self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
I'm a transhumanist doctor. In a better world, I wouldn't need to add that as a qualifier to plain old "doctor". It would be taken as granted for someone in the profession of saving lives.
At any rate, I intend to live forever or die trying. See you at Heat Death!
User ID: 454
Errr...
I just found out a distant aunt of mine is already lining up Nice Indian Girls for me in the UK. You know, eligible bachelor nephew showing from the Homeland, getting a degree worth a shit, gotta snatch them up young.
This is not a joke. And frankly I'm an idiot for not seeing it coming, given that I am Indian and know their proclivities for matchmaking, especially within their community.
Well, at least she's in London, I pray her auntie-network doesn't reach all the way north, though I'm already fishing for excuses to dodge that for now. Like, I think I'd be a good dad, and I do want to settle down soonish, but not that quick, let me fucking live a little. And while I'm not particularly picky about ethnicity, I doubt she has buxom blondes lined up.
Shame their parents weren't willing to indulge in a little HGH before their bones ossified.
It worked wonders for Messi.
I always have a mild hangup about dating girls who are significantly shorter than me (and of course, most are, unless you're Nordic, 6' might not be quite as remarkable in the West as it is in India, but it still falls into tall). If I'm serious enough to want kids with them, as I was with my ex, I am scared shitless at the possibility of my son(s) coming out short. I know being tall has been incredible for me, I have my charms regardless, but even average men are often hard countered by women setting 6' in their bio, or even implicitly in person or social settings (though women are certainly not the best at gauging it, hence so many guys who are 5'10" getting away with, they just recognize "tall"). And I've read research to the effect that taller men are trusted and respected more, and even paid better (!), just look at the heights of successful politicians versus the average male in their locale, or the average height of CEOs.
Now, if I had a daughter, that would hardly be a concern, but if it's a boy and he's not looking like he'll turn out at least as tall as I am, well, if I can't prescribe the HGH myself, I know someone who knows someone and so on. I guess the genes for height were there all along in our family, looking at me and my brother, though my dad probably spent at least half his adolescence malnourished. But knowing firsthand how much that matters, no way am I going to let my sons turn out short. I'd rather lop my legs off at the heels and give it to them as platforms.
While this might be jumping the gun a bit, since my last two learners licenses expired as I was simply too busy with exams to sit for my driving exam, I need a car in the UK.
Semi-urban Scotland isn't really renowned for its public transport as far as I'm aware, and the NHS expects me to show up promptly in the unlikely event a CT1 shrink is needed for an emergency.
I'll be earning about £44k for the first year, and given that I so far have been rather scrupulous about not dipping into the bank of Mom and Dad, and have some piddling savings myself, I'm looking for a decent second hand car in the 10-15k pound range. That will require guilt tripping my dad into paying for most of it, but hey, he loves me, I've made him proud, and my brother already de-facto owns the one nice car we've got.
Requirements?
- Automatic. I might know how to drive stick, but I don't want to.
- Ideally a sedan. I think they look cooler.
- Something that looks half decent. Not because I particularly care, but I'm single and don't want to roll up in a broken down Lada.
- Basic creature comforts. I mean, you have to go really down market to find a car in India that doesn't have air conditioning or heating, but my ass would appreciate heated seats. Consider this optional.
- Decent fuel economy. It's a low COL area, and I'm not one to travel much, but every penny saved helps when the NHS is so stingy.
I'd appreciate all the insight you can provide. I'm very much a novice at this, I'm going to have to learn to do things like change tyres or replace the oil, and other essentials like topping up blinker fluid. But youtube will suffice for that. I want brands, models, and years. I'm not very picky, so have at it.
Edit:
- Decent infotainment system by default would be nice, you know, from after Bluetooth codecs became decent. Phones these days don't come with auxes, and while I could replace it, that would probably be relatively expensive.
- Remote start and rear view camera. I've only tested my parallel parking skills in GTA, not that I'm an elderly Asian woman.
Also, do BMWs deserve their bad rep? In terms of servicing that is.
Notes from Hinge and Bumble's Unpaid Psychiatry Services
Right. Putting doctor/psych trainee in my bio may or may not have been a mistake. I wanted to make it clear that I'm not going to be in India for more than like 3 or 4 months, just about long enough to die from heatstroke and land when it's wet and drizzly in Scotland.
The GMC frowns strongly on a violation of a doctor-patient relationship, especially when the doctor is screwing the patient. In India? Who gives a fuck? A friend of mine, a lawyer, reported that she went with her mom to see a shrink for her depression, and the horny bastard said she didn't need treatment, just an ice cream date.
Now I'm certainly not going to date someone under my care, even in India, only 30% because they're usually grannies with terminal cancer. And their cute granddaughters are probably too distraught to appreciate it, not that I'd be so uncouth as to try.
Unfortunately, I've become convinced that either I'm drawn to crazy women, or they're drawn to me. Or at least 80% of the female population on said apps needs a therapist more than a boyfriend.
Sadly, I nurse a weakness for cute girls who desperately need my help, and my dad-energy manifests so strongly that I've matched with med students to yell at them for being on the apps when their finals are ongoing. More than once. Certainly more than twice.
In no particular order:
-
Med student I yelled at for being on the apps. Turned out to have abruptly discontinued her SSRIs and having a meltdown. She got yelled at more, since I've been on that campus and know there's a pharmacy outside her dorm. Proceeds to inform me she suspects she's autistic. I say, sure, you're a final year med student giving said finals, you can probably tell, not that a diagnosis is going to do you any good. She then goes on to reveal to me that she's been formally diagnosed with BPD. I'm screaming and reacting with a 💀 emoji. Proceeds to tell me it's not that bad, to which I earnestly disagree. Then reveals that she harbors thoughts of stabbing her classmates with HIV contaminated needles. If it wasn't obvious to you, the deal was off the moment I heard BPD. There are many kinds of crazy, but that is what I'm not going to fuck with. Then "she" proceeds to tell me she's trans, which I genuinely couldn't tell at first on a quick skim (it was obvious later, presuming you knew what to look for, but I mostly matched to yell at her). Shoulda guessed from her being 5'10 in the bio, but at any rate, time to dip. Don't stick your dick in crazy, especially not when they can stick theirs back in you.
