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Wellness Wednesday for June 4, 2025

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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I've been reflecting lately on how downright unhelpful and unpleasant my experiences with dating/flirting/sex were earlier in my life, and what a weight around my neck the still are. In my previous life, there was no such thing as flirting, women were just "being friendly," and would curl their lip and give you a glare if you let slip that they'd been socializing with someone heterosexual by doing something so crass as asking for a phone number. "Ewwww, a man is speaking to me, make it go away" was what happened if you spoke before being spoken to. The attitudes of the women I knew socially bounced between "Just talk to people silly, it's not that hard, you're so nice," "chuh, why do you feel the need to not be alone, there's something wrong with you," and "Fourteen out of twelve women will be sexually assaulted by eyeball-contact at frat parties by niceguys before they even get a job that pays them 70 cents on the dollar compared to a man."

I once had a woman approach me at a new years party at a bar (small, bob cut, I can still remember the contours of her shoulderblades), something about trying to find her friend, but the friend never got mentioned again. We got another drink, she asked to dance once she got back from the bathroom. While she was in the bathroom and I was holding her drink, a fat redhead got in my face, demanding to know who I was, who I was here with, if I even knew her (bob cut's) name. I was taken aback, said her name is [name], I'm holding her drink for her, then we're going to dance, oh, there she is now, bye. BobCut came out of the bathroom, didn't acknowledge fat redhead, took her drink and my hand, and dragged me out onto the dance floor. It was 11:50pm. At 11:56pm, security appears and separates us, the fat redhead is screaming in my face demanding to know who I'm with, a security guy is asking the same questions while she screams at me. Bob cut is nowhere to be found (probably being given a foil trauma blanket while still trying to figure out what happened), no I'm not allowed to speak to bob cut, no I'm not being kicked out, no I can't speak to bob cut, who am I here with, no, bob cut doesn't count, no I'm not being kicked out, who am I here with. I'm getting increasingly frustrated, I'm not particularly sober, fat redhead is still in my face, her head jerking around on her flabby neck like some kind of righteously affronted parrot. I can sense a blowup looming, the front door is conveniently nearby, and the future of me doing the new years countdown and making out with someone has evaporated. I leave, and I ring in the new year of 2017 walking down the snow-dusted sidewalk of Milwaukee, cursing my awkwardness and cowardice.

The bar was a nerd/geek/gamer pub, of course. Nowhere else would the act of a man dancing with a woman be treated as some sort of crisis in need of calling security. I never ran into either of them again, the pub itself closed shortly thereafter. Since then, every time a woman flirts with me unprompted in a social setting, I go into a quiet panic and look over my shoulder for whatever third party will arbitrarily decide I am not worthy of happiness or love.

My point is that I keep failing to get phone numbers or contact info, or I collect contact info and do nothing with it, even when women are blatantly eye-fucking me, because I still have the lingering trauma of living in 2010s geek culture. And I still run into snippets of it every now and then, but with a current-year leftist flavor. (I've been in conversations where women will make some reddit-y crack along the lines of "straight white men, amirite?" but turn out later to have been into me, scrabbling for contact info or a kiss as I try to politely take the hint and leave.)

I just want to go for a stroll in the park with someone and bang them later, then do that again with the same person for the foreseeable future. And I hate that the world and I both conspire to make that much more difficult than it should be.

That sounds like shit. I only wish that if I'm ever unfortunate enough for such a situation I'd weaponise my autism enough to wall the redhead out and out-annoy the security guy until they either make me leave or fuck off.

I'm now wondering what the redhead"s problem was aside from garden variety psychopathy. I've never found a workable solution to female histrionics (the Jake Gittes slap has been out of play for many decades now) and I sympathize with what sounds like a stupidly harrowing experience. A barfight would be less traumatic. Well except for that possibility of dying or being permanently maimed. No, maybe a barfight would've been worse.

In any case the only solution to this is personal resolve to keep moving forward and allowing time to do its thing. Avoid too low a profile. The current year ability to stay in ones room and get one's rocks off to a live thot (via camgirls, etc.) is toxic to real human interaction and I encourage you to eschew that route and stay out among humans as much as possible.

From the sound of it you've got something going on that is attractive to at least some females to whom you would be attractive. That's a good thing. Remember humor--that is to say finding humor in situations --is gold, if you can manage it. Humor both armors you and disarms your opponent.

