The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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I got into a fight with my wife the other night. Which is extremely rare for us. I'm genuinely...confused at the mix of emotions I'm feelings. I'm wondering how people who get into fights with their spouses all the time live like this. I can't manage to focus on anything for being annoyed. It's so weird. How do I move back towards normality with her, when part of me feels like I have no intention to until she apologizes.
Mind my asking what it was about? Or DM me if you don't feel comfortable saying it for an audience.
It's a little hard to explain as a satisfying narrative. It's something like: we rescheduled Valentine's to be not on Wednesday because that's stupid. Last Saturday we went out for dinner and then to the Symphony as "Valentine's Day." Then, Wednesday, I thought I would have time to make a nice dinner and suggested that, then work got crazy and I texted her saying "Hey, is it ok if maybe we do that tomorrow, time crunch." She said ok, but apparently was upset. She likes Valentine's day significantly more than I do. When I got off work, I ran for flowers and to pick up a nice present that she wanted. When I got home, she was in a bad mood, and I did not get the reaction I thought I would get. I felt I A) already had done Valentine's Day and "had it in the bank" and that B) anything I did Wednesday was extra credit and therefore un-failable and that therefore C) her reaction was inappropriate and demeaning. I probably overreacted, but I had this distinct feeling of being demeaned, I had already submitted by doing Valentine's day to begin with. She felt that I had promised something and then reneged, and that Valentine's Day is her favorite holiday, and that I had half-assed it and not made it a priority.
We've since gotten over it. I was just stunned at the weirdness of feeling that way with her. I told her Thursday, hey I'm still feeling annoyed, I don't like feeling this way, I need you to do something extra nice for me so I can then make a nice romantic dinner without feeling like a doormat for giving in. She made protein muffins and treated me well, I made steak tartare with a baguette, she likes the earrings. We're all better.
I applaud you and your wife’s resolution to the argument, very mature and thoughtful.
Valentines Days is an interesting and tricky day. Most men (including myself) do not give a shit about Valentines Day. It is a capitalistic holiday that society has tricked women into thinking their man should spend money and time on them to prove the strength of their love and relationship. And if the man doesn’t live up to their expectations, then perhaps he doesn’t actually care about her and the entire relationship may be doomed.
Valentines Day has become especially pernicious in the social media age. With every woman posting the surprise gift/dinner/experience/proposal on Instagram, there is so much comparison and expectation and letdown. I’m not, and never will be, a big Valentines Day celebrator. I will buy my partner roses, a card, and either cook her a nice dinner or take her out somewhere nice. I think that is more than enough.
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