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PaperclipPerfector  1mo ago (text post)   1677 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for October 29, 2025

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Good on you for putting yourself out there. I find events like these to be one of the best places to find a girlfriend. Mainly because you can very quickly rule out women that you don't like and move on to the next. On apps this can take days or weeks and cost even more money.

Its very normal to not connect with someone you're talking to at a singles event. I suggest (if there is a next time) that you keep practicing approaching woman that you find interesting from a distance. Otherwise, yes you will have people approach you that might not be your first choice. Approach anxiety is incredibly common and takes some time to overcome. For me it took years.

Don't be angry at yourself for spending $40. Think of how much time and money it would have cost to have a date with those two women only to find out you weren't compatible. Not to mention the rest of the experience you gained in mingling and pushing yourself in these types of environments.

I understand you don't want to do anything like it ever again, but its difficult to find alternatives that provide such a target rich environment. If it helps, many people feel the same way you do at events like that. That they are dehumanising, stressful and frustrating. Its either put up with it as a necessary evil or accept a slower paced stream of potential partners through other avenues.

Overall, that sounds like one of the better singles events I've ever read about. Densely packed, good gender ratio, friendly and permissive... I assume that's as good as they get. But I follow your discomfort with that kind of group social interaction. I would be tired, too, after a few conversations, no matter how well they went.

The first one was giving me weird little compliments that I found distressing.

Such as?

I had no idea how to parse any of it

Without being there and seeing body language, hearing vocal tones, etc.... it sure sounds like she was impressed by you (or willing to get there). A woman giving you a compliment on strength, saying you're funny, and continuing to talk to you are all big green flags.

If you think that being attracted to you makes a woman mentally ill the problem is probably not with her.

If you have the crazies/fats actively hitting on you, the better catches are probably batting eyes and waiting for you. The woman at the event was just trying to signal interest by complimenting you, and she was almost certainly nervous as well.

I (M27) have been giving one my friend from college (F27) dating advice via text for the past week. It's been frustrating on multiple levels. First, the situation. This girl is a grad student in ecology (American) at a university in Canada. She recently started hooking up with a French postdoc who is cheating on his long-term girlfriend with her. I don't see how this is going to end well. If this guy was going to leave his girlfriend (who he has been dating for a long time apparently) he would have done so already. Even if this somehow does happen, they're both academics not in their home countries, meaning a likelihood of ending up in the same place is very low. Finally, a relationship that begins with extended cheating is never going to end well because that reflects pretty badly on the impulse control of both parties. I told this girl this and that she needed to distance herself from this man, but she responded by saying that she "had to" pursue this relationship because she didn't know when she would "feel this way" again and that he was a "special guy". I'm frankly just baffled by this level of irrationality and naivety. Maybe from a 18-21 year-old women this would be understandable, but come on use your fucking brain. She is the sidehoe (at best) in this situation and the whole thing is causing such an unnecessarily large amount of stress while she's trying to finish her PhD that it doesn't take a genius to see that the juice isn't worth the squeeze in this situation. I'm continually surprised by the inability of smart people to make sensible and morally sound decisions when it comes to romance.

The second part of my frustration is more personal. I only have platonic feelings for this particular friend, but there have been many other examples with women in the past 5-10 years where my feelings have not been platonic and I have been asked to play the role of a gay best friend to give advice that will not be headed in an absolutely fucked romantic situation. This is almost entirely a me problem of setting boundaries. This most recent situation has made me realize that it's not good for me to be intimate friends with women who don't reciprocate my romantic interest, or with past girlfriends in general. The comparison game usually makes me feel really really bad about myself: why would women choose a shitty cheater over me? The solution is to not allow that comparison to be made by being more honest with those women about what my feelings are (I want a romantic partner, not another friend), and more honest with myself (it's not evil or mean to distance myself from a romantic situation that didn't work out).

She recently started hooking up with a French postdoc who is cheating on his long-term girlfriend with her...she responded by saying that she "had to" pursue this relationship because she didn't know when she would "feel this way" again and that he was a "special guy".

The West has not fallen. The French are still the French.

I will say I've been shocked to find several relationships, adult successful ones, in my social circle who are the result of long term cheating gone legit. It's not completely unheard of. I'm oddly old fashioned on one point: marriage washes out all prior sins, once you get married whatever ethical lapses you committed in dating no longer matter.

Others have given good advice about setting boundaries, which I agree with. Main thing I would add is that it's not only beneficial for your sanity, but it will preserve your friendship as well. Nobody wants to hear someone tell them they should break up with a significant other over and over, even if that person winds up being right. I've had friends who dated crappy girls in the past, and had to learn to let it go and let them make the mistake. I figure if you've told this woman once that this dude is bad news, you've done your duty as her friend. All you can do at that point is sit back and wait for her to come to the realization herself.

First situation:

You can at max. (since she is platonic friend) consider one long talk about the situation with her. After that, you need to step back regarding the situation from your side and let your friend pick her choice (or pick her type of poison). Consider it as a experiment on you also. The experiment of stopping being the white knight in shining armor out there to protect the damsel in distress. In the one talk, you can explain to her few things (which partly or fully, you likely have already done):

  1. This man who has not left his long term GF is treating her like a second priority (side-hoe). If she considers him to be someone really special, then she should be expecting the same level of feeling from his side also (which he isn't doing). Such an imbalanced relationship is bound to cause long term problems even if she is feeling great about it from an emotional point of view.

  2. You are framing in it "smart" "sensible" analytical way, while your friend is working at a high emotional framework. You may remind her that excitement and emotional intensity alone are not the substitute for stability or genuine love over a long term. Particularly when at this juncture, she should be focusing on her career/PhD.

  3. some sample statements which can used for her: a. You deserve someone who chooses you first. b. How people treat their current partners is how they will treat you later. So, choose wisely. c. I am here to talk about things, but I will not support decisions which hurt you or others (other GF).

Basically, you have to stop trying to control her (and she should not feel that either). Give your assessment and step back (it is your boundary-building exercise).

Second Situation:

In general, Sexual attraction is driven by emotional impulses, preselection, and status signals - not rational calculus or moral standing.

  • Preselection: women are attracted to men who are chosen by other women (like this friend is attracted to a person having already a GF). This is a very strange concept when you look at it from moral POV, but it is a very common situation.

  • Taking initiative while displaying self-confidence (going to overconfidence, social aggressiveness, risk-taking) and self-interest (lying / faking, going through extreme selfishness to cheating) is attractive trait.

  • Smart and moral Passive men are unattractive. They choose the destiny of always giving advice, friend-zoned, and never rewarded romantically or sexually. Or they only get rewards, when women have exhausted all other options and then they are the fail-safe (and even then these same women never forget their "special guy", as correctly mentioned somewhere in George Hale's answer).

  • So, be bold, show self-interest (and not other-interest at expense of self-interest), disregard your social nervousness, and get away from socially/romantically asymmetrical situations/relationships/friendships. and yes, keep your moral compass correct also (gotta sleep well at night).

Thanks for the advice. I have basically done what you suggest in the first part. We’ve had a long conversation over text, and I told her that I’ll talk to her on the phone if she wants, but she’s basically heard everything I have to say so she shouldn’t bring it up again.

Second section is also good advice. I generally need to stand up for my interests (all my interests, not just this) in life more. I can do this without violating any kind of moral code.