I assume she was convinced I was up to no good, as an unattended male.

I was new to the city and was at the event precisely because I hadn't made friends yet.

I've been specifically trying to to be more outgoing lately, I just keep getting anxious flashbacks to shit from almost a decade ago.

Do unattended males tend toward more antisocial behavior? My experience is that men in packs are rather the ones to keep away from, or be leery of. Or avoid entirely. Especially when drunkasses. Unless you're in a trenchcoat in summer carrying a duffelbag or something really suspicious. Lone man at bar, since when is that a red flag? Odd.

apparently these days lone people are under suspicion and only groups are "safe." I Only Wanted One Thing, or something. Never mind that Bob-cut was probably after new-years nookie. My best understanding of this is it was White Knight behavior.

I'm sorry man, that sucks. I didn't even have that traumatic of an experience and I still could not muster to do better for most of my adult life.

I wish I had better advice for you than what you've been probably hearing. I hope you can get over at least the personal aspect of it; as for the world, it tends to be at least a bit kinder to men when we get older.

There's some motivation out there. This tweet recently caused some consternation. If someone's younger, they need to be reminded that time is marching on ever faster as one ages.

It's way too late for me to have a real life. I'm not getting married I'm not ever having a real relationship I'm never going to build a house or buy one and make it the way I like it. I don't have the time or energy for any of that. I am an adult adolescent until death now. I got no chance to start any sort of a life that makes sense. You know I'm 40, right? I'm not in great health from stress issues stemming from the pandemic, and I can't handle 100% of my own needs, never mind a family.

Sure there's a lot that I can contribute to the world but I'm not going to get much back for it. No matter how much money I get there isn't much I can do with it. Maybe get a nice place to live or a car but not a real life

One of my problems in general, but certainly when it comes to self improvement/wellness is trying to do too much at once. For example, here is my list of goals for this month:

• Chores spreadsheet

• 400k words read Spanish

• 2 substack posts

• Read 3000 pages total (~100/day, roughly 8-10 books).

• 4 Spanish gramar exercises

• Up 3k spanish Anki cards, 500 italian Anki cards

• 300 minutes of meditation total (average 10 min/day)

• 20 days fap free

• Swim 4 days a week

• Build to 50 miles a week running

• Savings rate of at least 20%

This + goals at work seems to overwhelm me. Are there specific goals in this list that you think I should focus on? Things that I should cut? Is there a better way to approach goal setting in general?

I hate running and used to run on a team so I know I hate it. But if you're fap free and young you'll need that physical exertion/exhaustion as a counterbalance. I think all these are fine though I don't know what Chores spreadsheet might have on it. I hate spreadsheets of that sort (I prefer a legal pad, or just doing the goddam chore) but whatever. I'd also in addition to these add something about being social. All of these sound very solitary. Fit in real life people.

Chores spreadsheet basically just means doing my chores on time. I've got stuff like changing kombucha and yoghurt cultures and dusting/vacuuming that have longish time horizons that would be better if I spread them out, hence the spreadsheet.

Hard core.

Which of the goals actually matter to you? I would try to focus on one category of thing and then do that.

Swimming 4 days a week is a realistic goal, 50 miles a week, maybe not unless you're that one guy who runs in this forum, I think it was Walterodim? It would have to be your main hobby. If you don't already run, 9 miles a week will already be a lofty goal. But my real advice would probably be to try swimming one week and then running one week.

These days I find Anki exceedingly burdensome and increasing my already huge screen time, so I would cut that new card count down quite a bit, or at least to just one language. Learning two similar languages is a bad idea, it's generally suggested to stick to one that you focus on. Wait, you're trying to learn 100 Spanish words a day? That's probably not going to go well no matter how devoted you are. Why not try 20? Or 40 if you're really bold. And pick Italian or Spanish. I like learning languages too, but I've really fallen out of it lately. Sad!

Substack posts seem like a waste of time unless you're really trying to make a career out of it, in which case you might cut the rest of this list and do just that. If you have subscribers, I guess keep the goal.

Reading in both Spanish and then also having an English reading goal at that size is kind of a lot, too. Cut both of the numbers down until they reach numbers that aren't dizzying.

