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PaperclipPerfector  6mo ago (text post)   1441 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for October 4, 2023

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Feeling a little depressed the past week. Not really bad but it kind of came out of nowhere since my mood has mostly been good over the past few months. Was in the gym and couldn't even finish my workout. Not really much of a reason for it, just dredged up some really unpleasant thoughts. I suppose I'm a bit anxious about gaining weight and not getting the results I want.

More pleasantly, I started learning to ride a bike today. I've always been very embarrassed and self-conscious about not being able to ride a bike, but a friend very nicely agreed to help me. It's something I hope to be competent in by the time I go to New Zealand.

The bike thing is cool. If you have a good place to ride bikes can be insanely fun.

I don't know how experienced your friend is in teaching adults to ride, or how far you've gotten. But assuming you're still at the literally learning how to balance the bike stage you might consider taking the peddles off and lowering the saddle to use it as a balance bike for a hour or two. Demonstrated here starting from 5:28, but the whole video is worth watching if you are brand new to riding a bike. I don't think adults learn it that much slower than kids, they just tend to have more fear since they are falling from higher. If you are a beginner in the new to the trail sense he also has a good series, would also recommend KyleAprilRideMTB in that case.

Oh, I got balance and coasting fairly quickly and after about 20 minutes was pedalling short distances (about 50 metres or so) and did a few turns. Very wobbly and I found it stressful or lost control of my direction and had to brake, but definitely a good start. I've ridden a bike before only once about 12 years ago.

My friend helped mostly by giving me a push to get some initial speed.

Sounds like your well on your way. Even if it was 12 years ago the muscle memory for riding a bike is very weirdly persistent... Still recommend the video for a very rough description of how the dynamics work, somewhere around the 2:20 mark. If you ever have trouble with the getting started part I recommend this page.

I learned to ride a bike as an adult a few years ago. Learning it was pretty much just falling off of the thing for two or three hours. I think it was just one day of that. The next day I got on it and was able to ride it, though not particularly well. It didn't turn out to be as hard as I thought. I hope it's the same for you. Good luck, but you won't need luck, just determination.

Can any resident lawyers here provide some insights on the decision to attend law school? I have a mostly-worthless journalism degree that I somewhat aimlessly (though debtlessly) acquired with a 3.0 GPA, and have over the last year suddenly become highly motivated and interested in getting my life on track (Late, I know!). Feel trapped in a cycle of working poorly-paying jobs related to my major and I'm looking for something that will open some doors for myself after spending years passing them by.

I'm smart, and I'm pulling ~175 on practice LSATs, and I have enough outside interest in legal affairs to read state-level court rulings on my own time, but I'm on the fence about the whole thing.

Primary concerns are:

  • The impression I seem to get from the internet is that lawyers are all miserable alcoholics who wish they had become software engineers. Why would I spend 3 years to become more miserable than I already am?
  • Bimodal income distribution. If I can bump up my LSAT a few more points, I have a decent chance of getting into a top school, (especially with AA bonus points) but is it just not worth going at all if I don't manage to pull that? Not super interested in spending 3 years to graduate and then earn $65k.
  • Debt. Law school seems unreasonably expensive. I doubt I can get many scholarships if I manage to squeak into a T14 level school, and while my score would likely net me large scholarships at a regional school, that just brings me back to the previous point.

It doesn't seem like a bad option, but in some sense only because I can't think of a better one with the hole I've dug myself into.

(For anyone who remembers by months-old post about mining, that is still progressing slowly. I'm able to consistently make small batches of metal from ore now, but upscaling it requires a minimum $50,000 equipment investment, and I have nowhere near that amount of money on hand. Ore from one location in particular is producing some sort of steel-like metal that is unbelievably hard and surprisingly light. High vanadium content is probably a factor, but there's a lot of other stuff in it. A supermagnet-producer took interest in some tests that demonstrate dense concentrations of neodymium, but again lost interest when it came to quantity caps.)

The impression I seem to get from the internet is that lawyers are all miserable alcoholics who wish they had become software engineers.

20 years ago, my girlfriend's CS professor told me I should quit working at Microsoft and go to law school because that's where the real money is. I almost did it, too, until I found out that you have to work like 80 hours a week for years to make partner and start making said real money. Tech is best for smart lazy people.

Interesting guy, though. He taught theory of computation, but I don't think he actually knew anything about software engineering. I can't believe he's still alive; back then he weighed at least 300 pounds and had recently had a stroke.

