site banner
gog  6mo ago (text post)   1652 thread views

Advice for disagreeable people

I am disagreeable IRL. Like, everyone I get to know well eventually starts avoiding me. I can find lots of advice for how to deal with other disagreeable people, but not much for people who are themselves disagreeable. Surely some of you lot are the same. Have any of you overcome this? If so, how?

7
Top Bottom Old Controversial Comments
Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Your problem isn't disagreeableness, it's status. If you're low status and haven't accepted it, you'll be ranked as "disagreeable", because a large part of "disagreeable" is contradicting your betters. So your choices are to accept your low status, and at least behave as if you have no thoughts of your own. Or to obtain higher status somehow (damned if I know how, I suspect it's usually not possible after childhood). Or to just keep grinding yourself against the world until one or the other gives.

Money will buy you plenty of status. My own status shot way up when I put my money where my mouth was and made mid-five figures in the stock market while my friends and I were all working minimum wage jobs.

I can't imagine ..how one could 'contradict' one's "betters". About what ? Like, you risk getting fired if you tell your boss he's doing things wrong, but who else is a 'better' ?

Social status isn't always objective. A lot of it is just about who can play the social game better. Plenty of dumb(er) people dunk on their smarter peers who also happen to be less socially savvy and thus gain status. Office politics is the same.

I agree with Nybbler that being disagreeable per se isn't really the issue here. Lots of people in high-powered positions are. It's being punished for it, which is associated with low status/low power.

What is this place?

This website is a place for people who want to move past shady thinking and test their ideas in a court of people who don't all share the same biases. Our goal is to optimize for light, not heat; this is a group effort, and all commentators are asked to do their part.

The weekly Culture War threads host the most controversial topics and are the most visible aspect of The Motte. However, many other topics are appropriate here. We encourage people to post anything related to science, politics, or philosophy; if in doubt, post!

Check out The Vault for an archive of old quality posts. You are encouraged to crosspost these elsewhere.


Why are you called The Motte?

A motte is a stone keep on a raised earthwork common in early medieval fortifications. More pertinently, it's an element in a rhetorical move called a "Motte-and-Bailey", originally identified by philosopher Nicholas Shackel. It describes the tendency in discourse for people to move from a controversial but high value claim to a defensible but less exciting one upon any resistance to the former. He likens this to the medieval fortification, where a desirable land (the bailey) is abandoned when in danger for the more easily defended motte. In Shackel's words, "The Motte represents the defensible but undesired propositions to which one retreats when hard pressed."

On The Motte, always attempt to remain inside your defensible territory, even if you are not being pressed.


New post guidelines

If you're posting something that isn't related to the culture war, we encourage you to post a thread for it. A submission statement is highly appreciated, but isn't necessary for text posts or links to largely-text posts such as blogs or news articles; if we're unsure of the value of your post, we might remove it until you add a submission statement. A submission statement is required for non-text sources (videos, podcasts, images).

Culture war posts go in the culture war thread; all links must either include a submission statement or significant commentary. Bare links without those will be removed.

If in doubt, please post it!


Rules


Recommended Posts And Communities

Recommended Realtime Chats