The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
PSA:
For the love of all that is unholy, avoid Tinder if you find yourself at a point in your life that dating apps are appealing.
Hinge and Bumble are much better, at least from the perspective of a guy.
Why so?
Well, the women on Tinder are, in my experience, spoiled brats who expect male attention to be handed to them on a silver platter, as breakfast in bed. The design of the app, while more egalitarian than Bumble (which requires women to be the ones to approach you first, unless you pay), incentivizes much more mindless swiping. You are one cut of meat among many others, and the 1% of guys who are prime Wagyu are pulling most of the women (a mild exaggeration, it's probably more like the standard Pareto deal of 20% getting 80%). Even if you're lucky enough to match with a bored girl looking at all the options, they're congenitally lazy. Why wouldn't they be? They've got a million horny men to choose from and can afford to be picky.
In contrast, Bumble, by forcing the woman to make contact, is actually doing guys a favor. A hi or hello means a lot more when you know for a fact that she's into you, and trust me that low bar counts for a lot.
Even Hinge, with its focus on limiting matches daily (cynically, a ploy to make you pay for more), means that your profile is likely to get more consideration than a surface judgement. You can expect people to actually read the damn bio.
Your time and attention are far better rewarded on the latter two, though of course anyone blessed enough to be handsome will likely get what they desire on any platform. I'm hardly ugly, just average in terms of facial attractiveness (optimistically a 7 out of ten when I've grown out my beard and lost weight, as I have now), but I find that charm, wit and general markers of intelligence (like the ability to write a bio more entertaining than a dictionary), are more viable ways to stand out.
I'd rather not brag, but I'm frankly stunned at the sheer disparity. I tentatively wager that this isn't an India-only phenomenon, and if anyone is soured on online dating, branch out from Tinder. If you're a handsome Chad, by all means carry on, but if you need to sell yourself with something other than just looks or a Ferrari, give it a whirl. This presumes you don't have the option of dating in the workplace or hitting up bars, but you wouldn't be reading this if those were the case.
(I have a longer draft from when I was very drunk, and it's surprisingly well written, slightly more sober yet hungover me is impressed, but it says much the same)
PS: It's a damn shame that the OG OkCupid is dead and a conglomerate is wearing its corpse. But I wouldn't have been legal to use it when it was actually good, so what do I know.
Avoid any and all apps, meet women in good nightclubs. Infinitely better people and odds.
It's been working out surprisingly well dude, I remember you saying you're autistic right? But I have enough charm to manage online, and while I'm not as handsome as you, I manage. And sure, I look forward to doing lines and dancing my ass off, I just can't bring myself to dance at all unless I'm high or drunk to the gills.
Offline is always better and easier. Read the mystery method and make a befriend half the chicks you hit on so that you can access all the clubs for free, never drink there and for learning game stick to the book of yarelly, RSD material (I recommend pimp by RSD Julien and the Social Circle Blueprint (get both part 1 and 2), both are available on pimpmymind.net). Also pirate the book sex god method. Learning meditation, learning to fight, fixing my hair via hair loss meds, hitting the gym etc all made big impacts on my life so would recommend them as well.
For game, you will suck, you will feel worse but always assume that you will get better and you will one day. I had a girl stomp my heart out because I was a pussy and it will never happen again. I believe in you my man, dm me if you need help. I am a novice too but I can sure help you a bit. Online is suicide fuel at best.
I was never autistic, just severe adhd and doing lines off of a total fair-hipped(sanskrit word lol) hottie you just met when your life is in order has to be peak life. Also, how do you know what and how I look like? I am not attractive at all. I need to gain 20lbs of muscle and lose similar amounts in fat to look anywhere near halfway decent.
Intoxicants are only good sporadically, I meet girls sober everytime, drinking is reserved for family and friends, less than two times a quarter.
I get what you're saying dude and appreciate the concern, but I'm genuinely good in that regard.
I find nightclubs super loud and usually annoying, as well as fucking expensive with the overpriced drinks. I'm not a particularly good dancer either. I just get over it when I'm drunk enough.
I have plenty of game IRL. As in, I can talk to women, make them laugh and start crushing on me with relative ease. With or without alcohol involved. It's true, and that also means I don't have to worry about my success in the apps.
I'm pretty sure you linked to an Indian subreddit where people were arguing over a hot take you posted on Twitter right? I also recall you said the picture there was you, unless you're joking.
But autism certainty makes online dating harder, so you have my condolences. My ADHD only becomes an issue when I start slacking a few months into a relationship.
Besides, I'm not bad looking, I don't want to toot my own horn any further, but it's at least at the point where I can date women much hotter than me and not have it be a deal breaker. It's certainly not at the point where it can carry me solo, as is the case for those more blessed, but I make do.
If you're happy hitting up chicks in nightclubs, by all means, do what works for you. It's more of a fun/aspirational thing for me to do, since I'm single, but not a burning necessity in any way.
yes that was me but I do not think that I am attractive enough. Even if I were, I do not see it so go through life not caring much about it in my day to day interactions. I still feel that I need to be jacked like @FiveHourMarathon to get to a point where I can feel good about myself. I did join a gym for real this time instead of sticking to gimmicks like isometrics so hope I get jacked soon.
Completely fair, what works for you should be used. I am a totally inexperienced guy so my suggestions are things that I have been recommended for me more than things I have tried out for years.
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