Obligatory not a lawyer, but yeah I'd say your concerns are fair. I've heard a lot of lawyers and other people I respect say not to go to law school unless you have a really strong GPA, go to a top school, and have the connections to get into Big Law.

Recently been closing in on a possible job offer - fully remote, 40k raise on my current position. The work is quite different from what I'm doing now, electrical engineering design, and this would be more software configuration and setup for client end-use, where engineering knowledge is a big plus in interpreting customer requests. Anyone made a change like this before? Remote Work sounds exciting but I'm worried that the grass isn't greener there, more money sounds good but I really really like what I'm doing right now and the thought of leaving it is really hard.

Do it. Even if you won't like it, it's new experience and a new compensation plateau.

What kind of electrical engineering do you do?

Remote work is fantastic, but five days a week alone in your apartment can be a huge drag. Something to consider before going completely remote.

Also, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to appreciate company culture much more. Some companies really care about their employees. Some companies could give a shit. If that’s important to you, also something to think about.

I design and draft electrical drawings for commercial and industrial construction jobs - basically stamp and hand off to electrician and then babysit more or less until job is done. It's a lot of fun, every job is different, get to go on field trips, learn about logistics and construction.

I would be stuck at my house with wife and kids, who are generally well behaved so it wouldn't be a nightmare or anything (well, easy to say now). We've talked about possibilities of traveling way more and just working on the road during the summer (wife is stay at home). But again, grass is really rarely greener, which concerns me about this stuff

I can tell you my experience as someone who has worked as an electrical engineer in the power industry. I left my first job (where I also put together electrical blueprints) to do consulting work. I found it to be very boring, slow, and unfulfilling. There was none of the excitement of watching my design actually getting built and none of the camaraderie you get when working with construction guys. I regretted my decision and ended up returning to my first company about three years after I had left.

One of the reasons I left in the first place was because I HAD to be in the office 8AM to 5PM Monday through Friday. This schedule, coupled with an hour commute each way, sucked the soul out of my body. I was too tired to do anything after work and during the weekend, I was so burnt out from the work week, I hardly left the house. This was always going to be unsustainable for me, even for as much as I enjoyed the work and the team atmosphere.

One of the conditions of my return to my company was the option to work from home two to three days a week. They begrudgingly agreed to this request and I’ve had a hybrid schedule ever since. And honestly, it’s fucking wonderful. I go into the office two days a week, get a ton of work done, hang out with my team, and show my face to let everyone know I’m still working. I work three days remotely, saving a ton on commuting expenses, food, and most importantly, my time. I’m able to do things on weeknights without feeling exhausted. I can run errands during the day instead of after work. It’s a complete game changer and I am super fortunate to be in this situation.

So for me, I’ve found a company with a perfect work schedule, great company culture, and reasonable pay. For you, I can only recommend doing some soul searching on remote work. For most people, it’s a benefit. But for some, the isolation is grueling. The other thing to think about is the company culture. If that is important to you, and you’re not a person who just wants to get his work done and get his paycheck, you might inquire about that from the new company.

Lastly, you’re getting a 40k raise. Even if you find the work is not what you signed up for, you can grind it out for two years, stack a lot of extra money, and figure it out after that.

This is helpful thanks. It sounds like you liked the same things I like about my current job. I think my plan is to take the job if it's offered, keep living at an income level based on my current income, and if it doesn't work out - I won't burn any bridges and I see a number of people that come back to my company after a few years, so my thought is they keep the door pretty open. At least I could pay off my student loans and put a decent dent in my mortgage before my rate goes up in 2 years

No problem, and good luck!

Remote work is good if you're experienced and don't need a lot of hand-holding.

Last time

I've leveled out the weight loss at roughly 26 bmi, 28.5% body fat, and 30 lbs of fat loss since starting the semaglutide shots.

The goal was to slide off the shots and maintain the diet, but to hit my goal (another 20 lbs of still remain) I've added in some more exercise than just the dumbbells and short walks. I've always hated cardio, but the immediate social gains of having lost this much weight are so noticeable that i'd be a moron not to start doing more.

I've picked up a copy of p90 and the insanity workout video series and will be half-assing them. The goal isn't to be bulky, it's to lose the chub. We'll see if, through winter, I'll be able to maintain everything I've lost so far.

how long you been on it? maximizing dosage could lead to further weight loss. From what I read and my own personal experience, cardio in the form of walking does not do much for weight loss. The weight that is initially lost is due to glycogen depletion, sweating, etc and very little fat, which is negated by eating more and metabolic adaptation. I think the benefit of cardio is it keeps you distracted so you are not thinking about food

I've always hated cardio...