Masturbation abstinence doesn't seem that worthwhile to me, but maybe it is... crucially, it is not something you have to spend time on, so go for it. The Day 21 orgasm will feel amazing.

I don't know what your savings rate means. If it's about cutting down spending, that's a great goal and one you should keep for every month, forever.

The thing is all of them matter to me, although I guess I have to think about prioritization

50 miles a week is my "normal" mileage, although I haven't been up there for about 4 months because of injuries. I'm at about 35 right now so this is doable. 50 probably will take about six hours total. I'm a very good runner (2:35 marathon, 4;17 mile) and decent swimmer so this should be fine.

I needed to add more context for the Anki stuff! When I say 3k spanish cards I mean get up to that total. I'm at 2700 right now. I'm at 405 with Italian so it would only be 400 extra cards total. And my Spanish is quite good now (I just took the B2 test), so I think I'm ready to add Italian.

I have about 100 (free) subs on substack. I think posting there helps me think more clearly (as does here, but there's not a possibility of being paid for being a motte poster!

I should have also clarified about the reading. The Spanish and English reading are combined, so any reading I do for Spanish counts towards both goals. 400k words is about ~1600 pages, so this would be about half of my total goal!

More negative goals might be a good idea too (quit this, limit that). I have a soft goal of only watching one YouTube video a day. Hopefully this will save me some time.

Savings rate means save at least 20% of my take home income for the month. Basically means cutting down on spending.

Thanks for the feedback!

Well, then! I guess those are more achievable than they sounded. Now I guess it's up to whether you actually have enough free time and willpower to do them all. If you have 8 hours and don't spend much time cooking/eating dinner or on hygiene or on other pursuits, then probably possible. If you have 4 hours after work and after your PhD efforts, and you have those other pursuits to contend with, maybe not. I can't tell you what you should value more, though to be honest, reading this site and others are a huge sink on my time, personally, so cutting those out would give me a huge boost to doing more stuff without having to cut much important. Anyway, you can do it!

The New Job

We’re going on week three now, so while things remain inconclusive my impressions remain positive on the whole, so I’ll give it a go.

Starting with the good, the pay/benefits are quite decent, and life-changing compared to where I was at the service tech job. Working at the terminal I’ve been training at strikes me as unpleasant but doable with time. The terminal I’m going to be working at/have spent some time at is much easier to deal with, such that I dare speculate that this job won’t be that bad: occasionally annoying, tedious, and/or boring, yes, but not that bad. My boss is the sort who likes to leave early. This isn’t so much a good thing as indicative of the workload, but I’ve watched more Fox News in the last two weeks than in the last two years.

Neutral, dispatching in this context is a totally different exercise than dispatching a food delivery company. The theme is sort of the same, but it’s a different skillset, one that rewards long-term planning and resource management than sheer speed and/or clever route choices. Trucking is paperwork/regulation heavy and not all tanker trailers are the same. There will be a learning curve before I can do my job reflexively, but with time and practice I believe it to be an achievable task. The software they use makes the software I used to use look brilliant in comparison, but it can be learned.

Annoying/bad, onboarding has been a grind/exercise in helplessness. I’m assured that this is perfectly normal and that nobody expects me to contribute for another month or few, but we’re two weeks in and I still can’t log into the company intranet; allegedly this is an HR issue and IT has washed its hands of it (But I can’t put in a ticket with HR because that’s linked to the company intranet account that I don’t have/have access to.). I had to call IT just to get the login credentials to my company laptop/email address. My work-issued laptop does not have the dispatch software I’m expected to use installed on it (I don’t know, but I kind of expected to get an onboarding packet with all the usernames and passwords on a piece of paper and the laptop to come with a standardized image pre-installed with all the programs I’d need. I may be able to install the dispatch software from the vendor’s website if I have login credentials for that program but so far I don’t know if those exist or if that is possible.). I don’t even have a desk at my home terminal. I’ve spent the last two weeks watching people do stuff, but otherwise aside from assigned training videos have literally done nothing. I’m going a bit stir-crazy and, again, while I’m assured that things happening slowly is the expectation I can’t help but fear that I’m wasting time during which I need to actually be learning how to do my job and am going to wind up thrown into the fire and failing. My goal for the entire week was to get the dispatch software installed and acquire a working account for it and it’s looking like that’s going to be a failure given that I got no response to the ticket I sent yesterday and the guy who was supposed to be training me (but was in fact far too busy) also got no response to the ticket he sent. I’ve been told by other dispatchers at the big terminal that they’ve spent months waiting to get all the permissions they need and still don’t have them. Even higher ranking people don’t seem to have a useful answer as to how to get what I need done other than suggesting that I directly email somebody in the IT department that they know personally instead of submitting a ticket.

