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What have you tried, exactly?
Dating apps, on and off (because they are psychologically corrosive).
Dance classes (going to one tonight, actually), referrals from friends, bars (of various types), hosted gatherings at my house, gone to speed dating events, gone to car meets, church, social media, the gym. I'm currently pursuing a random DM I got from an (apparently) real woman on twitter that I already know isn't going to work out.
I am able to get dates. But the quality of woman I find is generally lacking, and they will ghost you without any warning even if you're 3 or so dates in. The norms around appropriate behavior are in shambles. Because women will accept zero correction of their behavior.
It is very expensive to keep paying for all these whilst seeing such poor results.
I've done everything except a Matchmaker or going abroad/mail order bride, basically. And I actually DID do a consult with an AI matchmaking startup, Keeper.AI and one of the founders himself told me "check back in 3-6 months" because they had no truly viable matches (as per their system) out of the 1.25 million women in their database.
The nearest/best one was a bit overweight for me, I was told. Ozempic to the rescue?
I wouldn't mail order but I would go abroad if you're in the anglosphere. Dating culture differs significantly within a country and between countries. In one place I dated for 2 years and never got stood up, in another place I got stood up frequently, in another I actually found a wife.
My top advice is just selection effects and heredity over everything. Men need to sample from as many places as possible through pure online dating but other than that you especially need to sample from wherever has the women the most like you politically and intellectually.
It still took me probably over a year and that's not counting the time I spent not using this strategy (that would make it several years), so 4 is not really out of the ordinary. Hopefully you will find something soon. The reality is that the system is messed up because it's all too costly and annoying in time and money even when it works out. What age bracket are you dating by the way? Marriage rates are down but young marriage is especially down so if you are dating under 25 it's clearly a systemic issue.
I sort of reject this solution because it exports the problem to that country. where are THEIR males supposed to go?
I mean, if I take a trip for other reasons and happen to find a wife, whatever.
Yes, and the political gap between young men and women is the largest its ever been. The women have flown off into la la land and nobody is correcting this trajectory.
Hence, the pool is too small.
I have no reason to think I will.
However, that is also not a reason to quit.
But understand that I AM OTHERWISE WELL SITUATED. I own a house. I make six figures in a decently high-status job. I am extremely physically fit. I am a martial arts instructor (i.e. I can physically dominate 90% of the male population), I am well liked, I can repair stuff, I'm not bad looking. And I'm six foot two.
There is zero reason I should be struggling.
And if I'm struggling, I can only imagine how bad it is for guys not so well situated. And I think its best to help out their plight too.
Basically anything above 21 and still in decent child-bearing shape. If I got my pick I'd aim for 25-27 (I'm most comfortable dealing with women in that bracket) but I have DIRECT EVIDENCE that I can pull 24-year-olds too.
But as to the filtering issue, finding a woman who is GENUINELY serious about getting married and is marriageable is the big one. There's no pressure on women to actually get married, and serious pressure on her to delay until she has her fun/her career is established. I don't think any individual guy can defeat this social pressure without a lot of assistance.
They marry your women. Go look it up you can find plenty of that, if you can't you are probably shooting for too low of a country. Don't marry a fillipina or cambodian.
You should assort on genotype and not phenotype. If you nail the genotype converging in your relevant beliefs will be easy. The easiest way to target genotype is to simply target a percentile among women. You do the same thing for height if you want tall kids (I don't recommend assorting on height now as that's frivolous and the market is in ruins) and intelligence. I believe that the median female is 4 IQ points dumber than the median man (a lot of people run denialism on this point but idk their issue), on top of greater male variability, which means that if I wanted to marry an at least 130 IQ man I can actually marry a woman with an IQ of only 121 or so.
Funny enough I have met a good number of white male-filipina female pairings that seem pretty happy! The women can apparently be fiercely loyal too.
Unfortunately it'll also produce kids that are shorter than average, which might be bad for any future sons.
I might consider Singapore.
I've got an AI agent set up that is specifically designated with helping me both identify good places to go and try and meet women, AND vetting the ones I do find at least a bit.
I am at the point where I am willing to 'cheat' like crazy and pull every string to just get this process over with, but I also have to be realistic about the general odds.
Can you say why you'd choose Singapore over mainland China? They'd seem to fit your values more Singapore isn't exactly couple heaven lots of women staying unmarried. Mainland China is full of 27 year old responsible office women who are incredibly easy to date.
lol, I know a guy who specifically went to China to find a wife. He's also divorced like 4 times so maybe not a great example. But his recounting of it is that she was basically going overboard to be appealing and supplicate his affections... and that as SOON as the airplane they were riding on entered U.S. airspace she swapped to cold semi-indifference and never went back. And, yeah, I can see that. Foreign women knowing precisely how to appeal to American men to get transported over to the grand utopia, and THEN knowing exactly how much they can get away with once they're there.
I have no reason to think Singaporean women would be better, but I think I'd enjoy Singapore more as a country.
The whole other issue with passport bro-ing is that once you've brought them here and they get situated, NOTHING stops them from absorbing the overculture and becoming an even nastier version of the women you were trying to avoid all along.
See @100ProofTollBooth and his insightful point here. You need a community to plug them into that will keep them on the straight and narrow!
Most Chinese and definitely most Singaporeans are not going to be desperate for a green card so there is a bit more security but just as with anything you need to use discernment in general in Asia I think that Western guys have the pitfalls women have in the West. You see a lot of guys going after the female equivalent of "chad" and guys that say they want a traditional wife spend all their time serially dating girls who hang out in expat bars and fucking up their lives. But in general most Chinese-Western marriages seem to have tension from the women being too traditional and listening too much to her parents. In general I think it's fairly easy to find a solid woman here. And anyway I don't really suggest it as a way to avoid western women so much as for a white guy dating here is very easy and most of the women fit your requirements before very few tattoos much more conservative dating culture a lot of practical career minded smart women. But Chinese women are not going to be happy if you start talking about being submissive or be anti-feminist, and to a lot of them the appeal of dating a westerner is moving away from Chinese traditional expectations, that sad I think most here would find their ideas of feminism rather quaint and not really what you are trying to avoid. There's also not a huge class gap foreign men here date college educated middle class women because the speak English
My big point about dating abroad is that you should fish in the pond for the fish you want to catch and your "impossible standards" become just well standard. For me I didn't really move abroad for dating but after I did I noticed dating became much easier just from being an exotic foreigner. The guys who really get burned are the ones who date totally untraditional women or date more than they can keep. A paunchy 60 year old dating a 20 year old farm girl yes is just setting himself up for failure but you can punch above your weight and since you are capable of attracting women on dates in the US dating outside the west will be like shooting fish in a barrel. Most women are not mercenary green card hunters most want a high value man. And most non-Western women are more socially conservative than western women and whatever acculturation that core remains. Though again I just like dating people removed from the endless culture war in the West.
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