Not to be too tedious, but what have you tried? Have you biked anywhere cool? Tried trail-running anywhere that's beautiful? Gotten fit enough to feel competitive in local races? I know it's ultimately not going to be for everyone, but it sure seems like a lot of the hating cardio that people experience is dealing with the initial stages of it just generally feeling shitty until you're fit enough to do it easily. I would encourage you to try out some of the more interesting modalities and above all slow down until it genuinely feels easy. Half-assing HIIT (which really should be a physically and mentally difficult and draining activity) is basically just not doing HIIT, as where aerobic fitness gains can come from surprisingly easy efforts.

I have. Of the cardio sports I come closest to enjoying, I enjoy swimming the most, but don't have a pool I can use that's within a reasonable range. I'm not a very competitive person, and much prefer personal challenges.

If I had a really nice bike I would consider it, but I don't live in a terribly bike-friendly area.

and will be half-assing them

The point of HIIT and circuit type workouts is that the high intensity makes up for the lack of total volume and specificity. If you are going to half-ass them you would almost certainly be better off either:

  1. Adding an additional short walk in your day
  2. Extending one of your short walks to a long walk during the day
  3. Substituting one of your daily walks with actual high intensity intervals 2-3 times a week. On a fan bike, erg, ski erg etc. if you are worried about joint impact. Like so intense you feel like throwing up.
  4. Adding conventional resistance training of some sort.
  5. Some combination of the above.

For item 4, calisthenics might be okay for your application, but barbells and machines tend to scale better. Given your goals, preserving skeletal muscle should be included in your plan. Your body has no other source of stored amino-acids to preserve heart and other organ tissue during periods when you are fasted . If your goal is to look trim, developing some lats and delts will make your waist look proportionally smaller from the front and back. Developing your chest and glutes will make your waist look proportionally smaller in profile.

That kind of advice is simply intractable for me. I know what I will or won't do, and have tried going full hiit in the past, it just sucks and there's no mental reward for doing it. I don't get runner's highs or other forms of mental reward for working out. The best that will happen is people notice and compliment me.

Obviously the intent is to build up to full hiit intervals but I'm not going to do the insanity videos at their full schedule. I'm not going to pick up a pace or schedule that's more punishing than rewarding.

At any rate, thanks for the practical suggestions, I'll keep those in mind and see if they will fit my routine.

How did partnered Mottizens meet their partners? I appreciate all responses but more detail is more interesting, e.g. “we sat next to each other in our second year chemical engineering course and bonded by venting about our terrible professor” is more interesting than “college.”

We initially became acquainted while preparing for an exam that would let us practise in the UK as doctors. Once we passed it, we had free time on our hands, and ended up deciding to do a research paper for our portfolio, only to have that trip out to talk to professors turn into a dinner date, and then we ended up finding a slot for the next exam earlier than anticipated, and so we ended up traveling to the UK for a month, almost ready to murder each other after living in close quarters with nothing to do but study.

It's just been our first anniversary, so I can only suppose it worked out.

Work. My senior colleague quit, I got promoted, she was hired to fill my old position. She would often come to my desk to ask work-related questions and instead of taking a chair or bending down would kneel to look at my screen. One day I impulsively slapped her butt when she did that and told her to take a chair and sit down like a normal human being. Didn't get slapped in return, reasoned that I had a chance with her. Invited her to a movie later.

Man, the olden times really did used to be different.

The good old aughties.

Wow, you're a lucky man. Either that, socially oblivious, or extremely risk tolerant. Congratulations, I suppose.

I agree, that was a lucky impulse. I'm generally extremely risk averse

Tinder.

College.

She joined an academic/social club I was already a member of. One tradition was for new members to spend all their time during a couple weeks in a library study room when they weren't in class to bond, older members would bounce in and out. I attribute this absolutely gorgeous woman falling for me primarily to that context: I had all the social proof in the universe right there, everyone knew me and in an academic context I came across pretty alpha.

She basically formed a plan to break me up with my mediocre then-gf and sleep with me. She is very goal oriented. I initially did not see her as an appropriate sexual target because of the context, and was fairly oblivious, thought we were just becoming really good friends. She joked to a friend years later, when she thought I couldn't hear, that she was like a falcon and I was like a rabbit running across a field.

