site banner

Culture War Roundup for the week of September 28, 2026

This weekly roundup thread is intended for all culture war posts. 'Culture war' is vaguely defined, but it basically means controversial issues that fall along set tribal lines. Arguments over culture war issues generate a lot of heat and little light, and few deeply entrenched people ever change their minds. This thread is for voicing opinions and analyzing the state of the discussion while trying to optimize for light over heat.

Optimistically, we think that engaging with people you disagree with is worth your time, and so is being nice! Pessimistically, there are many dynamics that can lead discussions on Culture War topics to become unproductive. There's a human tendency to divide along tribal lines, praising your ingroup and vilifying your outgroup - and if you think you find it easy to criticize your ingroup, then it may be that your outgroup is not who you think it is. Extremists with opposing positions can feed off each other, highlighting each other's worst points to justify their own angry rhetoric, which becomes in turn a new example of bad behavior for the other side to highlight.

We would like to avoid these negative dynamics. Accordingly, we ask that you do not use this thread for waging the Culture War. Examples of waging the Culture War:

  • Shaming.

  • Attempting to 'build consensus' or enforce ideological conformity.

  • Making sweeping generalizations to vilify a group you dislike.

  • Recruiting for a cause.

  • Posting links that could be summarized as 'Boo outgroup!' Basically, if your content is 'Can you believe what Those People did this week?' then you should either refrain from posting, or do some very patient work to contextualize and/or steel-man the relevant viewpoint.

In general, you should argue to understand, not to win. This thread is not territory to be claimed by one group or another; indeed, the aim is to have many different viewpoints represented here. Thus, we also ask that you follow some guidelines:

  • Speak plainly. Avoid sarcasm and mockery. When disagreeing with someone, state your objections explicitly.

  • Be as precise and charitable as you can. Don't paraphrase unflatteringly.

  • Don't imply that someone said something they did not say, even if you think it follows from what they said.

  • Write like everyone is reading and you want them to be included in the discussion.

On an ad hoc basis, the mods will try to compile a list of the best posts/comments from the previous week, posted in Quality Contribution threads and archived at /r/TheThread. You may nominate a comment for this list by clicking on 'report' at the bottom of the post and typing 'Actually a quality contribution' as the report reason.

4
Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

For the first part I think there is maybe still a conflation going on. Not all women's interests consistently align. I do agree that they seem to be good at coordinating.

You can easily see this kind of divergence in a workplace. For example a workers union does not help all employees. It generally only helps current employees. It often actively hurts prospective employees to make these gains.

Same can happen with women. Sexual liberation in the workplace. Women advance up the ranks. Once they achieve high ranks and are at risk of being replaced by the new hotness, they coordinate to shut that avenue down via the me-too movment.

This can also explain how women feel that they are decreasing in status. Status is a zero sum game, and the main competition in status for most women is other women. A couple boss ladys hoarding all the status and rewards is a fully consistent story here.


For the second part, I'll reiterate what I said elsewhere. That I think there is a trad wife out there for you dear reader. Not that there is one out there for everyone. If my essay / rant were to become widely published and read by millions I'd need to strike that line out.

For actionable things to find her, I'd suggest changing your social setting. You've no doubt already done this, at least in minor ways. Usually it takes a long conversation to tease out where you can switch, and what places might advantage you. I know 4 years probably feels like a long time to be looking for a wife, but its not. Ten to fifteen years is a long time. Its also why I'd suggest starting when you are about 15, or at least by 20.

If you are not willing to consider solutions that involve removing a few privileges that women currently enjoy I do not think you are serious about solving the problem.

I was wondering what this would mean and afraid I wouldn't be able to bite the bullet. But hell yeah to that suggestion. I am the true feminist, equal treatment under the law. I'd be happy to take an axe, or a can of gasoline and a lighter to a lot of the privileges women enjoy from the government. I'm not willing to go handmaidens tale or something that extreme. But many things short of that seem reasonable to me.

Again though, some of this feels like specific groups of women lobbying for specific things they want without consideration or care for women as a whole and what they might want. I don't think they just mistakenly advocated for something they thought all women would want. I think they didn't care and advocated for what they wanted. Similar to how a union is happy to make firing bad workers incredibly hard, even if that screws over potential employees (since the employer is now going to be ultra careful about who they hire). The union will of course claim to be in solidarity with all workers. But that is the lip service. They aren't idiots and they know exactly what they are doing and don't care.

Not all women's interests consistently align.

This is almost irrelevant. What is relevant is if they BELIEVE that they do.

For example a workers union does not help all employees. It generally only helps current employees. It often actively hurts prospective employees to make these gains.

Yes. My point. Do workers BELIEVE that forcing the boss to give them more pay for fewer hours is in their interests? Usually yes.

They are less likely to notice that this means more of them are fired, they get fewer breaks, the benefits get worse, etc. etc.

Status is a zero sum game, and the main competition in status for most women is other women. A couple boss ladys hoarding all the status and rewards is a fully consistent story here.