-
Another med student. Clearly in need of therapy, my attempt at psychoanalyzing her after a brief conversation was hilariously accurate in retrospect. Sadly, in the end, all I could provide was a good time. I was kinda serious with her (before I found out that against all odds, I did match into psych), even saw a buddy of hers, yet another med student, admitted to the ICU. Cue her falling for me after seeing my counseling skills with the distraught family and friends (it's a good way to dodge the malpractice suits). Sadly the buddy died, pontine hemorrhage and rebleed, no comorbidities or predisposing factors. Barring a love of biryani, and if that alone was lethal, I'd have passed away a decade back. Anyway, the girl had failed an exam from a prior year, and I was losing sleep trying to convince her to study for her next attempt. She told me not to worry about it, though my genuine concern meant I still did. Lo and behold, a 55 yo married professor with a daughter her age wrote her paper, in front of the entire exam hall, and submitted it in her name, this, in combination with her family being filthy rich and politically connected, meant that I left my concerns about her academics at the door. Then it turned out that she was the kind of party girl who had both a low tolerance for liquor, and a tendency to get frisky with anyone in sight. And said person wasn't necessarily always me. Some drama later, we weren't a thing, both because I simply couldn't trust her, and because she was growing crazy over the fact I was inevitably leaving. Long story, cut very short. I think I lost my most expensive watch, and she hasn't been so kind as to check.
-
Gyno final year trainee. I hit her up primarily because I was bored, and wanted to see if the uptick in market value from me being a post grad trainee extended that far. Older than me. I was justifiably incensed on her behalf and talking to her when she told me the orthopod she was seeing had dumped her over a text after seeing her for 6 months. Further conversation revealed that she's probably autistic, or just plain weird, being infatuated with me two phone calls in. Still dodging her calls with excuses of being too busy doing unpaid surgery with my dad (he's a Gyno surgeon who also happens to teach laparoscopic surgery to gyne trainees and even other consultants, I wanted to get him a new student if nothing else). But I understood why the previous poor bastard ran for the hills and didn't leave an address.
-
Fashion designer. Very cute, very sweet, very depressed. I had to talk her out of committing suicide, over the phone at 2 am after counseling another, actual suicide survivor, who wasn't my patient either. But working productively with her issues, seeing a therapist, actually listening to my concerns. Nice girl, I'm kinda sad she has to see me go, especially when she said I actually look good in Hawaiian shirts. I always suspected, but it's good to have a second opinion from an authoritative source.
-
Law student. Cute. Top of her class. Survivor of multiple suicide attempts, because she didn't take biology lessons past tenth grade, and Google wisely doesn't return results for "painless ways to commit suicide". Asked me on the first date how much paracetamol it takes to off oneself, for purely academic reasons. I had the sense to tell her I categorically refuse to answer that question. Has multiple psychiatrists and therapists. Refuses to see them, or follow their advice. When they do see her, they get depression, mine only gets exacerbated. Also, I suspect they're incompetent, or consider international consensus more of a suggestion. I've seen some absurd prescriptions, including longterm use of a combination of an SSRI and a benzo. Her anxiety is bad, but only in episodes, whereas I think she'd be way better served with a normal SSRI and benzos rarely on a PRN basis. Bunch of other medical comorbidities, but thankfully dodged the genetic mutation causing ADPKD that killed her father early and will probably get her siblings. She's pulled my hair and slapped me on a first date, the only saving grace being she's so weak only the former kinda hurt (and I need to keep my hair). As allergic to medical care as I am to textbooks, and prone to turn violent and call me old should I express any concern for her lack of care for her health.
-
A rather sweet psychologist doing a fellowship in Psycho-Oncology at another hospital. Met up after work for a date and to talk shop. Then she sees a text from her ex, and proceeds to have a full blown panic attack.. Slept with said ex recently, in the on call doctor's room at their hospital. I could tell she wasn't in any position to date from the moment we met, so I wish her well in figuring her shit out.
And so many more. And some of them, I assume, are good people, who do need a date more than counseling.
Yeah, I'm going to administer all my future dates a mental health questionnaire in the future, I pray that doesn't constitute a therapeutic relationship in the UK, especially when I get up mid date and run myself.
I MADE IT
FUCK THE HATERS
Ahem. Sorry. Got a bit too hyped up, but I've gotta be my own hype man, it's 11 pm at the hospital.
@Throwaway05, @TheDag, @AhhhTheFrench, @faul_sname, @whoeveritmayfuckingconcern (there's a lot of people who've egged me on over the years, I'll get to you all):
I got a match offer in psychiatry! While Scotland might be a little bit on the dreary side, well, endless exams are even drearier.
I was in an awkward position. If I'd done a lot better, I'd be confident in an offer. If I'd done way worse, I could have washed my hands of it and resolved to grit my teeth to prep yet another year of my short life. But I did well, but not so good that I wasn't on tenterhooks.
Most British doctors don't match on their first try, barring the least craved options like GP.
But psychiatry went from having a competition ratio lower than 1, to 9:1.
The exam got ten times harder since I began planning for it. Doubled in the span of a year. Yet I beat it. Beat all the bastards.
No more wannabe psychiatrist, upgraded to shrink-in-training. Then, barring an act of Satan, a bona fide shrink and not a LARPer
I might hold the current offer in the (mildly vain) hope that I get an upgrade to somewhere less rural, but I'll still take it. (Hmm, it seems that the hold window is already over, it seems to be take it or leave it, but I'll still ask around)
Fuck yeah. Gonna drink a lot of scotch and fuck a lot of bitches. I'm getting out.