Within a year of beginning to date, she has reserved (her first initial)(my last name)@gmail. She knew what she wanted, and she got it.

My god feminine agency is hot. I hope your wife is teaching this behaviour to the next generation.

Within a year of beginning to date, she has reserved (her first initial)(my last name)@gmail. She knew what she wanted, and she got it.

Adorable.

I asked her out in high school. LDS so good dating culture imo.

We were in the same Peace Corps cohort. He kept inviting me on romantic outings to visit various walled cities and ruined castles.

We met at a Church youth conference. The conference put all the youth in different groups (EFY for anyone LDS or adjacent) of various ages - I redshirted myself into the 14-16 group as a 16 year old so I could be the oldest, as opposed to being youngest in 16-18 group. My (now wife) was 14. We took a photo together! She was from a city 6 hours away, lost contact. The next year, she was in my sisters group and confessed that she had a crush on me...

Fast forward, I'm in my early 20s and happen to end up in her older brothers congregation. We become friends, and I make a joke about dating his sister. He mentions this to her, phone numbers get exchanged, she comes to my house and I make (very soggy) grilled cheese sandwiches for her and a friend. 9 months later we're married and we're coming up on our 8 year anniversary.

Met at a partner dance event. Danced a few times, had mutual friends. Bonded over both being new to the dance relative to said friends.

That was sweet as hell, I'm a sucker for stories involving old dogs, one of mine is getting on in years, not that you can tell, and given the average life expectancy for his breed, I'm dreading the day he goes downhill. It's too much to hope that that day never comes, but my younger lab might be lucky enough to see it.

I've known her for a few years, we were both active in the dancing scene in my city but we were never that close.

I happened to need a roommate at the time she was looking for a place and so she moved in. We ended up developing a huge amount of sexual tension which eventually manifested itself in the way you'd expect. That was two years ago. Now we're planning children and pets and a mortgage.

OMG another dancer! Amazing! Which styles do you dance?

Salsa (LA, Cuban and NY), bachata (sensual) and kizomba (traditional). I recently taught myself to call rueda which I'm really enjoying.

I've also dabbled in lindy hop, zouk and forro in the past. I figure I'll learn tango when I'm old.

What's your dancing background?

Fancy! Latin dances are always fun.

I started with the ballroom 10 dance in college so I've done mambo, cha-cha, rumba, jive as well as the fancier tango foxtrot waltz etc. I actually did salsa dancing a bit in college, but it was a bit tough to break into the social crowd for me sadly.

For social dancing I started mostly with east coast swing/blues and fusion. Sadly the pandemic killed those scenes in my area, but have been doing a lot of west coast swing. Dipping my toes into zouk since it's getting pretty popular.

I don’t think I would ever get a female roommate… Apparently for you it went very well, but it definitely has the potential to go badly, including in ways that at first appeared to be going very well.

Anybody know a good channel for 10 minute HIIT workouts, that are no fluff/talking just straight into the video with music?

This is an example of what I'm looking for: https://youtube.com/watch?v=s-a8FmMTswI

Peloton offers a superior product here in my experience/opinion. While the bike is ruinously expensive, you can get a digital subscription for not that much for a month. Maybe get it for a month and screen record a few classes.

Question: for the price of a Peloton, why not just grab a pretty solid used road bike for $700-$1k and a smart trainer to put it on? This way, you have a stationary bike AND a road bike...

Did you not read the comment at all? I didn't say to buy the bike, I said to get the digital subscription.

Interesting. The idea of paying for exercise videos with so much free content out there is almost anathema to me... but I do respect your opinion on fitness. I'll browse what samples they have.

If you're handy with torrents and whatnot, I'm sure someone else already made a downloadable zip file of hundreds of classes. It's not like you need that many original ones, I keep intending to re-up my subscription and screen rip tons of them, but I'm always working on something else instead of rowing.

For people that already have a bike that they ride outdoors, I would suggest Zwift with a good indoor smart trainer setup instead (we have a Tacx, it's a very good product, but it seems like the competitors are about the same and I have no opinion on them). Then you're at $15/month for what I would consider a very good soft product and the fact that it's your own bike marginally improves translatability to outdoor cycling.

Hell, even if you don't have a bike you ride outdoors, this seems like a better deal...just a beater to stick on the trainer is a few hundred bucks and something nice is a grand used.

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