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The simplest rejoinder:
"Women" as a collective are more monolithic than men. That is, they are more likely to cluster around certain values or ideas or, similarly people on pure instinct than men are.
A side effect is that women are better at organizing around their collective interests. If there's a cause that would benefit womens' material wealth or status, they tend to naturally group around and advocate that interest. In the worst cases this causes mass social hysteria and we get bad policy changes in response.
And technology over the past 30 years has vastly increased the ability for loose social organization to emerge and coordinate around group interests across large distances.
So I would posit thus:
Judging women as a collective/monolithic group will be more accurate as to the ground truth about them as individuals than would judging men. One still has to account for individual characteristics.
There's been a positive feedback loop where women instinctively use their social organization to advocate their own interest, more status and power accrues to women, this increases their leverage, which allows them to make bigger changes in their favor, and lock in old ones. As a result, policy changes are a one-way ratchet.
And women are very unlikely to admit to being so powerful even if you point out how every single policy change in the past 30 years (in the West) has massively favored them.
For some reason, fewer of them believe that women are respected in society
I want to reiterate, an increasing amount of women believe their status is decreasing, despite this being objectively incorrect by almost any metric you choose.
A huge portion (again, more monolithic!) of women harbor a belief that is the direct opposite of the truth.
So the third implication:
Which leaves us precious few options to try to work towards a better equilibrium.
This is encouraging but an incorrect statement of the problem.
The problem is there are not enough intelligent women who would make good partners to go around.
Run any kind of estimate you want to narrow in how many "appealing" women there are, vs. the number of men you're competing with to locate, attract, and lock down that woman. Any LLM can give you a fermi estimate and range of likely single women based on whatever criteria you can supply.
THAT Is the nature of the struggle. And you can't solve this by addressing men, the only answer to a supply crunch is to increase supply.
Guess what, this means addressing women.
If you can turn this into an actionable statement of how to go about finding them that actually accounts for the aforementioned difficulties, that will be more persuasive.
I've been doing active spouse hunt for about 4 years now. I have tried literally every tactic that has been suggested, and seen precisely why each one fails. And the failure mode is fundamentally due to the above stated issues. Women are more coordinated around their own interests, even when those interests run counter to the general social interest in people getting romantically paired up and families formed. And the general pool of single women is less appealing, by and large, as partners.
So the pool is smaller, while the demand for a good female partner is still extremely high, and females remain the bottleneck through which reproduction flows. Which means fewer women are being born, so the supply crisis gets worse. Men's behavior can't overcome an utter lack of marriageable women. Full stop.
If you are not willing to consider solutions that involve removing a few privileges that women currently enjoy I do not think you are serious about solving the problem.
As for my take, I think we're getting a technological solution before we get a social or political one.
What have you tried, exactly?
Dating apps, on and off (because they are psychologically corrosive).
Dance classes (going to one tonight, actually), referrals from friends, bars (of various types), hosted gatherings at my house, gone to speed dating events, gone to car meets, church, social media, the gym. I'm currently pursuing a random DM I got from an (apparently) real woman on twitter that I already know isn't going to work out.
I am able to get dates. But the quality of woman I find is generally lacking, and they will ghost you without any warning even if you're 3 or so dates in. The norms around appropriate behavior are in shambles. Because women will accept zero correction of their behavior.
It is very expensive to keep paying for all these whilst seeing such poor results.
I've done everything except a Matchmaker or going abroad/mail order bride, basically. And I actually DID do a consult with an AI matchmaking startup, Keeper.AI and one of the founders himself told me "check back in 3-6 months" because they had no truly viable matches (as per their system) out of the 1.25 million women in their database.
The nearest/best one was a bit overweight for me, I was told. Ozempic to the rescue?
Do you still discriminate based on body count? If so, I wonder if that is actually being too strict. Like it or not, hook-up culture is highly pushed on young women, to the point where most who are capable of participating will do so for some part of their lives. If you sort out women based on whether they have slept with more than a handful of people, you risk removing a ton of otherwise dateable women from your pool of potential partners.
It is possible that body count in the modern world is simply a bad (or at least unattainable) heuristic for figuring out whether a woman is relationship material.
I've become a bit more strict about body count because the girl I almost married I met her during her 'hoe phase' (which she was open about) and thus I knew she had some history but was willing to take the shot anyway. She did end up cheating and leaving and to this day remains unmarried, 5 years later. She turns 31 shortly.