More importantly, what do I do with my life?

This is the first time I haven’t worked two jobs in three years, and while University to Go was an easy gig I put in more hours there than I’m going to here (It really does seem be to be in the 40-45hours a week range, roughly 8-4 M-F, whereas I worked 6-7 days a week at the old gig/gigs.), so I find myself with a bunch of free time that I’m not used to having. I’m currently working on catching up on personal maintenance backlogs (clean the car, clean the house, set up my plan to get out of debt), but that’s going to run out soon and then what? I’ve never been one of those enviable souls who enjoyed watching TV all that much, nor am I really into videogames. There’s only so much time Reddit, Youtube, and X can waste. I used to be an incorrigible barfly (This was easy when I didn’t have to be at work for University to Go until 11AM.), and admittedly have yet to case out all my town’s happy hours to see if one exists where people my age instead of 20+ years older than me actually go, but the signs haven’t been overly encouraging on that front (The place I used to work at is a nursing home/sausagefest during happy hour.) and 8-4 isn’t exactly compatible with late night drinking on work nights (and, frankly, mid-30s me isn’t as interested in closing down bars as I used to be; aggravating this, many/most of my friends have moved on from the college town I live in). I’m being a bit blithe or cynical here, but am I going to have to join a dating app just to find someone to hang out with?

This is the first time I haven’t worked two jobs in three years, and while University to Go was an easy gig I put in more hours there than I’m going to here (It really does seem be to be in the 40-45hours a week range, roughly 8-4 M-F, whereas I worked 6-7 days a week at the old gig/gigs.), so I find myself with a bunch of free time that I’m not used to having.

Religion can take up a lot of time, and is quite nice to have. ;)

I am in my mother's hometown, a very small town in north Madhya Pradesh next to Gwalior, another small town and life here is bad because small Indian towns are unhygienic, poor and there is hopelessness among people due to a lack of industrialisation. I don't have much family on my dad's side but have a lot on my mom's, it's my first visit in two years and though my productivity took a massive hit in the month before I came, I'm not going bars on work because I don't wanna miss out time with my family here.

The big silver lining is that even this run down deindustrialized town that lacks basic public hygiene has a dingy powerlifting and Olympic lifting (weightlifting) gym. It's run by self taught dudes, both in their 50s who are self taught, the weightlifter learning the lifts on his own in pre internet times was mind blowing. The powerlifter is the more serious competitor of the two now and totals 400 kgs plus at 74 kg.

This was the first gym I've seen that had dedicated lifting platforms, people wearing lifting shoes. These two act like coaches and the weightlifter chews oral tobacco during his sets. I never squatted or deadlifted out of injury fears, I do multiple reps of the these with bench press and some dumbell rows daily to get eh technique down. I'll be doing more squats tomorrow. Learning the lifts, competing successfully as an amateur after you stated in your 30s, having students who do all this before they turn 30 us a great fest, I really appreciate the agency.

My visit has also made me appreciate what I have a lot. The dysfunctional family dynamics I see in my own house are very mild when you consider the situation here. Life has a lot of good to offer, I'm grateful for what I have and I will miss my relatives when I leave. My grandmother is 92 and still helps with household chores, I'd happily trade a lot more than just 10 days of productivity to be with her. Have a good week.

deindustrialized

Why did it deindustrialize?

Pajeet actions are beyond comprehension. Everyone wants a kickback and the social distrust is so extreme that most things break down. You see less flowing rivers and more actual rivers of literal drainage in small towns here as bureaucrats, the politicians and even the industrialists have no stake in the smaller cities they don't live in.

If they do live here, making a change means you get martyred and your kids lead unsafe lives as any meddling beyond a point shakes the foundations of everything else. It's an accepted fact here literally everything, everyone is corrupt. If you're a smart person, you sell your soul for stem exams like the Asians as you can at most only ever be a nerd so might as well do that abroad.

