The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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For the sake of this inquiry, I shall utilize a throwaway account to retain my anonymity as I will be getting on the vulnerable side in this post. I'm looking for an off-ramp.
I struggle with a high libido, and it often manifests itself in fantasies related to a kink I have rather than generic thoughts about copulation, and I don't know how to channel it healthily. I find it at odds with the lifestyle I want to live and the person that I desire to be. I wish I could elude this, but I find myself entertaining those thoughts and entering compulsive cycles when it all culminates and I succumb to my curiosity, before I go cold-turkey for months on end without returning to them. At some points when I see myself having more success talking to women, it enters a remission, but when I find myself in a place of stress and loneliness, it begins to flare up and when I'm no longer convinced that the opportunity cost of it isn't justified. It's certainly nothing illegal, and common as far as kinks go, but I do worry that it will, even subliminally, affect the way I view women.
I'm fortunate enough to have avoided pornography, at least in its conventional form, my entire life because I didn't see the appeal in it at the time most of my peers got introduced to it, but I will look at content that maintains the minimal plausible deniability of what can be considered not pornographic for me to be temporarily satiated. Completely trying to set those thoughts aside is only futile and will exacerbate the compulsion. Some may say that engaging in something productive such as lifting may help, though I already work out 3 times per week, these fantasies will manifest themselves late in the evening at a time when I am not doing anything. I've been advised to redirect my thoughts to something else whenever the fantasies appear, but again, at that very moment I act impulsively and do not see an off-ramp where I can tell myself the opportunity cost isn't justified.
For context, the kink in question is:I am turned on by watching women sitting on the toilet, be it in movie scenes, stock photos, etc. Not because of the bodily functions themselves, but rather the posture. The knees bent, the pants hugging their legs, their shiny legs and thighs fully exposed, the psychological element of vulnerability and intimacy, knowing that women are human beings that are not without their flaws, and knowing that it’s a taboo to indulge in such content.
The first step is to acknowledge that this content is pornographic for you. For the purposes of combating porn/masturbation addictions, you need to define "pornographic content" as anything that arouses you. You can call it softcore porn if you need to. It's still porn and crosses a red line, so don't give yourself any additional slack for it. Someone posts thirst trap content in a discord channel? It's softcore porn. Dismiss the content with contempt (do not look at it) and close the channel, and don't come back until the content has scrolled far away or leave if it's a repeat occurrence. Instagram is a source of constant temptations? Delete the app. Tell your friends you're taking a "mental health break."
As for combating a specific compulsion, ceasing looking at actual images online will do a lot to stop feeding the compulsion with fresh images and a sense that it's something real and attainable. But if you continue masturbating to the thought of the previous images, it will still reinforce the compulsion. So you need to stop or heavily reduce masturbation in addition to pornography. It's going to be easier to stop masturbating entirely at least for a little while than to stop masturbating to particular thoughts. I have seen recommendations for a "reset" lasting a month or two.
It sounds like you have some shame about it but are still mostly thinking in the framework of only trying to stop because it may have negative effects on you. You can certainly get some of the way there in this framework using the above approaches, but you'll never fully get out of it because it is simply too easy to rationalize and make excuses when you feel tempted since the framework is entirely about self-benefit, as you indicate with the idea of an "opportunity cost" (i.e., it's extremely easy to rationalize that the pleasure is worth more than the long term effects, or to convince yourself in the moment that the long term effects aren't real, or that the hardship of stopping is on net worse, etc.). The long term effects are certainly true, but if you start to think of the behavior as intrinsically wrong and shameful, you will have far more success stopping it completely. And there's a very good case for believing this or at least betting on it being true: There are multiple plausible analyses for why masturbation is not virtuous behavior, is objectively disordered, and degrades the honor/respect of the person engaging in it. There are also plausible analyses for why it is neutral (neither virtuous or vicious). But there is no plausible analysis by which masturbation is virtuous behavior and that it's wrong to not engage in it. Thus, you're best off just not doing it. I assumed here you do not have a religious framework but if you do, this all becomes much easier.
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I take compounded semaglutide for weight loss and, anecdotally, it really does seem reduce cravings in general. (Which I was specifically hoping for when I got on them since I also struggle with being too horny.) In particular, I've noticed that while I still get horny, it's actually possible to distract myself and remain distracted, without the horny thoughts recurring later with even more power. I won't say the drug is 100% or even 40% effective, but I do feel like my ability to respectfully interact with attractive women has meaningfully improved.
I do have to bring up an interesting side effect though: as my libido has become more controllable it feels like I've become a lot pickier about how I evaluate women's faces. It used to feel like virtually every woman with a body I liked also had a face I liked, but now I notice facial asymmetries and defects in composition even on short girls with good hip/bust to waist ratios.
(Possible confounder: me just getting naturally less horny as I delve into the latter half of my twenties )
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All I can say is that I understand the appeal. I don't find it sexually arousing, but it's cute. Like bare feet or puffy groggy makeup-less morning face, or the smell of fresh feminine sweat.
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