birb_cromble
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User ID: 3236
birb_cromble
2d ago
Are there borderline state schools unable to fill classes?
The most high profile example of this that I'm aware of is up in Pennsylvania. The Pennsylvania State University is not exactly a state school, but it is one of the "big three" schools that are affiliated.
Three years ago they announced a hiring freeze. It's nominally still active at the end of 2025. I know some people who work there who say that their teams have been reduced by more than half simply through attrition.
Earlier this year, they announced that they will be closing seven of their branch campuses. Students who are still attending them will be given financial assistance and priority admission to attend other schools.
The enrollment cliff is real, and it scares the hell out of higher ed administrators.
birb_cromble
3d ago
Im wondering what your friends' takes are on this. It's hard to see these things from the inside.
It broadly breaks down into friends who know her well, and friends who don't. The friends who do not know her well almost universally land on "dump her ass".
Those who know her well seem to gravitate somewhere near "it's not perfect, but if you're both willing to accept things as they are, don't push it". She's stubborn about things sometimes. One of the more interesting viewpoints I've seen was her brother's. He thinks that she'd move up here if she thought it was her idea.
birb_cromble
4d ago
She's doing this not to protect you, but so that she won't feel as guilty breaking up with you when you move to $(CITY
This was actually my idea, not hers. I'm extremely financially conservative and she is too. It's specifically because we were comfortably able to discuss finances that we had the conversation in the first place.
How often do you even see each other, given your limitations?
Usually, I drive to her about once a month and she hops a train to me about once a month. We get a couple days together when that happens. Holidays are longer, and when her employer shuts down for several days in the summer we get more then as well.
birb_cromble
4d ago
That said, I do wonder what you're doing about the PTSD. The best evidence when it comes to therapy relates to the forms that involve desensitization
In my actual appointments, we're focusing on recognizing the signs that I'm about to have a full episode and get it under control before it spirals. My therapist has also broached EMDR, but does not believe that we have done sufficient ground work to make it useful without simply retraumatizing me.
In my personal life, I go to $(CITY) when I can. There are a few neighborhoods that are absolute no-go zones for me at the moment, but I can at least drive to a few venues on my own without throwing up on the side of the road and turning around these days.
move things over slowly, with friends and family around
One thing that I have learned recently is that her sibling and her parents both think she would be better off here. Since she has moved to $(CITY), her support network has atrophied as local friends have moved away. Her sibling lives about five miles from me. Her grandparents and extended family are considerably closer to here than to $(CITY), and her parents are considering moving to that town as well.
birb_cromble
4d ago
I'm not sure where is she in this picture? I mean, if you're going to live together, is she expected to contribute to this arrangement? Right now, as I understand, she's living in an expensive city - so she must have some means to maintain this lifestyle? Isn't she expected to contribute something to the future living arrangements?
She currently lives in a tiny, run-down apartment that's at the top of multiple flights of stairs. Her income isn't bad, but she's trying to save. While we would both contribute to expenses, one thing that we both agree on is that we should only calculate affordability based on my assets and income. That way, in an emergency, her income could give us considerable runway while I try to find a new job or otherwise right the ship.
Why is it it that I am getting a vibe that for her it is not a problem and the current arrangement works just fine for her and she does not want to change it? I mean, by this point it is clear what you want. But is it clear to you what she wants?
I've had similar thoughts, and if she's happy with how things are, then I am content. Maybe that makes me an overly romantic fool, but I'll accept it. She has told me she wants to be together, but words and actions are not always the same thing.
birb_cromble
4d ago
She has a very small apartment. It gets pretty tight even when it's just me visiting for more than a few days.
God, I hate to be one of those people, but I'm coming here asking for relationship advice. I'm looking for honest, blunt opinions here - the kind that only a stranger can really provide.
My partner and I have been together for around a decade now. For the last several years, she has lived in $(CITY) about two and a half hours from where I live, and where we met.
