practical_romantic
Pretending to be a cs undergrad.
User ID: 975
practical_romantic
1yr ago
got zero hours of work done and worked out twice.
I could have lied by adding work done after sunday but that is wrong, these reports shall contain only stuff I do in the previous week's sunday and not Wednesday.
My main issue has to be not sleeping on time despite ambien, everything else trickles down from that. Ambien is super powerful so have to take that into consideration.
Sure I had school projects , family issues etc etc but excuses, good ones or bad one are still excuses.
Downvote the fuck out of comments where I do not show progress.
I did resume working out, hurts like hell, quite humbling, I lost 12 lbs or 5 kgs worth of wait but my waist is somehow smaller, quite weird.
The downvotes and negative jibes help me a ton so do not hold back.
Until Next week
I want to get a sense of how to grok a language (Ideally English as a non-English speaker) really well in a short amount of time, including the grammar.I want to help kids from underpirvleved backgrounds learn the language. I tried to look into how French diplomats do it and did not find anything worthwhile. Watching tv or movies and then reading a grammar book is a bit too long a journey, so I would appreciate if you could guide me to a textbook that can help someone reach good proficiency, including grammar in a short amount of time. I have ero background in linguistics and the only languages I know are those I picked from my surroundings. Even the stuff that works (duolingo) probably works on some core thought process but I want something that is more comprehensive, ideally a book or some texts. I am aware of Comprehensive Input (CI) and the English File series, I was looking at the lingq app trying to see what it is that makes them good. Would appreciate inputs.
On the thing about motivation, I never learnt to source weed or how to make a joint so that I do not become a pothead. In fact I do this for all intoxicants on purpose. So I do not know how to make any cocktails or de seed the weed my friends have or source any other things since I know that I will end up being an addict.
What is medical weed like as compared to the kind you can get on the streets? is it harder or does it make you sleepier? I have never tried that or vape pens with weed in them because of health hazards, anyways, I can never smoke anything ever again since my throat is super sensitive, I will say that weed is quite fun.
The only concern I have with intoxicants is habitual usage and it causing mental issues, since many people end up being functioning addicts who see a noticeable dip in their baseline sense of happiness. The chick I was into is a cokehead who went from default happy to depressed after a bunch of her hookups got her ghosted.
Also for adhd, do try out meditation, worked wonders for me.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
My post this week is a but different from the usual things. As a child I never really liked my family, my father would scream and shout at me and my younger brother daily with a really high frequency. I felt that this was normal yet it didn't somehow stop, ever, at all.
My family is dysfunctional, very very dysfunctional to the point where I hate living with them. Most people, most of my religious sentiments live in their ancestral houses forever with joint families, elders and whatnot but I just can't imagine doing any of that. The kind of unease I feel around my family when we sit down to eat our meals alongwith constant interruptions when I code in my room have forced me to commute daily to my unis library just to not be around them.
My ma stuck with her marriage because here marriages are decided by the elders and even though she didn't like it, her reason to stick by was because she felt that leaving would bring shame to her late father's name in their town.
Again, this isn't my way of blaming my family for my shortcomings rather just my acceptance of the fact that none of us are happy. My parents and grandfather have loved their life and have nothing besides screens left in their life, same for my brother who is fairly slow mentally and hence spends his days doing what I'd do but under exponentially worse circumstances.
Hinduism unlike other cultures ensured that traditional values remain alive with rituals and traditions. My life derives all it's meaning from my religious beliefs, I wish to some day have a family of my own too (not anytime soon tho lol) but it is kinda ironic that the religious guy who encourages others towards traditions is also the one wpuld run away the second he can.
My sabbatical will last six months, I knowingly took a decision to take it so that I could fix my knowledge gaps, prepare better for the future and ready myself for a far better quality of jobs. Most importantly develop actual skills and figure out what I like, am good at etc etc.
When I was first asked to consider one by my mentor, mt response was that I'd rather slit my wrists than stay back in this dysfunctional house in my dead town but I later realised the upsides. I'm posting here just to cope. My family fights during dinner and my grandfather who's hard if hearing at 90 watches, feeling morose over what he witnesses. He was in all honesty a much much worsw father. During todays episode, he asked me about why there was so much turmoil today, stating he doesn't much like what he sees but being in a bad mood, I responded by stating that it's his fault6too since he too was a terrible father. Surprisingly, my old grandfather nodded and agreed with my assessment, stating he wished he could do it differently.