Now, it's shame I've got 9 hours left at work, and while its going to be a slow night, I'd rather not lose my Indian license by drinking on duty. That can wait till the morning.
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
26d ago
Honestly, my approach is, fuck it, why not?
Well, there are actually reasons why not, such as the hope we can find a less ghoulish cure, things like mirror therapy for phantom limb (well, that one's already gone, its just that maybe there's an equivalent), or the fact that they might go on disability.
But if someone who is otherwise healthy and financially sound wants to chop off pretty much anything for any reason, my opinion as a psychiatrist-about-to-start-training is a shrug, presuming I was convinced that nothing else we could do would help.
Surgeons aren't that gung-ho in my opinion, maybe it's because I worked too long in Onco Surgery, but I've seen more cases turned down as non-resectable or not worth it than those that were done knowing it was futile. Surgeons usually want what's best for the patient too, even if it's in conflict with their wallets. They're rich enough that's not the biggest deal.
Chop off a mole, a limb, a dick, anything at all. As long as you make sure you're not a burden on the rest of us, it's not my business, unless you ask me for my advice.
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
26d ago
Eh, that's not really my experience with them. What exactly do you think psychiatrists get up to? Leaving aside the gender-affirming types.
My brother is a mere half inch shorter than me, a source of merciless mockery from my end. Well, it's good natured, it's not like he's suffering, being actually hot, to the extent that he has most of the girls in his med school after him, and all the gay guys, including a professor.
Very luckily for him, he's borderline asexual so doesn't give a shit about women. I wish I was so lucky, so I cherish every advantage I get. If there was a pill that shut off my libido without other side effects, I'd take it regularly and PRN.
Once can be a coincidence, twice is enemy friendly action. If you count my very large extended family, I'm not the tallest, but that's more evidence the genes are percolating in their somewhere. Nutrition certainly made everyone taller over the ages, but it is not remotely enough to account for 6 extra inches alone, not when the genes aren't helping. After all, I did once have a CT brain and they didn't find a pituitary adenoma, though that would have made me both tall and milkable.
Besides, even if it's a fluke, the solution remains the same. Yay, more HGH, what can it not do?
My mom and dad are the same height, name 5'6. It's always been a mild peeve that she can't wear heels, but they get along fine regardless. I'm by far the tallest on dad's side, and there are plenty of my male relations who were born after the immediate decade or so of privation from being penniless refugees fleeing a genocide ended. My mom was considered quite tall for a girl, by Indian standards of her time, though that's only just slightly above average now for the newer crop. Her side of the family did tend taller, but even then, uh, maybe like two of my maternal cousins once removed are taller than me? And it's a very big family.
My paternal grandpa was supposedly quite tall, but then again, he died of cancer shortly after being lined up against a wall, though the cancer got him only because the Pakistani lieutenant responsible for rounding up all "military aged males" in the village took pity on a 65 year old man quite obviously on the verge of death. Maybe they were being frugal with the bullets, but I like to be charitable.
So it's possible that my dad drew the short straw, semi-literally, and my mom's side was always taller than average.
It seems odd to write off possible wife and mother on the grounds that "she's not five foot nine, my possible sons possibly might be under six feet tall!"
Note that I never said a girl being short was a deal-breaker. I was planning to marry my ex after all, and she'd need 12 inch heels and a stiff breeze upwards to look me in the eye.
I wouldn't call my concern with the height of my future son irrational at the least, height matters for men, I'm suitably thankful for being lucky in that regard. Given that my brother is almost as tall (albeit much more handsome), I am modestly confident it wasn't a fluke. The genes for height are complicated, but there's an equation for a rough and ready estimate of the likely height of your kids, based off the average of the parents and adjusting upwards by 3 inches if blue, down if pink.
If I married someone 5' tall and had a boy, they will likely be around 5'9" tall, on average. This is only an estimate, maybe they'd be lucky like I was. I'd prefer not to take the risk, though it's hardly the end of world when it comes to my choice in partner. Just something that eats away at me from the inside.
Also, if you have short daughters, then you're just setting up the next generation of "this woman is too short to be the mother of my future sons", so better put them on HGH as well.
I expect gene therapy for any purpose, including height to be easily available by then. It's a shame it's not here in time for me, but if I ever went to the trouble of going the IVF route and paid for genetic screening, I suspect I could buy it. I don't want my son to be 7' tall, but even a humble 6' and change is acceptable. I'd settle for 5'10 assuming everyone else wasn't making their Uber-kids taller. I don't need IVF, I know (regrettably) that the swimmers swim.
And what's wrong with HGH anyway? Your body makes it by the bucketload during puberty and in small amounts elsewhere. It only causes issues if given too late, or produced by a tumour when the bones are fused, making you look like a gorilla. (Gigantism during puberty, acromegaly is the gorilla bit)
It's modestly expensive, but it'll pay for itself, and I'm not quite planning the future of my grandchildren yet. Though I do hope to be around to see them.
Believe me that most men couldn't give less of a shit about the height of a girl if she's cute. Women? Oh boy.
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
22d ago
It's not that I'm not appreciative, I think it's sweet of her, it's just a bit misguided and not what I want to be doing with my life right now.
I don't think there's anything wrong with arranged marriages for the matter, even in India, outside the truly hidebound and orthodox, it's more serious dating with additional vetting by family on both sides. I'm sure the more religious here will understand, especially our Jews. It speaks to how atomized most of the West is that this strikes anyone here as an utterly foreign concept (and I'm not pointing at you either).
And while I've literally complained about how god-awful Tinder is, I'm doing pretty well on the other dating apps. Better than expected. There's no way to express how well without coming across as boasting, so I'm giving up on it. I only avoid talking about it (more) because I too was once an angsty, sexless dude lusting after girls and never getting any. I think I'm at the point where that hasn't been true for most of my life after puberty, but I remember how awful that felt, and all the worse when you do know people who are getting it good.
