution is beat him until he manages. Or he is beaten to death.

See parts of the world that believe in beating, for example Eastern Europe. Under tsars, communists and democracy, brutality was and is the rule at home, in schools, army and prisons, and the result is hundreds of millions of well adjusted and highly accomplished people who make their countries the shining light of the world.

Still, according to author's long experience, the lump problem is new one, the lumps were unheard of just few decades ago.

So where they came from?

It is possible that neoliberalism did it.

The lump is the end-stage refined product of neoliberalism, the perfect managerial object. He is the sort of lifelong boy a committee of women might design for maximum lack of systemic threat.

It is also possible that lumps were always there, but not in military academies.

Lumps, as people with no "energy, focus, and will" went with their life as laborers working enought to provide basic food and shelter, or, if from rich and connected families, were given some no effort sinecure where they could doze in the office all day.

In old times, military profession was highly prestigious and military schools had choice of the best students. Now, aspiring elite human capital goes elsewhere, and military is increasingly seen as dumping ground for losers and rejects.

What is the solution? No more peacekeeping missions, anti terrorist actions and special military operations, but retvrn to great wars ending in glorious victories, accomplishments so shining that every young man with motivation and drive would want to wear uniform and be part of winning team.

What is the solution? No more peacekeeping missions, anti terrorist actions and special military operations, but retvrn to great wars ending in glorious victories, accomplishments so shining that every young man with motivation and drive would want to wear uniform and be part of winning team.

This is a horrible solution and the countries that tried it lost even when they won. This is the ethos of 1914 that led to millions of young men to die at the Somme in pursuit of glorious victory. And you also of course assume that you will win. The genie of war is easily unleashed but hard to put back in the bottle. As Germany and Japan found out after a string of victories and conquests that bred fervor but ultimately ended with their cities destroyed and their societies reorderded by their less martial opponents, the record of martial fervor versus boring industrial and logistical bean counters in modern warfare is not very good. And even so do you really think Russian and Ukrainian young men are better off because they get to die "gloriously" in the mud wearing the uniform to try to be part of the winning team. I would say no. and I hazard you whatever you argue here would say no too. Both Russia and Ukraine accept foreign volunteers and you could go join and show your “motivation and drive。” No? I thought so. You might object based on the idea "It's not my fight!" but isn't this whole post just an argument for war for wars sake?

You might object based on the idea of "I'm not a lump!" but the US already tried that in Vietnam. The US kept it's crack troops ready for the Soviets and drafted lumps to send to a jungle sideshow to face an easy opponent that they almost always beat in pitched battles. This based on your theory should have been ideal for the formation of the young men and America, but instead incredibly damaged the fabric of American society and trust in the military. Because war is a genie that effects everything. Vietnam may have started as a sideshow for the military planners but for society it soon became a fulcrum because people are going to demand a reason when you start taking their sons and send them to die in the jungle. And even if the draft mainly targeted "lumps" the fear of the draft and reaction to it irrevocably changed US society by mobilizing middle class youth against it. Because war makes real stakes and you don't know where that will lead.

In World War I this post could have been published in any major powers newspaper. By the end of the War the Austrian, German, Ottoman and Russian Empires had all collapsed and significantly changed their state ideology. Russia despite being on the winning side. You cannot know where war will lead and it is a horror. It should be a last resort and not something done to "toughen up" young men before you feed them into the meat grinder.

But I've put the cart before the horse because I think this entire post is based on two misunderstanding's that first military schools are not military academies and secondly modern armies have always been composed of of "lumps." So first military schools have nothing to do with the military they are places parents send troubled kids or failsons they are closer to fat camp and the troubled teen industry then anything to do with the actual military. Military academies where the branches train their officers are competitive and have no issue attracting talent. And both the academies and boot camp have tough standards.

As for the enlisted well since modern armies have existed I'm using the historical definition of modern here soldiers have a had a bad reputation and been rather low status. Warriors, nobles and gentleman even citizen militia have a rather good standing usually but since modern mass armies or even before see mercenaries reputations. Soldiering is basically seen as one step above banditry. If anything modern armies have higher standards so you at least need to pass and a test and be literate to join.

So that seems to solve your problem the lumps aren't in military academies they can still join but as enlisted and be a cook or something. But even if not starting a war to "fix lumps" would be utterly insane and the 20th century is littered with great powers who were utterly destroyed or seriously wounded by treating war cavalierly.

Honest question: what do people even mean by "troubled kid" or "troubled teen"?

Kid with some combination of personal and domestic issues.

Inadequate food or shelter, abusive or absent parents, fetal alcohol syndrome, that kind of thing. Includes a bunch of stuff which really can’t be the kid’s fault but will probably turn into a bunch of bad choices by age 18.