Nah, the real likely explanation is that women disregard the bottom 50% of men and see the top 10-20% of men as the actual competition. As long as they're lower status than THOSE men (read: they can't secure commitment from such men) they can easily BELIEVE they are decreasing in status, even if they continue to make more and more gains on the other 80%.

That's a consistent explanation I've yet to see refuted.

That I think there is a trad wife out there for you dear reader. Not that there is one out there for everyone

Great.

But the dear reader is still competing with everyone.

I'd suggest changing your social setting. You've no doubt already done this, at least in minor ways.

Be more specific. More actionable. What social settings are you talking about? I've tried bars (of various types), dance classes, hosted gatherings at my house, gone to speed dating events, gone to car meets, church, social media, the gym... the women are OUT there, but they aren't interested in being approached, or they are zeroing in on the top guys in the room, or they're already taken. You can automatically assume that they've got 50 matches in a dating app at any given time.

The problems I mention infest everything. And the fact is, no matter where you are, you're still competing against the options a woman thinks she has on the dating apps.

I am the true feminist, equal treatment under the law. I'd be happy to take an axe, or a can of gasoline and a lighter to a lot of the privileges women enjoy from the government. I'm not willing to go handmaidens tale or something that extreme. But many things short of that seem reasonable to me.

So what are you willing to do if we tell women "we're making it harder for you to get loans and go to college" and they all break down in tears and call you a misogynist pig and/or threaten to vote you out of office? How much of a hardass can you be when female tears are involved.

(Funny enough, the Trump admin may have found an end run around the problem)

Look, I don't know you. I suspect the advice I can give is inapplicable because I'm handsome enough that chic-fil-a cashiers randomly hit on me(despite the increasingly obvious age difference). You could lower your standards, or commit to a given community. But you've got to do something. Men are the gender with agency. You can't just sit there complaining and expect it to find you a wife.

You can of course pay someone to find you a Moldovan wife.

Be more specific. More actionable. What social settings are you talking about? I've tried bars (of various types), dance classes, hosted gatherings at my house, gone to speed dating events, gone to car meets, church, social media, the gym... the women are OUT there, but they aren't interested in being approached, or they are zeroing in on the top guys in the room, or they're already taken. You can automatically assume that they've got 50 matches in a dating app at any given time.

You need to go somewhere where you can be in the top ten percent of men in the room. I can't get more specific and concrete without knowing you personally very well. If you are a loser in a space you are wasting your time. Getting to be a top ten percent guy in a space is going to take some dedication and effort. That is why it is a useful signal for women to look out for.

Not all women are on the dating apps, if they were the apps would probably be a much better place to actually find women.


I am not politician material. I'm a libertarian. Yes I've told women to their faces that they should get less benefits from the government. Yes they have brought out the "you don't care about me if you say that" card. No it didn't change my stance.

I have three daughters and I've become even more immune to female tears. If my beautiful sweet children that I love aren't gonna sway me with tears some random lady ain't gonna do it either.

I can absolutely be hard nosed about them. I also have absolutely no chance of getting elected. The two things are probably heavily related.

You need to go somewhere where you can be in the top ten percent of men in the room.

COOL. Now which of these rooms are likely to have higher quality single women in then?

My problem is not being that guy, its finding a place where its worth the effort of being that guy.

My repeated experience is that the women are just not up to snuff. I'm not looking for hookups so I'd rather not burn effort in places where the options aren't great.

But they all THINK they deserve to get "that guy."

I think you need to find smaller niches. Somebody already mentioned that every app is a dating app. Linkedin is a dating app. Pinterest is a dating app. Goodread is a dating app. Youtube is a dating app. Themotte is a dating app if you're into lawyers and AI-doomers.

Think of the most female-coded hobbies you can think of and find some kind of gathering point for them. There, find and befriend a somewhat representative example of a woman you wouldn't mind being married to. She's probably already taken, but this is to give you an idea of what you want.

That woman may have friends, cousins, sisters, built on roughly the same model, that are not taken. Another aspect of it which you are probably aware of, is that you have to completely hide your awareness of the woes of the dating market. Take some kind of imaginary bluepill.

Then once you find somebody good enough, go for it.

Doesn't all this normally count as online stalking/harassment in the eyes of normies?

Sexual interest and compatibility is probably one of the most important parts of a long time marriage partner. Hookups are a fine way to start a relationship. My now wife and I started dating by basically hooking up first. Then we started going on dates.

Women have to maintain that outward facade of confidence because realistically they are going to feel pressure to settle at some point. And when that pressure starts kicking in they want their baseline "settling" outcome to start high and then slowly go down over time.

Chances are by just being in a relationship with them for a few years is enough for them to decide that any guy they are with is good enough. Even if they wouldn't have thought that when they started.

But objectively most hookups are not leading to relationships or marriage.

And I can see why. It would not be DIFFICULT to maintain a roster of booty calls, and the incentive is in favor of doing so because of the aforementioned ghosting behavior. The easy solution to flighty women is to have backups.

But once you have a roster, how to choose one worth settling for?

Once again, the quality of women on offer is not promising. You HAVE to address this shortage.