Its a signal that one cannot ignore, especially with how women will seek to hide it.
But you have to be flexible on that point. However, society becoming flexible on that point (thanks, sexual revolution!) is a large part of the underlying issue.
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I wouldn't mail order but I would go abroad if you're in the anglosphere. Dating culture differs significantly within a country and between countries. In one place I dated for 2 years and never got stood up, in another place I got stood up frequently, in another I actually found a wife.
My top advice is just selection effects and heredity over everything. Men need to sample from as many places as possible through pure online dating but other than that you especially need to sample from wherever has the women the most like you politically and intellectually.
It still took me probably over a year and that's not counting the time I spent not using this strategy (that would make it several years), so 4 is not really out of the ordinary. Hopefully you will find something soon. The reality is that the system is messed up because it's all too costly and annoying in time and money even when it works out. What age bracket are you dating by the way? Marriage rates are down but young marriage is especially down so if you are dating under 25 it's clearly a systemic issue.
I sort of reject this solution because it exports the problem to that country. where are THEIR males supposed to go?
I mean, if I take a trip for other reasons and happen to find a wife, whatever.
Yes, and the political gap between young men and women is the largest its ever been. The women have flown off into la la land and nobody is correcting this trajectory.
Hence, the pool is too small.
I have no reason to think I will.
However, that is also not a reason to quit.
But understand that I AM OTHERWISE WELL SITUATED. I own a house. I make six figures in a decently high-status job. I am extremely physically fit. I am a martial arts instructor (i.e. I can physically dominate 90% of the male population), I am well liked, I can repair stuff, I'm not bad looking. And I'm six foot two.
There is zero reason I should be struggling.
And if I'm struggling, I can only imagine how bad it is for guys not so well situated. And I think its best to help out their plight too.
Basically anything above 21 and still in decent child-bearing shape. If I got my pick I'd aim for 25-27 (I'm most comfortable dealing with women in that bracket) but I have DIRECT EVIDENCE that I can pull 24-year-olds too.
But as to the filtering issue, finding a woman who is GENUINELY serious about getting married and is marriageable is the big one. There's no pressure on women to actually get married, and serious pressure on her to delay until she has her fun/her career is established. I don't think any individual guy can defeat this social pressure with a lot of assistance.
Man, how many 6'2" lawyers are around here? The 6'2" law firm could be unstoppable.
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They marry your women. Go look it up you can find plenty of that, if you can't you are probably shooting for too low of a country. Don't marry a fillipina or cambodian.
You should assort on genotype and not phenotype. If you nail the genotype converging in your relevant beliefs will be easy. The easiest way to target genotype is to simply target a percentile among women. You do the same thing for height if you want tall kids (I don't recommend assorting on height now as that's frivolous and the market is in ruins) and intelligence. I believe that the median female is 4 IQ points dumber than the median man (a lot of people run denialism on this point but idk their issue), on top of greater male variability, which means that if I wanted to marry an at least 130 IQ man I can actually marry a woman with an IQ of only 121 or so.
Which countries would this be? Argentina and areas of not-indigenous S America? Indian/E Asian a little bit but still skewed heavily male taking female.
Even Bill Gates daughter took an Argentinian so definitely an equal play place.
Yes and the Catholic/southern parts of Europe are noticeably better than the US or UK when it comes to women. The protestant Continent is in between. He should probably start learning Spanish and French.
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Funny enough I have met a good number of white male-filipina female pairings that seem pretty happy! The women can apparently be fiercely loyal too.
Unfortunately it'll also produce kids that are shorter than average, which might be bad for any future sons.
I might consider Singapore.
I've got an AI agent set up that is specifically designated with helping me both identify good places to go and try and meet women, AND vetting the ones I do find at least a bit.
I am at the point where I am willing to 'cheat' like crazy and pull every string to just get this process over with, but I also have to be realistic about the general odds.
Fortunately not. Filipinos are not genetically short; the nation's average height is mostly a result of malnutrition. I've got some tall cousins who attest to this (both families were short, and the European side definitely not due to malnutrition). I guess hybrid vigor is another possibility.
Not what I've observed from those particular pairings, but maybe just select for one with taller siblings.
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For the first part I think there is maybe still a conflation going on. Not all women's interests consistently align. I do agree that they seem to be good at coordinating.
You can easily see this kind of divergence in a workplace. For example a workers union does not help all employees. It generally only helps current employees. It often actively hurts prospective employees to make these gains.