Look, I'm tall, I've got a deep voice and a glaring lack of an Indian accent. People in the West mistake me as hailing from Nordic parts, and are genuinely surprised to find out I'm Indian, at least if they only know me from my voice. I'm funny, charming, when I can be arsed to (and for a pretty girl I can be very arsed), and I sincerely think I'm a nice person who is fun to talk to and whose company people enjoy, even as friends. I'm kind. Gentle, even.
I'm in a field, which, if not held in quite as high esteem in the UK as it is in India or the States, is still highly respectable. My career is finally progressing, and I don't see any major roadblocks ahead barring my now gently smoldering desire to fuck it all and escape to the States. I got called hot by some cute chicks recently, and they weren't even drunk (though they could use an eye checkup). I wouldn't call myself handsome, per se, but at the very least it wasn't a deal breaker when it came to seeing women much hotter than I am.
I'm not an introvert, I'm at a happy medium where I can mix with people if I care to. I can charm women by sliding into DMs or in person.
I just happen to suck at dancing, so maybe clubs aren't the right place to be, but believe it or not I have options. And I wish to explore said options, given that things have utterly broken down on with the girl I saw myself marrying, and then I discover that hey, cute girls younger and older than me are into me. It's a nice feeling. I didn't expect it.
If all else fails, and I can't meet a cute doctor at work or elsewhere (and I don't particularly care if they're a doctor, or about their ethnicity), then sure, there's always the backup option of relying on the old whisper network or more organized means of finding a spouse, but you're mistaken if you think I'm likely to need it. I do alright.
And that's that for me. I'm not scared, and why should I be?
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
19d ago
Give doctors the right to point firearms at their patient and tell them to take their fucking meds on the pain of death.
It's a good day at work, can you tell?
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
1d ago
I fail to see how this analogy is remotely appropriate.
The primary reason that people who are vegan/vegetarian (for non-religious reasons, and even plenty of those) condemn the consumption of meat is because their heart aches at the idea of eating cute little animals, with souls, emotions and a life of endless frolicking in the pastures to look forward to. Most of the arguments advanced alongside that primary concern, such as "sustainability" and environmental issues or resource consumption, are there just to buttress their core concern.
I wholeheartedly agree with @Quantumfreakonomics when he says that:
I am not a person that cares much about the suffering of animals, especially not the ones that taste good. Still, strictly speaking, the suffering is not an integral part of the process. If it could be removed, all else being equal, that would not decrease my utility in any way. I am agnostic on lab-grown meat. If it tastes good, is cheap, and is of comparable healthiness to legacy meat, I will eat it.
After all, I've repeatedly said much the same myself.
Hence the recent fad, only just losing steam, of feverishly trying to find vegan substitutes for meat products. Impossible Burgers and all that jazz. Vegans, begrudgingly, note that they either like meat or that people who otherwise care dearly about animal welfare are dissuaded by the dullness of a life without nice steaks or a side of ribs to go with it.
So lab grown meat completely cuts the Gordian knot. No cute animals were hurt (or at least far fewer, if you don't look too closely at where fetal bovine serum comes from, but presumably we can avoid that too). What's there left to object to, on primary moral grounds? A chunk of vatgrown muscle tissue is probably less sentient than an equivalent amount of fungi.
But of course, like the environmentalist movement and the cleanest and greenest source of energy we had/have/can have*, nuclear, much of the opposition arises from the abhorrent idea that their self-flagellation and virtue signaling will become entirely redundant. What brownie points do you get for not eating a cow, when the average Joe who just wants to grill is using a steak that's indistinguishable from one made the old fashioned way, tastes just as good, and might even be cost competitive?
We're not there yet, and the last overview I read of the topic suggested it's not going to be easy at all, but the sheer idea that their performative ascetism is moot must gnaw at their bones (veganly).
*Barring fusion, or farming black holes I guess.
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
15d ago
My parents had an arranged marriage lol. My mom was too much of a nerd to even date before that, and that too she had to rush it because of her younger sister.
Given that my dad was an up and coming surgeon who had already made a name for himself, and she was considered tall for women while he was average for men, I doubt it was a big deal. But I have heard her grumble about it, sotto voce, or else how would I know about the heels thing? Oh, and he did have a really nice head of hair at the time. Shame it didn't last.
You can't control these things unless you are going to go for polygenic embryonic selection, so why stress about "she's suitable in every way except height"?
I don't think I'm likely to go for polygenic embro selection (yay, someone remembered what I was yapping about), given that IVF itself is expensive. And I have other ways to handle the height issue, should it even prove to be an issue.
Yeah, women like tall men, but that often means just "taller than me". If she's five foot six and you're five foot ten, she's not going to be crossing you off the list of "not quite six feet, pity". Height alone isn't going to be a deal-breaker, and if it is, then I think (to be honest) you're better off without that sort of neurotic type.
You know that 5'10" is considered tall too right? Six has magic connotations, but even that's a perfectly respectable height for an adult male.
So you see, I don't particularly worry about height, especially given what I told you about my ex who I was serious about. But I would certainly prefer a girl who likes me for more than my height, and I do have other qualities if I say so myself. Worst case, HGH. It's safe enough. If I'm even alive to have kids and know that they're coming out short.
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
19d ago
Ah, finally someone who knows what I'm talking about.
the Indian aunties in the UK are recommending socially reclused mummys girls whose lives are intertwined with their mothers at the hip, or these girls have run through their address book and are finally willing to accept their parents request for a Nice Indian Boy.
As I expected really, British Indian girls, especially those born and raised there and not hailing from very orthodox backgrounds have plenty of options for partners, so I consider it mildly suspicious that they'd be looking at the arranged marriage route (there are of course plenty of benign reasons, and the same is true for the men, such as your brother, who is welcome to take dating lessons from me if you haven't already finished up your work as a matchmaker lol).
