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It's that time of year again: The Masters, my favourite dose of noblesse oblige
I've seen it lamented numerous times here and elsewhere of the decline of noblesse oblige. I chalk it up to the internationalization of finance and wealth and the simultaneous decline in nationalism: the peers of the ultra-wealthy are the ultra-wealthy of other countries, not their neighbours or countrymen who they generally try to spend as little time as possible in the company of. God forbid that they might actually have to mix with the unwashed masses. Before you were obliged to in an attempt to forestall some peasant revolt from burning your estates, but now you've got private security defending all fourteen of your mansions, so what would really be the harm even if you lost one?
But at least in Augusta, Georgia there's some vestige of that lost spirit. Every year the Masters is held at the ultra-exclusive Augusta National Country Club, arguably the most prestigious golf tournament (give or take The Open) and the pinnacle of achievement of one of the hobbies of the elites. And every year the Masters goes overboard in creating a prestigious, elevated, and somewhat stiffly artificial environment. No expense is spared, no detail overlooked: the fairways are painted a verdant green, Rae's Creek is dyed its iconic dark blue, and the telecast features a chorus of (not-actually-present) birds so you can't hear the highway traffic. It's pure spectacle, and a treat to watch.
And you can watch it. Rather than hiking ticket prices to the eye-watering levels the open market would demand, the tournament distributes tickets via lottery ($140 for a day ticket, but if they hit the retail market they usually go for multiple thousands). And once you're on-site, the costs for food and drink are almost cartoonishly inexpensive. Oh, you couldn't secure tickets or are too far away? Well they built maybe the single-best website for watching sports: an infinitely customizable setup where you can watch whichever players or holes you wish. I've never used the app for mobile but people rave about it as well. These are both free of charge and have no region locks, and feature not one single advertisement or imposition upon the watcher. It's sporting entertainment at its ultimate best, built not for profit but purely for the prestige of being able to give it to the masses.
Can I take this opportunity to try and convince some mottizens to learn to play golf?
It is a game that you can play until the day that you die.
The benefits to being good at this game are immense. If you are good at golf, other golfers will seek you out as a golf partner.
#1 is especially true for charity tournaments and scrambles, where your ability to produce a winning score gives the person inviting you to play on their team prestige, and the person inviting you is almost certainly wealthy.
The game is an easy route into the rich/upper class parts of society. You can play for very cheap (there are plenty of courses you can play for less $20 or so for 9 holes), but the price goes up from there to infinity.
Even though the price does go to infinity, a $200/round game gets you to top tier courses to play on.
Courtesy is considered a part of the structure of the game. Things like walking in others' "lay" (the path of travel for their ball on a putting green) are things you have to pay attention to.
It's an extremely mental game, you have to slow your thinking down while hitting to be effective. You cannot "force" your way through a game with aggression. The game is more about learning to be graceful than something like basketball, soccer, etc.
I love golf. I was introduced to it at a very young age, luckily. I wish more people played it because I see the benefits large and also accessible.
unrelated: the markdown engine being used on the motte ignores the numbers at the beginning of numbered lists. Interesting.
The thrift store near where my mom lives always has a ton of golf clubs available. I have long considered putting a bag together out of them. What would be the next step? What's the very first thing you need to do in order to start?
Like - when I took up tennis as a kid, I got a buddy, two racquets, and some balls, and we went to a local court when it was deserted and hacked around all day until we started figuring it out. I don't wanna go take up room on the golf course when I have no idea how to hit the ball straight.
Head down to your local driving range, pick a lane off to the side if you can, and just start whacking some balls. You can get enough of the basics to have a good time just by watching a few basic youtube tutorials. Your swing will suck, you'll be slicing and hooking all over the place, etc., but it's a fun experience trying to iterate on each swing to improve. You'll probably want to book an hour or two of lessons at some point before you build any truly terrible habits, but golf is actually a lot easier than it looks, as long as you don't mind being terrible. Your best bet is to book the cheapest hour lesson you can find and/or find a buddy who can give you some tips, spend a couple afternoons at the driving and putting ranges to develop a little bit of technique, then just book a tee time and go golfing. It can be a little stressful when you're first starting out and you feel like everyone's waiting on you, but try not to let that get to you. If you notice someone waiting, offer to let them go ahead of you, or if you don't really enjoy putting and/or want to focus on your drives, just pick your ball up when you get to the green and move onto the next hole. I'd take my time, relax, drink a few beers, and not really worry about keeping score while you're getting the hang of things.
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I second and amplify @firmamenti's advice below. A day or two at the driving range learning to thwack the ball squarely and cleanly is the "hacking around until you start to figure it out" of Golf and once you're at point where you can hit the ball in the direction you intend at least semi-reliably, then you can go to a local short course and focus on the rest.
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The best recommendation I have is to find a short course, executive course, or par 3 course. It will probably be less pressure, less crowded, and it will focus you on approaching the greens and holing out once you're there. It's also much less time commitment. Nine holes of par 3 golf can be played in under 75 minutes.
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Find a cheap golfcourse near you, and go to the driving range (which is where golfers go to practice).
When you get there, you are going to look for the "pro shop" (this is a place that will have stuff for sale like clubs, shirts, etc. You can buy stuff from here, but...I wouldn't, unless you are buying stuff that has the course's branding on it and you want it as a sort of souvenir).
Tell them you want a bucket of balls. There is usually going to be two sizes, either small or large. Get a small one.
They will either hand you a bucket of balls, or a receipt that has a number on it. If they give you a receipt you take this to a machine near the driving range which will dispense the balls into a bucket for you.
In the driving range area, you'll see some sort of markers that show you where each individual person should stand while they hit their balls. Stand between the markers.
There are also tons of videos on youtube that will instruct you on things like how to grip the club (which is pretty important!).
Start with a club like a 9 iron[1]. Hit the ball much, MUCH more gently than you think you should. I'd highly recommend just swinging the club pretty slowly and concentrating on making contact with the ball. Seriously, how hard you hit the ball has way less of an effect than it would seem (this is counterintuitive).
When you're done with this, go back to the club house and sit at the crappy little restaurant they have a drink a beer. Congratulations, now you're a golfer!
Here's an intro golf lesson video you could watch that covers how to grip the club, etc: https://youtube.com/watch?v=1iOa2ZwGhbU
[1]: There are essentially two types of clubs. "Irons" and "Woods", so named because of the materials they used to be made from. Irons are smaller and wedge shaped. They are also shorter. "Woods" (which are no longer made of wood), have a more bulbous appearance, and much longer shafts. The numbers on the club indicate the angle at which they will strike the ball. Irons typically go from 3-9. 3 is the flattest angle while it contacts the ball, and 9 is the sharpest angle. 3 hits the ball the farthest, and 9 hits the ball the highest (and least far). When I say to get a "9 iron", this means the wedge shaped club with a 9 on it, and I'm telling you to hit with this club because it is the most forgiving.
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