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PaperclipPerfector  18hr ago (text post)   612 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for June 27, 2025

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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I spend more time than average in fast food subreddits. I have just been tickled pink by one recently submitted to /r/jerseymikes. For those who don't want to click through, it's a meme image of the ham they slice for their sandwiches with the following text:

"Is that ham processed? If it's processed, I don't want it".

Ma'am, that is an eleven-pound whole slab of deli ham. It has no bones, fat, or connective tissue. It is an amalgamation of the meat from several pigs, emulsified, liquified, strained, and ultimately inexorably joined into an unholy meat obelisk. Goad had no hand in the creation of this abhorrence. The fact that this ham monolith exists proves that God is either impotent to alter His universe or ignorant of the horrors taking place in His kingdom. This prism of pork is more than deli meat. It is a physical declaration of mankind's contempt for the natural order. It is hubris manifest.

We also have a lower sodium variety if you would prefer that.

In any case, I don't care about it being a loogie in the face of the Creator or an affront to my GP when looking at my blood pressure. I'm very opinionated about what makes a good sandwich, and I think Jersey Mike's absolutely crushes the nationwide competition. I still recall vividly my first taste of a true Italian (complete with prosciutto!) from Lenny's in the Memphis airport 20 years ago that changed my life. That place is now a shadow of its former self, but it's interesting how times have changed. These places couldn't even survive in ideal locations in the southeast back when I was a Subway sandwich artist and now they're thriving. Awesome, because my palate was built for thin ham.

(Side note - the humorous caption above is in fact mostly incorrect for at least Boar's Head. Their process involves using whole pieces of meat but forming them through force as opposed to ultra heavy processing.)

I'll take a Jersey Mike's over most of the other sub shops, especially the execrable Subway.

But, much like @FiveHourMarathon, I identify as a Wawa Hypernationalist. When one factors in value in calories-per-dollar, Wawa is even more of the clear choice.

Now, if we're talking about ultra-premium sandwiches from traditional Italian joints, we have to confront the truth that the meats are secondary for overall quality to the bread itself and the freshness of the veggies, red wine vinegar, and olive oil. Tony Soprano ate his "gabagool" raw, or dipped directly into a mustard jar. Tony Soprano was a trash goblin from New Jersey who lived a caricature of his own life. This is not who you model your sandwich rubric on.

The great advantage of any given Wawa food item is it's situation within the context of the entire Wawa menu. At 2am drunk on the boardwalk with your friends, somebody wants coffee, somebody wants cigarettes, somebody wants a sandwich, somebody wants a burrito. You all go to Wawa.

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