There are skme nights where I pass by his room and hear him cursing his own parents in his sleep and seeing a man who's 90 having so much bitterness over this stuff does make me feel bad.
I'm not as young as I was once I began posting here and I already have many many things I regret very deeply. I learnt a lot from every single mistake but uts did cause significant problems. My GPA is terrible (slightly below 3 in the US scale of 4, 6.77 out of 10 to be exact) but besides that, not many things that Ibhave done will have permanent negative consequences forever, however as time passes, it'll just mean more of my decisions will matter.
Regardless, my time in my house is coming to an end flr this chapter of my life as I will move out. I wish I could have saved my brother, my whole family honestly but I can't.
Anyone who's read my entries here is familiar with my obsession with this one girl I met via the internet and could never get over despite never meeting her etc etc. My oneitis in internet lingo, one of the reasons why I liked her was because she was jubilant, truly jubilant, always happy with a genuinely loving family where shebhad a great relationship with her parents, her siblings plus she looks somewhat like my mom. In fact she does remind me of my mom but one who grew up under better circumstances without having to experience brief bouts of poverty and seeing her father die at a young age only for her family to bounce back. Maybe in my mind I saw a lot of what I like in my mom in her, psychologically and physically.
At this point I don't want to fight with my parents, I understand that they're a product of their times but I also am afraid that Ibtoo may end up like they did with boring careers forced on by their family living ablife where the only change is screens (TV, phones etc). They did their best yet somehow my cursed home didn't help us out. The reason why I try out things like isometrics and whatnot is the fear of ageing like my parents, of becoming like them someday. Seeing my grandfather struggle with literally everything makes me reconsider a lot of things.
I see the appeal of life as a young person in a large city, you meet so many new people, can work on careers, academics, visit nightclubs etc etc, things I like, I haven't done them enough but I genuinely love the fact that I am young, for now as I cannot and do not wish to be like, well like my parents. Despite my love for them, I do not wish to grow old, decay at a bad pace leading a life confined ti stagnation. The dynamic change life offers to me at my age is very exciting. It's life affirming, it really is. That probably is a big reason why many here are haopy to help me out as they perhaps see a slight sliver of themselves in me or more likely just wish wellbfor others, hoping they don't make the same mistakes.
I'm a much better programmer now and other things but these fights in my house take away any and all good feelings I have for days. My envy for that girl grows because I wish I got to have a relatively peaceful family life. Uni being trash despite its prestige is something I can cope with but family is permanent, you are after all a representative, a descendant of your ancestors.
Regardless, I am in the middle of my final mid terms, my internship has allowed me to get this semester waived so I'll be able to study full time, bang out code and fix my gaps.
It feels like yesterday that I discovered this place during my first few days in uni or before that and now I'm officially gonna be an engineer. Time goes by fast, I really did want my sabbatical to go fast too but I want to slow it down, as bad as my family is, it's still my family and I hope my last few months here before I leave for greener pastures are better.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
I have been on it for three months now and it does help quite a bit. I will do as the psychiatrist says. I tell him what i feel and he gives me prescriptions. The prozac is more for my adhd than anything as I am not someone who is very depressed.
but I am absolutely blown away by your motivation and drive given you are taking prozac and ambien
lol thanks pal, I got super lucky in life and will fucking kill myself to get better. The only way I can be a good devotee is by good actions, if by next year, same time, I have all that I want or rather have genuinely done all that I can, then maybe I think I would be worthy of any praise, not till then. People go through much worse than me and still succeed, I can do that too.
practical_romantic
8d ago
Has anyone ever achieved stream entry here? I was recently reading about it since I meditate intermittently and I was surprised by how strong its effects can be if done properly for a sustained period. I have terrible mental health/adhd/life issues and meditation has helped me a ton. Would be interested in learning more
practical_romantic
18d ago
Avoid any and all apps, meet women in good nightclubs. Infinitely better people and odds.
practical_romantic
1mo ago
I have a soft spot for the director, perhaps his aim is to create a visual feast first movie that has time constraints. I am aware of the dune mythos and I liked the movie given the movies that have come out recently. It was unique and though nothing can ever compete with the books, it is a good interpretation regardless and is a great movie if seen in isolation from the books which I think is alright given that movies inherently cannot prtray the same level of depth written things can.