F27? Hah. My wife's friend is 40 and she still managed to find a crazy guy on Tinder. Yes, he was also "special" and made her "feel this way". At least now she knows that local police cannot stay in the "stop bothering us, come back when he kills you" mode indefinitely and will do something if you harass them enough.

The urge to suggest that this is solely a female type behavior is strong, but misguided. Probably this kind of swooning (over a caddish rake in this case) is more common in females but again I'm not even sure of that. Plenty of dudes leave committed wives after years because they met a hottie who pushes the right buttons. Trade the wife in for a younger model, as my wise aunt used to say. Women are perhaps pulled in the same foolish direction for different reasons--i.e. not mostly sexual. Women often have more lovey emotional reasons. This doesn't make it stupid. True, it's wrong and probably to some degree self-destructive. But I've seen a woman in a terrible bizarre relationship that at the time seemed so volatile that her life was arguably on the edge of ruin--only to, years later, now married to a different (stable) guy, state without irony that the bizarre relationship in question (now long over) was one of her fondest, most cherished memories of that particular time period. And yes this is a strikingly beautiful woman.

I personally think that the "gay best friend" role (as you put it) is an important role for every man to experience at least once, and it speaks well of you that any woman is willing to trust you with her inner emotional life. Although if you have designs on her yes, it will be a singularly awful experience for you. Once is probably quite enough though.

My view is that you should keep your eyes open, learn as much as possible about yourself and her during this period, and file the information away as one of life's oddities. Women and men can both turn emotionally on a dime, especially (though not only) when young. Not everyone, of course. Some of us are made of more solid stuff.

Luckily do not have designs on this particular woman, so in this case it is merely frustration that my friend is causing herself so much inner turmoil. Yet, as you state, she may not see it that way in a few years.

It has been an epiphany that I’ve played this role far too often in other relationships and in other contexts (not romantic).

Well that just makes you a friend. Possibly from your perspective you're more of a sounding board, but I've learned that's how many women communicate. Wait till you've been married 20 years.

Seriously though, a good listener is gold, worth many treasure troves. So good for you, though it must seem tedious.

why would women choose a shitty cheater over me?

A shitty cheater is by definition a man that women (plural) choose. The choosing comes first, then he gets to enjoy the cheating. Consider lowering your inhibitions, finding a way to be more shameless, and lift more. Then, still, don't cheat.

Ok, never ever be the male best friend for a woman you have a romantic interest in. Yes, you'd be happier if she broke up with the cheating grad student to go out with you. That's unlikely to happen, you need to cut off the friendship.

I'll suggest that the best way to do that is to offer her this. If she says no, you have the problem of how to cut off the friendship pretty much solved. If she says yes, you have a girlfriend. You can just do things, that's the secret behind 'nice guys finish last'.

I’m not interested in this particular women. She is a long term friend from undergrad.

Upon reading the first paragraph, I was basically going to write what you put in the second paragraph, so I'm glad that you've already reached those conclusions.

This is almost entirely a me problem of setting boundaries.

You can also set boundaries in platonic relationships. I cannot see much value in playing the gay best friend for a platonic female friend, either.

Back to my calluses. I tried putting the barbell into the crease where my fingers join the palm and... my grip weakened dramatically. For the next set of deadlifts, I went back to putting it on my heart line/head line and no, it's not a fluke, I could deadlift my regular number of reps again. I guess I'll just have to tolerate them.

i use an old sock to prevent direct abrasions and callus ripping. using old socks will also prevent thick calluses also.

Do you wear it like a mitten?

pretty much. the thumb lies in the extra-ankle area of the sock. although, you can make holes if you want.

Yup. That's why I pair it with straps. I don't care to have to deal with bad calluses or hook grips or anything. Not competing; don't care. Like everything, it comes down to what your purpose is.

@Capital_Room, are you screwed by the EBT shutdown?

Not sure yet. I don't get EBT, so I'm fine so far as that goes. It's HUD funding that's the issue, because (AIUI) that's where Alaska Housing gets most of its money, so I don't know if my rent subsidy (~$900/mo.) will keep going out to my landlord (like it did at the start of October).

It's Autism

I've written here before about my daughter who been a challenge to raise.

Since my last comments, I had connected with a Psychiatrist who did some blood work and recommended we give A some supplements. Vitamin D, P5P, L-Methionine. We've been at it for almost two months now and I think there has been some change in a positive direction. I've been trying to keep a record going of the behaviors that are most odd to us:

  1. Agressiveness - hits siblings or others
  2. Stuck-ness - Keeps trying to do the same thing over and over again
  3. Perfectionism - Panics if she does something she thinks is not perfect
  4. Language - Does not understand figures of speech. I can probably expand this bucket to include all things language related she has trouble with - pronouns, reading, etc.
  5. Obsessiveness - Piles, checking her door is closed, obsession with a specific TV show, etc.

Here is the when we first started the supplements:

  1. Aggressiveness - 4
  2. Stuck-ness - 4
  3. Perfectionism - 5
  4. Language - 4
  5. Obsessiveness - 3

And here is where I would put her today:

  1. Aggressiveness - 1
  2. Stuck-ness - 2
  3. Perfectionism - 3
  4. Language - 4
  5. Obsessiveness - 2

We have some days where aggressiveness trends back up to a 4 or 5, but the trigger is often she does something rude, doesn't realize it's rude, gets mad at a sibling for saying she did something rude, and then lashes out. And this is more of a weekly occurrence than a daily occurrence. It feels like progress to me.

Well, we had a 1 year follow up with the Neuropsychologist who diagnosed her with ADHD, we told her about how we pulled A from school due to disruptive behaviors that kept her in the school office for hours every day, we emphasized how weird A's understanding of jokes and speech can be, and she agreed to test her for Autism.

She had a couple days of testing. Her ADHD symptoms have improved somewhat since last year. Her verbal IQ increased about 15 points to a normal range now. There's a test where the kid has to avoid kicking a soccerball before a signal is given and she did better than the average kid, instead of worse like you'd expect from ADHD. However, not knowing if she was giving the correct answer or behaving the correct way was driving A up a wall and she threw a fit at some point, so not every test was completed.

A week later, Dr. [redacted] gave us the results. Our daughter has learned human behavior like a Miss. Manners textbook but has definite signs of Autism on display during an ADOS-2 test. Repeating words and phrases over and over again for minutes, bumping her hands together to expel nervous energy, talking super fast then slow, not really conversing with Dr. [redacted] but rather having a one-sided conversation. Couldn't describe what made a friend different from someone else, what the experience of having an emotion is like, etc.

So now she needs to up her speech therapy to 1 hour a week, get some kind of occupational therapy, and maybe join some sort of support group with similar people.

Meanwhile I feel like I've been gaslit for the last five years.

She was evaluated for Autism when she was 2 and couldn't talk. They said there weren't any signs. Last year, with this same Neuropsychologist, they didn't give her the ADOS-2 test but gave her some other kind of test and said she didn't show signs of Autism. For the last year I've been going crazy, reading books on BPD in children (doesn't seem to exist but people will certainly sell you books on it), books on ADHD, dyslexia, nutrient deficiencies, ODD, etc. We've tried high carb low fat diets, elimination diets, supplements, you name it. And all along it was Autism, which honestly I suspected since she was 7 months old and made her first pile. (The second she learned to crawl, she gathered all her toys into one place and lay on them like a dragon guarding a hoard. The second she learned to walk, she started eloping at parks like being able to find and return to her mother wasn't a consideration for her.)