Due to ever growing red tape and more bio leninists winning, setting up an industry means you end up paying more than half your budget in just kickbacks. A big reason behind Indians abusing h1bs is that these people couldn't conceive the growth of computers so could not stifle their growth, after enough growth, the owners of these firms simply used these pajeet tendencies agaisnt others. So the Indian it service companies that write worse code than gpt 2 like Wipro, Cognizant etc (they are called WITCH like FAGMAN in the US) ensured that they get a free hand but no one else enters India.

The older industrial families in India also played a huge role by going along with the government which led to a bad sort of monopoly. Ultimately, it's a lot of these anger inducing evil things that I can't precisely condense down coherently that ensured we stay as poor as Africa.

Also remember, Gandhi deserves a lot of blame too since he like Nehru and every other Indian elite at the time was a socialist. So Indians took away land from feudal families to redistribute it to peasants which also cut the yields. Norman Borlaug was given the name annadaata (giver of grains) because his tech saved close to a billion lives. The thought of rival elites and hick peasants who don't wish to move beyond agriculture left land here fractured so even agriculture could not modernize itself.

So a disdain for any rivals, poor iq of peasant class, literal socialist common born elites and having zero skin in the game led to this thing. Today, the Indian Foreign Minister and Defence Secretary have sons who are US citizen. I don't expect people down the ladder to have much care for their homeland if the best are uppgo upto this.

Indians always blame other Indians. When you ask Indians why India has to be so dirty, squalid, poor, emaciated cows in the street, no hygiene in cooking, even $1000 hotel rooms or $5000 Air India first class seats grimy and disgusting, they always blame other Indians. The upper castes blame the lower castes, the lower castes blame the upper castes and often each other. You can’t fix it because then “village people will just destroy it again”. There is no will, there is no program for change. I respect that (unlike certain other peoples) they at least accept responsibility on a national level, but that is still no solution.

If India needs to be saved, someone needs to seize power and exert force on their own countrymen. India is historically an easy place to conquer, the British ruled it with only 12-15,000 men. The military was humiliated in the recent bout with Pakistan and they’re not going to nuke their own people (and you say the army is mostly upper castes too, so would hardly be opposed), I don’t see why an Indian couldn’t do it. The real conundrum is why the BJP don’t just end democracy. No major constituency stands against them. It’s clear the lower castes are not advanced enough to vote. If Congress socialist elites kick up a fuss, they can be exiled to America and Britain.

But someone needs to end the squalor. Every building needs to be repainted and plastered in vernacular colors every 2-3 years. Littering needs to be punished with some form of public humiliation. Wild animals should not be allowed to roam in public. Hygiene standards should be rigorously enforced. Random piles of dirt, construction materials and so on need to result in extreme fines for landowners, up to confiscation. Driving laws strictly enforced. Violation of basic civilized standards of behavior should again be public humiliation. Failure to leave a public facility clean should likewise result in extreme punishments. Those disgusting peasant farmers protesting in favor of their price fixing handouts and unmechanised family farms need to be forcibly expropriated and replaced by large scale industrial farming for goods sold at market prices, with any resistance crushed with extreme force. Do this and in 20 years India is mostly fixed.

The military was humiliated in the recent bout with Pakistan and they’re not going to nuke their own people (and you say the army is mostly upper castes too, so would hardly be opposed

That's objectively untrue, you may have had some jet losses but Pakistan saw it's airbase blown apart at which point the US intervened. It may have been a neutral stalemate at best or a loss of face for India in western media but it wasn't humiliating given that Pakistan got a third of its bases blown out in a five hours and had to get the US to intervene.

The other parts of the comment are completely true. The brits could rule over due to better tech and better cooperation. India suffers the ills of bioleninism but without the industrial base of the west. The west has gotten worse, so Indian society coming apart isn't surprising for me. I agree with most observations, someone needs to step up and do so soon. The Indo Aryan remains will die out a painful death otherwise. Everyone smart I know lives beyond our borders. My family didn't leave because they had land, they state took away that anchor from me.

The real conundrum is why the BJP don’t just end democracy. No major constituency stands against them. It’s clear the lower castes are not advanced enough to vote. If Congress socialist elites kick up a fuss, they can be exiled to America and Britain.

