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ActuallyATleilaxuGhola

Axolotl Tank Class of '21

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joined 2022 September 08 09:59:22 UTC 

				
User ID: 1012


				
				
				

			

		

	














	


		


			



	

		

			

			

				

					

						

							
						

						

							
							

								
ActuallyATleilaxuGhola


								

								

								
								
								

								
							
					
 
				


				
Axolotl Tank Class of '21

				
				
				

				

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					joined 2022 September 08 09:59:22 UTC
				


				
					

					
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User ID: 1012


					
					
					
				

			


					

						
					



		

	

 











			
			

			
			

			




	


		

			
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				Small-Scale Question Sunday for June 4, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I don't understand the seemingly recent popularity of "tomboy gfs" (bonus meme).


There's a lot of meta-ironic shitposting on 4chan and sometimes reddit about how tomboys are the best because, as far as I can understand the arguments, they're bros that have a pussy.  I can kind of see how a bro-gf might have appealed to 14 year old me who thought feelings and femininity were totally gay, dude, and who just wanted to play Halo with my bros while we farted and laughed and punched each other.  But I can't imagine any well-adjusted man over age 25 feeling this way unless they're particularly feminine themselves (in which case they would be attracted to "tomboys" for a different set of reasons).


I've been attracted to feminine girls my entire life (yes, even as a 14 year old retard) and have, for as long as I can remember, found their femininity mysterious and alluring.  Is there an element to tomboy popularity that I'm missing? Is there an emotionally mature segment of men who are still into tomboys? Or is it all just a forced meme?


Edit:  Since this post has caused some confusion, let me clarify -- I'm asking about a narrow definition of tomboy as described in the meme and in threads about "tomboys", not "any woman who isn't 100% feminine in every way."  For those who don't want to click on the meme, the "tomboy gf" has the following non-traditional qualities:


    

  • 

    Thinks makeup is stupid
    

    • 

  • 

    Likes porn
    

    • 

  • 

    Likes video games
    

    • 

  • 

    Rough speech like "I'm gonna kick your ass/suck my dick/fag"
    

    • 

  • 

    Gets mistaken for a boy (presumably due to hairstyle and clothing)
    

    • 

  • 

    Puts you in headlocks/wrestles with yoy
    

    • 



				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of May 22, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Thanks for sharing.  But I'm nearly as tired of Holocaust-themed morality plays as I am of the Civil Rights Era-flavored ones.  Has anyone under age 70 not been bludgeoned through their entire lives with "Prejudice is bad!" and "The banality of evil!" and "Never again!" etc?


I don't understand people who write books on these themes in 2014.  Is there even the thinnest residue of stunning bravery to be mined and exploited by speaking truth to a (long vanquished) power?  I have to imagine that even blue tribers would yawn at yet another Holocaust tear jerker or To Kill a Mockingbird clone, "don't they know trans persecution or MAGA terrorism are where the points are scored in 2023?"  And even dispensing with the cynicism, is there really anything interesting left to say on these topics?  I'd wager that nearly any book you could write on them has already been written.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of May 15, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					


HBD is even weirder as probably at least sort of real science that Blue doesn't dare to acknowledge the existence of, and even Red mainstream shies away from.




Blues generally have a worldview that is very uncomfortable to reconcile with HBD, so that makes sense.


Reds' aversion to HBD is a little harder to figure out.  My theory is that conservatives as "progressives driving the speed limit" is broadly true, but that mainstream conservatives don't realize that they've absorbed many progressive axioms and that, consequently, they have sabotaged many of their strongest arguments against leftist programs like CRT.  When you're a conservative who believes in deeply in Equality, hates Racism, and believes in Women's Rights (but all "only to a certain extent and not as far as those crazy libs take it!") you've already given up the game.


So while a conservative from 1963 might have been comfortable with HBD, a conservative from 2023 has ceded too much ideological ground to feel comfortable with the idea.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of June 12, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
My reactions to reading your synopsis:


    

  • 

    This sounds like a social justice fantasy so outrageous that it borders on pornographic
    

    • 

  • 

    This sounds like what might actually happen today if the races were swapped (and sure enough @Folamh3 says it was; do you have a link to the case?)
    

    • 



To your prompts:


    

  1. 

    "No" to all those questions.  Alabama in 1996 is much closer to Alabama in 2023 than to Alabama in 1926.
    

    2. 

  2. 