Since India itself still has it far more normalized, it's not nearly as eyebrow raising should I hear the same story here.
And I can't really complain too much right? My mom was an absolute nerd too, and paid no heed to men until her mom and dad beat her over the head to get married so her younger sister could marry the guy she fell for, now my uncle.
And I do know perfectly decent guys, doctors to boot, who would make acceptable husbands but are totally incompetent or halt and catch fire in the presence of two XX chromosomes.
These arent necessarily bad things, the girls tend to not be psychotic, but I will say that the passivity of all the girls is infuriating even for socially functional desi men. Something about the NRI cultural experience demands that the men take the active lead in all aspects, with little feedback mechanism for what constitutes a successful interaction. As the Matchmaker, I have received endless complaints from the mothers about the lack of Interaction from my brother, so if you decide to pursue those paths, do note the pitfall.
I have had far better luck in dating seriously back at home, but rest assured there are plenty of Indian girls who wouldn't know how to use initiative if it was their only option in Scrabble, heh.
And as for myself, I am very much not awkward, though this is largely academic since I don't have serious desire to get hitched in the UK right now, especially since I still harbor hopes of going to the States instead (even if I have to repeat my Residency), and I genuinely do not think I am "absolutely shit useless with women", and am suitably thankful since the prognosis is terminal unless Dr. Concerned Family Member intervenes.
On the other hand, their passivity and your relative bargaining power (articulate Good Indian Boy with medical degree) means you can set the tone entirely. Depending on your shamelessness you can use these girls as your mandatory partner in exploring the London gastronomic scene or as sounding boards for your gushing at the wonders of the Bovington tank museum.
Oh boy. I'm really not that kinda asshole, and believe it or not it's my sense of shame that keeps most of my ADHD at bay. But should I ever need someone else with me to visit the Royal Museum of Firearms so I can gush over their collection and get an autograph from Johnathan Ferguson, I will take your advice. If they stick around afterwards, I know they're marriage material ;)
Finally, buxom blondes tend to come with uncertain mass distribution curves. Be prepared for disappointment should you make footfall in the West.
Insert joke about how the taste of their food and the faces of their women compelled the British to conquer the rest of the globe. But don't worry, if she exceeds my 1 rep maximum, and I'm concerned I can't roll her off the bed, I'm not going for it.
I appreciate the advice and your brother is lucky to have you. Make sure he treats you suitably, I think a lot of expensive champagne is good enough, but you might take mercy since you know NHS wages.
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
22d ago
Man, y'all are old, recommending safe, boring and respectable choices like Hondas, Toyota and Volvos (not that I don't appreciate them nonetheless, maybe I should also consider practicality too haha).
And yeah, a BMW secondhand is probably a touch outside my ideal price range, but I could get one. I'm just financially responsible enough that I don't think that's a good idea anytime soon.
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
7d ago
I definitely have tendencies in that direction, but you have to stretch to get to 5/9
So you have borderline Borderline Personality Disorder?
Look, it's not personal, I'm not one to blame people for their mental disorders or personality problems. Mainly because it doesn't help, or make a difference. But trust me and my far more senior colleague @Throwaway05 that people with BPD can be dangerous. The severity of the symptoms can vary greatly, but even with my proclivities towards waltzing into people's lives with my sleeves rolled up and eager to help, that would be a moth heading right for a naked flame.
When they're good, they're great. When they're not, well, the risk of them ruining your life is frankly unacceptable, and one of them already had a good crack at that from a full degree of separation, didn't even get the crazy good sex bit as compensation.
The more flagrant cases have my profound pity, as do people with certain other mental issues, like my buddy with schizophrenia (as I mentioned elsewhere, it was him who was dating the chick, and I've already mentioned how I had to save him from a suicide attempt not that long ago). I'm more than happy to see people like that in a consultation room, but not in my personal life.
Worst part is that, as far as I'm aware, medical and psychological intervention doesn't make much of a difference. It's largely just the way they are, for factors out of their and my control. All I can do from my end, especially when looking for dates and not patients, is keep them several miles away.
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
9d ago
Missives from Indian Streets
I've had two learners licenses expire on me so far. I'd like to argue, if pressed, that I was too busy to give the driving exam at the end, with other, far more important medical exams pressing. The truth is I was simply too lazy.
But now, finding myself in actual need of one, since the NHS accepts "sorry boss, dunno how" as a poor excuse for showing up late to an emergency, I paid a good chunk of my own salary to one of the driving instructors at one of the more reputable companies around (they own a car brand, though they were mildly put out because I made it clear I wasn't a prospective customer).
The last two times, my dad coughed up the change, but this time, both actual enthusiasm and hard cash were transferred from my far more empty wallet. You'd think his modestly justified annoyance at me having wasted the money before would be outweighed by paternal pride and affection at his son adding more alphabet soup behind his name, but alas.
Up till this point, my instructors had been bad, to put it lightly. And the extent of my experience on the road was driving through quiet suburban streets and doing my best to weave through parked cars and avoid the odd cow or pedestrian.
This time, well, I got what I paid for. Far better tutors, 5 whole lessons in a simulator running Windows 10 but using software probably written in the early 2000s. Unfortunately, today I braved the midday sun in an exceedingly long walk to the motor training school (for obvious reasons I can't drive there) , I can't call myself an Englishman quite yet, but mad dog? The heatstroke left me panting.
To my chagrin, it turned out that my last simulator class was supposedly a two-in-one affair, and they expected me to hit the road again, for the first time in several years.
At high noon. On the main road carrying half the city's traffic, a fucking arterial line spewing motor oil and NO2 emissions, a far cry from the sedate streets I feel quarter comfortable in.
I didn't let on that my inner self was kicking and screaming, and followed the instructor to the awaiting training car with barely repressed terror.
It wasn't that bad. The car, that is. No obvious dents, the air conditioning and power steering worked, a far cry from the broken down beater they'd seen fit to hand me at the previous place.