Meanwhile, now that I'm putting "Autism" in the search bar, it turns out there's all kinds of official sounding terminology for all the weird behavior she's been doing. It even explains her writing numbers and letters backwards. But before this week I ignored results with Autism, because I'd been told on two separate occasions that she doesn't have it.

It feels like the weight of the world has been lifted from me. The responsibility of being the parent of a weird kid has been lifted from me. There's a name. It's not my parenting style. It's not my fault.

The biggest head trip is how similar she is to me, if I wasn't a genius. I didn't get frustrated in school, reading came easy to me, I learned figures of speech like I learned the months of the year. But the social stuff, and repeating my own words, and the one-sidedness to my speech. That is a lot like me. A lot of things my daughter did, my mom would say, "That's just what kids are like," and "I think the school is being ridiculous, sending her to the office so much," when it was for things like chasing a teacher around the classroom. Maybe that's just what her kids are like (except I was better behaved at school, partly because I was in gifted classes, partly because I finished everything ahead of time and was allowed to read books most of class).

But I also feel lost in the woods without a map. I have to sign her up for therapies. Where do I start? I don't know. We're going to see if this diagnosis means the school can take her back. But we're also concerned about what that would look like. It's all a lot.

I've also started having dizzy spells since hearing the results. Don't know if that's related but it started a couple hours after the appointment. So that's weird. Overwhelming stress transferring from one bucket to another in an inefficient fashion.

If it helps, every non-alty I've ever met who has an autistic child has had that child misdiagnosed as ADHD. It's one of several reasons I continue to believe childhood ADHD diagnoses should be prohibited by law(you can just have a kid who gets bad grades and grows up to work in a warehouse. Sometimes thems the breaks.). Several of them had their eventual autism diagnoses made on the basis of 'duh. Did the doctor who made the diagnosis actually meet the kid?'

The Onion: American Psychiatric Association Adds ‘Obsessive Categorization Of Mental Conditions’ To ‘DSM-5’

Uh.. Just because autism in children gets confused with childhood ADHD doesn't mean that the latter doesn't exist or isn't worth diagnosing.* There is still such a thing as hyperactivity or inattention beyond the "normal" range that responds well to medication, and waiting till adulthood for a diagnosis means that a lot of social/academic damage is unnecessarily allowed to happen. Being dumb is not the same as having ADHD, even if dumb people tend to be impulsive and lack focus. It is also possible to be smart and lack focus, I say, looking at no one in particular.

(This isn't the same kind of argument as for puberty blockers, in case someone leaps to pattern matching. Stimulants are rather safe drugs, the only minor downside might be slightly reduced growth rates.)

Most people diagnosed in adulthood have had the condition since childhood. It's not like schizophrenia where it can just "turn up" after you're 18. I know that's the case for me, and I'd have been way better off if someone had noticed when I was a child and put me before a shrink.

*ADHD and autism can coexist.

Be that as it may, doctors are not responsible enough to diagnose adhd in children, sorry. Maybe theres perfectly legible capitalist explanations that don’t apply in the nhs. Sure, willing to believe that. But in the USA, almost literally every child with some other developmental disorder was first diagnosed with adhd, and it just isn’t an emergency to have someone grow up to work in a warehouse instead of a hedge fund. We produce too many elites anyways. If your kid cant do school without accommodations maybe they just deserve bad grades?

While I do agree that ADHD in children is probably over diagnosed, it's worse in adults because of people motivated by the diagnosis.

This also applies to children to some extent - parents looking for an easy answer, medications, etc.

They can then shop around until they get the answer they want.

But in the USA, almost literally every child with some other developmental disorder was first diagnosed with adhd

I request citations.

Maybe theres perfectly legible capitalist explanations that don’t apply in the nhs.

An ADHD diagnosis is, in fact, significantly lower here, and much harder to get. Unfortunately, as far as I can tell, that's because the NHS is operating far beyond capacity and it can take up to 10 years to even go from a referral to seeing a specialist for assessment. That's the worst case I've heard of, though 4-5 years is typical for schoolchildren. Not quite ideal either way.

just isn’t an emergency to have someone grow up to work in a warehouse instead of a hedge fund

I would rather my kids don't work in a warehouse instead of a better job, as would most people, and probably you. It's a false dichotomy anyway, there is no medication on Earth that would take someone from being only suitable for warehouse labor to being a quant, sadly.

If your kid cant do school without accommodations maybe they just deserve bad grades?

That is more of an argument for cracking down on stupid and endless expansion of special accommodations.

Hell, I've never asked for special treatment because of my ADHD, even when it was specifically offered (they even suggested my own office, an impossible miracle in the NHS at my level). I expect that my medication makes me competitive with my peers, including in academics, and I don't want handholding in the process. My problems can be solved for <$100 a month, were I paying for the meds myself. I am all for exams being a level playing field and and a test of competence within certain constraints. If someone is genuinely worse at their job because of a disability, that sucks, but there's only so much society can do, or that I think it should do.

Besides, I disagree with this whole line of reasoning. Too much congestion on the highway? Clearly we have an over production of cars, and we should stop mechanics from using wrenches or people from changing their motor oil. There are far better ways of solving the problems of elite overproduction, should it need solving.

ADHD is real, in the sense that it is a useful term for a problem that exists in a spectra. So does blood pressure. Treating both does real good even if there's no firm line in the sand between 5th and 6th percentile levels of conscientiousness, or between 140/90 and 141/90 average BP readings.

ADHD is real, in the sense that it is a useful term for a problem that exists in a spectra.

Aren't the stimulants used to treat it at least moderately effective in non-diagnosed individuals at improving concentration and attentiveness? I have at least heard anecdotes of college kids using those off-label for performance reasons (studying). I assume the accomodations (extra time on tests) are moderately too.

Do you have any thoughts on where we draw the moral line for "you get to use these, you over here don't"? To use an analogy, if we had drugs that made kids grow taller, I don't see a problem with at least making them available to, say, ones predicted to end up under 5 feet, but there would be a huge moral hazard of 6'5" kids whose parents claim they're still "short" because they really want them to play in the NBA. I don't have an answer here, either.

Check out this video. https://youtube.com/watch?v=SGaQw5HyX38 Some parts of it are a bit boring so if you feel like skipping it just jump forwards instead. There is a lot of modern research / experiments on autism on the internet. Other simple remedies are things like limiting carbs, folinic acid, fixing sulfur metabolism (molybden) and anything that boosts mitocondrial function.

I discussed going into the rabbit hole here: https://www.themotte.org/post/2273/wellness-wednesday-for-july-23-2025/350068?context=8#context

She is currently seeing a psychiatrist who's a bit more into that sort of cutting edge between the future and woo. I'm cautious but going to keep with it for a year unless she recommends something that seems obviously dangerous.

I have minor concerns about the advice given by the psychiatrist, but I'll hold back since I don't have the full picture and you're already doing the important things, like getting her speech and occupational therapy. The symptomatic improvement is heartening, and I can only hope it persists, And I do agree that this is more likely to be autism than ADHD (not that the two are mutually exclusive), and the presentation can be rather different in girls, which makes diagnosis unfortunately challenging.