    Not very differently.  Which is to say, both back then and today the jury would have been quite fair and just, unlike the ridiculous civil rights fantasy the movie portrays.  Alabama today might actually be slightly less tolerant than Alabamians in 1996, since back then they were on board with "colorblind" race relations as a sort of truce.  Now, racial identity politics and tribalism are on the rise, but I still don't think it would be enough to change how the trial would be handled.
    

    3. 

  3. 

    Light sentence for the murders of the two scumbags, and whatever the standard sentence is for unintentionally shooting someone.
    

    4. 



				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of May 29, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Care to speak plainly?  The rhetorical questions are getting tired.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Small-Scale Question Sunday for June 11, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Where do you go on the internet to have fun in 2023?


I used to frequent the chans back when there were many small ones, read a lot of SA, Fugly, iMockery, even early Cracked and some Maddox, among dozens of other small sites.  Then there was Stumbleupon which was like magic to me when it came out, and I came across all kinds of weird and interesting sites while using it.


I've outgrown a lot of those sites now -- they were a lot funnier when I was 15 -- but I haven't really found any new sites or communities that scratch the same itch.  I usually check this place first for interesting bathroom reading, then if there's nothing new I check a few subreddits, and if I'm truly desperate I'll open 4chan, although the noise/bots/spam seem to finally have killed any originality that was still lingering (except for during the rare major Happening).


Help me avoid reading books and going outside by recommending a few fun, funny, and/or interesting sites to read.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Small-Scale Question Sunday for May 7, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
What advice does The Motte have for someone who has never managed people before?


I'm starting a new manager role.  I will have 4 reports who are customer facing engineers.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Small-Scale Question Sunday for June 4, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Trigger warning: traditional gender roles


But I enjoy providing, protecting, and listening.  That's what men by nature want to do.  I think men who don't want to do that have something wrong with them, like women who hate children or want to spend their life in an office cubicle instead of marrying .  Those men are either abnormal or immature (I believe "manchildren" is the hip term).


I don't want my girlfriend to be my friend, she's not a dude, she's a romantic partner.  She fulfills a different need. I have male friends who fill the other role.  A tomboy just seems like subpar gf mixed with a subpar buddy.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of May 22, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
IME people who complain about their hobbies being "uncool" are actually just bad at talking about them and might just be bad conversationalists in general.  I think there's a right way and a wrong way to introduce "low status" hobbies:




"So are you into board games or card games?  You are?  Nice, which games?  Yeah, I like that one too.  These days I mainly play MTG with friends, have you ever played?  Oh really?  We should play sometime, I could show you the ropes."




vs.




"Hobbies? Well, I'm really into Magic The Gathering.  I was in a tournament last week.  I usually play with control decks, usually blue/black, but I've been experimenting with some new deck types lately.  I'm really excited for the March of the Machines. Do you like Magic?"




In the first example, the speaker gradually established that the other person was interested, while in the second example the speaker just sort of spaghetti'd all over the place with no concern for whether the other person was interested.   Just this past week I got into a conversation with a normies female coworker about anime over drinks and I ended up talking about some really niche shows.  The conversation was light-hearted and bidirectional, and she seemed to come away with an impression of me as "funny and quirky" rather than "creepy and nerdy."


It's all about how you steer the conversation and about whether you can laugh at yourself and handle little shit tests.  For example if in the above MTG example, she were to say something like




"Magic? Ugh really? My dorky little brother plays that."




you could respond with




"I dunno, he sounds like a pretty cool guy to me.  Maybe he'll let you borrow his deck so we can play.  So what sort of games do you like?"




instead of getting flustered or embarrassed.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of May 8, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I'm increasingly against the concept of "asylum" in general.  A lot of discussions about immigration seem to take it for granted that we must let in a nonzero percentage of "asylum seekers," that this is just some sort of given, or law of physics or something.  It's not.  The number of asylum seekers we have to take in is zero.


It must suck to live in a place controlled by warlords and gangs.  But life sucks in a lot of place and in a lot of time periods.  Sometimes it even sucks within the borders of the U.S. I don't believe I or my countrymen have a special moral duty to shelter every single person who shows up at the border with some unverifiable story of persecution.  The idea sounds good in theory, but in practice it is one of those ideas that seems unstable in its theoretical limited form and which inevitably decays into its more stable degraded, excessive, unlimited form (see also college financial aid).


