Skulldrinker
No bio...
User ID: 1874
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
apparently these days lone people are under suspicion and only groups are "safe." I Only Wanted One Thing, or something. Never mind that Bob-cut was probably after new-years nookie. My best understanding of this is it was White Knight behavior.
Skulldrinker
8mo ago
I really have no interest in hearing trump speak at length. It's a personality/communication style thing. I don't even like listening to Rogan anymore, the sorts of guests he has on have drifted away from my interests.
I'm increasingly disappointed with the state of the Republican party and the discourse around the election in general. Everyone already shoted their shoots years ago and are running on leftover fumes.
At this point, my only dog in the race is that trump winning will probably make crypto go up.
Skulldrinker
4mo ago
I was going to ask a related question:
How much of the market drop and the apparent crisis(es) are the result of negative media coverage? Anything and everything the administration does is seen as a violation of something or other.
"News Today: Fascist still in White House doing things, when will the carnage end? Breaking Update: during a vital meeting, trump used the bathroom and delayed lifesaving aid to [minority]>."
I'm still convinced that this happened during COVID. With any other administration, the media wouldn't have been motivated to keep hammering on the fear, the vaccines would have been an excuse to end the lockdowns, and you wouldn't see masked-up leftists to this day. Being deathly afraid of COVID was bound up with being a good little resistance member.
That said, I didn't even vote in this election and don't personally like Trump; he melted my dad's brain, among other wrongs. I'm disappointed at the Musk lying and tomfoolery; this isn't even good trolling. It feels like someone somewhere made a monkey-paw wish to defeat wokeness and this is what they got. I worry it might have been me.
I really just wanted the crypto market to go up, thanks to fair/reasonable/clear regulation and institutional buy-in. A Bitcoin reserve is fundamentally a good idea. I want a future where putting 5-10% of your assets/investments in crypto is boring safe, conventional wisdom that it'd be irresponsible not to follow, like bonds or whatever. Trumpcoin doesn't further that goal.
This is mainly a vent.
I find myself withdrawing from 'trying' with women, socially. I used to attempt to strike up friendly conversations with with people in general, but naturally with an emphasis on not-unattractive women. Not in a particularly flirty way, either.
And I find myself constantly disappointed that they keep finding a way to get in a reddit-y snark along the lines of "Men, Amirite?" I try to be non-argumentative in this context, but I increasingly have the urge to go meta-therapist and say something like "I feel like there's a lot of implicit hostility in that statement. I have my own frustrations with, you know, girls and stuff, but I'd consider it rude and a bad look to bring it up in conversation with a stranger. Are you trying to hint I should go away, or do you just think this is how people talk in #currentyear? Because I really can't tell anymore."
Skulldrinker
8mo ago
I have the impression that Musk is just saying stuff he knows will play with Internet conservatives; it comes off a bit fake and pandering. I'd expect his personal opinions to be a lot more orthogonal.
"Fight the woke mind-virus" was good, but it's been downhill from there.
Skulldrinker
9mo ago
I recently had a pretty negative experience with a woman who genuinely WAS neurodivergent, moreso than my awkward ass. I found it incredibly disheartening to find out that she didn't have the same "resents normies but desperately wants to be accepted by them" complex as me, almost as if despite her awkwardness the world had still welcomed and cherished her.
Me and neurodivergent women:
"Oh, what I thought was eye-fucking this whole time was just you being slightly autistic."
Women seem to want to use the precious space in their Hinge profiles to mention they like tacos and how much they think Black Lives Matter. I also see lots of "you better also be an anti-capitalist leftist socialist" stuff.
I'm sure IRL they manage to ignore or not notice the lack of frothing leftism in potential partners, but on Hinge they're very much into superficial ideological compliance.
I personally hate how much of peoples' personalities have been eaten by politics. I also find that the more rabidly leftist a woman is, the more likely she is to treat me like garbage.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
It's not a weird expectation, I'm just annoyed that sexual anxieties are coming up, when she's the one who's making things sexual in the first place. It seems like a self-own on her part.