I wish I had more specific advice to give in regards to where to seek therapy, but it's so US-dependent I wouldn't know where to start. I'd hope your psychiatrist and psychologist could point you the right way. In the meantime, please take care of yourself, I hope the dizziness is transient, but you've evidently been under an immense amount of pressure for a while. You might need a moment to breathe, and accept that some real hurdles have been overcome.

While I don't think a formal diagnosis is strictly necessary to absolve you of guilt, it's still a practically useful thing! Less judgement, not that you deserved any, and more access to resources at the least. I hope this keeps working out.

I think the diagnosis will help some. Every time I commented here about A, I would always receive some well-meaning, "What punishments are you using when A acts out?" like I've never considered trying the normal parental levers of behavioral adjustment. It's also been challenging to get a babysitter but now we can use the magic words and hire someone twice as expensive but who knows what they're in for.

It's funny though how some people are. My mother called me and the first words were, "Are you sure it was a doctor who diagnosed her? Did they test her for at least 8 hours?" She kept grilling me about what happened before she was satisfied that it was a genuine diagnosis and then she didn't seem to have much to say.

I hope that having a label helps things to improve, and that things do continue to improve. That's interesting about the supplements helping.

I have three children, and my older daughter (Z, 6) is spectrum-y. It doesn't currently seem to matter all that much -- she's extremely verbal and likes stereotypical girl things, so doesn't stand out all that much. There was a highly verbal child in the intensive autism program I sometimes teach, and I though "wow, he sounds exactly like Z!" It's hard for me to pinpoint exactly why. It's also hard to describe why without myself sounding like a bad mother, and using term like "blathering." I thought that maybe kids are just like that, but my other kids are not like that.

I teach art professionally, so I thought that maybe I would teach her art. Mostly she wants me to give her a piece of paper and a pen, and then cuts it up into hundreds of tiny shapes, and draws things for her dolls on them, and leaves piles of tiny bits of paper all over the place, over and over again. Sometimes I try to teach her something specific, and she just kind of turns away and goes to work on the snipping and drawing, in a way that feels more like how I experience teaching the autism groups. If I give her a little handmade blank booklet, she'll replicate a Disney storybook, then another, then another, until I refuse to give any more paper. Sometimes she does things at school like hiding under a table rather than putting on her coat, or refusing to leave with us because the teacher is otherwise occupied and unable to dismiss her officially.

When Z was a baby, she had a terrible time with bottles, and my husband had to drive her to my job on my lunch break to breastfeed her in the car. She screamed and screamed, and had a terrible time learning to sleep. I wondered how the human race had managed to endure up to the present day. If she woke up, she would be up for two hours, and shriek at top volume if put back to bed.

Z likes to run in circles around the center of the house for over half an hour at a time, up to hours sometimes, especially when she was younger.

My other children are not like this. My second child is getting near four and can't talk properly, but is very socially warm.

I dunno, children are confusing.

Mostly she wants me to give her a piece of paper and a pen, and then cuts it up into hundreds of tiny shapes, and draws things for her dolls on them, and leaves piles of tiny bits of paper all over the place, over and over again.

Oh, yeah. A does this. And when she does art, unless she's told to do something specific for an assignment, she will draw a heart with the word "Love" on it every time. Thousands of hearts with "Love" on them and I try to treat each one as special as the first. Thousands of hearts on shreds of paper no larger than an inch across. Scattered around her bedroom.

I think there are probably lots of kids who are "on the specturm" in a sense. But they don't necessarily need to be diagnosed, treated, etc unless it's hampering their life in some way. With A, she wasn't learning in school because she was spending about 20% of instructional time in the school office freaking out. She's someone who needed a diagnosis, support, etc.

I see a lot of A's traits in myself, but I got through school ok because it was easy for me. I didn't make friends though. I could see a case for young-me getting diagnosed and in some kind of therapy to learn how to form human friendships. But I personally was fine without friends? I felt weird and different, which aren't great feelings to have as a kid. But I don't think I honestly craved friendship the way most kids do.

It's only really a disorder if it's hampering your ability to live a normal life. Given Z's age, it's really up to you to decide if Z is happy or if Z needs help and to pursue a diagnosis.

If you ever desire to dig really deep into the realm of medical treatment of autism, I highly recommend you check out a blog called EpiphanyASD, written by a German father of a severely autistic boy whom he has been able to treat to the point of being moderately functional.

I am happy that you finally found out the problem, and sympathize with how difficult it was to come to the conclusion. For one thing, autism seems difficult to detect in girls. For another, all of medicine is like this. My grandma went to a nurse practitioner for pain in her hands, and told that it was not carpal tunnel. Turns out it was. My mom has been around the block about pain in her foot; first told she needs to go to a foot doctor, then the foot doctor uncaringly told her it was related to back pain, then the back doctor tells her that he doesn't know if he can help her but try this medicine and stop bothering him, then she goes back to a doctor for foot pain and finally is told that it's probably unrelated to her back and she needs to see an actual foot specialist (hopefully not the same one). Will they finally discover the cause? Who knows. I just feel bad for her because it's been difficult for her to sleep at night for a while due to the pain. It would probably feel worse if it was your own offspring that you saw this happening to, intense pressure to get them sorted out but being unable to do so because medicine is a fucking nightmare realm of people who don't know and don't actually care and need you to book several dozen expensive appointments that are all weeks or months apart for every single question that needs to be asked.

Related: it is helpful to hear about a confirmed case of autism. I see lots of stuff get called autism, even just differences in personality or being selfish in a conversation or being interested in a thing. It's wrong to do it, I think, though I used to call things like that autism, too. My boss makes a big deal about rising cases of autism, and keeps blaming the vaccines. The problem is that there are just so many possible causes because so much has changed in the last 100 years. Maybe some portion of it is just finally getting diagnosed instead of being mislabeled as "That's just what kids are like," maybe some portion of it is actually being overdiagnosed when they don't actually have it, maybe there's more TV, maybe people's genetics suck from having kids too late, maybe lack of community is affecting people in ways we don't know about, etc, etc...

But I feel your pain, and hope things go well for your daughter. Good work getting it figured out.

If it's of interest to you, I think the things that most made the neuropsychologist test for Autism were the following anecdotes:

  • Several times now, when I'm driving in the car, one kid will ask me a question. I will answer the question. A will then say, "Mom! I wasn't the one who asked you the question, C asked you the question." And my response is befuddlement, because I didn't use A's name, and I'm looking at the road not her, so why did she think I was talking to her?

  • She gets scared by figures of speech. "Make your head explode," made her scream and cry for a half hour. "I wish I could pack you in my suitcase and bring you back with me," made her run to her room and cry in her bed.

  • Funny movies scare her. George of the Jungle disturbed her, Pink Panther was scary, it's all scary to her.

  • She learned one knock knock joke in Kindergarten at a Pool Party.

    "Knock Knock"

    "Who's there?"

    "Splash"

    "Splash who?"

    "Splash you!"

    It's the kind of joke that only works in a swimming pool. It's the only joke she used for the next two years. She would repeat it everywhere. Over and over again.

However, on examinations, A would give the correct answers to, "What word do you use when you greet someone?" "When you talk with someone, where should you look?"

Several times now, when I'm driving in the car, one kid will ask me a question. I will answer the question. A will then say, "Mom! I wasn't the one who asked you the question, C asked you the question." And my response is befuddlement, because I didn't use A's name, and I'm looking at the road not her, so why did she think I was talking to her?

