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Notes -
A close friend (Bob) is considering proposing to his girlfriend (Alice). Alice is an ex-prostitute. I am trying to talk him out of it.
By Bob's account (which I presume in turn is him parroting Alice's account), Alice's stint in the oldest profession was a regretted youthful indiscression perpetrated in her teens, for a couple of months. She wasn't groomed, she wasn't coerced, she wasn't doing what she had to do to feed her starving family: she was just horny and kinky and thought it would be hot. After it proved less hot than she anticipated, Alice got out of there and never did it again, and since had the 'normie' sex life of a 21st century young woman: (uncompensated) app hookups interspersed with long term monogamous relationships, most lately Bob.
My gut-level revulsion at the prospect of wife-ing a ho makes my effort to talk Bob out of it difficult, as my churning viscera limits my rhetorical strategy from being much more sophisticated than, in so many words, just yelling "CUCK CUCK CUCK" at him. Perhaps with a side of "If you're not part of the solution for deterring teen whorishness by making it's practitioners persona non grata in polite society, then that's how you get more teen whores".
I am wondering if the astute minds of The Motte can help me think up any more coherent arguments to deploy.
What woman would admit (edit: to her boyfriend) she had been a prostitute for a couple of months in her late teens? There’s almost no risk of anyone finding out and (obviously) nothing to gain. In general the only women who would admit to escorting / prostitution are pornstars, strippers etc whose reputation is undeniable and/or those like Aella who try to build some kind of commercial grift around it. But that’s again very rare. The concerning thing is less that she did it (although that is a problem) and more that he knows about it, since it suggests an astonishing lack of understanding / naïveté about men on her part that could be dangerous.
As far as arguments go, it’s practically tautology that people with low sexual inhibition are prone to infidelity.
I’m equally confused that the man told his friend. “Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead”, indeed.
Honestly, that's probably most of the red flag right there.
I don't think it's out of the ordinary to mention sexual histories, though certainly the timing/how it's brought up has something to do with it (the alternative being the standard? way of doing things where there actually aren't things you should ever trust your spouse with). Because clearly someone you can't trust is definitely someone who you should get married to, not that "someone you can trust" has ever been a rational basis for marriage before- naturally, the shrewd thing would be to just lie about it even if directly asked, but the tension's still there.
Of course, that also goes both ways- why's he talking to his friends about it (and this one in particular)? Is it because he has the "muh virginity for virginity's sake" pattern installed and legitimately needs help dealing with the tension that creates, or some other reason... either way, speaks to either potentially poor or otherwise purely self-gratifying judgment on his part when it comes to keeping things said in confidence, which is not a great outlook for that relationship for other reasons.
Right, surely the prudent thing to do if your partner tells you they’re a (hopefully former) whore is to privately make the decision to stay or go and then to do so. That said, clearly she must have known he might tell someone, given she did.
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