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DinoInNameOnly

Wow, imagine if this situation was reversed

0 followers   follows 1 user  
joined 2022 September 06 17:23:50 UTC

I sometimes write about whatever I find interesting. Software Engineer by day. Rationalist-adjacent, I guess.

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User ID: 873


				
				
				

			

		

	














	


		


			



	

		

			

			

				

					

						

							
						

						

							
							

								
DinoInNameOnly


								

								

								
								
								

								
							
					
 
				


				
Wow, imagine if this situation was reversed

				
				
				

				

					0 followers  

					follows 1 user  

					joined 2022 September 06 17:23:50 UTC
				


				
					

					
I sometimes write about whatever I find interesting. Software Engineer by day. Rationalist-adjacent, I guess.



				

				

				

				

				

					

					

					
					
					

					
User ID: 873


					
					
					
				

			


					

						
							
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				Wellness Wednesday for November 1, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
How often do you spend time socially with somebody 1-1 who is not a family member or someone you’re dating? What do you do, and how do you initiate the interaction?


I realized that I basically never do this since I graduated college, and wondering what other people’s experiences are.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Wellness Wednesday for October 18, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Thanks for your reply. For what it’s worth, my experience is not consistent with the theory that “tier 2” social events have higher ratios of women than “tier 1” social events. I’ve been to private parties that are almost entirely men.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Wellness Wednesday for October 18, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I’m astonished that anyone ever managed to date without dating apps.


I’m a 25-year-old man. This year I have been living a very social, outgoing lifestyle. To explain what I mean by that, this is what I’ve done in the past month.


    

  1. I went to 4 concerts
    2. 

  2. I went to a friend’s birthday party
    3. 

  3. I went to 8 Meetup events. Most of them were with a group called “20 somethings in [city]” that mainly does happy hours but I also went to a few board game events and an improv session.
    4. 

  4. I hosted 2 game nights myself.
    5. 

  5. I informally gathered with friends at bars 2 times
    6. 

  6. I went rock climbing with friends 2 times
    7. 

  7. I went to a haunted house with some friends.
    8. 



These weren’t all with the same friends. I have lots of friends and I make new ones fairly often.


I’m hoping to eventually find a girlfriend, and other than dating apps it’s common advice to be very social and meet new people. I do. (Not only for this reason, I also like it.)


The problem is the demographics of those friends. I made a spreadsheet of everyone I’ve done social activities with lately and it was like 70% men and 25% women who are in relationships. Even though it was like 60-70 people, only a handful were single women. And of course being single and female is not the only criteria for being a good match for me. I’ve still yet to go out with a woman I didn’t meet online.


I don’t really understand how anyone did this in the Before Times because I don’t really think my situation is that unusual. I think it’s normal for a man to have more male friends than female friends and it’s also normal for many people in their mid 20s to be in relationships.


For people who regularly find or used to find people to date by means other than dating apps / the Internet, how does it actually work? Is my problem that my milieu is really unusual for having a low ratio of single women? Or is meeting people to date at general social activities unusual for everyone, and “cold approaches” more common than I’d assumed?


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Wellness Wednesday for October 4, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I don’t think I would ever get a female roommate… Apparently for you it went very well, but it definitely has the potential to go badly, including in ways that at first appeared to be going very well.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Wellness Wednesday for October 4, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
How did partnered Mottizens meet their partners? I appreciate all responses but more detail is more interesting, e.g. “we sat next to each other in our second year chemical engineering course and bonded by venting about our terrible professor” is more interesting than “college.”


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Wellness Wednesday for September 20, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Probably, yeah


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Wellness Wednesday for September 20, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Thank you. She’s not a big texter AFAICT and the most likely thing that happened was that she read this and thought about it for 30 seconds and forgot to reply because she was in the middle of something and had other more urgent messages which really isn’t that bad, but I can’t help overthinking.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Wellness Wednesday for September 20, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Thanks for the kind response. This helped me feel less bad about it.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Wellness Wednesday for September 20, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Thanks for the reply. In-person wasn’t really a practical option; we meet too rarely and only in group settings.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Wellness Wednesday for September 20, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Thanks for the feedback. Re: The first bullet, those sorts of “dates that aren’t dates” are how I used to approach things and my experience was that it’s a good way to make friends. So I started trying to be more direct.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Wellness Wednesday for September 20, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
They say “the worst thing she can say is no” but I asked a woman who I’m sorta friends with on a date via text and she read the message but hasn’t responded for 11 days and that’s so much worse than “no.”