Z also has trouble figuring out who we're talking to, even when we're all in the room together, and we're clearly looking at and turned towards one daughter or the other. Her little sister can keep track easily enough.

Pleased to find I'm already seeing results from my new strength training plan, both in terms of max weight and also endurance. When I started exactly two weeks ago, I could deadlift 142.5 kg (incl. the bar) for 18 reps over 4 sets; this morning, I lifted 147.5 kg for 25 reps over 5 sets. Curious how far I can get before Christmas.

Give it Time and consistency. There is not a single Christmas. many more to come.

You may want to look at GZCL or Easy Strength (by Dan John) methods, since it appears that you are creating your own plan.

You may want to look at GZCL

Interesting link. I ended up coming to the same conclusions and building similar plans on my own, as I imagine many lifters do who seriously think about it.

Step two in the path to a Century Ride is completed, I made it 50 miles on Saturday morning. The final ten miles were definitely a different animal compared to the prior rides I've done, I don't think I technically "bonked" or whatever the preferred technical term is, but I was definitely on the struggle shuttle. Near the end of both rides, I start adjusting constantly. Jacket on-jacket off, different handlebar positions, saddle postures, different podcasts or audiobooks. I feel like I just can't get comfortable, which makes sense at that point, but I need to work on ignoring the discomfort and just locking in, there is no combination of things that makes riding a bike that far comfortable.

This time rather than a long ride to a destination where my wife would pick me up, I did it out-and-back, which worked much better. As I wore down on energy, the streets got more familiar rather than less familiar. Which was a good choice, I was more comfortable in the saddle despite fatigue, I knew where I was going and which streets would be safe/efficient. I'm realizing in retrospect that some of the confusion and getting lost at the end of the 50k ride was more related to fatigue than it was to the route itself. And the traffic concerns can easily be lessened by knowing the route better.

It might be too late in the season to practically shoot for the 100km ride this year. I think I have the physical capability to slug it out if I needed to, but the combination of temperature/daylight/location would work out such that I don't think I could do it in the way I want to do it, if that makes any sense. So it's sort of back in the lab for me. I need to increase my speed to hit 100 miles. I did 53 miles in four hours flat, so around a 12mph pace. That would make a 100mi ride way too long to be practical, I want to be holding around 15mph at least, and to do that I feel like I need to be able to hold 18mph for a few miles, which I really can't seem to do right now. My problem seems to be with cadence, I can't manage to move my legs fast enough for very long to sustain higher speeds. I picked up a used Peloton bike for my wife a year back, I suppose I'll use that pretty extensively this winter, they have a lot of rides built around varying cadences, so hopefully that will help. I'm not going to be able to ride my bike outside as often with the shorter daylight hours, but I'm hoping to get out to a bike trail one morning a week and hit at least ten to fifteen miles to keep the groove greased.

My target is right now to try for the 100km in early spring, and if that goes well the 100mi in late spring, or if it doesn't I'll aim to do 100mi next fall. My secondary worry being that I need to do a better job of choosing a route, that the friction is going to catch up with me over the course of a really long ride.

This is more cardio than I've done in years, and that's been good for me, no question about it.

I need to work on ignoring the discomfort and just locking in, there is no combination of things that makes riding a bike that far comfortable

Ironic. I just attended my first bike fitting yesterday to prepare for a 100-mile race next weekend. This has always been my tack - that the equipment configuration can't possibly matter that much, and the secret is to beat my body into submission and be comfortable in the suffering.

To be clear, any mileage over ~40 means some suffering. It's part of the gig. More than that, you've progressed quickly - it took me 9 months to go from zero to 100 miles. So yeah, there's some "slugging it out".

But when I basically told the fitter your/my MO, he just hung his head for a second and then recovered. "That's pretty much the opposite of what you should be doing". At the scale of a Gran Fondo and above, little adjustments matter. And frankly, the $175 I paid for a fit seemed like a deal with how fucked up my saddle height, shoes, stem, and pedals were. We spent 2.5 hours adjusting every piece of the bike, then testing how it felt with motion capture etc. It felt a lot better in that room, very quickly, and I'll be able to report back how it felt at scale soon.

Is it still overkill for my level of talent and power? Absolutely. But I would say you deserve to have the bike set up correctly and that much discomfort suggests it. At least check out some youtube videos on fit.

  • Doing an out and back is awesome, especially if you have a distance goal. I've occasionally had to zig-zag a bit near the end to hit my 62.2mi target, and that makes it easier (plus your wife not having to pick you up is a major plus).
  • The Peloton is a great way to up your cadence, the workouts really focus on that over power or distance. Plus Olivia Amato is.... motivating. Even if it's a huge rip off of a workout platform.
  • Given your progress, you'll have the capability to do this in the winter or early spring. If you're trying to prove something to yourself, fine, do it then. Frankly, I think hitting a milestone like that is best done on a warm day where you can have some fun - because it's also going to be hard. Things stop being enjoyable between 100km and 100mi IMO.
  • For a long time I was so focused on losing weight that I would not eat on rides. You don't need performance food: Some sour patch kids, one of your bottles having gatorade, and something else you just like eating are probably enough. But don't not eat, because it'll slow you down bigly. I almost never bonk, but when I do it's a frustrating waste of time to try and limp back home with cramps slowing me down to a crawl.

But when I basically told the fitter your/my MO, he just hung his head for a second and then recovered. "That's pretty much the opposite of what you should be doing". At the scale of a Gran Fondo and above, little adjustments matter. And frankly, the $175 I paid for a fit seemed like a deal with how fucked up my saddle height, shoes, stem, and pedals were. We spent 2.5 hours adjusting every piece of the bike, then testing how it felt with motion capture etc. It felt a lot better in that room, very quickly, and I'll be able to report back how it felt at scale soon.

I've been trying to put off doing all this, I guess out of embarrassment over how bad I am, like I need to earn it. Also why I've put off spending any real money on a bike. But maybe all the persuasion on here has made the bike shop up the road a few hundred bucks.

The Peloton is a great way to up your cadence, the workouts really focus on that over power or distance. Plus Olivia Amato is.... motivating. Even if it's a huge rip off of a workout platform.

I despise everything about their business model, but Mrs. FiveHour wanted one off craigslist and she loves it, it's worth any price to keep her working out, so we already have one in the basement.

For a long time I was so focused on losing weight that I would not eat on rides. You don't need performance food: Some sour patch kids, one of your bottles having gatorade, and something else you just like eating are probably enough. But don't not eat, because it'll slow you down bigly. I almost never bonk, but when I do it's a frustrating waste of time to try and limp back home with cramps slowing me down to a crawl.

For the places I've done long rides, wawa is my rest station, so I've got a wide variety of junk food on tap. Tastykakes are the thing I allow myself only in the middle of large cardio events. I doubt its optimal, but its good enough.

Impressive ramp rate. I think you could still do the 100k this fall. For context I did a century ride after thanksgiving in northern MD/south-central PA and had daylight on both ends. Was going about 14 miles an hour.

I probably physically could, but 1) Scheduling a whole day off from work and every other obligation is going to get tougher the next few weeks, 2) I don't just want to slug it out and do the 100km in six hours or something, I'd like to make progress on feeling stronger while also finishing a longer distance.

