Turniper
20d ago
At the end of the day, getting married is a leap of trust. Some people figure out they are aligned in values and take the plunge early, trusting in mutual commitment to make it work. Others move as slowly as my fiancee and I did, and the official commitment is just recognition of a trust and commitment that already exists. At the end of the day, all you need to figure out is when you reach the point that you believe the two of you are on the same page about what a life together should look like, and how much you are willing to work and compromise in order to bring that dream into reality. The appropriate timeline for you will be greatly dependent on the potential spouse you are considering. Don't think about when you need to leap into bed as an answer you need to have worked out, but as a chance to build or test that level of trust and communication you need to develop to make a marriage work. If you wait too long and she dips because of it without giving you a chance to fix the issue, well, marriage wouldn't have worked out anyway.
Turniper
24d ago
I'm gonna necro this a bit (I mean, it's only been a week) to say, as someone in a 10 year relationship getting married in a few months, sexual compatibility is a huge deal. There are people who, after the initial honeymoon phase of a relationship ends (2-8 years or before first kid), will want to have sex 3-5 times a year. There are people who want to have sex once a day. There are people who prefer a more reasonable 3-5 times a week. There are people who are only interested in sex when they are in a good mood and after substantial foreplay. There are people for whom sticking it in is the foreplay. There are people whose sexual interests are dominated by one or more very specific paraphilias. There are people who just don't like sex and are only doing it because they don't want to be alone. There are people who don't give a shit about any of this and enjoy sex but experience no real FOMO or distress when they don't have it for long periods of time.
There are gender distributions to this traits, but none of the groups I mentioned are smaller than 10% of the population. People vary extremely wildly on this dimension. Unless you're one of the take it or leave its, you need to be on the same page about this to have a marriage-length relationship. That doesn't mean having sex before marriage, but it does mean talking about the subject in more detail than a lot of people are comfortable with. "Figure it out with each other" is a strategy that works maybe 50% of the time, and the other 50% either dooms you to eventual divorce or one or both parties perpetually being unsatisfied with whatever compromise you end up with.
Turniper
1mo ago
I don't identify as being on the right or with the republican party, and this seems transparently, massively, offensive to me. One of their own was assassinated and Kimmel said they are liars who hit a new low by saying it wasn't done by someone on their side. That'd be harsh if it were true, but since it seems pretty clearly not to be true, that's extremely offensive.
Turniper
1mo ago
Including notes, my novel series is now 248k words long. Officially approaching the midpoint of book 2. Reception has been really good. I'm now ranked 88/~100k on Royal Road's best rated all time, and I'm steadily picking up readers. Hoping that the readership growth continues and eventually translates to more patreon income, I'm still only pulling a couple hundred a month, but I'm optimistic about the long term trajectory of the story. If nothing else, I have already one novel that I'll be proud to publish and feel is worth charging money for whenever I finally decide to pull the trigger on stubbing.
Turniper
1mo ago
I tried making that once and screwed it up so bad. Got fresh noodles and assumed the white powder on them was flour or something, not potato starch. Was great hot, but hoo boy did that thing cool down into a savory seafood gelatin any 50s housewife could be proud of.
Turniper
1mo ago
Nice. Stealing those perfect wins is just so satisfying. I'm still riding the high of one particular sacrifice elevator I hit on a dude half a decade ago. I don't even know what I was thinking, I never practice that, but it just happened and all of a sudden I was in mount. I'm about to check out a new gym for my first class in years. Time to get pretzeled :)
Turniper
1mo ago
Nope, those are legal now too. Just can't take em into bars, schools, or government buildings. They were illegal pre 5.5 inch knife ban reversal though.
Turniper
1mo ago
Groypers are not a real faction in republican politics lol. I could speak with a dozen R voters off the street here in Texas and I doubt more than 1 even knows they exist.
Turniper
2mo ago
You just dive in. The most critical two things are an actual task, so you can test your knowledge, and as much face time as you can manage with your team to get KT until you feel like you're not drowning. I usually just work 60 hours my first week if I feel at all behind, focusing on asking questions during work hours, and getting my full dev environment running and adding toy components after work. Then I drop down to 40 as soon as I feel confident I'll be delivering my work in a timely manner.