The driving? Talk about being thrown in the deep end. I swear I don't feel that level of hyperfocus even the odd time I'm dragged in for a surgery. Because after all, what's the worst that could happen there? The patient doesn't make it. Whereas I'm too cute to die, and I have a lot to live for.
Miraculously, despite hitting 55 km/h on some of the busiest roads I've had the misfortune of seeing, I made it through mostly unscathed, even if the gearbox didn't.
That's it. I'm buying an automatic. I modestly hoped that self driving cars would be common enough that I could always procrastinate learning to drive to the distant future, or preferably never. Sadly the distant future is today, and the odd car that can plausibly be said to drive itself is far outside my budget.
Instead, I'm buying a Porsche, a Mustang, nah, a plain old horse. Runs off renewable energy. Confuses the meter maids enough that I might get away with it if I can't find free employee parking. Fully self driving, or good enough cruise control and lane keeping to make sure my sorry ass makes it home from the pub.
I saw God, today. He was wearing a seat belt. So should you.
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
19d ago
Don't make an offer you can't back out of.
I've done better things for worse people 😉
Self consciousness is the bane of the Good Studious Asian, and it is impossible to overcome without experience, and it is impossoble to have experience without overcoming it. With the added proviso that the longer you go with no experience the more this albatross hangs over your neck.
I suppose in front of the Pearly Gates I can argue I was Good, and definitely Asian, studious? Well, you know I have ADHD. I just manage lol.
But yeah, I know the type. They make for good doctors and decent husbands, they just need a bit of prodding for the latter.
My brother is the worst Indian to ever Indian, having never actually stepped foot in the motherland or even speaking a single word of any Indic language He is the ultimate coconut, yet has practically no experience with the fairer sex. Exhortations of 'just be yoursrpf bro' enthusiastically extolled by Indian Ultrachad don't help, nor does 'just learn to settle' from well meaning women help. The desi dating experience in the UK is really one of the most variable ones, and it brings forth madness from any who experience its troughs.
Bruh.
To be nice to the poor guy, this would be a far bigger concern if he was a girl, since even nominally liberal NRIs still hold out in their hearts of hearts for a slave doting daughter in law who participates in the rituals and asks them in nice Hindi/Indic language how they'd like their tea in the morning. But it's hardly a deal breaker for men, especially if they're hardworking and competent, and you haven't accused your brother of not being the latter. They can compromise on that front.
"Just be yourself" my ass, if I was just myself all I'd do was sit around and argue with internet strangers and play video games. Sadly I'm straight and fond of feminine comforts, like ensuring I don't leave the house looking like what the cat dragged in, and so on. And if the "yourself" is quiet and nerdy, well, you're doubly screwed, and thankfully I'm willing to talk ears off if I feel like it, hence psychiatry.
I don't have the temerity to call myself an ultra-Chad, but I punch above my weight class, and know how to do that in a manner that isn't just sidling up to a drunk chick in a club and relying on looking good and dancing well. Better to take advice from someone who once struggled and improved than someone who never had to think with anything but their dick in this regard.
And dating advice from women? He's better off writing his own will, and a death certificate too since he's qualified. You seem more understanding and introspective, but what girls say they want and what they actually want are miles apart in most cases.
Well, at least he has you, you have his best interests at heart and seem to have your head screwed on straight. Just ensure that he marries someone with more emotional intelligence, or I guarantee the kids will be hella autistic. But if they are, well, you know a friendly psychiatrist who will cut you a discount for being a Mottizen. And I can and will talk to the poor guy if needed, just invite me to the wedding so I can get some half decent food and abundant liquor.
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
23d ago
Mf, you need to tell me how's your knee doing too btw.
But definitely, I feel like it's much less of an imposition to ask you drop by Scotland than come to India haha, and at least I can offer some hospitality of my own, in the form of some nice scotch. Btw, I spoke to another Indian doctor who was in the same boat with the whole ECFMG thing, and they told me it took them almost 2 years to finish when they got the ball rolling, so even if I busted my balls over it, that's almost the duration of my residency anyway. But I'll see what I can do while I'm still here, and my juniors seem keen too.
I appreciate it all my dude. And if you're too preoccupied to come, well, a dear friend of mine is probably getting married in the US, so I have reason to visit soonish myself!
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
25d ago
You are correct, though these days it's evolved into Electroconvulsive Therapy/ECT. Same principle, we just knock people out first and give them muscle relaxants so they don't end up aching all over.
I've considered it for myself, but I'm not sure my depression is quite that bad yet, and it has an annoying effect of minor memory loss, and buddy I rely on my memories for a living. But it's the final backstop for treatment resistant depression, though we've got new things like ketamine therapy and so on.
So it's not gone or abandoned, we've just become more civil about it. It works well when all else has failed.
While more relevant to @Throwaway05, @Pigeon and any other doctors lurking here, I have a funny story from work. For context, if you don't know me, I'm a doctor from India, who, having passed one heap of British medical exams, while still recuperating (and losing sleep from the residency matching process) for another, happens to be working at one of the more prestigious hospitals back at home. In India, almost all of our own exams, including from med school, involve actual bona fide sick people, even the more fancy ones.
I turned up, as usual, only to find my ward crammed with dozens of obviously senior doctors and not a patient in sight. And I didn't sign up for any medical conferences, I only attend them if there's a buffet table and booze.
Turns out the MRCP PACES exam, which, as the acronym would suggest, provides membership to the Royal College of Physicians in the UK (basically internists, but sounds cooler), was being conducted there. It involves somewhat more involved cases and more tricky diagnoses than what I had to endure in my own British OSCEs. And which I hope to never have to give myself, since I just want to be a fucking shrink, I don't care to palpate your liver, no, not even if I'm seeing you after a paracetamol overdose. Palpating the fake prosthetic tiddies on a grinning male actor while doing my best to look in the eyes (up there, a bit to the left) the actress who supposedly had a breast lump somewhere in there takes most of the fun out of it.