I know the director is a "Show, don't tell" guy, but even Lynch filled his movies with scenes of characters consuming mass quantities of spice to fuel their otherworldly abilities. Mentats, Guild Navigators, Bene Gesserit. We got none of that in the new movies
Yeah, I found it disappointing too.
So yeah, it was a feast for the eyes. Javier Bardem was amazing. Otherwise nearly all the themes and complexity of the books were lost or muddled with current year nonsense.
What current year nonsense? please do elaborate, I did not see an overly political agenda being pushed by it.
practical_romantic
7mo ago
Finally, someone gets it. I have had girl issues but that was just one girl and I learnt how to talk to girls after that. I would feel bad sleeping with a girl who is really chaste and thinking of me as some marriage material which is what happens with them.
I am a religious man, not the most religious but this would be sinful of me.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
uni takes up a lot fo time and I ed up chatting with my family.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
lmao, I mean my girl issues stem from just being in a small place where I cannot meet many girls. This will vanish when I move out and interact with a bunch more pretty high iq girls on the regular with better logistics and a suitable lifestyle.
I mean my future wife as in when I do get married and have kids with her, I will not divorce her as that is not how families work according to Hindu ideals.
My parents made it work and because of better understanding of how thins work, I should have an easier time.
regardless, divorce is off the table, marriage is like being tied to a ship, you sink with your mate. Now the question of unfaithfulness is a big one here which is especially why I go out and talk to girls so that I am not green when I settle down.
This confused me for a little bit since I recognized your name: "Aren't you the guy who posts about his girl troubles?"
lmao, I hope I become known as the guy who is disciplined in the near future instead of this. This made me laugh and get a bit sad but mostly laugh.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
I'm still not a man, for that I'll need to voluntarily take up pain and suffering only to withstand it and finally overcome only do it with higher quantities daily. Ersnt Junger like there. All this happiness should be enough fuel.
My adventures with women is the only thing I do where I do not take God's name. As far as sleeping with women in relationships goes, every girl I sleep with or even engage in any kind of degenerate behaviour in with is not chaste. She would cheat with someone else, might as well do it with me.
I wouldn't have done it had she been chaste and we're all in our early 20s.
It's hard to describe, I should not want bad for others but somehow I sense she'll always be this way or in reality I won't be alright until I sleep with her.
practical_romantic
17d ago
based af. I myself would not do this, either I can afford an aston martin vantage in the future or I drive a hatch in shame when hoes are around, no point in making my hatch into a hackjob vantage.
practical_romantic
19d ago
it is not a rising power. It has 70 plus percent affirmative action and rising acts like the SC ST act. You have governments paying people if they marry someone of a more backward caste and the state policy has reduced land holdings to nothing.
Temples are taxed, barely ever under the control of the priest but rather run by the state. History is being mangled to suit the current leaderships far left idea of the world by eliminating any trace of the Aryan Invasion theory.
India is not improving, it has offloaded its best minds to the rest of the world already, the only two Indian fields medlaists are people not even born here and the only surviving Nobel prize winner in the sciences had to leave early in life because of such policies. Sure we are not haiti but we are closer to haiti than we are to Greece in most aspects.
It hurts to see the land my ancestors built turn into a playground for savagery where women are not safe. As for punjabis leaving, a good amount want a separate state called khaistan which is why nijjar was shot dead there. They were never able to establish a stable kingdom and never will do it which is why the cope is off the charts.
practical_romantic
5mo ago
Woah, I hope I can achieve awakening asap and use the clarity I get from mediation for success in other things in life.
It's honestly an amazing experience, please tell me more about how you got started.
practical_romantic
7mo ago
I think sloughing this off is something you need to seriously consider doing
Totally, my main priority is fixing my life, being a good programmer, and making money and my lack of skills plus being in my town makes me hate meeting good women, I am certain that I will move out soon in a year or less to a metropolis and meet better women but until then my brain refuses to change. I need to fix my skill deficit and move out, I will get over her.
