The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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My father is still in the hospital. He wasn't doing well after the biopsy so they kept him for observation, only to discover pericardial effusion. They removed 350 ccs of fluid and placed a drain. We are still waiting on results from both the biopsy and the drained fluid.
Every single symptom he has could be explained by an infection, or by metastatic cancer. We're all sitting on a knife edge waiting for the results. He's lost 20 pounds in the last three months.
I had to go back home for work, but I'm hoping to get down again on Friday. I want to see him, and I think he wants to see me, but I'm afraid that I'm going to break down in front of him. He's my father. I don't want to put more of a burden on him that what he has already endured, but I don't know if I'm strong enough.
I’d recommend breaking down in front of him if that’s what is called for. I lost my dad when I was eight years old and I’d give anything for the chance.
Good luck. I hope you get more time with him.
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Hey. My condolences. One of the scariest moments of my life was when my dad to go in for a thryoidectomy after a biopsy found something too suspicious to let lie. He also has a heart condition that hospitalized him once, so I can relate even harder.
Hoping yours pulls through, and I'd say it's better to cry in front of him if that's the cost of seeing him. If he has any wisdom (which most fathers do), he'll know it's your way of saying you love him when words fail you.
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I'm sorry for what you're going through. I would recommend seeing him, no matter what, no matter what burdens you think you're laying at his feet.
I lost my mom to cancer in 2017. She was in a outpatient care home for a few weeks near the end and I would leave work to go visit her. Then one day I just forgot, went straight home, and it wasn't until I was already settled that I panicked and thought to go see her. I never did, that night, and went the next day. She and my dad told me to brush it off.
When she died, she was in the hospital, and I left earlier that night to go home. She died in the middle of the night. My brother was there. I left.
I don't think anything would have changed if I had made it, or I had stayed, but in both cases, I wish I did. It was hard to stay that night, too hard, and I didn't. But I should have.
Go spend time with your father, especially if this turns out to not be cancer. See him as a human being, and your father, and spend your time with him. It will not be easy, but it's not supposed to be easy. It's supposed to be worth it.
I am going to try to be there as much as I can. I know that no matter what happens, I'm going to feel like I haven't done enough, and it's probably true.
He lives three hours away. We've always had a bit of a precarious relationship - he's only been in my home three times in the last twenty years. He doesn't disapprove of my lifestyle, but he doesn't really understand it. There's always been a gulf there that I feel like I've never been able to bridge. I just wish I had more time to keep trying.
I'd second the notion that it will not be easy, and add that sometimes you will feel useless, or in the way, or that you're not clicking and just making matters worse, disruptive, doing nothing, etc. And then you should stay anyway. I do not wish to try and trump your situation by going into a long narrative of my own parents' deaths, but based on having myself lived through those times, I'd say yes, your instinct to be there is the right one. Edit: I am not trying to prematurely push your dad into the grave. Just relating.
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