I want to be holding around 15mph at least, and to do that I feel like I need to be able to hold 18mph for a few miles, which I really can't seem to do right now. My problem seems to be with cadence, I can't manage to move my legs fast enough for very long to sustain higher speeds.

Is it actually cadence or is sustained power the problem? Because if you just prefer to pedal slower, you could get into a higher gear. If your highest gear is to fast at 18 mph (improbable, but not impossible) this means switching bikes (or switching cassettes/chain ring if you like the bike).

I guess sustained power is the problem in that I don't actually care how I get there I just want to sustain speed. But 1) I've read that 80-90 cadence is typically the recommended sustainable endurance pace, I'm closer to 60. Even if I ultimately settle at 60, I feel like not being able to sustain 90 is probably bad for reasons too stupid to even understand; 2) I struggle on steep climbs, where I feel like downshifting and pumping at a higher cadence is probably the answer, as at a lower cadence I get bogged down.

I've tried a variety of bikes and somehow land at nearly the same speed on the same courses, so I'm the problem.

Cadence is a bit of a preference, some people just like to pedal slower with more force. Jan Ulrich was famous back then for running huge chain rings and paddling at like half the speed of Lance Armstrong. But yeah, if you keep dropping way below 90 because you can't sustain power on climbs, you just gotta downshift, accept the drop in speed and keep at it. Speed will go up with time. And like everybody in cycling loves to repeat endlessly: "It never gets any easier, you just go faster".

And like everybody in cycling loves to repeat endlessly: "It never gets any easier, you just go faster".

I've always put it when talking about rock climbing with fresh gumbies: You will always feel like you suck exactly as much as you feel like you suck now, it'll just go from feeling like you can't do anything, to feeling like you should be able to do more by now.

I don't particularly have an opinion on optimal cadence, but I know that it's bad that I can't keep a higher cadence for any length of time. Like how I might not use a certain guard or submission in BJJ a lot, but if I can't do it at all that's bad and I should work on it.

I might ultimately land on a lower cadence-higher gear preference, I'm coming into this with (by cycling standards) a fat ass and tremendous max strength and shit endurance, but I'm pretty confident that working on increasing cadence a bit will pay some dividends.

There is some natural variation, and it's sometimes argued that it's not clear if it's a selection effect that efficient cyclist ride with a higher cadence or if a higher cadence is just more efficient.

Controlling for constant power, the subjective feeling and from experience, <70 RPM will toast your legs in no time. Presumably from greater muscle tearing from greater muscular tension, lower lactate clearance, less oxygen and glucose uptake since the venous system is passive, etc. But just like when someone tells you the sky is blue because of Rayleigh scattering, the question is then why isn't the sky ultraviolet. Why is >110 RPM inefficient if turning over the pedals faster is so much better? For cadence, I suspect this is because you become less smooth if you exceed the speed at which you can maintain neuromuscular control.

In fact, your body more or less just does this regulation for you. As with many things: slow is smooth, smooth is fast. All of this to say cadence will naturally improve as you gain neurological coordination from practice. I haven't kept up with the latest meta, but circa mid 2010s, most sports scientist thought there was limited or no evidence for the effectiveness of pedaling drills while most professional coaches and elite level cyclits thought there was value in doing them. Two that come to mined:

  1. If you are doing all out intervals, indoors or otherwise, try to fully spin out each gear before shifting up. This is bad practice in a race because someone could get a jump on you while spun out, but might help with learning to turn the pedals over quickly while producing decent force.
  2. Single leg pedaling, possibly while warming up or cooling down, obviously while using clip-less peddles. I think the sports science people are firmly in the camp that most of the work (the F⋅s kind) is done on the down stroke, most concluding that practicing pedaling circles is thus pointless. I know at least one Olympic medalist who prescribes single leg drills though, and most experienced cyclists describe losing coordination and thus power as feeling like pedaling squares. My take is single leg drills train the coordination of pedaling circles. This feels smoother, you can thus turn over the pedals faster, so at a constant force level you are making more power.

Assuming the drive train is in at all decent shape, don't under estimate areo and rolling resistance. Even at modest speeds it can really add up. I can't readily find it, but there used to be a calculator where you could put in various different bike configurations. My rough recollection is that even at 100 W, going from arms extended, relaxed cut jersey, & cheap clinchers to sphynx like tuck, fitted jersey, and tubulars was like 11 → 15 mph for an average sized cyclist. Fortunately, with modern tiers tubeless and high quality clinchers are almost as efficient as tubulars were back in the day. There's no way not to look goofy in form fitting cycling clothing though.

there used to be a calculator

http://www.bikecalculator.com/

There's no way not to look goofy in form fitting cycling clothing though.

I guess I don't know OP's position on this issue, but I've definitely heard this from Crossfit/Hyrox types who were all about the Ranger panties, which struck me as a more or less indefensible distinction.

cadence...pedaling drills

I have been digging into this a bit recently and while I think the smart money is broadly on "freely chosen cadence and pedal how it comes naturally", I've seen a couple of interesting results that I'll use this as an excuse to infodump:

-Hansen et al 2006 tell trained cyclists to pedal at energetically optimal cadence (much lower than freely chosen cadence), subjects report lower perceived effort and exhibit same or better performance: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16906415/

-Cueing subjects to unweight their hands while pedalling, without changing position, can improve hip extensor recruitment and potentially performance. I learned about this from this podcast with Jim Martin: https://spotify.link/dwetkKwcSXb Apparently the researcher's name is Ernie Rimer, though I can't find a published paper or presentation.

-Single-leg cycling with a counterweight to smooth out the pedal stroke may be a useful way to overload the musculature of the trained leg relative to what could be done double-legged, see e.g. https://journals.physiology.org/doi/full/10.1152/japplphysiol.01247.2010 and the podcast I linked above.

I guess I don't know OP's position on this issue, but I've definitely heard this from Crossfit/Hyrox types who were all about the Ranger panties, which struck me as a more or less indefensible distinction.

My attitude to cycling clothing so far has been similar to my attitude towards cowboy western wear: one item at a time is fine, two is pushing it, three is a costume. So I feel fine wearing the jersey when I'm casually riding around by the river in track pants, and on a longer ride I'll wear the shorts or bibs with a t shirt or windbreaker, but somehow wearing them together just feels too costumey for me, like I'm pretending I'm a much better cyclist than I am. And then I'm not even sure if the jersey and shorts I bought off theblackbibs is even what we're talking about here in terms of aerodynamics. My wife claims the zip up cycling jersey looks sexy, I feel like an overstuffed sausage.

I suppose at 100 miles I'll probably get over that feeling, since at that point I'm really doing something.

To be fair, I take this attitude with most hobbies. A year of BJJ and I still refuse to buy a rashguard.

rashguard

I was gonna mention this, but I don't actually know how and when these are worn.

I'm not even sure if the jersey and shorts I bought off theblackbibs is even what we're talking about here in terms of aerodynamics.

It's probably most of the way there. I don't readily know how much energy is saved by going from a Lance-era fit to a present-day fit, but I suspect it's small compared to the difference between baggy t-shirt and Lance-era fit, and you may already have fewer wrinkles than a Lance-era fit.

cowboy western wear:

Kek. Good rule for western wear (though I think you gotta discount jeans, unless worn conspicuously high and tight), but I absorbed more or less the opposite rule for cycling kit at a formative age; there's no reason not to wear a t-shirt over trishorts or bibs but I feel goofy as hell doing it. My dad did some amateur racing in the 80s, so maybe I got it from him.

