site banner

Small-Scale Question Sunday for October 23, 2022

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

5
Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

Do we have any Catholic mottizens? I was raised Catholic for a time, but eventually my parents left for ye olde non-denominational Protestant church. For some reason though, I've found myself attracted to the idea of returning recently. I find a few things attractive about it:

  • I have found that I kind of prefer "high church" to "low church". Not that either is better than the other, but a more formal service kind of feels like a better fit for me personally.

  • I really appreciate the tradition and longevity behind the institution, and it appeals to me to be a part of that.

  • I like the unity of the Catholic church. Not that they don't have things that divide them, but they seem to be a lot more unified than the other Christian groups are. Related to this...

  • I used to think that all the rigid formalities were stupid and arbitrary, and I hated having to just follow along. But in hindsight, I think maybe I just didn't have the perspective at 13 to appreciate the importance of them (shocker, I know). Something that Scott wrote in one of his pieces (I think it was the reactionary FAQ) has stuck out to me, where he says that if everyone jumps on one foot during the solstice that is objectively pretty stupid. But if everyone does it, that is how communities are built, because we're now fellow solstice jumpers. I feel like some (maybe even all) of the rules and formality I chafed at as a teenager are things of that nature, and I do appreciate anything that builds community in these divided times.

So I guess my question is, am I just being insane here? Or maybe waxing nostalgic for my childhood in a weird religious way? I've been thinking maybe I should investigate rejoining the Catholic church (which as I understand it would entail going to some adult classes and getting confirmed, as well as getting my marriage recognized by the church), but I also can't shake the feeling that I'm just being silly. I do want to find a church home to call my own, but I'm not sure whether or not this is the right path for me.

Something I’ve been mulling over, as a longtime Catholic apologist who doesn’t practice, which may be relevant ITT, is the nature of religious worship in a church, and why so many love high church ritualism and symbolism instinctually. There’s an element of dramatic imagination in worship. I think when you sit in a church and you say “I’m in a church”, and when you hear the psalm and you say “I’m hearing the psalm”, and when you see the crucifix and say “this is art of the crucifix”, you are doing it wrong. Instead, the church is the spatial representation of Heaven, and when you hear the psalm you should be transcended into the voice of the narrator with all your senses, and you should behold the crucifix as if it is the only true crucifix. You have to engage dramatically and allow the sensations to become the new reality of your mind, the new earth even, to get the most out of worship. In the Bible we read about the “spirit” of the word versus the “flesh”, and the spirit is the deepest meaning with the flesh being the surface referent to the meaning. And what we’re after is the deeper spiritual transfiguration that refreshes the soul.

So (this isn’t Catholic), but if you’re hearing this hymn, with the lyrics:

Behold, I fall before thy face; My only refuge is thy grace; No outward form can make me clean; The leprosy lies deep within.

All attention should be on identification with the words as they mean deeply, ie the narrative. You imagine and feel deeply that you are prostate in front of the greatest Being imaginable. You feel the Being’s “grace”, or mercy and compassion, and you can simply visualize a King if that helps. You truly identify with the feeling of sickness and associate that with your sin.

Religious worship can (and I think should) be seen as a dramatic transformation because this is the way that it affects us most deeply and causes interior changes of the heart.

I've been an atheist since I was like 8 years old but recently (27 y/o) I've having a "lack-of-faith" crisis: I'm not confident enough in my ability to discern reality in itself. Lately I'm having very strong numinous feelings: I've always been extremely rational - physicist, programmer, classical musician all that - but I've often dabbled in the occult, but more like a quirky curiosity that in the belief in the supernatural.

Today for the first time I felt the need to pray: to ask God for help, to soothe my desperation, to give me strength and I did something similar to what you describe: stop concentrating on the act of praying but immerse myself in the words coming out of my mouth. Then just now (it's 2:17am here) I read your comment and listen to that hymn and cried, as I've never cried before, seemingly relieved of a part of my pain. Placebo? Delusion? God? I don't really know, I just know it was a sensation as wonderful as it was terrible.

I was raised as a watered down Catholic and maybe I should reevaluate the faith with more depth.

Sorry for the ranting, it has been a long horrible day.