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PaperclipPerfector  1d ago (text post)   833 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for July 26, 2026

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

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If it is her age

I guess I just find it weird. The age difference is just too wide. Something about pre-21 year olds when you are in your 30s. It's interesting what a bubble I exist in. My local friends also find it odd but here everyone thinks the reverse is odd.

While you’re definitely in a bubble, I don’t think it’s an uncommon one. I’m going to guess—and please correct me if I’m wrong—that the group members are (almost) all secular, college-educated urbanites, who spent their childhoods in age-segregated classrooms and extracurriculars, left home at 18, spent the next 4–6 years in the exclusive company of fellow 18–24 year olds, and continued to spend time exclusively with friends and coworkers their own age over the next decade. If I’m right about that, I think your discomfort with age-gap social groups is understandable, but only because you all have spent your lives in artificially constrained social circles.

In contrast, rural people, churchgoers, and those with thick multi-generational communities are pretty used to enjoying the company of people of all ages. It’s inevitable and expected for teenagers to spend time with people who are significantly older than them, and as you get older, it’s unremarkable for teenagers to want to spend time with you. Consider too that most churches’ young adult groups go from 18 to 30 or 35, since people those ages are usually in more or less the same stage of life. But again, if your life has always kept you in pretty narrowly age-segregated spaces, your discomfort shouldn’t be surprising.

that the group members are (almost) all secular, college-educated urbanites, who spent their childhoods in age-segregated classrooms and extracurriculars, left home at 18, spent the next 4–6 years in the exclusive company of fellow 18–24 year olds, and continued to spend time exclusively with friends and coworkers their own age over the next decade.

90% correct, I think once you hit 26-30+ it starts being more common to interact and hangout with 40 and 50 year olds in your extended friend groups if they are at all based around hobbies. It notably never goes the other way as it has in this case.

The flipside also tracks with me as an understanding of the other bubble, one that might be more common among the conservative leaning folks here and why they find my bubble so weird.

How much heavy lifting is the autism doing? If she is just too lacking in social awareness to fit in with group dynamics, that is your problem and not "she's twelve or more years younger than the youngest of us".

But this is my point about age differences in the discussion about marriage etc. on the Culture War thread, where I've been assured that ten or more years age difference between men and women is fine and not a problem. Gotta get the gals at peak fertility and attractiveness to men (sixteen to twenty) before they age out into wizened hags of thirty, while the guys are only hitting their prime at thirty-five! 😁

How much heavy lifting is the autism doing?

Not a ton, I'm on the spectrum, my GFs on the spectrum(it was her house) there are a couple of others on the spectrum there. Obviously there is a thing as too much autism, but if it plays any role its that it's cofounded with age in a way to makes it so that time and interaction with neurotypicals hasn't sanded off the worst tism impulses.

Gotta get the gals at peak fertility and attractiveness to men (sixteen to twenty) before they age out into wizened hags of thirty, while the guys are only hitting their prime at thirty-five!

I personally find this weird AF. Some age differences are fine, like 2-5 years but I'd draw the line there. People in different stages of their lives lead to risk and potentially tumultuous relationsips.

I was in a 20 - 60 book club at around that age. It seemed fine? This is the demographics of community college art classes as well, or even more: 16 - 70, because the 16 year olds go for high school, and the elders for entertainment. Also fine. Just don't have sex with her.

A book club just feels like a different sort of community that lends itself to cross generational community. Private game groups meeting at someone's house just feels closer to a local friend group.

Admittedly, I'm not familiar with the scene, but it seems pretty mean, that she can't even play games with people. Kind of the prototypical young person activity? Hence why Among Us got taken over by eight year old kids?

I think the response is that she absolutely can play games with people, but should probably keep doing so in public places in public groups. Hopefully with people her own age.

I guess. I do agree with others that since it's private you certainly can boot her out. Just realize that it's for your own preferences, not for her. It would be convenient you and negative for her.

Edit: to be clear, I think the stance that 18 year olds are basically children is bad. This is a much worse stance than to just say that you dislike her as a person. because she's annoying, because it's like trying to pretend that there's a moral stance there, and you're on the right side of it when it's not, you're absolutely just kicking her out because you don't like her being there. (I think there's a much stronger case for a policy of No Women, than "no women under 30")

Well, if they'd also kick out guys who were 18, then it's about age and bad culture fit, as it were. If it's only women under 30, okay a bit discriminatory. Mostly it sounds like a combination of younger than the youngest there, private friends group, and the 'tism is causing the problems.

(Maybe the parents are happy to have her go out and play social deduction game because it's like therapy to help her improve social awareness, as well as letting her do normal activities like "hang out with friends" and "engage in normal social interactions"? But you're a games group not group therapy so you didn't sign up for that).

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