I was gonna mention this, but I don't actually know how and when these are worn

It's just a tight fitting stretchy shirt for grappling, it gets caught minimally, while also giving you more friction than bare skin. I'll probably pick up a couple this year, but up until now I've gotten along ok in a regular athletic material long sleeve shirt. Partly because the aesthetic on most rashguards is disgustingly stupid, and it clearly has no use outside bjj.

I also sweat like a whore in church, so my game has somewhat developed around being very slippery.

Good rule for western wear (though I think you gotta discount jeans, unless worn conspicuously high and tight),

Jeans are generally free, though degree of stitching also plays a part. I'm mostly thinking in my own closet of denim shirt, large belt buckle, cowboy hat, roper boots; they all have their own score. The stetson is obviously tough to begin with, I'll wear it occasionally to stay dry in the rain or snow anyway, but it takes up all available points. The belt buckle is a fun detail with a normal outfit, the boots just look like plain leather shoes normally, combine them and I look like I'm going line dancing or I'm running for Congress in Texas.

I absorbed more or less the opposite rule for cycling kit at a formative age; there's no reason not to wear a t-shirt over trishorts or bibs but I feel goofy as hell doing it. My dad did some amateur racing in the 80s, so maybe I got it from him.

I suspect the difference is "at a formative age" you were cycling. I was not, I'm coming at it sucking at it in middle age, and I feel like a full kit wanker if I'm struggling up a hill in my neighborhood dressed like a serious cyclist (to a non-cyclist eye). Idk, I'll probably get over it for the big ride next time, by mile 40 I'm just moving through the world like a selfish ghost anyway.

Re cycling clothing vs athleisure clothes:

more or less indefensible distinction

There are three major factors at play that make areo cycling wear look goofy while competitive exercising clothing makes you look hawt.

  1. The cut of areo clothing is for when you are in an areo tuck. When you are just standing around you end up with random folds, creases, and bridged areas that look frumpy. While the UCI has slightly cracked down on the flying squirrel sleeve to torso transition, areo clothes are cut so the panels are in the most areo shape first, for displaying sponsorship second, and comfort third. Modern leggings for women and ranger panties for men are cut and patterned to first to make your butt look good and for freedom of movement second.
  2. The chamois makes it look like you are wearing a diaper. It's 100% worth it from a comfort perspective, but the chamois disrupts the drape of the fabric front and back.
  3. Your average pro-level cyclist has tiny stick arms. If you have a jacked enough upper body to make a shirt look good you'll have to size up in order to fit your arms through an off the rack areo jersey. This will make it not-areo and leave loose fabric flapping around.

Re. calculator:

I think I was confusing that calculator, this calculator, and plugging in various Cd⋅A from random wind tunnel reports I'd seen. But yeah, I think it's generally in the right direction. Anything that makes you more aero without sacrificing comfort, or reduces rolling resistance, is free speed, and it's not even necessarily negligible speed.

Re. cadence:

I'll have to take a look at the paper when I can get access, since it's paywalled. Based on the abstract I think we're, more or less, on the same page. It looks like their average OPR and FCPR for trained cyclist was well within my 70-110 RPM range I quoted. @FiveHourMarathon was talking about 60 RPM, which seems a bit on the low side, but I assume it will creep up into the 70 with more experience. From there I suspect it depends mostly on individual physiology and ride type. Since the paper was from 2006 I assume that short cranks hadn't been "discovered" yet. My intuition is that higher RPM is more efficient the shorter the cranks, but this adaptation would occur without any explicit cuing.

Re. Single leg:

I see they are talking about much higher intensity than I was. My logic for warming up with single leg drills was:

  • Your cardiovascular system isn't primed yet, but you're limited by using a single leg for total power output so there is some time efficiency in using that time to do the drills.
  • Part of the point of warming up is for more efficient motor unit recruitment. If (the sensation of) pedaling circles is more efficient there should be some synergy between priming the motor unit recruitment and training the specific pastern.

Additionally, it's easiest to do the drills when using a stationary bike or turbo trainer, since you don't have to worry about traffic or balance. Single leg stuff introduces some novelty which might slightly combat the extreme boredom from training indoors. Also, depending on configuration, the inability to freewheel will highlight dead spots in the pedal stroke. The gain is probably too marginal to be worth the expense or hassle of counterweighted or split cranks for us mere mortals. On the other hand, there isn't a whole lot of cost to warming up on the trainer with single leg drills. I think it's unlikely it's harmful, and there might be some small marginal benefit.

athleisure...just standing around

You know, this might actually be the explanation. I was really only thinking of wearing the stuff while doing the thing or maybe immediately après--the actual Soffe Ranger Panties are pretty impractical for non-training wear due to lack of pockets and arguably bare upper thigh contact with common seating areas, so I for one would not wear them out and about any more than I would cycling kit.

chamois

I prefer a somewhat thinner one than industry standard, but as far as I can tell this is essentially unavailable in bib form.

Based on the abstract I think we're, more or less, on the same page. It looks like their average OPR and FCPR for trained cyclist was well within my 70-110 RPM range I quoted.

Well, the usual finding (replicated here) is that energetically optimal cadence is substantially lower than freely chosen cadence, which is somewhat interesting in its own right, imo. But the interesting part of this paper specifically is that they took trained cyclists who presumably had had a reasonable amount of time to get used to pedaling and find a preferred cadence range (and I tend to believe that that shouldn't take all that long, it ain't rocket surgery--this is also tangentially addressed in the podcast), told them to lower their cadence quite a bit at the same power, and not only were various performance measures improved or unchanged but the subjects actually reported that they weren't working as hard. If they're not choosing their cadence based on what feels easiest, how are they choosing it? (insert some handwaving about being better able to respond to pace changes in mass start racing, etc.)

I need to work on ignoring the discomfort and just locking in, there is no combination of things that makes riding a bike that far comfortable.

I would at least hem and haw about this a little. One thing that stood out to me when I came to cycling from other sports was that being a bit of a princess about fit and contact points paid off on long efforts.

I don't think I technically "bonked" or whatever the preferred technical term is, but I was definitely on the struggle shuttle.

Another thing that stood out to me as a new rider was the need to fuel more, and more frequently, than I had hitherto experienced. Even dabbling in endurance training, it's easy to underrate this if most of your efforts are under an hour.

So it's sort of back in the lab for me. I need to increase my speed to hit 100 miles.

Two quite different points occur to me here:

-You probably have some free-to-cheap speed from drivetrain friction (clean, freshly lubed, straight chainline), rolling resistance (faster tires, potentially higher or lower tire pressure), and aero (no baggy clothes, postural changes if compatible with comfort).

-Being on The Motte, I imagine you'd appreciate the rigor of measuring and possibly setting goals with power and work rather than distance. (Even back before power meters were widely available, the pro move was to measure training in hours and/or total elevation gained rather than miles.). I'll go so far as to suggest that a good power meter, a dumb trainer, and whatever bike you have anyway is a more useful training loadout than a smart trainer or smart bike with less-applicable and perhaps less-accurate power metering. Favero's pedal-based systems are quite well-regarded, the MX series uses a user-friendly cleat system, and they generally have a decent Black Friday sale. Lots of stuff on the used market too.