We've discussed living together, and we both agree to the idea in principle, but we have several enormous roadblocks that are in the way.
She does not drive, and will not accept living somewhere that does not have ubiquitous, reliable transportation. I, on the other hand, have formally-diagnosed PTSD from moving dozens of times throughout my youth, and the various forms of abuse that came with it. The idea of moving is miserable for me; the last time I did it was when I moved purchased my first (and current) home, which sent me into such a tailspin that I damaged relationships with my friends, had trouble at work, and essentially lost six months to righting my life again. The idea of moving to a city is exponentially worse. Therapy has slowly improved things, but the more real and imminent things seem, the worse it gets.
While our attempts to find a home together have been interrupted by the cultural and economic shocks of the last five years, we have proceeded as far as looking at houses in $(CITY). It got so bad for me during this process that I more than once found myself miles from her apartment or my home, shoeless, and covered in scrapes and cuts with absolutely no idea of how I got there. I was depressed, and wasn't sleeping due to the 24x7 flood of adrenaline in my system. This manifested in a whole host of other physical symptoms. It got so bad that my partner and I sat down and agreed to pause our search while I got myself right.
Now, in 2025, I'm doing some soul searching. I love this woman more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. She is loving, and kind. She is the kind of person that will stay with a stray kitten in freezing weather until a rescue group arrives and takes it somewhere safe. If I can, I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and more than anything I want her to be happy. In all of our time together, we've had our share of fights and disagreements, but we've always been able to come out of them stronger and with a better understanding of each other's needs.
She tells me she misses me, and that she wishes we could be together. She has also told me that she will never move into my home. When we spoke about this a few weeks ago, she told me that it was because my area lacks ubiquitous, reliable public transport. I mentioned that we have a fairly effective municipal ride share program, and that I would be willing to drop a few grand on an e-bike that would get her almost anywhere in the region in about the same amount of time that she could expect if my area has a bus line. I also let her know that my job has a lot of flexibility in terms of hours, so I would willingly and joyously drive her wherever she needed to go whenever she didn't feel like using the other options. Her response was that she didn't want to feel Beholden to me, and that was the end of the conversation.
Like a lot of you, once I'm presented with a problem, it's extremely difficult for me to let go of it until I have found a solution. Several sleepless nights followed.
I started looking at homes in $(CITY) again, and started doing math on what I could afford. I have a reasonably good income, and the value of my current home has appreciated significantly since I purchased it. I have also been aggressively paying ahead on the mortgage to th point where I could pay it off now and still have a full year's emergency fund available at my current levels of spending (which includes paying ahead on a mortgage that i would not have). Despite being blessed with those advantages, I am not sure if I will be able to afford a home in $(CITY) in any neighborhood that she would find acceptable.
That was terrifying. I was fighting the idea that I would lose her simply because we couldn't afford to be where she wants to be. I kept crunching numbers, and investigating neighborhoods, and mapping bus and train lines, until eventually I got a notification out of the blue.
I've mentioned before that I live on the outskirts of a little urban-ish enclave. A house had come for sale much closer to the core. It was more expensive than I would have liked (it would set my earliest possible retirement date back by a decade), but it was bigger than my current place, and newer, and a quarter mile from a regular bus stop, and within walking distance of several amenities and the downtown district (such as it is). She told me the problem was transit, and she told me that she didn't want to live where I am now. Was this a possible compromise?
I broached the idea. She shot it down immediately, citing a new concern - she didn't believe that my area would allow for a career path for her. She also said that she knows it's hard for me to hear things like that without looking at it as a problem to solve.
That kicked the legs out from under me for a few days. She had told me the problem was about transportation, right up until it wasn't. In her new reasoning, she claims that the issue is about career concerns. She works in service , but my area has a raging hospitality industry. When she lived here, she would make as much money during tourist season as she does in a year in $(CITY).