This is incorrect, they lost seats Las election and all of Indian politics is based on caste vote banks, so people can would switch parties, it's a W for bjp in terms of total seats but it means that the same person is still your local minister. It's like why the UK doesn't simply kick out of most of its welfare leeching immigrants who have formed rape gangs. Upper castes are after all a much smaller portion than heritage Americans or Englishmen.

What can I do personally? I thought about it, so far every answer requires me to get rich which is what I'm trying for now. There's a term chakravartin which is used for emperors who united parts of the fractured land and the they'd would do horse sacrifices wherein a horse would roam around land randomly, if you're an opposing ruler and the horse is allowed to roam, you accept the emperor, if you stop the horse, a fight happens. The last horse sacrifice of this kind was done in Jaipur by Jai Singh the second but at a smaller scale, 4 hundred years is a long time. We need another one soon.

Two new monoclonal antibodies are being trialed by Regeneron: trevogrumab and garetosmab. Both are skeletal muscle growth factors, counteracting myostatin and activin-A.

When used together with semaglutide, they worked really well in monkeys: not only did the monkeys lose fat, but they also actually gained muscle. Limited human trials are not as promising (no one gained muscle mass just by dieting and two people died, but the causes might be unrelated), but still good: instead of losing half as much muscle mass as you lose fat when taking semaglutide, the group receiving all three drugs lost only one tenth. And they lost ten extra pounds of fat, too!

Does this mean everyone rich enough to afford this cocktail will be not just lean, but shredded in a few years? It's looking this way.

Does it write on their face that they have taken semaglutide or not? if it fixes ozempic face it will be very successful.

Isn't Ozempic-face just an effect of rapid weight loss, rather than something specific to the GLP-1 agonists?

Seems like the solution there is just to take a lower dose and lose the weight less quickly. Maybe take collagen supplements.

Yes, the face is one of the body parts that loses weight the quickest, so when you have a massive caloric deficit on semaglutide, your face grows gaunt faster than the rest of the body. That, and people are attuned to small facial differences, so going from a typical plump American face to a one that is actually able to contract and show facial lines is striking.

So this week I started my 20kg kettlebell pentathlon effort. The 6:00 Work/5:00 Rest rhythm seems like a natural fit with BJJ, and I need to get myself back into lifting, I've been farting around since December. So far my physique results have been great, but I'm worried that as I get better at, or at least more used to, grappling the fitness benefit is going to fall off.

I started by doing a pure half, 3:00/2:00, on Saturday morning to start the month. I hit the reps easy, doing 60/30/60/54/60 on reps, hitting big single sets, but I screwed up the timing a little bit: I skipped some of the rest periods on early sets because I got bored, then ran out of time on snatch because I was trying to pack the car quick in the two minute rest. d'oh.

Tuesday I tried again, this time adding reps without adding time, to increase density, so 3:00/2:00 but 80/40/80/70/80. It went ok, but not great. I was able to hit the reps on the first four exercises without too much trouble, though I had to hustle to hit them within the three minutes working time. The added density definitely pressed me. But when I got to the snatch, I was able to finish it, but felt something out of place in my left lat. Not that bad, but enough that I took a dnf on the push press set. Technically still a higher point total than the first go. Can't get hurt over nothing.

It feels better today, so between tomorrow and Friday I'll give it another go.

BJJ wise, a funny thing happened. New guy joined, middle aged white dude, ponytail, used to do Aikido. We get to the open mat at the end of the class, he's kind of hovering around the edge, nervous to join. I want to be friendly, ask him to roll. I figure I'll let him work a bit, flow, use moves I don't typically hit, be gentle, don't push too hard, try to help him learn positioning. Anyway I let him start on top, hit a sweep, get to mount...and then this fucker tries to wristlock me from bottom mount. He's grabbing my fingers and trying to bend them. He couldn't actually sink it, because he had zero leverage, but it was annoying and if we had lost balance could have lead to injury. Which, I should have handled calmly, but in the moment my reaction was "Ok, man bun, you're tapping." And we worked our way through a bunch of submissions for him to learn.

Then the kid who was there for a weekend before he joins his Ranger unit bounced me off the walls a bit. C'est la vie.