I detailed the entire saga on themotte subreddit and it was painful, I wish to get over her soon. I want nothing to do with her, I wish her well but I want out of this misery, need to sleep with hotties frequently but that is a few months away.
practical_romantic
7mo ago
Thanks, I am better now, I actually work and have some proof of that. For the past decade, I did not really work at all, Now that I do work, feels a lot better, I weigh more and can understand a good amount of code, It is not much but it is a good beginning
I do meditate and doing more of that plus keeping track of my work helps, I can sense a feeling of progress and that calms me down. Meditation is a godsend and I would appreciate tips on managing stress and becoming a better programmer and things of that sort. Stress management and proper rest should help me live a better life and work better, work more.
practical_romantic
8mo ago
Will watch the fights tomorrow, that is about the extant of what I will be doing lol. I cannot enjoy anything else in life as everything is so dependent on me getting the research position I want and shipping these two products in the next 6 months. Still, will watch the fights, spent last week with a fellow clan member who studies in the US, we went around town, saw all the tourist attractions. Dude makes close to 6 figures whilst working a day job, going to uni and shipping his own stuff at his startup whilst being 4 years or so younger than me. We went out to a watering hole at night too and it was amazing. Learnt a ton from him, cannot wait to watch the fights tomorrow and start work.
Also has anyone seen the movies that came out recently? Modern movies seem to be quite political so I tend to just avoid them as much as I can, latest Mission Impossible was a disappointment, Oppenheimer was great, recommend that to everyone, I do not think anyone here would much like barbie (I did not even see it given the juvenile plotline).
General updates
tldr for the entire post - started studying 6 hours daily, working out, coworking, had my grandads 90th birthday, stopped hating my parents, saw LOTR, Cyberpunk Edgerunners and John Wick 4. All three are amazing and finally picked up Ramayana and chess for my leisure.
So currently I do math (three different subjects), python (udemy course titled python data science machine learning bootcamp) which has some very rudimentary python in the beginning followed by more advanced stuff at the end. It is on ude,y, has about 25 hours worth of lectures. My aim is to do about 4.5 hours of math and finish this course before the months ends or the next month's first week. After that fast.ai and then my sabbatical would take over my life with me returning to formal logic, nannd 2 tetris and lots and lots of pure C programming.
The whole point is to take these next 6 months and hammer home the real basics so that I can learn to think instead of just matching patterns or lying about things. Anyone can cram questions for interviews but to actually learn under someone good one on one and do so to ensure I not only cover my own gaps but those modern education has is a worthwhile idea.
My Initiation
I also about a month and a half ago got my janeu, the sacred thread which is given to men of very very few clans when they come of age, I was the first to revive the tradition in my house (not just home, house as in the house in terms of clans under the ruling family, feudal lords) and was overwhelmed with the support I recieved from all my e friends. You recieve gifts on that day and I got close to 500 usd (500 is the exact conversion, to inr closer to like 5k in terms of purchaing power in India) in under 24 hours. I only asked for 11 rupees and got close to a hundred donations from friends (mostly) and family in less than 24 hours.
My grandad also turned 90 so we had a large party for him with close to 60 or so guests at our house. I have stopped hating my parents or even wanting to cut them off permanently, making money, having any kind of status. The people who showed up and the kinds of gifts he got did show me that my family indeed is doing well and my disdain for them is more out of my spite for them pointing out my shortcomings rather than anything rational.
I still have issues with my oneitis (I see her in my dreams sometimes. Will leave town when my sabbatical ends. I know what to do, just that time and situations right now are testing me. All this PUA knowldege, nowhere to implement it lol, still stuck on the same chick) and I still have depression and agitation according to my psychiatrists but co working with a bunch of friends my age and older has helped tremendously. I will also officially graduate uni in the next month so another thing I look forward to. My last update was very gloomy and one of my friends even called me upon reading it and spoke to me for hours trying to reassure me, he was right and it has been relatively alright since then. I appreciate all the good things I have, whether it is such gestures by friends or helpful comments on these forums.
Meeting e friends irl
I met one very close e friend recently and he bought me a pair of swords attached to a shield as a gift for my initiation on behalf of his own self and some other friends. We went out, smoked cigarettes, watched some movies and I had a great time with him overall.
