This weekly roundup thread is intended for all culture war posts. 'Culture war' is vaguely defined, but it basically means controversial issues that fall along set tribal lines. Arguments over culture war issues generate a lot of heat and little light, and few deeply entrenched people ever change their minds. This thread is for voicing opinions and analyzing the state of the discussion while trying to optimize for light over heat.
Optimistically, we think that engaging with people you disagree with is worth your time, and so is being nice! Pessimistically, there are many dynamics that can lead discussions on Culture War topics to become unproductive. There's a human tendency to divide along tribal lines, praising your ingroup and vilifying your outgroup - and if you think you find it easy to criticize your ingroup, then it may be that your outgroup is not who you think it is. Extremists with opposing positions can feed off each other, highlighting each other's worst points to justify their own angry rhetoric, which becomes in turn a new example of bad behavior for the other side to highlight.
We would like to avoid these negative dynamics. Accordingly, we ask that you do not use this thread for waging the Culture War. Examples of waging the Culture War:
-
Shaming.
-
Attempting to 'build consensus' or enforce ideological conformity.
-
Making sweeping generalizations to vilify a group you dislike.
-
Recruiting for a cause.
-
Posting links that could be summarized as 'Boo outgroup!' Basically, if your content is 'Can you believe what Those People did this week?' then you should either refrain from posting, or do some very patient work to contextualize and/or steel-man the relevant viewpoint.
In general, you should argue to understand, not to win. This thread is not territory to be claimed by one group or another; indeed, the aim is to have many different viewpoints represented here. Thus, we also ask that you follow some guidelines:
-
Speak plainly. Avoid sarcasm and mockery. When disagreeing with someone, state your objections explicitly.
-
Be as precise and charitable as you can. Don't paraphrase unflatteringly.
-
Don't imply that someone said something they did not say, even if you think it follows from what they said.
-
Write like everyone is reading and you want them to be included in the discussion.
On an ad hoc basis, the mods will try to compile a list of the best posts/comments from the previous week, posted in Quality Contribution threads and archived at /r/TheThread. You may nominate a comment for this list by clicking on 'report' at the bottom of the post and typing 'Actually a quality contribution' as the report reason.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
Because women on OLD apps don't say they aren't interested. They say they'd love to meet up, but they can't this weekend. Or the day after. Or next weekend. But they'd love to see you and grab coffee. Then they just stop responding.
A well intentioned man might think this is a problem to be solved. Meanwhile they just did a harassment.
I completely agree, I think most women on apps use it for attention and have zero intention of ever meeting up with a man they meet on it. But that's exactly the reason to discard any interaction with someone who doesn't enthusiastically want to meet up in real life, surely?
Sorry but only a woman could have written this.
Why won't they eat cake?
I'm a man with a successful online dating and hookups history prior to getting married and would agree with that poster that if someone doesn't enthusiastically want to meet up irl* you should just move on. If a woman actually wants to go out with you, they will not make it difficult.
*caveat being most people would prefer a short conversation to establish a little familiarity first before asking to meet irl rather than that being your first message out the gate.
Yes, that is the issue.
I do not understand your comment.
The kind of advice that successful people tend to impart on the unsuccesful is often not a good match for the latter's circumstances.
For a queen with a full pantry, it is a good idea to eat cake when bread is not available. For a starving peasant, not so much.
Plenty of people change. I was pretty miserable and lonely for years before fully recognizing that the problem had a common denominator - me - and working hard to better myself.
Same.
I've experienced dating apps as an unattractive male and experienced them as a reasonably-attractive male, and it's night & day. Having all the game in the world wouldn't have saved me with my initial profile, but once you've optimized yourself a bit it's not super difficult
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link