I'm just sick of women laying it on way thicker than they need to, and it turning out to not have meant anything all along. Whereas I have to constantly hide or downplay my genuine interest in people.
I'm also way over-exposed to prog/leftist/SJW sexual mores, where all women apparently live in such overwhelming fear of sexual assault, I'm surprised they ever leave the house, much less try to bilk men for attention.
Skulldrinker
6mo ago
Everyone I knew personally at the time who would identify as being on "the Left" spoke of the protests in nothing less than rapturous terms and would loudly claim to be confused about how anyone could see it as anything other than a second civil rights movement. This includes the sorts of people who volunteer for mainstream dem candidates' campagins. Which were also the people who used cringe Marxist lingo constantly. Which were also the people who complained about how there were so many white people around, or performatively wince whenever they see an American flag. And also the people who were the most tedious about COVID and demanded the same tediousness from those around them, unless it was to protest racism.
The rank-and-file are where the party gets it's staffers from, and they're where regular people get the most personal contact with political parties and form their opinions of them.
I could make a similar rant about where on the doll the Trump supporters touched me, and I'm sure there are many who's hatred of Trump is based on obnoxious personal interactions with his fans rather than Orange Man Bad propaganda.
How the supporters of a political party conduct themselves is de-facto an element of that party's platform and persona.
I was once at a new years event at a board game bar in Milwaukee, 2017. It was a wristband all-you-can-drink thing. At around 11:30, a small, delicate woman with dark hair and a bare, well-defined back sought me out and loudly said she "couldn't find her friend." I say, well, I'll help you find them. We exchange names, re-fill our drinks, chat, she asks me to dance, I say sure. She has to go to the bathroom first, asks me to hold her drink.
While I wait, a fat redhead gets in my face and demands to know who I am, who I'm with, what I'm doing here, do I know her (small woman's) name. I reply her name is [name], I'm holding her drink while she goes to the bathroom, give her a confused raised- eyebrow look. Small woman comes out, takes her drink and my hand, and pulls me to the dance floor, doesn't acknowledge fat redhead. This is great, I'm gonna get a new years kiss, possibly more, frankly I'm just happy to get this person home safe (I had ubered. It was hilariously cheap back then in Milwaukee). I had only just moved to the city, this could be my big break.
At 11:53, the redhead suddenly re-appears with security dudes that step between us, her shouting in my face "who are you with, what's her name" and the security dudes repeating "who are you with" and pulling me towards the door. [Name] has been spirited away by security, presumably to be given a foil trauma blanket.
I repeatedly say I'm with [name], where is she? No I didn't come here with anyone, is that a crime? Am I being kicked out or not? No they say, they just want to know who I'm with. This loops a few times, I'm not allowed to see [name], but I'm not kicked out, who am I with, no I'm not allowed to see [name]. I'm slightly drunk and very pissed off, so instead of roaring in the face of the fat redhead demanding to know why she seems to think I am undeserving of love, I leave. It's 11:59, and I ring in the new year stomping down the snow-dusted sidewalk of Milwaukee. How fucking dare I go to a bar alone and let people ask me to dance?
So no, it wasn't just rough in the moment. It's been rough for a while. It continues to be rough.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
It would have been 10 minutes before 2017. It's just the most extreme version of the recurring pattern of someone liking me only for a third party to hate me so much they feel the need to intercede, and it always happens in the context of geek culture. And I'm very annoyed that something that happened so long ago is still a load I carry.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
I assume she was convinced I was up to no good, as an unattended male.
I was new to the city and was at the event precisely because I hadn't made friends yet.
I've been specifically trying to to be more outgoing lately, I just keep getting anxious flashbacks to shit from almost a decade ago.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
Why is /r/twoXchromosomes not a banned hate subreddit? The comments there are demented, and also uncomfortably familiar from my IRL encounters with Leftists.