Same can happen with women. Sexual liberation in the workplace. Women advance up the ranks. Once they achieve high ranks and are at risk of being replaced by the new hotness, they coordinate to shut that avenue down via the me-too movment.
This can also explain how women feel that they are decreasing in status. Status is a zero sum game, and the main competition in status for most women is other women. A couple boss ladys hoarding all the status and rewards is a fully consistent story here.
For the second part, I'll reiterate what I said elsewhere. That I think there is a trad wife out there for you dear reader. Not that there is one out there for everyone. If my essay / rant were to become widely published and read by millions I'd need to strike that line out.
For actionable things to find her, I'd suggest changing your social setting. You've no doubt already done this, at least in minor ways. Usually it takes a long conversation to tease out where you can switch, and what places might advantage you. I know 4 years probably feels like a long time to be looking for a wife, but its not. Ten to fifteen years is a long time. Its also why I'd suggest starting when you are about 15, or at least by 20.
I was wondering what this would mean and afraid I wouldn't be able to bite the bullet. But hell yeah to that suggestion. I am the true feminist, equal treatment under the law. I'd be happy to take an axe, or a can of gasoline and a lighter to a lot of the privileges women enjoy from the government. I'm not willing to go handmaidens tale or something that extreme. But many things short of that seem reasonable to me.
Again though, some of this feels like specific groups of women lobbying for specific things they want without consideration or care for women as a whole and what they might want. I don't think they just mistakenly advocated for something they thought all women would want. I think they didn't care and advocated for what they wanted. Similar to how a union is happy to make firing bad workers incredibly hard, even if that screws over potential employees (since the employer is now going to be ultra careful about who they hire). The union will of course claim to be in solidarity with all workers. But that is the lip service. They aren't idiots and they know exactly what they are doing and don't care.
This is almost irrelevant. What is relevant is if they BELIEVE that they do.
Yes. My point. Do workers BELIEVE that forcing the boss to give them more pay for fewer hours is in their interests? Usually yes.
They are less likely to notice that this means more of them are fired, they get fewer breaks, the benefits get worse, etc. etc.
Nah, the real likely explanation is that women disregard the bottom 50% of men and see the top 10-20% of men as the actual competition. As long as they're lower status than THOSE men (read: they can't secure commitment from such men) they can easily BELIEVE they are decreasing in status, even if they continue to make more and more gains on the other 80%.
That's a consistent explanation I've yet to see refuted.
Great.
But the dear reader is still competing with everyone.
Be more specific. More actionable. What social settings are you talking about? I've tried bars (of various types), dance classes, hosted gatherings at my house, gone to speed dating events, gone to car meets, church, social media, the gym... the women are OUT there, but they aren't interested in being approached, or they are zeroing in on the top guys in the room, or they're already taken. You can automatically assume that they've got 50 matches in a dating app at any given time.
The problems I mention infest everything. And the fact is, no matter where you are, you're still competing against the options a woman thinks she has on the dating apps.
So what are you willing to do if we tell women "we're making it harder for you to get loans and go to college" and they all break down in tears and call you a misogynist pig and/or threaten to vote you out of office? How much of a hardass can you be when female tears are involved.
(Funny enough, the Trump admin may have found an end run around the problem)
You need to go somewhere where you can be in the top ten percent of men in the room. I can't get more specific and concrete without knowing you personally very well. If you are a loser in a space you are wasting your time. Getting to be a top ten percent guy in a space is going to take some dedication and effort. That is why it is a useful signal for women to look out for.
Not all women are on the dating apps, if they were the apps would probably be a much better place to actually find women.
I am not politician material. I'm a libertarian. Yes I've told women to their faces that they should get less benefits from the government. Yes they have brought out the "you don't care about me if you say that" card. No it didn't change my stance.
I have three daughters and I've become even more immune to female tears. If my beautiful sweet children that I love aren't gonna sway me with tears some random lady ain't gonna do it either.
I can absolutely be hard nosed about them. I also have absolutely no chance of getting elected. The two things are probably heavily related.
COOL. Now which of these rooms are likely to have higher quality single women in then?
My problem is not being that guy, its finding a place where its worth the effort of being that guy.
My repeated experience is that the women are just not up to snuff. I'm not looking for hookups so I'd rather not burn effort in places where the options aren't great.
But they all THINK they deserve to get "that guy."
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