The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
-
Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
-
Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
-
Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
-
Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
People with social anxiety, how have you managed to cope or manage it? I've had it since 12 years old, I'm 25 now. The biggest impact for me has come from consistent sleep and exercise. Went from having hard time calling customer support and going to public places with a lot of people to having a slightly increased heartbeat when talking to people I'm not familiar with. I've also tried meditation, but couldn't stay consistent with it. I know some people swear by CBT, thinking of trying it out next.
Have you tried intentionally progressing your exposure therapy methods? I keep a list of progressive exercises:
Go out in a public place
Go out in a popular, crowded public place (bar, club, restaurant, sports game)
Make eye contact with a person
Smile at a person
Ring the bell on a bicycle to get through (source)
Ask a person what time it is
Comment on a post in a large online forum
Comment on a post in a small online forum
Call the waiter in a crowded restaurant (source)
Call a close family member
Call a close friend
Call a distant family member
Call a distant friend
Disagree with a person
Leave and re-enter a movie theater during the movie while seated in the middle of a row (source)
Call a business to ask a question or place an order
Ask a question during a work meeting (source)
Cold email someone
Publish a standalone post on a large online forum
Publish a standalone post on a small online forum
Delegate a task to a person
Cold call someone
Admit being wrong in private
Admit being wrong in public
Present at work (source)
Ask for abnormal accommodations at a business (keeping a large water bottle at the table for self-refills, etc)
Ask what tipping customs are when in a foreign country
Send food back because it wasn't correct or is very poor quality
Ask for things (cigarettes, lighter, money, borrow a phone)
Sing in public (karaoke, on the street, etc)
Dance in public
Go to a foreign country without speaking the language well
Compliment a person
Walk backwards slowly in a crowded street for three minutes (source)
Cold approach a person
Ask a person playing music out loud or having a conversation on speaker to put headphones in or turn off speaker
Ask multiple people in a specific and obvious location (e.g., right outside XXX Park, or a T stop) where to find that location (“Excuse me, I am looking for XXX Park”) (source)
Wear a shirt backward and inside out and buttoned incorrectly in a crowded store (source)
Dance or sing in the street or subway wearing attention-grabbing clothing (source)
Recite “Twas the Night Before Christmas” in the subway platform (source)
Approach group of people at bar or restaurant and ask if you can practice a best man’s toast (source)
Tell someone at bookstore that you don’t know how to read and ask them if they can read the back cover to you (source)
Ask a staff member in bookstore for their opinion about whether to buy the Kama Sutra or the Joy of Sex, have a long conversation about this, buy the books and then return them immediately (source)
Enter a food establishment and interrupt people asking if they own a silver Camry because their car is being towed (source)
Go to every table in a crowded restaurant asking for Joe Smith (source)
Go to a fast food restaurant and only order water, then spill the water, clean it up, and stay in the restaurant (source)
Go to a hotel. Have the patient conduct a long conversation with the concierge about romantic vacation packages (asking about in-room massages, arranging horse-drawn carriage ride, etc.), book a package, and then cancel for no reason except changing their mind (source)
Pay for an embarrassing item with change, and then state that you don’t have enough and leave the store (source)
Initiate conversations with/tell jokes to strangers in bookstore while wearing hair in a side ponytail with bandages on face (source)
Attend a multi-level marketing pitch and saying no
Cold approach and flirt with a person
Cold approach and flirt with a person with the intention of getting their contact information
Go to a random person's house and ask if you can cook them dinner in their house
Go to a foreign country without speaking the language at all
Perform stand-up comedy
See, making it intentional would add an extra source of anxiety for me. While I've probably done ~80% of the things you've listed, I've never intentionally went out to perform these tasks. In general, I just try to catch my anxious thoughts and reflect on how they affect my decision making in the moment. E.g. If I don't know how to get to X place, my brain instantly starts looking for solutions that avoids social contact, I catch that thought and instantly force myself to do the opposite and ask a random person for directions. That way my brain doesn't have time to react and get anxious. With things like public speaking, I've noticed that I'm most anxious right before the event rather during it. It's kind of ironic, I think someone spontaneously putting me on the spot to make a speech would be less triggering than being told 3 days in advance to prepare a speech.
I would keep pushing yourself within the bounds of your tolerance.
I used to be like you until I
took an arrow in the kneeeventually became less socially anxious over the course of about 5 years. I spent a lot of time deliberately going out for social interaction though. Now I help host my friend's meetup when I'm there helping others who are shy to fit in with the group.There isn't really a shortcut to getting over social anxiety. The fast chemical route is a crutch (even though I used A LOT of alcohol over the years to tolerate uncomfortable environments). All the training in the world won't help with introversion though. I can't make myself want to stay in high stimulation environments to this day.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link