Skulldrinker
1mo ago
...does canoodling mean something other than what I think it means?
This chick is talking about sexual preferences and how handsome I am and the sorts of shit she gets up to, yet I'm scary for talking about sitting next to eachother with our heads together chatting?
Skulldrinker
4mo ago
I've found that my very first time with anyone tends to suck; the good first-time sex I've had still wasn't as technically good as the 3rd+ times with that same person. Maybe zoomers never fuck anyone twice, so they never find this out?
I'm having a crisis of employment.
My cycle has become:
Get Job that finally has "launch potential" (it pays above a living wage, doesn't embarrass me or otherwise make me moment-to-moment miserable, isn't dead-end)
Finally I feel worthy of participating in basic human stuff; I can socialize with other people without a gnawing sense of inferiority. I'm finally going places and doing things.
I try dating again, or otherwise put myself out there. If women flirt with me, I try flirting back instead of assuming I've either misread the situation or they're trying to bilk me out of something.
It turns out I had misread the situation or I was being misled. Or a third party steps in to torpedo my efforts, because they apparently think I am not worthy of love.
This keeps happening at larger and larger scales until it breaks me and I get angry and depressed.
My work performance suffers and I lose the job.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
The most dramatic instances of this are actual breakups; in 2019 I was seeing someone wonderful and really flourishing as a person, having fun athletic passionate sex with my best friend (her words), doing stuff together, feeling supported and loved. I was motivated to acquire and save money for normal human things like sailing outings, vacations, larger apartments, rings, and such. Then I said "I love you" slightly less than a year in. Three weeks later, she ended it. It turned out, she ended it to go back to her abusive ex-husband, who she also told all about us so he could track me down and mock me. I went from being in the running for a manager position at work to being shuffled off to a dead-end location. Then COVID happened. With absolutely nothing worthwhile tying me to my current life, I bailed and moved to a larger city.
The last "good" job I had was still incredibly stressful; host (floor manager track) at a trendy downtown restaurant. But a major stressor on me was that women were suddenly flirting with me. I was getting unsolicited compliments and weird lingering looks and other foreign experiences, which didn't make any fucking sense; women much less affluent and attractive than these ones were still reacting to me with fear/contempt in my personal life. I have no fucking idea how to react to being flirted with by a customer beyond exiting the situation. Then I had a particularly bad personal-life encounter with someone neuro-atypical; she spends an evening calling me pretty as we make sci-fi references together, I kiss her, she holds my hand on the walk back to her place, I get another kiss and wish her good night. The next day she's angry that I kissed her and complaining about how straight guys are always assuming she isn't asexual and she "already has a crush, anyways," which broke several things inside of me. Then the floor manager training me leaves on vacation and I'm reporting directly to the insanely demanding micromanaging owner, and of course suddenly my "excellent" performance takes a nosedive while remaining the same. I become an anxious wreck at work, get worse at eye contact than I already am, have a mini-panic-attack every time a woman smiles at me or any time the owner is around, then apparently someone with more management experience submitted an application and I was out on my ass.
I can handle a stressful and chaotic workplace OR I can handle soul-crushing loneliness and mistreatment. I can't handle both at once. It turns out that human beings seek relationships for emotional support and comfort, and without them, they become brittle and despondent. Who fucking knew? Sometimes I worry I'm absurdly fragile; then I hear other people complain about their own life-deranging stressors and it turns out I just have it really fucking rough; people have tried killing themselves over stuff that's a Tuesday for me.
It's the dead of winter and there are no hospitality jobs. Anything in my actual field (zoology) pays literal dogshit if there were even any openings, which there are not at any level I'm qualified for. I CANNOT do sales anymore; I have no tolerance for scummy practices and refuse to become a human spambot. Unemployment runs out in two months. I don't know where all these "cozy boring jerkoff office jobs anyone with a bachelor's degree can get" are supposed to be hiding.
