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PaperclipPerfector  5mo ago (text post)   2392 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for December 3, 2023

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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Is anyone else a successful person living like a NEET/incel? I was a nerdy kid growing up. Went to a technical university with few parties and studied Math. Realized that lectures were pretty boring and that there were better ones on youtube, so spent several years in a small apartment in front of a computer. To break the monotony, I made sure to exercise daily and got in great shape. I ended up working at a major tech company and did pretty well but had terrible work life balance. After inheriting a historic apartment in the downtown of a major city, I moved there even though I had no friends there. Three years later I have a good job, I am tall and in great shape and I live for almost free with views of a cathedral.

Yet my life is not really different from that of a NEET. I wake up at 9, sit in front of the computer for most of the day except for exercise and shopping. I have a limited social life and haven't had a girlfriend in years. My life wouldn't be that different if I was living in my parent's basement and gaming instead of working. The only tangible difference would be that I could order fewer cool things online, and I wouldn't have to answer emails.

I can't decide if I am a winning high status male or an incel loser, I seem to be at both ends of the spectrum at once.

Yes to some extent. I landed a high paying job out of college.

I go to work at 9am and leave at 9 or 10 pm. I interact with coworkers but I doubt that counts. Most of my waking hours are spent staring at a screen, writing code, some days I don't even speak to my coworkers.

I usually meet up with a friend or two on the weekends.

But I haven't gone on a date or even met/spoke to a new woman since 2021. Working in tech, having friends who are also in tech certainly isn't helping. I'm having an extremely difficult time meeting women at all, I just don't cross paths with any in my day to day life. And I'm convinced it will be this way forever unless I do something extremely drastic like change careers or enroll in a master's program or something, or move to a new country and do a hard reset on my social life. Given I am 26, this practically makes me severely low status.

But I haven't gone on a date or even met/spoke to a new woman since 2021

Go to dance lessons. You'll be holding a different woman by the back everytime the teacher says "change partners".

I'm aware. However I absolutely detest partner dancing and I don't know if it's even worth doing something that you hate just to meet women. Isn't it part of the lore that women will smell you only being there for women anyways?

It's generally worth trying imo. You can dislike a hobby initially but it grows on you with time, and dancing is actually a prime candidate for this. I also didn't really like (the thought of) dancing when I was a teen, but where I'm from it's social suicide to not take dancing classes so I joined everyone else. If you're (sufficiently) honest to others and say something along the lines of "yes dancing makes me a bit awkward, but I want to get out of my comfort zone and try something new" then they'll understand. Just don't go for bald-faced lying a la "dancing is amazing I totally love it", that's what puts (most) women off. Ideally you have a platonic female friend as a standard dance partner, and it goes without saying that you make extra sure to be very well-kempt. If you don't have any platonic female friends, afaik in some places it's relatively easy online to find a dance partner beforehand. Dancing is still often skewed quite feminine, and many women feel extremely self-conscious about turning up without a partner and then not being asked out. Needless to say, these women also are very often looking to date.

It's also a great kind of desensitisation training to make you less awkward around body contact with women, which is extremely useful for the neet-adjacent and will greatly help you with general dating. Nothing is more off-putting for women than a guy who struggles to even touch them, and vice-versa dancing is a great precursor to sex. So even if you go bar-diving or online-dating and subsequently meet in a bar, it'll probably help you.

Finally, if you want to do it for dating, you should try to look especially for dancing in informal settings. For example, in my city a bar had a "salsa night". But for those you should have some experience beforehand, and you will usually not automatically get partnered with a women, so it's extra important to bring someone with you.

where I'm from it's social suicide to not take dancing classes

Austria?

Almost. I can't really tell you more for opsec reasons, but it's a conservative rural catholic community.

Isn't it part of the lore that women will smell you only being there for women anyways

Please don't do this. It's not just the women who will smell you out, the men can easily tell too who's there to learn and who just thought this was a quick way to find women, it's disruptive to the whole class. Also ideally you should be treating the 70 year old grandma there in the same way as you would treat the super hot 23 year old you like the looks of, you are there to learn after all and physical contact with women is just a side effect. Grandma is probably a better dancer too with all her years of experience (at least that's what I've found).

My grandma and >40 year old rizz is impeccable, not worried about that :^)

I believe that men who only go to pull do give off a vibe, yes. Putting in the effort to git gud stops you from giving off this vibe. I also believed that I wouldn't enjoy partner dancing, but it's brought me a lot of fun and pretty much all of my relationships over the years.

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