We haven't spoken about it since, because I don't want to go into a conversation as important as this one without having my head on straight. If I can, I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman, and I don't want to fuck up that chance because I'm not thinking clearly.
I know that I need to discuss finances with her. That is something that I am planning to do when we both have real time to go over it. She may be under some misapprehensions about what we can afford.
After that, I need to talk to her about where she thinks we're going to live in $(CITY) that fits inside that budget. I've done my best to figure that out, but she's told me after the fact after suggesting homes that it won't work for $(reasons) that are not immediately obvious to me as a non-resident.
I'm not sure if it's a good idea, but I'd like to have both of us suggest a few other areas to possibly explore in 2026 that aren't my home and $(CITY).
I have considered suggesting limited couples counseling for a neutral point of view, but that is a hazy and unfinished thought.
I'm terrified of losing this woman simply because I can't get my shit together, take on a mountain of debt, and move somewhere that makes me deeply uncomfortable to the point of dissociating when I stumble into the wrong neighborhood.
Alright, if you're still reading at this point, what do you have to say?
birb_cromble
4d ago
I'm not that far from Pittsburgh. Maybe I should take another trip up sometime.
What's the name of the weekly?
birb_cromble
4d ago
Any city is going to have hundreds of musicians who write their own material, practice in their spare time, play in bars in the weekends, and are good enough that most of the people in attendance enjoy the performance
I know that this is something of a digression, but are you sure that's true? In my town, and the nearest two cities of any meaningful size, it feels like the live music scene has absolutely cratered in the last decade.
We used to have at least a half dozen acts playing on any given weekend. These groups would range from local cover bands all the way up to national acts playing at the college sports arena. These days you're not even guaranteed to find one act booked on a given weekend.
I play an instrument and dabble on harmonies and songwriting, and finding a new act is also harder than it used to be. In 2018, you'd usually have three or for "ISO $(INSTRUMENT)" posts on Craigslist and at least as many on Facebook (though there might be some overlap) at any given time. Nowadays you'll go days or even weeks without seeing one.
Maybe it's a local problem. Maybe I'm just too old to be hip to the scene these days.
But from where I'm standing, it sure feels like something is sucking all the oxygen out of live music.
birb_cromble
8d ago
My question is mostly, is it normal for the Red Tribe to believe the "official story" over their "lying eyes?" In the past I had seen the reverse.
I am aware of one ICE raid in my area. They raided a local Chinese restaurant on human trafficking charges.
It was not a secret to the locals that this was happening. I had spoken with a handful of friends and coworkers who called a federal tip line or other over the years. Hell, one time I was there for an acquaintance's birthday the proprietor offered to get him a wife from China. Despite all that, it wasn't until the Trump administration that anyone actually decided to do anything about it.
The news reports it as ICE raiding an upstanding business owned by an American citizen. They're rather circumspect about the dozen unrelated teen girls who don't speak English and have no papers that they pulled out of there. The locals who saw it described a very different story to me.
Which one should I believe?
birb_cromble
11d ago
Kinda like the Longbow hard-countering the armored knight. Now some illiterate peasant with overdeveloped back muscles can one-shot you after a couple days instruction.
It has been a while since I did a deep dive on the literature, but I believe that a traditional longbowman was a skilled fighter that required a significant training investment. It didn't require the capital investment of a knight, but you couldn't grab Any Random Asshole out of the fields and expect him to be effective.
It wasn't until crossbows and firearms that we saw the terrifying power of Armed Masses of Random Assholes.
birb_cromble
13d ago
This is probably worth a top level post
birb_cromble
14d ago
This was in the Dearborn area, as well.
Dearborn, which is in Michigan, where the "Gretchen Whitmer kidnapping plot" occurred.
I can either assume that Michigan is a hotbed of violent radicalism, or I can assume that the local Field office likes to game metrics.