I would at least hem and haw about this a little. One thing that stood out to me when I came to cycling from other sports was that being a bit of a princess about fit and contact points paid off on long efforts.

I've actually been pleasantly surprised how little irritation I had after 50 miles, I wasn't super comfortable by the end but bib shorts+moisturizer+new comfortable seat worked pretty well, and I was fine the next day. I'll definitely take your advice to keep looking for room to optimize though!

What I'm talking about it more, the first hour I was singing along to my music choices, the second and third hours I was listening to Darryl Cooper give me the other side on Adolf Hitler and fascinated, and then the last hour I kept looking for a podcast to hold my attention.

If I get a chance to ride my neighborhood on a nice day, I basically want to just work on hills, because I suck at them to a degree I find embarrassing, and getting better at them will open up more rides around my home. Oddly, given the autism, I hate overly complicated metrics in workouts. I nearly always gravitate towards simplicity and effort over metrics. Lifting I'm either doing some variation of OLAD or Bulgarian styles, or I'm doing a Smolov style focus on one lift. Climbing and BJJ I just go out and do it. I think cycling has appealed to me for a similar reason, that at least to start all I needed to do was roll out of my driveway and I'd be at the bottom of a hill and need to make my way back.

Remind me, did you ever complete the Murph? I could probably search your post history but I feel asking is the old fashioned way.

I did! It was a much bigger event than I thought, and I'm glad that I wasn't overly attached to my time because the circumstances made it kinda stupid.

I'll probably do it again next year if he hosts the same event.

Funnily I responded to that thread! In my mind you were still training up but my mind was wrong. Good stuff.

There is a mouse in the house!

I've got a mouse prowling about my kitchen. I've purchased the no kill box trap thing. I plan on releasing the little guy about a block way in a small park. Knowing the cruel reality of the universe, he's probably dead by sundown at the hands jaws of an opportunistic black snake. I suppose I could look the other way and let him live in a climate controlled home and live off the fat scraps of my garbage. A little kindness towards a tiny creature in this cruel world.

Nah, but fuck that, rodents are pests and gross.

Question: Besides doing the usual check ups to try to determine how he got in, is there any strategy for preventing mouse infiltration permanently? I've seen some pellets and other scent oriented products that claim to repel mice. Do they work?

I grew up with a dozen or so outdoor cats at our house all the time, and another group down at the shop. I'd never seen a mouse in my life.

When I moved out, we had a mouse problem. I was literally flabbergasted. My first thought was guess I have to get a cat? Then I thought, well I guess there is such a thing as a mousetrap? Or poison?

It was such a weirdly embarrassing thing to realize I didn't know.

So, a couple of things you can do.

One, you can get a cat. Cat hair has a scent that scares rodents. If all you have is the odd mouse, this might be good enough, but it won't get rid of a serious infestation. If you have a serious infestation, poison is your best bet.

Pellets and scent oriented 'products' probably won't work. If you live in a pier and beam house you can put cornsnakes/ratsnakes in the foundation. If you find mouse holes you can cover them over with hardware cloth(mice can chew through other things) before filling with spray foam. If you live in an apartment, instead, there's nothing you can do about mice except put out poison.

You can also put out poison. For a worst case scenario, you can soak cheerios or oats in strychnine and scatter it behind furniture etc(do not do this if you have a dog). Most of the time, commercial poisons are a better idea.

Some less conventional mousers are ferrets and ringtailed cats(the best biological control for serious infestations). They're both more challenging than a cat, but can be much more effective.

Cat hair has a scent that scares rodents

I wonder if that's why visiting cats like to look inside our shed when it's open. It's the only place we've ever found mice, and it's the only place that is untomcatinated never inhabitated by cats, and so while the scent of cats might scare the mice perhaps it's the residual scent of mice that interests the cats.

We always used an old fashioned mousetrap - you know, the type where the boot kicks the marble onto the seesaw that flips the diver through the bathtub and triggers the basket to wiggle down the pole.

I'm getting a strong sense that poison is my best option here. I'll give the trap a day or two. I believe it is one single mouse, not multiple.

But then again .... poison.

If it's just the one mouse you've seen and you're averse to poison, it's worth trying a cat first.

I had mice and it was the worst. Here are the things I tried which helped.

  1. Anything that has an opening, no matter how small, needs to be stuffed with mouse-proof materials (the exterminator I hired used copper wire, but said that the 'mouse excluder' fabric I purchased from Home Depot was good too; basically, you want something that if they chew on it, it hurts their mouths, so they don't). The sorts of holes that were being blocked were smaller than my pinkie nail, so be very thorough.
  2. I tried both the sound and scent repellents. They didn't solve the issue in any way.
  3. I used kill snap-traps, baited with peanut butter and nutella. I'd say on average they got a mouse every 2-4 days. The exterminator suggested I lay them down in pairs in case the mouse climbed across them, and I never had them fail to kill. Dealing with the bodies was unpleasant, but better than dealing with the live mice.
  4. If you have any food that is available at 'ground level' (like, I had rice on the bottom shelf of my pantry), try to make sure it is absolutely sealed away. They can smell food from a long ways away.
  5. (Edit) I actually forgot I did this, but I used to have a cat come over for a few days at a time; this was about as effective as everything else put together.

Ultimately, I solved the issue by moving out (cause my landlord was absolutely not going to help, despite numerous emails and phone calls). My new place has cats, which help a lot (growing up, I saw one mouse and one rat ever, and I always had cats around; the neighborhood definitely had mice and rats, they just mysteriously avoided the house that smelled heavily of their natural predators).

I used to have cats in the house a long time ago, and it definitely helped with rodents. The dogs that replaced them were a... mixed bag. My first German Shepherd could rat with the best of them, and so could her son. The lab and golden that came after? They'd either try and make friends or run away in terror.

I had a coydog(warning not suited for most people) once. Brought a dead animal every few days, and never ever saw a rodent.

I plan on releasing the little guy about a block way in a small park

Mice can navigate back home from upwards of two miles. You’re going to want to drop it off further than a block away or else you might be seeing it again the next day.

I used to have to use the long tube no-kill traps in England, and I found that the mice were perfectly capable of leaping back and forth over the pressure plate to get whatever goodies were in the bait cache. If you are also using a pressure plate operated trap, my advice is to get a bunch of pennies, smear them with peanut butter, and set enough of them on the pressure plate that it’s on a hair trigger. If the plate depresses when you pick the trap up gently, that’s a pretty good sign that you’re going to catch a mouse.

They can’t resist the peanut butter, and because it’s smeared all over the coins on the pressure plate, they have to get on the plate to eat it and get trapped by the hair trigger.

Kill traps are better and actually make cleanup easier, in my opinion, but the no kill traps work fine. Good luck!

is there any strategy for preventing mouse infiltration permanently?

Pet cats really seem to keep the numbers down. Not only do they eat the brave ones, but the smart ones pick up their scent and leave.

Rodent mesh and sealing around every pipe and conduit that pierce the walls of the floor of your house.

Nah, but fuck that, rodents are pests and gross.

Mice crap and urinate everywhere, including in your pantry and inside food containers if they make it in.

Last time they messed with me I went straight to the mousetrap and when that didn't work, I used poison. That worked just fine.

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