The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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Notes -
What is the most efficient way to get a date if tinder doesn't work?
I am in my early thirties, and I have recently sold my startup and moved to a new city to work in finance as a developer. I am above average height, I am below average body fat and I can do ten strict chin-ups and I have a graduate degree from a good university. There is nothing particular about my looks in either direction, I am not stunningly beautiful, but there is nothing particularly bad about it either. In a crowd, I wouldn't stick out. I am realizing this is my biggest issue, it doesn't matter that I have had an interesting life when I am being judged for a fraction of a second on tinder.
This is starting to weigh me down a lot recently. I am not rejected by women, of the two dates I have gotten in the past year both women wanted to continue dating. The problem is that I am too bland to get a date out of a crowd of a thousand matches. Just looking average, having a good job and having my life together isn't cutting it on a hyper elitist platform dominated by men. Literally every employee at the company I work for is a man, and there is no way I am going to meet someone through my work friends. I play chess, ride motorcycles and serve in an army reserve unit. These hobbies are good for friends, but not places to meet women.
I know online dating is largely a scam and that I shouldn't be undateable. On the other hand, I am not getting dates. If I keep going down the same path, I will continue to be single. Not basing my self-worth on tinder doesn't really make sense when that is the market on which my future is determined. What is a concrete plan that I can start following here and now that can realistically land me a long term relationship with a sensible partner? My plan has been focused on self-improvement, but I am realizing that much of this improvement has zero impact on my dating as no woman ever sees it.
Combine self improvement with getting yourself into the ideal dating market: take a course for fun at your local college. If you have a grad degree from a good school, most other schools will have no problem letting you take one course in a fun undergrad or grad course. Doesn't have to be useful, can be classics or lit.
Now you're on campus, studying in the library. a campus full of single young women, and you're tall and relatively rich and have your own domicile with real furniture. Sure, you'll be "weird" as the old dude on campus, but normies don't really get the girl. And the girls interested in you will be likely those looking for an MrS degree.
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Cold approach in nightclubs. you will fail in the beginning but this is the way to learn in the modern world. Go out everyday for 30 minutes and try to pull strangers you find attractive. This is a hard skill to master as people are too stuck up inside their heads but this is the one thing with the best rewards. Internet dating is not the best, paying with fire is a firm that specialises in online game but then again, cold approach.
Also cold approach works mostly in towns with young people.
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In my experience, the quickest, easiest way to get more dates is to go speed dating. If you're decent-looking, in a good place in life, and can hold a conversation, you should do just fine. (If you're not sure about that last one, go anyway, it's good practice.) I could usually get at least one date with a woman I was attracted to from one event, which is pretty good for a few hours of your time.
I can't say any of those dates actually lead to a relationship, but for me it was a great start just to get used to meeting women in person, going on dates, feeling more confident in myself. I think the best matches tend to come about naturally, from shared interests or social circles, but it's harder to arrange those on purpose. Trying out new hobbies or social events, especially ones with a favorable gender ratio, is probably a good idea if you're looking for more options.
Alternatively, Richard Hanania recommends just starting conversations with attractive strangers in the street. I always found the idea a little uncomfortable myself, but if it works for you it's definitely very actionable.
If you want a more concrete plan, Mark Manson's book Models is often recommended for this kind of thing, and does a good job of answering the same questions as pickup, without some of the weirder attitudes that often go along with that.
Only older forms of pickup have wierd attitudes. Actual pickup is dead, you will get much better results from that than with models but models itself is not a bad system per say.
Pickup is not about cramming lines or tactics but understanding that any conversation has a flow, a structure and how you say something matters more than what it is that you are saying. You develop a social sixth sense and it is a way of condensing the interactions of a lifetime in a short duration to give you better intuition.
So cramming lines is certainly a little weird, but the attitudes I'm thinking of are more to do with what your goals are, what you're trying to do.
If you want to get laid as much as possible, with the most attractive women, then yeah, I expect cold approach in nightclubs is the way to go. If that's you, then great!
I think sometimes guys without much experience assume that must be what they want, and then they get it, at least a little, and it turns out not to make them happy.
The reason I like Models is that it pretty explicitly says the goal is to be yourself, to have fun. I can't say my clubbing experiences ever lived up to that, but maybe I didn't give it enough of a chance?
Yeah, cold approach is what made me not hate women. I was bitter because I would never get any to ever like me but when I started talking to many, I realised that they would feel what's inside and me, that being happier is better.
It's a skill and you get better at it if you keep trying.
I'm a novice still but can't wait to try this in nightclubs at a big city lol.
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Have you ever been on party drugs? I always found events very boring and fake until I tried. Then everything suddenly started making sense.
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