And nobody had told me. Cue me gingerly creeping to the doctor's room, which kept getting invaded my yet more cute postgrad trainees/residents. I'm not one to complain about that, but I really wanted some fucking sleep.
Eventually, I spotted a girl feverishly reading MRCP station notes, and I enquired politely about them only to be told she wasn't giving the exam herself.
Huh?
Like, I'm not the most passionate doctor around, but it's pretty rare to study for an exam you're not fucking giving.
Turns out that in lieu of highly trained professional actors fluent in English, as is the case in the UK, at least as far as I can recall my friends telling me, or by googling it myself, they just recruit the medicine residents in India.
Well, it must be fun to be on the other end of the poking and prodding. I recall them chatting about how one poor bastard had to endure some particularly painful tests, and had to do his absolute best from wincing as his abdomen was molested in an effort to find something wrong with his perfectly normal kidneys. Why? Because the test wasn't supposed to be painful, and if he did show his pain, that would be interpreted as an intentional clinical sign by the examinees, who not having access to the script, would then promptly jump to the wrong diagnosis and thus immediately fail the station.
Funnier still were the ophthalmological exams, since a few of the over-qualified patients had visual issues of their own, and the imaginary platonic ideal of a patient they were supposed to embody didn't. One of them found out he had a heart murmur the hard way, which has to suck, but I heard that the examiners did end up agreeing to pass the people who noticed that particular divergence from fiction.
Well, I guess it beats seriously ill patients being subjected to the same, it's a bit awkward when they die on you or have to shifted to the ICU mid exam, really wreaks havoc on the grading. Well, I've no intention of giving the MRCP, but it was sure funny to just sit there and munch popcorn as the bacon was made, until someone guilt-tripped me into admitting my lack of productive work to my boss and I was reassigned to another ward for the week. Eh, it was good while it lasted. If I do ever give it for the lols, I'll hope the 'patient' takes pity on me or wants respite from my fumbling, and just whispers the diagnosis to me instead. They'd probably know better.
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
17hr ago
I went to the trouble of writing an effort post somewhere that was read by like 8 people, so I'll just reproduce the primary bit, and tack on additional commentary at the end.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychotherapy
Large-scale international reviews of scientific studies have concluded that psychotherapy is effective for numerous conditions.[8][22]
One line of research consistently finds that supposedly different forms of psychotherapy show similar effectiveness. According to The Handbook of Counseling Psychology: "Meta-analyses of psychotherapy studies have consistently demonstrated that there are no substantial differences in outcomes among treatments". The handbook states that there is "little evidence to suggest that any one psychological therapy consistently outperforms any other for any specific psychological disorders. This is sometimes called the Dodo bird verdict after a scene/section in Alice in Wonderland where every competitor in a race was called a winner and is given prizes".[151]
Further analyses seek to identify the factors that the psychotherapies have in common that seem to account for this, known as common factors theory; for example the quality of the therapeutic relationship, interpretation of problem, and the confrontation of painful emotions.[152][153][page needed][154][155]
Outcome studies have been critiqued for being too removed from real-world practice in that they use carefully selected therapists who have been extensively trained and monitored, and patients who may be non-representative of typical patients by virtue of strict inclusionary/exclusionary criteria. Such concerns impact the replication of research results and the ability to generalize from them to practicing therapists.[153][156]
However, specific therapies have been tested for use with specific disorders,[157] and regulatory organizations in both the UK and US make recommendations for different conditions.[158][159][160]
The Helsinki Psychotherapy Study was one of several large long-term clinical trials of psychotherapies that have taken place. Anxious and depressed patients in two short-term therapies (solution-focused and brief psychodynamic) improved faster, but five years long-term psychotherapy and psychoanalysis gave greater benefits. Several patient and therapist factors appear to predict suitability for different psychotherapies.[161]
Meta-analyses have established that cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic psychotherapy are equally effective in treating depression.[162]
The bolded section is the one I can't easily verify, at least not when it's 9 am and I've been up all night studying.
Specifically regarding CBT, I found the following metanalysis-
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23870719/
Results: A total of 115 studies met inclusion criteria. The mean effect size (ES) of 94 comparisons from 75 studies of CBT and control groups was Hedges g = 0.71 (95% CI 0.62 to 0.79), which corresponds with a number needed to treat of 2.6. However, this may be an overestimation of the true ES as we found strong indications for publication bias (ES after adjustment for bias was g = 0.53), and because the ES of higher-quality studies was significantly lower (g = 0.53) than for lower-quality studies (g = 0.90). The difference between high- and low-quality studies remained significant after adjustment for other study characteristics in a multivariate meta-regression analysis. We did not find any indication that CBT was more or less effective than other psychotherapies or pharmacotherapy. Combined treatment was significantly more effective than pharmacotherapy alone (g = 0.49).
Conclusions: There is no doubt that CBT is an effective treatment for adult depression, although the effects may have been overestimated until now. CBT is also the most studied psychotherapy for depression, and thus has the greatest weight of evidence. However, other treatments approach its overall efficacy.
And when speaking of CBT as applied to more psychiatric conditions:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3584580/
We identified 269 meta-analytic studies and reviewed of those a representative sample of 106 meta-analyses examining CBT for the following problems: substance use disorder, schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders, depression and dysthymia, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorders, somatoform disorders, eating disorders, insomnia, personality disorders, anger and aggression, criminal behaviors, general stress, distress due to general medical conditions, chronic pain and fatigue, distress related to pregnancy complications and female hormonal conditions. Additional meta-analytic reviews examined the efficacy of CBT for various problems in children and elderly adults. The strongest support exists for CBT of anxiety disorders, somatoform disorders, bulimia, anger control problems, and general stress. Eleven studies compared response rates between CBT and other treatments or control conditions. CBT showed higher response rates than the comparison conditions in 7 of these reviews and only one review reported that CBT had lower response rates than comparison treatments. In general, the evidence-base of CBT is very strong. However, additional research is needed to examine the efficacy of CBT for randomized-controlled studies. Moreover, except for children and elderly populations, no meta-analytic studies of CBT have been reported on specific subgroups, such as ethnic minorities and low income samples.