I have absurdly low cost of living; my entire rent/utilities/food/basic fun money requirements are under $1500/month, so I really only "need" $2K monthly to consider myself acceptably getting by, which is supposedly easy in a major urban center. Yet here I am, having to countenance liquidating investments to cover vet bills. What job am I supposed to be looking for?
Skulldrinker
7mo ago
He's charitably describing even the best-case scenario of someone who was at least functional before going to prison, something blue-collar or menial, had a wife he slapped around occasionally and kids he'd over-discipline when drunk. Not a great human being, but a step or two above the functional scum they are now.
Skulldrinker
7mo ago
Only thing I can say is I've had two real loves in my life, and most of the reason I loved them was because they had qualities and virtues that I was in awe of. And plenty of those qualities were feminine.
And by now I frankly want companionship, validation and physical comfort more than I want to get off. I find myself disappointed that so few people will let me in, or show me anything that's really theirs and not a regurgitated soundbite.
Skulldrinker
8mo ago
Did you consider just not voting? Do you even live in a swing state?
I personally didn't vote because I on-principle hate the social dynamics of politics becoming everyone's new favorite hobby, religion, and spectator sport. And I don't live in the state that I'm registered to vote. And the one I'm in now a true-blue state anyways. And I don't like either candidate.
My pet peeve is the toxic interpersonal behavior of political partisans and the creepy pod-person consistency of their agendas. Not voting is the biggest fuck-you to them I could come up with.
Skulldrinker
8mo ago
How did Trump's Rogan appearance hash out? I don't have the heart to listen to it; I used to really like Joe, but he's picked up too many conspiracy bugs. The parasite load is starting to show, and I'm kinda tired of hearing about vaccines and the possible dangers thereof.
To the degree I'm angry at vaccines, I'm angry that the covid vaccines DIDN'T end the pandemic.
Skulldrinker
9mo ago
I first ran into it among low-IQ co-workers at a terrible job I once had, male and female. They couldn't wrap their minds around my disinterest in discussing it; I dug in my heels and refused to give them my birth date. I was affronted.
A male friend of a female friend at a dinner party brought it up, and between me slightly disliking him based on secondhand info I got from my friend, and off-the-cuff surprise, I was not kind when he casually brought up astrology as a conversational topic. My default assumption was it was a tactic to appeal to women, and the only thing I dislike more than people who actually believe in astrology is people who pretend to like things for social brownie points.
Skulldrinker
10mo ago
The one guy who I've met in real life who claimed to love the Last Jedi was a literal Antifa guy on a flight to seattle to "help out" with the Chaz/Chop thing after it had already ended. All the people who will try to make excuses for it have been some manner of Leftist. Probably because it vaguely alludes to "capitalism bad" at one point.
Skulldrinker
4d ago
I encounter a very specific problem in the messaging stage where I'll ask someone out, they'll say yes, then ghost the day of the date. This happens more often than dates actually happen.
A few years ago, they'd cancel and reschedule repeatedly until I got the hint and stopped bothering them. Now they just ghost.
Speaking of, a few years ago, I actually got matches and occasionally received likes from women who were attractive enough. Now I live in an empty soul-crushing hell, despite having lost weight and gained muscle since then.
Depressed quibbles: How is stand-up an ick? multiple times in IRL conversations, women will out of nowhere ask me if I'm a comedian (I always say "no, I'm just like this"). I've done an open-mic set once or twice and killed it, it's something I keep on trying to get myself to do again, now apparently it's an ick? "Oh, only once? You should do it more, you're so funny." I guess I was right to not believe her.
Also, bartending? I thought the entire point of being a bartender is to get laid?
Skulldrinker
2mo ago
I used AI to refine a work of fiction and found it almost incapable of suggesting anything good; it's very much a rubber duck programming tool. I also struggled to get it to not wax soy-poetic about every passage. the phrases "Earned," "Chef's Kiss," "and that's why it matters" now fill me with rage.
Elsewhere it'd just be called racist and booed, and at best picked apart in bad faith. Here, it'll be picked apart in neutral-ish faith.
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