@DinoInNameOnly's banner p


Wow, imagine if this situation was reversed

0 followers   follows 1 user  
joined 2022 September 06 17:23:50 UTC

I sometimes write about whatever I find interesting. Software Engineer by day. Rationalist-adjacent, I guess.

Verified Email


User ID: 873


Wow, imagine if this situation was reversed

0 followers   follows 1 user   joined 2022 September 06 17:23:50 UTC


I sometimes write about whatever I find interesting. Software Engineer by day. Rationalist-adjacent, I guess.


User ID: 873

Verified Email

The only sources I’ve seen covering this are not exactly paragons of journalism

The New York Times is now reporting it too.

How often do you spend time socially with somebody 1-1 who is not a family member or someone you’re dating? What do you do, and how do you initiate the interaction?

I realized that I basically never do this since I graduated college, and wondering what other people’s experiences are.

Thanks for your reply. For what it’s worth, my experience is not consistent with the theory that “tier 2” social events have higher ratios of women than “tier 1” social events. I’ve been to private parties that are almost entirely men.

I’m astonished that anyone ever managed to date without dating apps.

I’m a 25-year-old man. This year I have been living a very social, outgoing lifestyle. To explain what I mean by that, this is what I’ve done in the past month.

  1. I went to 4 concerts
  2. I went to a friend’s birthday party
  3. I went to 8 Meetup events. Most of them were with a group called “20 somethings in [city]” that mainly does happy hours but I also went to a few board game events and an improv session.
  4. I hosted 2 game nights myself.
  5. I informally gathered with friends at bars 2 times
  6. I went rock climbing with friends 2 times
  7. I went to a haunted house with some friends.

These weren’t all with the same friends. I have lots of friends and I make new ones fairly often.

I’m hoping to eventually find a girlfriend, and other than dating apps it’s common advice to be very social and meet new people. I do. (Not only for this reason, I also like it.)

The problem is the demographics of those friends. I made a spreadsheet of everyone I’ve done social activities with lately and it was like 70% men and 25% women who are in relationships. Even though it was like 60-70 people, only a handful were single women. And of course being single and female is not the only criteria for being a good match for me. I’ve still yet to go out with a woman I didn’t meet online.

I don’t really understand how anyone did this in the Before Times because I don’t really think my situation is that unusual. I think it’s normal for a man to have more male friends than female friends and it’s also normal for many people in their mid 20s to be in relationships.

For people who regularly find or used to find people to date by means other than dating apps / the Internet, how does it actually work? Is my problem that my milieu is really unusual for having a low ratio of single women? Or is meeting people to date at general social activities unusual for everyone, and “cold approaches” more common than I’d assumed?

I don’t think I would ever get a female roommate… Apparently for you it went very well, but it definitely has the potential to go badly, including in ways that at first appeared to be going very well.

How did partnered Mottizens meet their partners? I appreciate all responses but more detail is more interesting, e.g. “we sat next to each other in our second year chemical engineering course and bonded by venting about our terrible professor” is more interesting than “college.”

Probably, yeah

Thank you. She’s not a big texter AFAICT and the most likely thing that happened was that she read this and thought about it for 30 seconds and forgot to reply because she was in the middle of something and had other more urgent messages which really isn’t that bad, but I can’t help overthinking.

Thanks for the kind response. This helped me feel less bad about it.

Thanks for the reply. In-person wasn’t really a practical option; we meet too rarely and only in group settings.

Thanks for the feedback. Re: The first bullet, those sorts of “dates that aren’t dates” are how I used to approach things and my experience was that it’s a good way to make friends. So I started trying to be more direct.

They say “the worst thing she can say is no” but I asked a woman who I’m sorta friends with on a date via text and she read the message but hasn’t responded for 11 days and that’s so much worse than “no.”

I’m pretty sure I didn’t do anything wrong but I guess I just want feedback on this message as a sanity check.

Hi [name]

I just want to say that I think you're really kind and intelligent and interesting and pretty and I'd like to go on a date with you some time if you're interested.

If not, it's not a big deal, we can pretend this didn't happen and keep being friends lol

I haven’t heard this before. Do you have any link about this?

The Republican party is not the same thing as conservatism. In the 70s, 80s, and 90s, there were lots of conservative Democrats in elected office; now there are basically none. I agree that conservatives were in a better position in 2017 than they are in 2023 or were in 2009, but it’s certainly not an all-time high watermark for conservatism.

I do well with older men and young(ish) women, most younger men do better with young men and older women


It's not Tourette's because it's a mass sociogenic illness that mimics Tourette's, according to the article. But I interpreted your comment as saying that it's a sociogenic illness either, it's kids consciously faking Tourette's to get out of work.

I’m really not convinced anyone is consciously deciding to fake tourette’s to get out of schoolwork.

  1. Tourette’s doesn’t really get you out of schoolwork. It’s not contagious so you don’t need to be kept away from other people and it’s not a condition that goes away after a day or two of rest so there’s no reason to allow that time.

  2. Tourette’s is a permanent condition, which means deciding to fake it credibly is a lifelong commitment.

  3. It’s a difficult condition to fake. If you tell your parents you have a stomachache or a headache, they just have to take your word for it, but someone faking tourette’s has to remember to tic regularly.

Anyone who thought about it for a minute would realize, as you did, that it makes way more sense to fake an infection.

If you lose the advertisers, you lose the site, and then there's no free speech at all for anyone on Twitter... I think he's trying to do the most pro-speech things that are practically possible.

Unemployed for a while before I start my next job. I’m staying with family and I’ve ruled out significant travel because I want to spend time with them. But I won’t be glued to them 24/7 so I have a lot of free time. How should I spend it? More importantly, how do I hold myself to whatever I decide to do instead of watching YouTube all day?

Mods, can we have an election mega thread please? It seems likely to dominate discussion for this week.

here's a link to my repost on /r/Medicine, since Reddit's abominable search function makes it impossible to dredge up the original, which had one of the few comments Scott makes in these parts on it, still a highlight of my Reddit career:

I found the TheMotte comment. This website is good for searching Reddit comments.

We do have data about comments per day etc. See www.themotte.org/stats, www.themotte.org/daily_chart, and www.themotte.org/weekly_chart.

Actually the daily and weekly charts aren't working right now for some reason but they normally do.

It looks like a developer finally got around to hiding scores for 24 hours on this site (Thanks, FatherInire). I'm curious if people thought that the scores being shown immediately changed how they interacted with or saw the forum. For me it made things feel a lot more confrontational and higher-stakes, I'm glad we're hiding scores again. Immediately visible scores encourages dog-piling and "ratio-ing" in my opinion which goes against the goal of this forum.

Like who?

The analogous case to art being used to train a model is code being used to train a model, and that's what GitHub Copilot and OpenAI Codex are. Most software engineers like the idea.