The latter seems easier for me to believe.
birb_cromble
16d ago
cases of genuine self-defense seem to be massively outnumbered by instances of simian chest-beating that got out of hand or someone pulling a gun to win an argument
Every time I've looked into this, the most noteworthy thing has been the vast variance in definitions used by the entities who are doing the counting. It's usually blatantly biased, to the point where I can probably tell you roughly what the definitions are going to be just by looking at the funding sources of the group in question.
The numbers that best correspond to my intuitive understanding of "self defense" come from Lott, and they suggest that the exact opposite of what you propose is true.
Out of curiosity, what numbers are you using as a basis for your statement, and what definitions are being used to calculate those numbers?
birb_cromble
17d ago
is there any strategy for preventing mouse infiltration permanently?
Pet cats really seem to keep the numbers down. Not only do they eat the brave ones, but the smart ones pick up their scent and leave.
birb_cromble
18d ago
even Bush Jr. seems to have a better reputation nowadays
It has been my experience that Bush II has a better reputation among the "respectability" wing of the GOP, who seem to sincerely believe that if only Trump had been more like Romney in 2020, the loss would have been closer, and they could have lost again in 2024, instead of being saddled with a GOP president in the current year.
Among the rank and file of "occasional voters" that form a lot of Trump's base, Reagan is a remote, vague, yet positive figure who hearkens back to a time when America Still Had Balls.
birb_cromble
22d ago
seems to genuinely regret not settling down earlier
attempting to make amends.
keep naked women in cages downstairs plus bona fide BDSM nuns of uncertain denomination(this is not a joke). The whole place isn't quite Eyes Wide Shut
I feel like one of these things is not precisely like the others. Perhaps I simply don't understand British culture.
birb_cromble
23d ago
Enough NA beers do that I won't risk it while performing.
Now, after a long day outside in the summer? You bet I'll sit down and read the label to find out.
birb_cromble
23d ago
Did you think last week's post was boo outgroup?
birb_cromble
23d ago
Wheat actually. Apparently some forms of arthritis can cause your body to see certain wheat proteins and start producing the antibodies that attack connective tissue.
These days I try to avoid anything with wheat as much as possible, and that goes double if I'm playing out. The small joints in my hands are one of the first things to stiffen up.
birb_cromble
23d ago
I love it, but I'm also allergic to it.
Diet coke is sugar free, so it's the least of the various evils if I can't get get an iced tea.
birb_cromble
23d ago
The story he gives behind the Nazi tattoo (described as a skull-and-crossbones; I would suspect specifically a Nazi Totenkopf) is he was in the Marines, on leave in Croatia, and got drunk and got it
As I read this, I oscillate between sarcastically saying "this is the kind of congressman we need" and unironically saying "this is the kind of congressman we need".
I've never been in a state where I'm compelled to write Schrodinger's shitpost before.
birb_cromble
23d ago
I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, and I try to keep my sugar intake under 20g/day.
A diet coke when I'm playing a gig is necessary, or people will try to buy me booze.
Due to years of accumulated physical trauma, I have some teeth on one side that are in rough shape, and my dentist has determined that one of them needs to come out and get replaced by an implant.
Does anyone have any recovery tips? I'm trying to maximize my rate of healing and bone mass retention. The dentist will be doing a bone graft after the extraction.
I've collected the following recommendations so far:
- Stay hydrated
- No aspirin for at least three days.
- No straws for two weeks.
- No carbonated beverages for two weeks.
- No lifting or running for at least three days.
- Increase calcium intake.
- Increase magnesium intake.
- Increase vitamin c intake.
- Increase protein (specifically collagen) intake.
- Get a lot of sleep.
- No coke or Pepsi for eight weeks, since phosphoric acid can mess with calcium absorption.
Any other suggestions?
I'm coming up on two weeks since I had that molar surgically extracted and the bone graft done. Here are a few notes for anyone who might have to deal with it in the future:
I'm open to questions if anybody has something similar on the horizon or they're just morbidly curious.
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