Even a midwit like me can tell that there are simply too many people in LatAm and the 3rd world for the U.S. to absorb without impacting the living standards of Americans, so I have to suspect that "taking care of asylum seekers" is really a pretext for serving some other ideological belief, like "increasing diversity" or "destroying white hegemony" or "free market absolutism."  I guess there are a few true believers among the suicidally altruistic (religious charities come to mind) but I wager that they're a minority and are mostly the "useful idiots" that the ideologues in power use to further their ideologies.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Small-Scale Question Sunday for June 4, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					


Would you rather have sex with your buddy or your kid?




An adult woman who doesn't pretend to be a man is a kid?


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of June 5, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					


Are there synonyms for international or global that start with “T”?




Transnational?


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of June 12, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Oops, good catch, my wording was completely wrong. I meant that if two black men abused and killed a white child, I wouldn't be surprised for them to get away with a relatively light sentence.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of June 12, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					


Russia has apparently been abducting tens, possibly hundreds of thousands of Ukrainian Children. The prospects of getting these kids BACK even if Ukraine wins are slim-to-none.




I'm no Russia apologist but this seems like maximally uncharitable framing, and I'm extremely skeptical of that wiki article since it seems like blue tribe has thrown in completely with Zelensky.  Having never heard of that, I assumed that Russians were literally driving around in vans and snagging kids to send them back to the motherland to process into Soylent Green or something since I can't imagine why they would bother rounding up kids in a war zone.  But apparently they're just collecting war orphans, kids who were stuck in government institutions, and kids who were orphans before  the war broke out, and trying to place them in Russian homes.


I'm not really sure what the alternative is.  Send them across a chaotic active military front?  Leave them to scrounge for rats to eat in bombed out apartment blocks?  Having read the AP news article cited in the wiki (NYT one is paywalled), the biggest complaints are that the kids aren't being sent to the other side of Ukraine (which makes sense since as far as Russia is concerned eastern Ukraine is part of Russia now) and that the kids are being taught Russian which apparently counts as "genocide."  From the kids' perspectives, western Ukraine and Russia are probably both very foreign, and wherever they get sent in Russia will almost certainly be farther away from the warzone then wherever they'd end up in Ukraine.


This is as bad as "kids in cages," and it makes it really hard for me to take seriously any claims of Russian war crimes (of which I'm sure there are many real examples) since western media is so eager to exaggerate to push an image of Russians as sadistic child-stealing orcs.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of June 12, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
That was always strange to me.  Who are the real Masters if Slave Morality is strong enough to subdue Master Morality?  It reminds me of the JQ paradox, that Jews are simultaneously weak, cowardly, dissolute, and pathetic, and also somehow powerful, full of chutzpah, fanatical, and fearsome.  Does Nietzsche ever address why Master Morality is not naturally dominant since it's apparently so awesome and life-affirming?


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of May 29, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I've seen you post comments in opposition to idpol many times now but I'm still not sure what you believe.  To me the argument that adopting idpol in the U.S. is tantamount to pressing the "defect" button in order to benefit at the expense of other groups who must coexist with you.  So the logical response is for those other groups to start pushing "defect" themselves lest their lunches get eaten.


I'm not a fan o  white nationalism and I think that "white" is a very incoherent, borderline-nonsensical concept in the U.S.  But it seems like as a non-BIPOC person my long term choices are "do nothing and eventually pay reparations" or "start advocating for my racial group or coalition in order to counter enemy idpol tactics."  I would prefer a third way.  You seem to think there is one, so what is it?


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Small-Scale Question Sunday for June 4, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
You're arguing in favor of a broad definition of tomboy, while I'm talking about something rather narrow.  From the linked meme in the OP:


    

  • 

    Thinks makeup is stupid
    

    • 

  • 

    Likes porn
    

    • 

  • 

    Likes video games
    

    • 

  • 

    Rough speech like "I'm gonna kick your ass/suck my dick/fag"
    

    • 

  • 

    Gets mistaken for a boy
    

    • 

  • 

    Puts you in headlocks
    

    • 



Sounds like a boy or young man to me.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of May 15, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Housing in Japan isn't affordable.  Houses are small, probably roughly half of the sqft you'd get in most of the U.S. for the same dollars (my "huge" house in the countryside that shocked my co-workers was just over 1400sqft and it had 4BR, lol).  The construction quality is shit, very poor insulation, crappy building materials that degrade significantly in the first 10-20 years.  And all this for the low prices of 30,000,000 to 45,000,000 JPY if you want something new, or 25,000,000 to 35,000,000 if you want something used.  And get ready to live in a 1000sqft "house" with maybe 1-2 meters of "land" surrounding your house, if that.  (Yes, even in the countryside -- they build houses 1 meter apart even in the midst of massive open spaces.)  AND! You get to pay for it with your Japanese salary, which PPP-adjusted is worth about half of an American salary.