Working out
I gained 5 lbs of weight and now weigh 150 lbs, it is not all fat because I can see my face better, same for my abdominal area. I started working out again at home using HIT style bodyweight workout as mentioned in project kratos (by Drew Baye, you can find it online, ideal workout routine tbh), going to total failure on 12 exercises in a circuit is plenty painful so I wish to keep this up for at least 2 if not 3 days a week and slowly gain more quality weight. 145 at 6'0 is very skinny given I have long limbs. I can see all my lifts go up each time I workout and it takes less than half an hour with little to no equipment.
All good for now. Just need to keep this up, build momentum and ensure I rest properly. Proper rest (meditation, actual real leisure, social interactions, sleep etc) are much much more important than people think them to be. I cut my working out to two days for this week due to bad sleep last week due to work and saw great improvements. I will switch to 3 a week now and study more but cutting back at times is important.
Pop Culture
I saw three things that are must watch according to me. Cinema will never be high art the way literature is but it is damn fun. Cyberpunk Edgerunners (Anime on Netflix), John Wick 4 (watch it in theatres) and LOTR extended edition, all were a treat to watch and left a tremendous impression on me.
Highly recommend anyone who has a gf to watch Cyberpunk Edgerunners with her. Edgerunners is a great emotional rollerocaster of an anime whereas John Wick 4 is the second best action movie I have seen, maybe as good as Mad Max Fury Road. Everything about them is brilliant, just go ahead and watch both. Also LOTR extended editon, all three movies are fantastic and Tolkien was a genius. He was able to craft a tale that manages to tell a story that makes you appreciate the atavtistic values your own forefathers defended. The entire thing is beautiful, I had never read the novels and will never watch the garbage amazon is putting out but the original trilogy is a work of pure art. Will review all three things this friday on the fun thread. I cannot imagine comparing harry potter garbage to these things. I was blown away by harry potter as an 8th grader but this is aeons ahead. Truly fantastic.
Leisure
My leisure is Chess and Ramayana as I stated earlier. Ramayana is an amazing epic, Lord Ram, the protagonist whilst an incarnation of Lord Vishnu was never aware of his own divnity and hence his journey through the world is not that of an immortal being but rather that of a mortal man going against the worst evil of his time and winning against it. The tale of a man who did everything he could to live by Dharma and hence is remembered as Dharma Incarnate. He never lived a happy life, his wife chose exile after his victory and his homecoming which we celebrate as Diwali was the only time in his life where his entire family was happy as many suggest that Mata Sita was pregnant with their unborn twins then. I cannot put it down, I love reading it. Ram is everything you can hope a man to be and more in ways that you just cannot help but idolize him and for good reason. Read the epic, I am reading the goldman translation and recommend it highly.
Chess is a fun way to pass time too, I had many exciting games but Ramayana is still my go to.
Until next time!
practical_romantic
1yr ago
If you want to look at it as praise though, it's still for something you have definitely done, something you have handled better than others, but more importantly it is something you have done to improve your life. You deserve praise for that, because it is literally the hardest thing a depressed person can do. For it was said: it is easier for a depressed person to jam a camel up their dickhole than to decide they are going to do anything to stop being depressed.
Thanks a ton man. They say that a crackhead would rather spend 20 years in misery than 3 weeks in hell and maybe something similar can be said for those with depression. A lot of it is genetic but I am responsible for a lot of my issues, I just do not know. At this point I do not know what will help.
The biggest issue with that level of scrupulosity though, is that it gives you a reason to give up when you fail. You fail and you think to yourself "of course I failed, I'm a failure, I fuck up everything and never do anything right even though I have it so much better than others, I shouldn't have tried in the first place.
But I have only failed all my life.
If you are in a place where any praise feels like a lie and just makes you hate yourself more I apologise (and I did mean it as encouragement), but it is something you are going to have to get used to now you are on your way out. Whatever happens, don't let it become an excuse.
Yeah, actions lead to actions, excuses lead to excuses, each have their own momentum.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
How to keep my eyes healthy despite staring at a screen all day? Any advice, my eyes have some issues now, slight irritation and inability to focus. I do not want to get glasses.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
PUA and manosphere are very different. I do not despise women or see them as different beings nor do I use any strategies to get them. Believing that RSD taught this stuff is akin to believing the horrible untrue things most believe about anything not lefty politically.