Also helps to do one-off questions in chat asynchronously, and be prepared with a ton of topics whenever you get actual face time. I generally ask asap if it's blocking me, and write it down for my next call if I'm just curious.
Turniper
2mo ago
At my alma mater they took mathematician calculus, which was regarded as being on the same level of difficulty as the engineering calculus track, so I'd assume so.
Turniper
2mo ago
Dude, you contribute enough that I remember your name. That puts you in a pretty select group, I barely remember 10 posters from here and I went to HS with one of them and regularly text another. I really enjoy your travelogues and I'm happy you're part of this place.
Medicine payscales in England are between half and a quarter of what they are in the states. Finance is usually between 70 and 90% of stateside equivalents. I can pretty much guarantee all but the most senior consultants (What the UK calls fully qualified docs, basically post residency/post fellowship) in the UK are nowhere close to what a VP in finance is pulling in.
Turniper
3mo ago
This is a very pro-anomie sort of take. If my video game playing was eclipsing all my other recreation time, or my porn watching was impacting my sex life, or arguing with people on the internet was filling me with bile, I'd want the people in my life to bring that shit up. It's 2025. 'Just a boyfriend' isn't a thing. The title doesn't mean they're family, but it is definitely not a sign they're not serious and heading in the direction of either a lifelong relationship or proper marriage.
Turniper
3mo ago
Try getting really good at cooking and the slightest bit hurt whenever you slave away over some delicious medium calorie dish and she only grazes at it?
I'm not being facetious. This is how several cultures handle forcing people to eat more. Shame is a powerful tool, and there are far more effective forms of it than shaming people for their personal failings. Handling cooking for a home grants one a great deal of power over the health of the family, for good or ill.
Turniper
3mo ago
I look like a half irish half mexican man in his early thirties wearing a gigantic grey leather witch hat drinking from a glass gourd. I assume all the other posters are roughly this level of eccentric.
Turniper
3mo ago
Yeah, they're interesting people. But she recently came back cancer free, so that's nice at least.
Turniper
3mo ago
I write https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/104317/between-beast-and-buddha-a-drunken-monkeys-journey , a vaguely JttW inspired xianxia story about an alcoholic monkey daoist.
Turniper
3mo ago
I mean, given the whole one of his wives having cancer thing, idk he does.
Turniper
3mo ago
I don't really think that's true though. It's not a substantial risk factor. Acting rich is far more likely to make you a target than merely prudently investing a modest amount of wealth. The majority of retirees fit that criteria, and most of them make it through life just fine without becoming a target. Like, the very idea you should forgo a wife and kids in order to avoid being targeted for having a modest amount of money sounds absolutely insane to me? That just doesn't happen.
Turniper
3mo ago
Nice! I just hit 200 on my current story, nipping at your tail! I put yours on my to-read list, always looking for good new scifi. Haven't really found anything recent that scratched the itch since Theft of Fire.
Turniper
3mo ago
Better to get divorced, charged, or threatened when you've got a million in the bank, a paid off house, and an umbrella liability policy than when you don't have any of the above. For some things, there's preparation. For others there's not much more you can do than have a good attitude and a steady hand.
Trying to mitigate every possible risk just ends with becoming Brian Johnson and probably dying at 82 anyway.
The use case of one-shotting crappy vampire survivor is that you could easily manage a supervised build of crappy Hades or your ARPG of choice. I'm just insanely impressed with how good recent models are at coding. I'm getting them to produce thousands of lines of multithreaded code in Unity's burst compiler with sizable amounts of guidelines and bugfixes, but I'm still getting code in days that would take me 5x that long to produce on my own. Having an assistant that just knows 'Oh yeah, you gotta delete the cache when you change GPU-passing structs', and can just 'tweak that native array to persist height data so we don't need to sample the resultant mesh' is so insanely powerful. As soon as someone solves post-training and long term context, we're probably gonna see a huge amount of digital-friendly jobs get wiped out in a single wave.
We're going to see some insanely ambitious indie games in the next five years. One programmer can now do the work of 2-4 with a really effective AI collaboration workflow. And I don't doubt it'll be 10 in another year.
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