As for why this is, the most plausible reasons seem to be that


    

  1. 

    Brain drain to the cities is extreme and WFH hasn't taken off nearly as much -- most people are still trying to cram themselves into Tokyo
    

    2. 

  2. 

    Home construction is a racket -- There are a handful of massive national level builders that sit on top of a truly insane byzantine network of contractors, sub contractors, and sub sub sub contractors so that building even with shitty materials becomes horribly expensive due to the sheer number of parties taking their cut.  This also makes QC'ing your house nearly impossible because there's no single "contractor" to hold accountable, it's buck-passing all the way down
    

    3. 

  3. 

    Penalties for sitting on land are very low -- the attitude towards owning property here seems to be "sit on it and hope you win the lottery."  I personally know people who own land in the countryside and who have zero plans for it -- it's just there, it's costing almost nothing, and maybe someday someone will want to buy it, who knows?  And of course there's the famous inheritance/ownership problem, where a piece of land gets passed down to half a dozen grandchildren, only some of them cannot be located (and might even be purposely avoiding being located in order to dodge taxes) so nothing can ever be legally done with the land and it just sits in limbo forever.
    

    4. 



				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Small-Scale Question Sunday for May 7, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Thanks, this is helpful.


Delegation is almost done, I think.  I'll be fully out of IC tasks by next week, and from then on I'll only be working on low-priority tech work to keep my skills sharp (my boss encourages this).


I'm taking copious notes during 1:1 because I am indeed bad with kids' names and birthdays.  But more importantly I want to be able get into their heads as you describe and motivate them by findng cool career building opportunities and stimulating work for them.


What's your strategy for feedback?  I'm thinking of asking for written feedback quarterly in the vein of "What are two things I could be doing differently to better serve you and the team?" but also asking for opinions on individual during our weekly 1:1s.


Direct communication of deadlines and task assignments is something I'm not too worried about since I've never really felt guilty or awkward about it.  I've personally always liked terse, direct managers because it keeps the interaction short so that I can go back to what I was doing.  I think it also helps to know your people so that you can triage work to people who will enjoy it and anticipate pushback from people who might not.   Any potential pitfalls I might be missing due to my inexperience, though?


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Small-Scale Question Sunday for June 4, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					


My wife is pretty tomboyish, and we have a pretty normal relationship minus the occasionally flipped gender roles.




This is actually how my relationship is, but I wouldn't call my wife a tomboy.  Maybe we need more shades of meaning than "wheat field tradwife" and "tomboy."




And since we're pathologizing each other's preferences,




I don't think you're the sort of person I'm talking about in the OP, but thanks I guess.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of June 5, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
No, it's not enough, because you and I both know that these cases will never be reopened so it costs you absolutely nothing to take that stance.  Very principled and also very convenient.


As someone above posted, the only way to deescalate this sort of partisan spiral is for your side to willingly take an L.  If the Dems showed that they had Trump dead to rights but then loudly proclaimed that they refused to stoop to politically motivated prosecution, I would be impressed.  Or, if they prosecuted Trump and then also began looking into Hunter Biden, I would be impressed.  But until then, if it looks/walks/smells like political partisanship then it probably is, and all the self-righteous throat clearing in the world isn't going to change anyone's mind.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of May 29, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I don't come to The Motte for wiki links and one liners.  That's Reddit-tier discourse.  If someone has a point to make, they should state it explicitly so the countours of the argument are plain.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of May 22, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
In the second example, I don't think she actually really has any particular strong feelings about MTG. She's just jabbing you a bit to see what you'll do.  The correct response is to make a little joke and move on.


Your response IMO comes across as trying a bit too hard to convey "I'm totally not a dweeb!!" You're responding to directly to her little jab and "entering her frame," as they say.  Plus you're calling her brother odd and she might think you're a dick for that (she's feels she's allowed to do that but you, a stranger, are not).


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of May 22, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Is this new? I don't think I've been in a Target since Covid.  I don't remember Target or Walmart stocking LGBT themed stuff even in places like the greater Seattle area.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of May 15, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Here it is from Gillette's official account: https://youtube.com/watch?v=koPmuEyP3a0