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PaperclipPerfector  9mo ago (text post)   2115 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for July 26, 2023

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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I used to be like this too. What worked for me is to imagine having that same argument with the person in real life. And crucially, imagining that person as either a 12-year old who doesn’t know shit, or the biggest neckbeard stereotype of all time. Oftentimes that wouldn’t even be far off the mark.

Once I created this visualization it stopped bothering me and indeed I don’t engage in any kind of argument online at all anymore. It just seemed so absurd to imagine shouting at a 12-year old or a foul-smelling fedora-toting beast in real life.

I view most internet arguments as a performance where the goal of the poster is to generate as much engagement (positive/negative) as possible. Once you realize that you are merely an observer of the behavior it quickly becomes boring and not worth watching. If you are not getting paid for your performance in an internet argument there is very for little to gain.

If you were watching a play you wouldn’t shout out that the actors should change the ending of the play because you think it sucks. Doing so would only get you kicked out of the theater and maybe you’d have a small impact on some people in the audience. When internet arguments take place in most spaces the outcome is already determined. The moderators and majority opinion of the group have the power to make the outcome be whatever they decide.

If your goal is to change minds the best thing to do is to find internet spaces where people have a norm/value of wanting to engage in honest discussions and debates.

Are you emotionally affected by conflict away from your keyboard or is this just an interwebs argument sort of thing? I am not a conflict avoidant person and conflict in life has rarely emotionally affected me past the encounter. When I was younger, I found that because I was more honest online I felt more vulnerable and was more affected by the sort of behavior you're describing.

My tip is exposure therapy more or less. Deliberately expose yourself to the situations and users you're talking about and set a rule where if you find yourself in the positions you're talking about, shut your computer off and go do something physical outside. Dive down those holes, but force yourself walk away! This strategy worked to align my thoughts (this is just silly arguments on the interwebs) with my emotional sensitivity. Others may suggest to avoid those places and post here, but I do not believe avoiding struggles you have in life is a long term strategy for success in the world and the sensitivity you're describing is something I would nip in the bud to help you even in places you more or less like. You need to be able to be involved in difficult, emotional situations and it not cause you lasting emotional suffering afterwards.

My suggestion is exposure therapy. Go spend a bunch of time arguing and posting like you would on the motte, except on disreputable imageboards where the default assumption is that every single post is a bad-faith trolling effort. Meditation is probably an actual good idea though.

I recommend staying off of social media and away from any other places where people argue about things you care about in ways that you have a bad reaction to. Change your passwords, log out, delete your browser history if you have to. Yes, there are ways to try to deal with it (I think dark is giving good advice) but an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

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Some form of spiritual practice, or exercise.

Whenever you feel overcome by desire/anger, seek the comfort of meditation/prayer or a nice jog/pushups to clear your head. It channels the negativity into less destructive pursuits.

Personally I just don't ever argue with people outside the Motte in terms of internet forums. Pick and choose your battles, I guess.

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