I’m pretty sure I didn’t do anything wrong but I guess I just want feedback on this message as a sanity check.




Hi [name]






I just want to say that I think you're really kind and intelligent and interesting and pretty and I'd like to go on a date with you some time if you're interested.






If not, it's not a big deal, we can pretend this didn't happen and keep being friends lol




				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of April 24, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I haven’t heard this before. Do you have any link about this?


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of April 24, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
The Republican party is not the same thing as conservatism. In the 70s, 80s, and 90s, there were lots of conservative Democrats in elected office; now there are basically none. I agree that conservatives were in a better position in 2017 than they are in 2023 or were in 2009, but it’s certainly not an all-time high watermark for conservatism.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Wellness Wednesday for January 25, 2023
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					


I do well with older men and young(ish) women, most younger men do better with young men and older women




Why?


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Stop that! It’s not Tourette’s but a new type of mass sociogenic illness
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
It's not Tourette's because it's a mass sociogenic illness that mimics Tourette's, according to the article. But I interpreted your comment as saying that it's a sociogenic illness either, it's kids consciously faking Tourette's to get out of work.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Stop that! It’s not Tourette’s but a new type of mass sociogenic illness
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
I’m really not convinced anyone is consciously deciding to fake tourette’s to get out of schoolwork.


    

  1. 

    Tourette’s doesn’t really get you out of schoolwork. It’s not contagious so you don’t need to be kept away from other people and it’s not a condition that goes away after a day or two of rest so there’s no reason to allow that time.
    

    2. 

  2. 

    Tourette’s is a permanent condition, which means deciding to fake it credibly is a lifelong commitment.
    

    3. 

  3. 

    It’s a difficult condition to fake. If you tell your parents you have a stomachache or a headache, they just have to take your word for it, but someone faking tourette’s has to remember to tic regularly.
    

    4. 



Anyone who thought about it for a minute would realize, as you did, that it makes way more sense to fake an infection.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of December 5, 2022
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
If you lose the advertisers, you lose the site, and then there's no free speech at all for anyone on Twitter... I think he's trying to do the most pro-speech things that are practically possible.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Wellness Wednesday for November 23, 2022
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Unemployed for a while before I start my next job. I’m staying with family and I’ve ruled out significant travel because I want to spend time with them. But I won’t be glued to them 24/7 so I have a lot of free time. How should I spend it? More importantly, how do I hold myself to whatever I decide to do instead of watching YouTube all day?


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of November 7, 2022
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Mods, can we have an election mega thread please? It seems likely to dominate discussion for this week.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of October 31, 2022
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					


here's a link to my repost on /r/Medicine, since Reddit's abominable search function makes it impossible to dredge up the original, which had one of the few comments Scott makes in these parts on it, still a highlight of my Reddit career:




I found the TheMotte comment. This website is good for searching Reddit comments.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of October 24, 2022
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
We do have data about comments per day etc. See www.themotte.org/stats, www.themotte.org/daily_chart, and www.themotte.org/weekly_chart.


Actually the daily and weekly charts aren't working right now for some reason but they normally do.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of October 24, 2022
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
It looks like a developer finally got around to hiding scores for 24 hours on this site (Thanks, FatherInire). I'm curious if people thought that the scores being shown immediately changed how they interacted with or saw the forum. For me it made things feel a lot more confrontational and higher-stakes, I'm glad we're hiding scores again. Immediately visible scores encourages dog-piling and "ratio-ing" in my opinion which goes against the goal of this forum.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of October 10, 2022
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
Like who?


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of October 10, 2022
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
The analogous case to art being used to train a model is code being used to train a model, and that's what GitHub Copilot and OpenAI Codex are. Most software engineers like the idea.


				

				

						

							

								
							

						


						
					

				
			


			

	


			
			
				

			
		

	






		

			
			
				Culture War Roundup for the week of October 10, 2022
			
		

	

	

	

		
			

			

				

			

		

			


				

					
A difference between Gawker and Alex Jones is that Gawker is a company and Alex Jones is an individual. What that means is that Gawker can file for bankruptcy as a company and leave much the personal wealth of the individuals involved out of it. The individual who published Hogan's sex tape, A. J. Daulerio, did not have his life ruined and pretty much carried on as usual; He went on to found a website and newsletter called The Small Bow. The individual who founded Gawker, Nick Denton, was "only" on the hook for $10M personally (this sounds like a lot but remember it's 1% of what Alex Jones was fined for) and is apparently running a venture called Dialog Engineers.