I just go out, have fun and do my best to leave them better than I found them and just write about it so that I can get better.
practical_romantic
1yr ago
Only older forms of pickup have wierd attitudes. Actual pickup is dead, you will get much better results from that than with models but models itself is not a bad system per say.
Pickup is not about cramming lines or tactics but understanding that any conversation has a flow, a structure and how you say something matters more than what it is that you are saying. You develop a social sixth sense and it is a way of condensing the interactions of a lifetime in a short duration to give you better intuition.
practical_romantic
6d ago
Great username. I'm at 15 minutes right now. I wanted to ask whether adding some walking meditation would help. I find meditation to be extremely potent, doing a sit right after posting this comment. I do one daily, 15 minutes.
Diwali this Monday, it is the most important Hindu festival and celebrates the homecoming of Lord Ram after a 14 year exodus which ended with his victory over Ravana. My city will have a bunch of pretty lights, people travel back home to be with their family. One of the main rituals is Lakshmi Puja where you offer prayers to Goddess Lakshmi, the wife of Lord Vishnu (Lord Ram is the human reincarnation of Lord Vishnu, he appears on earth whenever sin crosses a threshold).
Most pajeets would use this week long holiday to have a diwali party where they do not pray but just copy Anglos and get drunk and fool around. I have immense respect for anglos, I just find this to be super distasteful. The purpose of the festival is the worship of your deities and a celebration of the longest unbroken culture on the planet, unfortunately, Indians have a deep rooted inferiority complex which makes them look down on anything religious. People are lefty not just because of India never having had a single decent intellectual in the realm of political science but because of plain signaling. It does hurt to see, the only worth you have in society is based on your affluence or sex. Higher values have been forgotten which is also why everyone drinks. I am not a saint, I just cannot indulge in bad behaviors on such a holy day. There are higher and lower values, virtues, qualities etc that most would recognize. I enjoy would love to be more affluent, date more and better girls in a large town but my main identity will always be defined by Vaishnavism, my job, the virtues and qualities I want to develop are important to me because they are what makes a good life, the material and physical benefits are secondary rewards. I want to be better at academics or be a good physical culturalist or do the other things that would make up a good life because the process of doing these things is what I am supposed to do according to my scriptures. Praying is not fun yet I cannot name a single activity that calms me down and offers peace like offering prayers does. It does not make me better than others or anyone else, but it does make me feel a tad morose about the condition of society today and how far behind my civilization is, where everyone has to play these status games, intentionally or not.
People in my city pool together money to put up lights on their stores, overall it is a good time to be in my city. Always good to see the unroken chain of culture living among people. my grandfather visists the city palace as he is the titular feudal lord of his area under the Royal family. We all buy new clothes, sweets, put lights on our ancient house (haveli of sorts, built over a 100 years ago without any bricks lol). Ma fries up some season specific foods, people go out at night in the city to see the lights and burst crackers as that is a holy ritual (do not listen to pajeets who tell you it is not, head priests have clarified this thing). The festival is the peak of our happiness. I have fond memories of playing Batman Arkham games during this time of the year and lighitng hundreds of clay lamps the traditonal way with oil and putting them in various parts of the house.
Regardless, I will spend the week thanking the Gods for letting me live the life that I do, the life my family and clan enjoys. Most people do not get to have what I have, being thankful for it makes life much better.
I have also started adding 2 hours of mandatory hours of leisure in my day, I usually read theology or read blogs like the zvi(liked just two posts tho, slack and the one about doing hard stuff) and others (mostly Jim wendler, Steve Maxwell, Guzey etc). It is a good way of ensuring that I am efficient with my work.
I will also try to watch UFC 280, good card.
Happy Diwali to themotte, hopefully by next one, I will have the life I want, I most likely will but for now, just blessed to have what I do have. Life is short, smile while you can. Despite all my hatred for the Indian elites, seeing the priests and normal people doing their best this season is a massive whitepill. Me doing well in life would help others see my way of life as cool so all the more reasons to keep trying. Sure every government and political party is actively trying to stop us from celebrating but fuck them, most of us are shameless and would happily burst crackers.
See you all next week.
Jai Shree Ram
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