Addressing the specific claims of similar efficacy to the forms of therapy based on pseudoscientific principles:
CBT for depression was more effective than control conditions such as waiting list or no treatment, with a medium effect size (van Straten, Geraedts, Verdonck-de Leeuw, Andersson, & Cuijpers, 2010; Beltman, Oude Voshaar, & Speckens, 2010). However, studies that compared CBT to other active treatments, such as psychodynamic treatment, problem-solving therapy, and interpersonal psychotherapy, found mixed results. Specifically, meta-analyses found CBT to be equally effective in comparison to other psychological treatments (e.g., Beltman, Oude Voshaar, & Speckens, 2010; Cuijpers, Smit, Bohlmeijer, Hollon, & Andersson, 2010; Pfeiffer, Heisler, Piette, Rogers, & Valenstein, 2011). Other studies, however, found favorable results for CBT (e.g. Di Giulio, 2010; Jorm, Morgan, & Hetrick, 2008; Tolin, 2010). For example, Jorm and colleagues (2008) found CBT to be superior to relaxation techniques at post-treatment. Additionally, Tolin (2010) showed CBT to be superior to psychodynamic therapy at both post-treatment and at six months follow-up, although this occurred when depression and anxiety symptoms were examined together.
Compared to pharmacological approaches, CBT and medication treatments had similar effects on chronic depressive symptoms, with effect sizes in the medium-large range (Vos, Haby, Barendregt, Kruijshaar, Corry, & Andrews, 2004). Other studies indicated that pharmacotherapy could be a useful addition to CBT; specifically, combination therapy of CBT with pharmacotherapy was more effective in comparison to CBT alone (Chan, 2006).
In the particular case of BPD, after talking to @Throwaway05 I looked into the actual benefit of DBT, and was surprised to see that it was genuinely far more effective than I expected. Somewhere around the ballpark of 50% success rates in curbing symptoms and letting quite a few of them lead entirely unremarkable and functional lives. If 50% sounds underwhelming, wait till you hear the typical cure rates I'm used to.
So:
Is therapy and therapy speak actually harmful to people that have mental illness?
A clear no. The evidence base is nigh unimpeachable, even if, as discussed above, the most bullshit insanity inducing forms like Freudian or Lacanian psychotherapy still beat placebo.
My personal working hypothesis is that therapy acts as a decent substitute for a friend, a non-judgemental and understanding one who has seemingly endless time to listen to your problems, and is forbidden, on the pain of losing the way they make a living, from disclosing your troubles. Unfortunately, quite a few people genuinely lack actual good friends, so even such as ersatz substitute has notable effects.
This is an entirely different question from the fad we've been having for quite a few years of "therapy culture", or the insistence of people to co-opt/misuse therapy speak to lend their bullshit legitimacy. Then again, there are practising Freudian and Lacanian therapists, and few other people seem to have the same burning urge I have to burn their houses down. Even then, I must concede they beat placebo, as well as the dead horse that is repressed penis envy.
Anyway, therapy seems to beat placebo, and works synergistically with drugs, even if you cynically notice that therapy based off nonsense does much the same thing as more considered approaches, but it's not in dispute that it works. At least I have the consolation of being able to throw drugs at people instead of just talking at them as a licensed shrink in training, for all the quibbling about if SSRIs work, ain't nobody claiming their ADHD isn't being helped when they're zooted up on stimulants.
To conclude, is therapy helpful when administered by someone who knows what the fuck they're doing? Yes.
Are they/us responsible for random idiots using it as an obfuscation technique? Not really, though the upper echelons of HR are often staffed by people with degrees in psychology where I'm at.
Is it possibly a net negative for the set of {all people subjected to mealy mouthed terminology}? No clue, but you asked about the actually mentally ill, and you have my answer. No surprise that a few of them pick up on the lingo.
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
15d ago
You ideally give them during puberty, and as long as you don't go overboard and end up in gigantism territory, it's not much of a concern.
I don't recall anything else particularly pressing, but you don't need all that much of it to have noticeable effects. You can look into the therapy Messi received if you want a simple example investigated with Thorough Journalistic Depth.
While I'm not an endocrinologist or paediatrician, I know that it's often offered as a treatment for dwarfism due to HGH deficiency. Haven't heard of any serious issues when dosed correctly, and it's an ongoing therapy so plenty of time to reduce doses or stop if something isn't right.
Just don't take it when your bones have fully ossified and fused, I'd say 18 is concerning, 21 dangerous. Unless you really crave the neanderthal look, I heard it's in vogue these days.
self_made_human
Kai su, teknon?
15d ago
I don't know enough about the American legal system, until it's my headache, but how much does seniority matter in the SC?
Are the new "young" judges put on the back bench (metaphorically)? My understanding is that they're all nominally equal, so what does it take for one to establish themselves like Thomas did and get taken seriously. How much does their opinion matter, and how is that sausage made?
Sigh. This post was entirely unobjectionable till you made it obvious that you clearly wanted to use a modestly interesting prelude about recent events to lead into yet another screed on how improbable the Holocaust was.
Despite having AAQCs, you've been warned repeatedly for single issue posting, and you were doing better on that front too, until, well, this.
While I'd have been inclined to just warn, for now, I'm going to send you to the cold, uncaring Outside for 48 hours, so you know that the warnings aren't just a rap on the wrist you can evade by being better for a bit, partially because this doozy is in your mod log:
Enjoy the timeout, and please for the love of Yahweh find something else to post about on more occasions.
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