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PaperclipPerfector  2mo ago (text post)   2286 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for March 3, 2024

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A close friend (Bob) is considering proposing to his girlfriend (Alice). Alice is an ex-prostitute. I am trying to talk him out of it.

By Bob's account (which I presume in turn is him parroting Alice's account), Alice's stint in the oldest profession was a regretted youthful indiscression perpetrated in her teens, for a couple of months. She wasn't groomed, she wasn't coerced, she wasn't doing what she had to do to feed her starving family: she was just horny and kinky and thought it would be hot. After it proved less hot than she anticipated, Alice got out of there and never did it again, and since had the 'normie' sex life of a 21st century young woman: (uncompensated) app hookups interspersed with long term monogamous relationships, most lately Bob.

My gut-level revulsion at the prospect of wife-ing a ho makes my effort to talk Bob out of it difficult, as my churning viscera limits my rhetorical strategy from being much more sophisticated than, in so many words, just yelling "CUCK CUCK CUCK" at him. Perhaps with a side of "If you're not part of the solution for deterring teen whorishness by making it's practitioners persona non grata in polite society, then that's how you get more teen whores".

I am wondering if the astute minds of The Motte can help me think up any more coherent arguments to deploy.

I will approach this in a utilitarian way for you.

By trying to intervene there is a good chance that Bob will cut you off as a friend and marry them anyway. I've experienced this with close friends trying to talk other close friends out of serious relationships/marriage before using 'they aren't right/good/healthy for you' as a justification. In one case they became friends again years later after the inevitable breakup. But they weren't ever as close.

This might be worth it to you, it might not. But interventions on this scale (eg interfering and trying to stop someone from marrying their partner when love/limerance is at it's highest) is a recipe for disaster dangerous game.

You have been warned.

Edit: some strikethrough and extra words.

I definitely agree with this. If you have serious concerns about a friend marrying someone, you should mention it gently, once. It probably won't make an impact because well, people do stupid shit when they are in love. After you mention it once, your obligation as a friend is met, and the best thing is to hold your tongue. Badgering someone about "man that girl is bad for you, don't marry her" is only going to cause your friendship to end.

I've watched parent-child relationships (which are generally more durable than friendships) die over this sort of thing. It's just not worth making a big deal out of it, don't do it.

I never really figured out what you're meant to do after the fact though. I think it's 'acknowledge your friend is fallible and making a bad choice. Decide that you care about them enough to help them pick up the inevitable pieces.'

I think most people make this choice to a greater or lesser intensity every single day.

Yeah, that's what I've done in the past when I have had friends make bad decisions about romantic partners. I would say it worked out pretty well.

Yeah. Not just romantic partners; basically any life choice.

Moving somewhere else, taking a crazy job, dropping out of college/uni. Pick your poison.

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